It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Second to Church,” who felt second place (at best) to her boyfriend’s job at his church. “I understand that his job is his passion, but when I attempt to make plans he is always busy or can’t commit 100%. Just this week he cancelled on our plans because he has a new church group.” She said she saw him at most once a week and wondered how to broach the topic of needing more of his time without coming off as, well, needy. After the jump, find out whether she figured out a way.
First off, thank you for publishing my letter; the advice/ideas that were given to me were awesome and were certainly helpful. However, about a week or so after I received all the advice and attempted to put it to use, he dumped me. He told me that “the timing wasn’t right” and that “maybe in a year or so it would be better”. I was (and still am, I suppose) devastated. In one fatal blow he dumped our relationship and our years’ long friendship. It’s even worse because we have three classes together this semester and he won’t look at me or talk to me. I didn’t expect this to be his solution (I say his because he wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to explain what we could do to fix our relationship). I can harbor a guess that the comments will simply say he is being extremely selfish, and they are absolutely right.
Bitterness aside, thank you again for publishing my letter. I’m sure one day I’ll be thankful that he dumped me and spared me of a lifetime of being second place, but now is not the moment— Second No More
If the guy doesn’t even have the decency to look you in the face when he sees you in class, and he never had time for you when you were a couple, then I’d say you probably dodged a bullet on this one. I know it’s hard to see it that way now, but I promise that his breaking up with you was not a “fatal blow.” Hang in there; it gets better.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.