It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Presents of Mind,” who was upset that her boyfriend seemed to put so little thought and effort into gifts for her and that she was always the one who paid for everything when they went out. Keep reading to see whether they’ve resolved these issues.
I even had us take the quiz that you suggested about love languages. My results were exactly what I had expected and his were almost entirely balanced (which doesn’t help me too much), but I shared my results with him and he said that he would keep them in mind. He’s been doing a lot of sweet things that relate to my ‘love language,’ which I really appreciate. Also, he hasn’t cancelled plans on me in months and we have been able to fit ‘hanging out time’ into our schedules much more lately!I’ve learned to accept that he does not take hints well. He doesn’t seem to take them at all actually (haha), so I’ve made a wish list on amazon and am just going to send it to him when Christmas comes around next year. I’m also trying to be more forward about telling him that something bothers me when it happens, instead of waiting and letting things build up in my head.
Also, just to address something that came up in the comments: I don’t know the exact dollar amount in his bank accounts, but I do have an idea of how he spends his money. He does not have to pay for grad school at all, his school work doesn’t take up much of his time (definitely less than 20 hours a week at the time), and he has a steady job. I don’t ask him what his paycheck is but, again, I have a rough idea. We almost never go out on expensive dates and instead opt to do things that don’t cost very much (go for walks, cook dinner at home, watch movies online, etc). I don’t pay for my schooling either but I am getting an extra stipend which he doesn’t have (we’re on different scholarships at different types of graduate-level schools). Finances have never really been an issue with us, and the main reason I brought it up is that I was surprised at the difference between gifts he gave me last year and ones he gave me this year. I asked him for a limit for our Valentine’s day gifts, since he said he wanted to exchange presents, and things worked out well so I’ll be sure to ask for a limit again in the future!
Thank you again for the excellent advice! You and your readers are awesome 🙂
Thanks for the update. I’m glad things are working out so well. Communication: it really works!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.