Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Picture Perfect” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Picture Perfect” who wanted to know what guys thinks of boudoir photos. “if they were in a long term relationship with a woman, would they like to be surprised by a spread of professional, tasteful boudoir and/or nude photos of their lady?” Keep reading to see whether she decided to have photos taken of herself and what her boyfriend thinks.

Wow! I was so surprised (again!) at the vast array of opinions. It certainly didn’t change my mind that having boudoir photos taken is something I’d really like to do as a gift to myself. Some ladies said they’ve had it done and are so happy they did, which really reinforced my decision. But I was most surprised at the response of the men. The guys I talked to originally had differing opinions, one saying that he’d think it’s pointless and boring, the other saying he’d be pleased. So, I was expecting guys to weigh in on one side or the other, and was therefore really surprised that so many men said they would be very uncomfortable with someone else taking pictures of their lady.

It certainly gave me something to think about, and even though the pictures are more for myself, I thought the respectful thing to do was ask my boyfriend his thoughts on the matter. I just simply said to him, “What do you think of boudoir photos?” His response was, “I dunno, never thought about before. Why, you thinking about it?” I said “Yeah, I was thinking I’d like to do it for my birthday.” He said, “Oh, ok. Well, if that’s something you want to do I’m cool with it.” I nearly laughed out loud, because I hadn’t even asked him if he was ok with it, I just asked what he thought in general. So, his response reinforced those of the men on the board, that the issue with boudoir photos is more about someone else seeing their girl undressed.

But I’m glad I asked him about it, and I’m glad he’s cool with it, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to book my photo shoot later this summer. Thanks everyone for your insight and for showing me a side that I hadn’t thought of at all. You guys are great!

Thanks for the update, and have fun!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

29 comments… add one
  • katie

    katie May 17, 2012, 12:03 pm

    thats great!

    i actually want to do one as well. i mean, im 23, this is the best im ever gonna look, right? but im so scared. like, kind of terrified. and i hate having pictures of myself.. i think it makes me look selfish, like those sterotyped guys in movies who have pictures of themselves in lambskins above the fireplace…

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      kerrycontrary May 17, 2012, 12:06 pm

      Eh, I think its fine as long as you don’t hang it above your fireplace (which I don’t think you would). I believe that having pictures of yourself when you are at your best body which you occasionally look at are way better than the people who have TONS (as in over 10-15) of self-taken photos of themselves on facebook. Or couples who do the same. What do you do? Just sit around and take pictures of yourself?

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        lets_be_honest May 17, 2012, 12:13 pm

        Ugh, my stepmother had one of those nude drawings done of her (like in Titanic). It hits you in the face when you walk into their bedroom. Where my daughter sleeps when she stays with them. To each their own, at least its not in the kitchen, and I am a prude, but come on. You really want your little granddaughter seeing naked Nana?

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      • katie

        katie May 17, 2012, 12:27 pm

        thats HILARIOUS. wow.

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      • theattack

        theattack May 17, 2012, 1:11 pm

        Geez…. I would not feel comfortable with that if I were in your shoes. Have you said anything to her about it?

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        lets_be_honest May 17, 2012, 1:17 pm

        No, I mean, what can I say? Its their house and their bedroom. Its a drawing. If it were a photo, I’d probably say something. They are super into art, like sculptures and paintings of nudes are plentiful in their house, so I;m sure they think nothing of it. But yea, its very uncomfortable seeing my stepmom’s nipples every time I go near their bedroom.

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      • katie

        katie May 17, 2012, 12:29 pm

        see, i feel like thats just as bad!

        i know its irrational, but i do. lol

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki May 17, 2012, 1:31 pm

        Oh, you mean those nekkid pictures of myself I have over the fireplace shouldn’t be there? Damn 😛

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      applescruffs May 17, 2012, 2:53 pm

      Do it! My mom has a very tasteful photo of herself when she was about 25. All the naughty bits, and her face, are hidden – when I was a kid it was hanging in the guest room and she told me it was just a shot of a model her photographer friend took. Imagine my surprise when I was about 25 and my stepdad somehow let it slip that it was her in the picture!

      Awkward as her daughter. But she was way hot and I’m glad she has those pics of herself.

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    • Crochet.Ninja

      Michelle.Lea May 17, 2012, 2:13 pm

      ask if you can have copies in black and white as well. I found that the best looking ones to me were the black and whites! we’re our worst critics 🙂 I’m glad i did mine way back when..i’d love to do them again for my fiance, just no time!

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  • mandalee

    mandalee May 17, 2012, 12:07 pm

    Yay, good for you! I’m scheduling one next year for a wedding anniversary present, and I can’t wait! I’ve been stalking boudoir photography websites for awhile, and they feature women of all shape, sizes, etc. and every single woman looks drop dead gorgeous. You won’t regret it!!

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  • Leroy

    Leroy May 17, 2012, 1:45 pm

    Will someone please explain to me why you would want sexy picture of yourself, for yourself. I have absolutely no interest in looking at erotic pictures of myself.

    And why is it that the LW keeps insisting that these are only for her benefit? She repeats that claim so often that it causes me to wonder – it’s only for me, only for me, for me, me me me …

    For the record, not all guys dislike these photo shoots because of jealousy. In truth the pictures are usually very tacky and unattractive. Blaming it on another guy is an easy way to avoid acknowledging that.

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    • mandalee

      mandalee May 17, 2012, 1:54 pm

      I think men and women may be very different in that aspect, but I think it’s often view as liberating and a confidence boast to see yourself in a flattering light. I can’t speak for all women, but sometimes I doubt how sexy I am and my confidence isn’t always 100%, so to have photographic proof that I can look great, is awesome.

      I guess everyone has different tastes, but very rarely are these pictures tacky or unattractive. Unless you’re thinking of Penthouse spreads, it’s more lingerie or sexy clothing pictures in attractive poses and soft lighting.

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        MissDre May 17, 2012, 2:03 pm

        Yeah for sure. It’s a way for a woman to feel beautiful in her own eyes. Plus it’s sort of a daring adventure. I definitely think it could be a confidence booster for any woman.

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      MissDre May 17, 2012, 2:04 pm

      Did you read the original post? The idea of jealousy definitely didn’t come from any of the women. It was all the guys chiming in that they didn’t want anyone else taking pictures of their girlfriend.

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      jlyfsh May 17, 2012, 2:56 pm

      yeah i think this is a difference between men and women here. like others have said it’s about feeling good about your body. and while some are tacky and unattractive the ones that my friends have had done are anything but. they are very tasteful. my one friend has a photography business on the side just did one with 1950s pin-up style decor and they turned out so cool!

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle May 17, 2012, 3:40 pm

      I don’t doubt that she only wants them for herself– I think guys just lack the whole “I want memorabilia from when I was young & sex-ayy!” mentality. Personally, I wouldn’t get professional photos like this done (because I have enough amateur ones to look back upon & go “Damn, I was a sexy fox” which is fine with me) but I understand the urge.

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    • katie

      katie May 17, 2012, 5:45 pm

      yea, i think for women its definitely for them…. like, im now 50, no more boobs, my face has fallen, ect, whatever the case may be for the specific lady, and i feel bad about myself, but i still have this amazing picture of me at 25 where i am a freaking babe.

      there is such an importance placed on womens beauty and especially on “losing” it as we age, and men have really none of that…

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark May 17, 2012, 8:29 pm

        Eh, I fear and worry about aging quite a bit. It’s depressing… Very.

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      • katie

        katie May 17, 2012, 9:17 pm

        Its there whether you are a man or a woman for sure. I would say that its much more in women’s collective faces, in media and on advertisements as such. But young beauty in general is sought after by men and women.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark May 17, 2012, 8:28 pm

    If done well, these can be hot. I get embarrassed sometimes upon seeing the results because the art direction is all too often tragic and hilarious… Way too much PINK… So, think classic and iconic. Yeah, I would go for black and white. And avoid any obvious hairstyles of the moment, opt for something more timeless and classic.

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      LW May 17, 2012, 8:44 pm

      I found an amazing photographer with a beautiful, tasteful portfolio (and a gorgeous set! no tacky backdrops here….) And I’m definitely not into pink haha. I get 3 outfit changes, so I’m thinking of a simple black lace bodysuit, maybe a white dress shirt with sexy undies and I’m not sure about the 3rd yet. And I plan to do my hair and makeup the way I do everyday so that I look like myself. I’m really excited to do this!

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark May 17, 2012, 8:51 pm

        Sounds excellent. I’d do one outfit with retro hair or something… Bettie Page. 😉

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    Addie Pray May 17, 2012, 10:16 pm

    Am I the only one who is thinking of those old saloon pics you can take at places like Silver Dollar City in Branson, MO (or insert some other amusement park-type place, the cheesier the better) – you know, where you dress up in wild west apparel and hold props like a pistol, and then you pay a lot of money and they give you a black and white print? I’m picturing that, just with raunchier clothes. Is that what this is?

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      DMR May 18, 2012, 5:15 am

      I believe we’re talking about sensual photography involving either lingerie or nothing at all.

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  • avatar

    DMR May 18, 2012, 5:18 am

    For what it’s worth, I think it sounds quite fun and can understand why the LW wants to do it.

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow May 18, 2012, 12:03 pm

    I did mine! I was helping a friend of a friend build her portfolio. She’s new to the boudoir thing. I did a very pin-up inspired pose (among others) but I haven’t seen the finished product yet. I saw a couple of my friend’s, and they turned out very nice! Sexy and tasteful, not overdone.

    Also, I was not with my boyfriend at the time (so I didn’t need to “ask” anyone), but he said he wouldn’t have cared at all. And I think he’s excited to see them!

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      Addie Pray May 18, 2012, 12:07 pm

      Oooh la la – and you’re going to post them here for us to see, right? Sweet.

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  • fast eddie

    fast eddie May 20, 2012, 10:13 am

    As a (non-active) nudist I’m in favor of everyone having some good pics of themselves in the buff. As the birthdays accumulate and the body deteriorates it’s nice to have reminders that our bodies were once youthful and toned. Where to display them is a matter of individual preference. I wouldn’t be offended be anyone’s nor wish to risk offending anyone with ours. Unfortunately none of ours are high enough quality to match our decor. (Darn it)

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