It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Not Quite Ready for the Aisle” who was afraid her boyfriend was going to propose and suggest as 12-12-12 wedding to compete with his brother who was planning an 11-11-11 wedding. “I know that I want to marry this guy,” she wrote, “but I am right now feeling a little panicked that this might actually happen. (In a year and a half, no less!).” Keep reading to see if her boyfriend did indeed propose.
This update is way overdue. But, I finally confessed to my boyfriend that I had written to you about him proposing, so I thought it was a good time to write you back. I think that he understood that writing to you meant that it is/was a big deal to me. I told him how I am scared of a proposal (he hasn’t proposed yet, FYI), but am still excited for it to happen. It’s hard for him to understand. So I told him that I wrote to you, and he read your response and really like your “not only on the same page, but reading the same book” line. I still don’t think that he can wrap his head around the whole scared/excited emotions, but he at least tries to. We have had a couple conversations since I wrote you, including this one, and we definitely are on the same page of the same book.
Thank you so much for your story of marrying Drew, and for all the comments about being scared of something that is such a good thing. I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t all “Finally!” about a proposal. I feel like there are women in our society who will do literally anything for a proposal, and so I thought that there must be something wrong if I was having anxiety about it. Hearing the nervousness of so many people entering into marriage, or just thinking about it, made me feel so much better and like I was definitely not alone and weird. I do take marriage very seriously, not as a civil or religious thing, but just as a promise you make to someone while a bunch of people watch that you can’t ever break. My boyfriend and I both come from divorced parents, and so we both have a firm “no divorce” stance on marriage — we both feel that it is a lifelong commitment.
This past Christmas my boyfriend made a couple hints that he was going to ask me, and while he didn’t, I did find myself being much more accepting of it, and more excited about it, even though it still scares me.
As for the co-habitation debate, which was very interesting to read, living together is another step on the way to marriage for my boyfriend and me. It was not out of convenience or finances — I know that after these two years of living together, and the long engagement that has been agreed upon, I will be able to walk down the aisle knowing that I am making a good decision- one that I have thought long and hard about and one that I have taken steps to ensure is right.
Thanks for the update. Sounds like you two are on your way to a happy future together.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.