Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Not Big Enough” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Not Big Enough,” who had a great first date with a guy she met online, but who, afterward, told her he preferred heavier women — like his ex, who was over 300 lbs. — and that she simply wasn’t big enough for his taste. Still, NBE hoped to change his mind and win him over with her personality, but we all advised her to MOA. After the jump, find out whether she followed that advice or not.

Thank you so, SO much for choosing my letter. I cried as I read your advice, and kept crying as I read your awesome readers’ advice. Every single one of you was right. I guess it just took people who could only see it from the outside and were not involved in it emotionally to finally slap some sense into me. I was a fool. Probably a desperate fool, who was clouded by his good looks and charm to see just how badly he was treating me. I felt like an idiot, but I’m so glad it didn’t get so far as to actually affect my body and mind.

I really could see how dick-ish he was, but I guess I had just romanticized us into some whirlwind love affair in my own head. It was completely irrational of me. After I finished reading the comments, I promptly deleted his number from my Blackberry, unfriended him on Facebook and sent one last email. And I’m seriously contemplating deleting my PlentyOfFish profile, lol. When I turned 25 last year I started to love who I was regardless of what I looked like and that’s when it felt like a dark cloud had been lifted from above me, I could see that dark cloud rolling back and I knew there was trouble. I’m getting back to who I was before him and am determined never to let another person make me feel me that way again.

Again, thank you so much Wendy, and thank you to your brilliant readers for putting my head back on straight.

 
I’m glad to hear you’re doing better and you kicked this guy to the curb, but don’t be afraid to get back out there and try again. Taking a break from dating if you’re feeling burned is fine, but there really are “plenty of fish” out there, and not all of them are jerks … I promise.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

16 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Bethany June 27, 2011, 12:06 pm

    Great update!!

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    SGMcG June 27, 2011, 12:18 pm

    I love reading updates like this! Glad you dropped the dicky douche. Good luck!

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    Joanna June 27, 2011, 12:21 pm

    I love it when the LWs take the advice to heart!

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    kerrycontrary June 27, 2011, 12:39 pm

    yay!!!

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    spaceboy761 June 27, 2011, 12:43 pm

    For the last fucking time, ‘dick-ish’ does NOT take a hyphen. You people would be so seriously screwed without me…

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      PFG-SCR June 27, 2011, 12:54 pm

      Don’t flatter yourself spaceboy, I’ve been seriously screwed long before you joined DearWendy. 😉

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      SGMcG June 27, 2011, 1:23 pm

      I remember your grammatical correction SB. Yet perhaps the hyphen was intentional, to emphasize how much of a DICK the DICK-ISH man is. If it were just written out with the correct spelling, “dickish”, it might have been confused with spotted dick, and with his spotty behavior, this guy is in no way or form a tasty British dessert.

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      j.walker June 28, 2011, 7:14 pm

      I’m pretty sure grammatical rules don’t apply to MADE UP WORDS

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    Betty June 27, 2011, 12:43 pm

    Good for you! I have to say, of the free sites available I like OkCupid waaaaaay better than Plenty of Fish, I’ve met nicer people and had better dates. So, instead of giving up online dating altogether, check out some other sites! Best of luck to you LW.

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      MJ June 27, 2011, 12:57 pm

      Yeah, I’ve definitely had positive OKC experiences. You just have to wade through the crap…and be in the proper mindset.

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    • avatar

      mcminnem June 27, 2011, 1:45 pm

      I met my boyfriend on OKC – after giving up on PlentyOfFish. I actually really enjoyed using OKC; it was much better organized and I felt like the pre-screening done by the site was better. Of the dozen or so people who contacted me (I was online for about two months), only about three were of the “Hai ur hott” variety; most just sent nice emails/chats, three I considered meeting, and one I did 🙂 It was actually a very pleasant experience.

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    PFG-SCR June 27, 2011, 12:53 pm

    Great update, but please don’t beat yourself up over this – we’ve all tried to make something “work” that clearly wasn’t working. The most important part is that you learn from it and apply it going forward.

    Good luck, LW!!

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    kdog June 27, 2011, 2:13 pm

    I’m not really one of those “everything happens for a reason” people, but I do think that when we make changes in our life there are many tests sent our way that allow us to strengthen those choices and how we feel about ourselves. Like PFG-SCR said, don’t beat yourself up! Be glad you got a reminder that you are great how you are and remember what that black cloud looks like for the next time it tries to roll in. Best of luck!!

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  • avatar

    BoomChakaLaka June 27, 2011, 3:48 pm

    Awesome! Good luck with dating LW!

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  • katie

    Katie June 27, 2011, 9:58 pm

    yay yay yay!!

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  • kaluu

    kati July 19, 2011, 3:33 pm

    big? no offense but i think the more fitting word would be fat, overweight or obese…big is overused

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