It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Office Crush(ed),” who defriended a co-worker on Facebook when he blew her off after weeks of flirting. After the jump, find out whether she re-friended him and if their office romance — or friendship — has a chance.
Thanks so much for the honest feedback and the feedback of your readers. I admit, my reaction was…well, reactionary, but it stemmed mainly from my doubts about his integrity, and I questioned his enough to write him off. I think I was seeing the situation through romance-colored glasses. After I wrote, he went a day without speaking to me, then texted me the next day and asked how I was feeling. I felt like he was testing the water to see if he could still get my attention, so I wrote him back to let him know that I liked him but felt he was only flirting with me for the attention and I respect myself too much to let someone use me in that way (this, I’ve learned from experience). I was very mature and straightforward and not at all accusatory (his actions were, in fact, inconsistent, and I made sure to express that this was only how I felt and didn’t state that this was his motive).
He has not texted or spoken to me since, even though we work down the hallway from one another, and I’m not interested in rekindling our flirtation. I feel that if he had pure intentions or if there was a misunderstanding, he would have cleared the air. In addition, after talking with one of his work buddies, it appears that “super-shy” guy has a past of using women (his “shy” charade made me doubt he’d even touched one). The work buddy also informed me that shy guy isn’t looking for a relationship right now.
I also wanted to add that it’s been my experience that if I go to a guy (whose intentions aren’t honorable) with my doubts, he will see fit to say whatever he thinks I want to hear to keep playing his game. That’s why it was hard for me to ask him directly. I would much rather know a guy by his actions and not his words. In the future, I will definitely keep my (over)reactions in check, but I’m happy that I didn’t waste any more time on this guy.
Thanks for the update! At least you have some resolution now.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.