It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Seeking an EXplanation” who’s ex-boyfriend had suddenly started contacting her all the time despite having a new girlfriend. Keep reading for an update … and a new question.
I am going to be honest and say that while I, at first, told him we need to not talk so much, working together and being around all the time took its toll, and we began to text and call each other constantly about the possibility of getting back together. This carried on for a good month until his girlfriend finally went through his phone and shit basically hit the fan. After a few emotional days, it was clear that we were not right for each other and we blocked each other’s numbers, we took each other off all social media, and he quit the job. It was almost like a race to see who could get the other person out of his/her life faster. We have not spoken since, and this was back in the fall.
Afterwards, the next few months were really hard to work through. I know I had made some terrible choices and saw things through rose-colored glasses. So I started to see a therapist and worked through a lot of personal issues, including things I went through in that particular relationship. I learned a lot about myself and the choices I’ve made. But now I have a new dilemma: I have been casually seeing someone for a few months. In the beginning things were great. He was calling and texting me constantly and always wanted to spend time together, but, once things started to get more serious, he backed off. This new man has gone through a similar situation of an on-again/off-again relationship like I had, and his girlfriend blindsided him with a breakup and a new relationship two days later. While we still get together every few weeks, I feel like I am the one doing most of the work as far as getting in touch, etc. When we do spend time together, it will be wonderful, but then I just won’t hear from him until I reach out.
I am in my 20s, and everything else as far as my career, school, and family is awesome. The only problem I have is trying to break this pattern of dragging things out longer than they should. Can you offer any advice on what to do with the new guy? (I should add that the new man was abused by his father as a child, and has been open with me about it. Do you think this has something to do with his behavior?). — Slowly Getting Better
Eh, maybe the abuse has something to do with his behavior and maybe it doesn’t. It really doesn’t matter though. It’s been a few months and the guy just isn’t showing enthusiasm about you or your relationship. If he isn’t ACTING like his wants to be your boyfriend, then he probably doesn’t WANT to be your boyfriend. I say MOA. You’ve given it a few months. If he’s still not calling you and setting up dates and showing that he’s invested, then he’s not.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.