It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Rager’s Girlfriend” whose boyfriend flew into a rage after she brought him to a friend of a friend’s art exhibit he didn’t appreciate. “He swung open the doors at his place, with one almost hitting me in the face. He proceeded to take up most of the bed, not offer me clothes to sleep in and turned on the TV incredibly loud and passed out.” She wondered if she was right to feel concerned about his behavior. After the jump, find out how she handled the situation.
He was really taken a back by all of this; it was clear that he felt awful and was incredibly apologetic. He said that his short answer (or lack of answer) was because he was ashamed of how he acted and deferred back to an old strategy of just shutting down when it comes to conflict. He said the last thing he wants is for me to feel like we can’t do things together because he likes and looks forward to the random/new things that I get involved and can share with him. Regarding the anger, he actually opened up and shared that his household was a very angry place prior to his parents divorce (when he was 14). He participated in some counseling in the few years after, but feels that maybe looking into some additional help now would be a positive thing. I was completely surprised that he brought up this possibility on his own.
Being someone who’s gone through therapy myself to help overcome some things in my past, I really respect the motivation because I think getting yourself through that door can be the most challenging part. So, I’m not sure where this relationship will go, but I’m glad to have stood up for myself and opened up these lines of communication : )
Thank you so much for your update and best of luck to you in the future. Please do keep your wits about you, though, and be alert for future red flags. Hopefully, you won’t see any, but caution is your friend.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.