It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Put Out” who was disappointed that her live-in boyfriend seemed to never want to have sex with her. She wrote:
“I have always initiated the sex in our relationship. I always get turned down a few times in favor of “more sleep please” or a nap or “I’m too tired” before I find that he will say yes. I have asked him to initiate more with me but he always says that, when he wants to ask, I beat him to it. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even ask anymore because I know the answer will be no.”
Keeping reading to see if he’s still turning her down.
I usually deal with stress by having sex. Previous to this relationship I was single, and I used to just go out and hook up with someone for instant-gratification sex. Now I had to take my partner’s schedule into account and figure out a time that worked for both of us. With him working long hours, that made for times together to be few and far between.
Not long after this letter, I got burned out at my job and had to quit. (I am on disability for a traumatic brain injury I received in 2004 and my working part-time was just supposed to supplement my income from that, but my sanity is not worth a little extra money.) My boyfriend has recently reduced his work schedule a tiny bit. He was working five days a week at his part-time job but has cut back to four.
It seems most everybody recommended that I leave him, but I felt very close to him and he hasn’t always been employed this much. Like I said, he works this much because he wants to and sees the value of hard work.
We are still having sex once a week but, since I am not stressed, my libido is not as high. It’s enough for us, and we value our quality time together. So I guess, in reality, I solved my own problem.
Glad you found a compromise that works for both of you and that you’re feeling less stressed these days.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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