Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Stood Up Bride” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Stood Up Bride” whose aunt RSVPd for 10 people to her wedding — even though the invite was only for five — and then didn’t even show up to the wedding (nor did the other nine family members who were expected to come with her). The LW wondered how she should address the no-shows at future gatherings, including an upcoming family BBQ they were all invited to. Keep reading to see how she handled them.

I didn’t feel very comfortable calling my aunt about this, since I’ve never actually called her, ever (our correspondence regarding the RSVP was all via e-mail), but I used your advice to prepare myself to ask her about it at the BBQ. But… they didn’t show up to that either.

I ended up taking the advice given by Mainer and a few others – I just realized that no matter what the reason was for them missing the wedding, I’d still feel stood up. And now that it’s been almost six months, I’ve found that I really don’t care that much. This family is always the most likely to not show up at family events, and although I had figured that a wedding would be different, I now know that they just aren’t the type of people to show up for extended family.

Also, I apologize for using the word “drama” in my original letter – it really wasn’t all that dramatic of a situation. It’s just that everything else went so smoothly w/ our wedding planning, the surprise RSVP for 10 was one of the few snafus that we encountered. After looking back at it, I think they’re just the type of people that aren’t too reliable.

And since a lot of people brought up the money issue (and our loss was nowhere near to what people were suggesting, btw – $300/person!?!? No wonder weddings are so outrageously expensive on average!), I was actually more upset about the fact that I could have invited my co-workers to fill up that table. We were pretty limited on space, and family got priority. I think that if it weren’t all 10 of them, and they had let us know that they weren’t coming, I wouldn’t have been so upset initially. We had several others not make it to the wedding last-minute, but they at least let us know.

So my plan is just to put it all behind me, and when (if?) I see them again, I have no intention of bringing it up. If they want to, that’s fine, but what’s done is done. I’m happily married, had a kick-ass wedding attended by some truly wonderful friends and family, and life is good.

 
Thanks for the update!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

2 comments… add one
  • katie

    katie January 2, 2013, 1:33 pm

    good for you, LW!

    that family is your family’s “those people”. everyone knows people like that, whether they are always late to things, always cancel things, whatever. they are “those people who __”. it sucks, but such is life. be happy that they arent people you really know and love!

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  • Cassie

    CassieB January 3, 2013, 8:42 pm

    But… but… that’s so… reasonable!

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