It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from today’s LW (yes, fastest update ever), “Peeved About Dinner Date Flakes.” Keep reading to see how she decided to handle the issue of her friends bailing on her dinner party last week.
First and foremost, I would like to say a huge thank you to you and the DW community for your thoughtful and insightful advice. I really appreciate the time and consideration that you and the other posters put into crafting all of the replies. Hearing the range of opinions that were posted in the forums really helped me to put things in perspective and think about the type of person and friend that I want to be.
To clarify a bit, these are friends I have known for about three years and have vacationed with, so although they originated as my boyfriend’s friends, I consider them mine as well. They both said they were not able to make it because they were stuck at work, which is a totally valid reason; however, I would hope that if that was the case in the future they would send a quick text to give a head’s up. You raise a really great point that I had not considered — that the real reason could have been something much more personal and serious, and in future situations I will definitely try to keep that in mind.
I think I was able to put my irritation and disappointment aside and be a good hostess to our other guests. After they left I asked my boyfriend if he thought they could tell I was annoyed, and he assured me that I was acting fine (hopefully he wasn’t just saying that to make me feel better!).
Flakiness is a pet peeve of mine, and I know I have a history of taking it personally – it is definitely something I am trying to work on dialing back. I decided to just let it go because I didn’t want an email to come off as trying to make them feel guilty. I don’t want to be the type of person that is that petty, and if these are the types of things I have to worry about, I feel extremely lucky.
Thanks for the update. While your friends were definitely thoughtless in this situation, I’m glad you decided to brush it off since it’s a first-time offense. Now, if it starts becoming a pattern… well, then you’d be in line to speak up (or just stop inviting them to things!).
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.