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It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Pushed by MIL” who was tired of her mother-in-law showing up at their home uninvited all the time. Keep reading to see if she tried any of the suggestions given to her and whether things with her MIL have improved.
Thank you for posting my letter and for the advice. I tried some of the suggestions, but things only continued to spiral downhill. My husband wasn’t in agreement with some of the other suggestions, like grabbing the coats and pretending we were out the door, and the one time we did try to not answer the door she knew we were home and went crazy banging on the door and screaming, “We know you are inside,” and my husband gave in and said he could just not ignore her. My MIL continued to stop by without notice, so I made sure to take my husband aside and made a comment loud enough for her to hear asking why we couldn’t have received a call to let us know she was stopping by (with other guests as well). She obviously heard my comment because she stopped coming by completely and complains to her son that now she does not see the grandbaby. She blames me for this, and our relationship has deteriorated. I told my husband that it did not matter anymore because I am no longer breastfeeding (that was one of my main reasons for requesting advance notice of her visits) but she does not want to come over anymore so she stopped seeing the baby. We try to bring the baby to her house, but right before we come over (like when we are about out the door, the baby is ready to go) she will cancel for stupid reasons like to go out with her friends. I guess it is a lose-lose situation. I appreciate the help though! (P.S. For some strange reason though she tells her son she wants me to have another baby!).
Maybe it’s not such a lose-lose situation. She’s not showing up unannounced anymore, is she? Hopefully, in time, your relationship with your MIL will improve. Good luck.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.