It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Sexually Curious Bride” who wrote in a couple weeks ago in a panic over the thought of being forever monogamous with her soon-to-be-husband who has a much lower sex drive that she has. She wondered if she should discuss her desire to possibly open their relationship at some point or just hope that desire went away on its own. She updated us once before, and now has a few more words to share:
So, here’s how our conversation went: I told him that I would never go behind his back, and then I asked how he would feel if I approached him at some point and asked to sleep with someone else. His response, over the course of the conversation and kind of edited down to the important bits: he would be okay with it, he trusts me and trusts our relationship enough to know that I would never bring the request to him because I’m unhappy with our relationship, and he wasn’t at all surprised. He knew what he was getting into and who he was engaged to, and he knew that I might want to reopen the relationship at some point even when I told him I wanted to close it.
In the meantime, we are focusing on ways to improve our own sex life. I am engaged to a man who loves me and accepts me for everything I am. So that’s it, my last update and I couldn’t say why it matters to me so much, but I hope it tames the doubts of the DW community that I’m entering into a doomed marriage.
I think why it mattered to you so much — why it matters to any of us when people, especially strangers who don’t even know us, say something that makes us defensive — is because we worry there may be a kernel of truth in what is being said. I am glad that you and your fiancé have practiced open communication and are going into your marriage with honesty and expectations you are both OK with. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. This is your relationship, and you and your fiancé are the only two people who need to be good with it.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.