It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Over His Friends” who was tired of her husband’s friends draining her/them financially and emotionally. Keep reading to see whether they’ve resolved anything.
For me, it was comforting to see that I had a right to be upset about this issue, and for him it was helpful to see some point of views that weren’t as emotionally charged as my own but that were in line with what I was feeling. We talked it out over a couple days, and even though it has only been a few weeks, things are going much better. His friends have, thankfully, moved out, and we have worked out some boundaries regarding them, especially when it comes to the money we were spending because of them. We agreed to always get separate checks when out (no more freebies for friends!) and to no more babysitting of his friends’ out-of-town guests, and we are never going to let anyone stay with us rent-free in the future, barring a terrible circumstance.
We also agreed to maybe seek out some couple friends since all of our friends are single. I think the fact that we are the only people in a serious relationship in our limited social circle in the city we currently live in has played a big role in all of this. We still love to go out with our friends, both together and separately, but being labeled as “the boring married couple” has become tiring. My husband admitted that it was his distaste of that label that let this situation get out of hand.
So, thank you again to everyone for all of your advice. I appreciate it!
So glad you guys have opened communication so well on this issue and are taking steps to resolve some things. Making friends with other couples sounds like a wonderful idea — join a class or a meetup group if you’re having trouble meeting people, or, if you have any co-workers either of you likes who happen to be in relationships, suggest a double-date some time. Good luck!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.