It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Still Hurting” who wondered whether she should tell her boyfriend who got her pregnant that she lied about having a miscarriage and, in fact, had an abortion. Keep reading to see what she decided to do.
I wrote to you asking for advice about secretly aborting my boyfriend’s child and how unsupported I felt because he was going to leave me if he knew. Well, he knew already without me telling him. After your advice, things did not get better. We got back together for a short time (three months), but then one day he dropped me off at work and was not heard from or seen again for seven months. At this point I was shocked. We fell out pretty bad.
Seven months later we are now on speaking terms again. He is still pushing for us to have a baby even though we aren’t officially together and we still live with our parents. I am a full-time college student, and I work a dead-end $8.59 per-hour job. Having an abortion was the best choice for me, but I did not think I’d be so depressed. When you have an abortion, you do need support, and I had no one to talk to. I wanted to die back then, but I’m happy now. I know that I couldn’t give the child what he or she deserved at the time. I am almost finished with my degree and will be moving out of my mom’s house this year. I’m truly happy.
I’m glad you’re happy, but I hope you’ll wait until you are in a secure, committed relationship and are financially independent before even entertaining the idea of parenthood. In the meantime, please use protection.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.