Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Stuck in a Limbo Divorce” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Stuck in a Limbo Divorce” who wondered whether the guy she had a great date with shortly after separating from her husband has waited for her while her divorce drags on for months and months.

Oh wow, great replies…thank you!

I accept that Mr. Great Date is unlikely to stick around while I get my act together..but it’s nice to daydream. I think I wrote to your column when the daydream was being particularly distracting.

Just to put everyone’s minds at rest:

– Australian waiters and waitresses get paid $15 to $20 an hour. If they are permanent, they also get 4 weeks paid annual leave and 14 days of paid sick/carer’s leave. Tips are not high, but overtime can be paid if you have to work late.

– The word ‘fortnight’ is as commonly used here as “day” or “week.”

– I agree the kissing sentence was a bit ick. I was trying to say there was great chemistry.

– I’m staying with family because the ex is abusive. I pay $3000 a month on private school fees, and $1200 a month on the mortgage, while he pays the other 2/3 of the mortgage, and the leases on both our cars. None of these can stop or be refinanced easily without the property settlement. So, whilst my salary doesn’t stretch to renting a 3-bedroom apartment on top of this, I’m hardly destitute.

– Good LORD but my karate instructor is hot.

 

I say this in all earnestness: you are a breath of fresh air! Thank you.

***************

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

62 comments… add one
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest August 22, 2013, 1:02 pm

    Haha, this was a great update.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray August 22, 2013, 1:13 pm

    Great update! Sorry for poking fun at your word choice. Both the cheesy and cultural… Didn’t even occur to me that you may be from somewhere other than the USA (ohh Americans).

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    • avatar

      Bunnycsp August 22, 2013, 1:22 pm

      Addie – thread jack – remember how you said single people should wear single shirts? The frisky just posted about single bracelets being all the rage.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 22, 2013, 1:36 pm

        They stole my idea!

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      • call-me-hobo

        call-me-hobo August 22, 2013, 2:19 pm

        And your copper pots.

        (I’m sorry; I couldn’t help it)

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 22, 2013, 2:24 pm

        I don’t get it… is this an expression? I am the last to learn everything. [Now I will Google this to see if I should know what this means. When will I learn to do that first?]

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      • avatar

        Christy August 22, 2013, 2:30 pm

        OMG AP I (we) forget you were a City Wendy reader, not a Frisky reader.

        Google ‘frisky copper pots’

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      • avatar

        Christy August 22, 2013, 2:38 pm

        OMG I’m getting so dragged down into TF. I gave it up years ago for a reason! JW is just so addicting in a hate-stalking way.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary August 22, 2013, 2:41 pm

        “hate-stalking” lolz.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary August 22, 2013, 2:53 pm

        Also, Christy, Please if I ever go through a breakup please do not let me act like that much of a trainwreck. Like forreal.

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      • avatar

        Christy August 22, 2013, 2:56 pm

        Girl, I will physically carry you to my apartment, put you on my couch, and feed and distract you. And stop you from posting everywhere on the internet.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest August 22, 2013, 2:43 pm

        Ah, the gently-used copper pots. I almost forgot about those!
        Every time I hear gently-used, I cringe now.

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      • Regina Chapman

        Regina Chapman August 22, 2013, 2:50 pm

        WHAT?!? She is still posting? The copper pots are still a thing??

        This is the best day of my life.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest August 22, 2013, 2:51 pm

        Remember when we thought she was an LW here? I can’t remember which letter.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster August 22, 2013, 4:22 pm

        FOR REAL?! She’s STILL talking about that?!

        You have got to be effing kidding me! Now I’m not sure whether to go hate-stalk her or not.

        But really, STILL????!!!!

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      • avatar

        LSMITH82 August 23, 2013, 12:01 pm

        The copper pots!!!! I remember that whole meltdown… I haven’t been on TF since Wendy began her own website. I didn’t even know it still existed…

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      • Regina Chapman

        Regina Chapman August 22, 2013, 2:52 pm

        Christy, please tell me where to start with her recent columns. OUT OF THE WAY PEOPLE I HAVE HATE-STALKING TO DO!!

        🙂 (does this make me a bad person?)

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      • avatar

        Christy August 22, 2013, 2:56 pm

        I’m reading through all the old ones. Which I’ve read.

        Wendy, please don’t think I’m a bad person.

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      • Regina Chapman

        Regina Chapman August 22, 2013, 4:06 pm

        Hahahahaha

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      • beelzebarb

        beelzebarb August 22, 2013, 4:17 pm

        Oh my God! Hate-stalking JW is actually a thing and I shouldn’t feel like a terrible person?! Holy hell, you made my day.

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      • Cassie

        Cassie B August 22, 2013, 7:56 pm

        I want to know, too! That’s it, I’m googling it.

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      • becboo84

        BecBoo84 August 23, 2013, 10:14 am

        Cut the girl some slack… what if she reads DW? TF has definitely gone downhill IMO, but I actually like some of JW’s articles.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest August 22, 2013, 1:19 pm

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest August 22, 2013, 1:20 pm

        Oh no, I glanced at this the other day, but am actually reading all of it now and lots is not nice, so just ignore.

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      • avatar

        Grilledcheesecalliope August 22, 2013, 1:39 pm

        Not even Colorado for the weed and skiing. I’m offended.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 22, 2013, 1:41 pm

        Or Missouri for meth…. How rude!

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle August 22, 2013, 3:00 pm

        I saw one once that wasn’t quite so mean, & it was a lot more funny— I can’t remember if it was “the way New Yorkers see America” or just something more vague like “the way the Northeast sees America”

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 22, 2013, 1:38 pm

        Funny! I’d like to see a drawing of the world by Americans. It would have the USA smack dab in the middle, the Bahamas and Cancun would be somewhere close, and then … Well, that’s it, right? (Ha).

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest August 22, 2013, 1:43 pm

        Ha, yes exactly. Paris, maybe. And definitely Amsterdam, but that’s it.

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      • Northern Mermaid

        Northern Mermaid August 22, 2013, 2:02 pm

        New Yorkers don’t even know Alaska exists!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest August 22, 2013, 2:44 pm

        Yes we do! Its its right down there in Antarctica.

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      • avatar

        MMcG August 22, 2013, 6:35 pm

        AP. Google world according to Americans map and you will the the results. my fave one is where it lists Australia as kangaroos and all of europe as pussies 😉

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      • avatar

        redessa August 22, 2013, 2:22 pm

        Ha! Apparently I grew up in Atlanta. Who knew? 🙂 One thing they got wrong though, that empty space before you get to the real south should be between North and South Carolina. At least according to my uncle who says anything north of South Carolina is Yankee land. LOL

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray August 22, 2013, 2:28 pm

        Oh this reminds me, have you seen that “50 state stereotypes in 2 minutes” youtube video? It’s old (posted 2 years ago) but so funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h68UJaHvG_c

        My favourite is Florida: “the more north you go, the more south it gets” – haha

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  • avatar

    TECH August 22, 2013, 1:20 pm

    I think I need to go sign up for karate now.

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  • avatar

    rachel August 22, 2013, 1:40 pm

    LW, you are my favorite. Best update ever.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray August 22, 2013, 1:45 pm

      Let’s start saying “favourite.” That’s it, I am going to sprinkle my wourds with “u” for a more internautional flavour to my posts.

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      • avatar

        rachel August 22, 2013, 1:49 pm

        My browser actually seems to think I’m British or something, so it underlines favorite with a red line. I wants me to type favourite.

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      • avatar

        Morgan August 22, 2013, 2:26 pm

        So I am an American, but my family is from the UK, and I had a very hard time keeping the correct spellings of things straight when i was a kid because I’d see one thing at home and another at school.

        I also was 16 when I found out among isn’t spelled amoung. I don’t even know if the Brits put a u in among, I just thought that was how it was spelled.

        In other news, I failed a lot of spelling tests as a child

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      • MissRemy

        MissRemy August 23, 2013, 12:38 pm

        Just to help you out with that one, it’s among! One of the few words we don’t insist on an ‘extra’ u 🙂

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      • avatar

        MMcG August 22, 2013, 2:48 pm

        Does that mean the little dustup on the forums can be called a row?
        And can we go to the loo and use a lift!?! I <3 some britishisms…

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      • Roxy_84

        Roxy_84 August 22, 2013, 3:23 pm

        I support this.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark August 22, 2013, 1:46 pm

    Great chipper attitude… BUT this update only makes me think the guy was even MORE right in saying she needs to sort out her life and divorce before he could date her… Especially since I still don’t know WHAT the hold up is. Just split everything up already…

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    • avatar

      rachel August 22, 2013, 1:48 pm

      She said the ex was abusive, so I imagine a lot of the hold up is waiting for the lawyers who are the go-betweens.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark August 22, 2013, 1:50 pm

        Yeah, but if that’s documented then it can all be done VERY quickly.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest August 22, 2013, 1:53 pm

        Ha! One would think that, but rarely true.

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      • avatar

        Stephanie August 22, 2013, 1:59 pm

        Divorces can drag out for years so her timeline isn’t unusual.

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      • avatar

        Tax Geek August 22, 2013, 2:03 pm

        Mine has been going on for 2 1/2 years. Pretty much sucks.

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      • avatar

        Caroline August 22, 2013, 2:26 pm

        Abusive exes can use their knowledge of the law or else to make the divorce last for ever and keep the other one stuck in so they don’t move on with their lives. I hope it’s not her case but it sounds like it since she still has to pay things with him instead of having a life of her own.

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      • avatar

        MMcG August 22, 2013, 2:46 pm

        Divorces are only quick when both parties want it… and even then the law can require a year of separation beforehand, etc. When both parties don’t want it, especially in an abuse situation with kids, it can be a total nightmare that can last years and years. No need to shit on this refreshing update!

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      • theattack

        theattack August 22, 2013, 3:26 pm

        And just because two people want the divorce doesn’t make property division easy either. That shit takes forever!

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster August 22, 2013, 4:30 pm

        Yup. My parents’ divorce lasted 3+ years. But that wasn’t the end of that. Oh no. We were in and out of court until I was 20 over custody, and child support, and visitation, and crazy accusations shit. That’s a 12 year legal battle. I swear my parents were the most creative people when it came to how they could fuck with each other’s lives. I was like “Why didn’t you just stay married if you wanted to torture each other so much?” Thank god we’re all adults now and that ish is OVER.

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      • avatar

        Lucy August 22, 2013, 3:19 pm

        … says the renowned expert on Australian divorce law.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray August 22, 2013, 2:10 pm

      If you want to blame anyone, blame the legal process. It’s long and hard. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson August 22, 2013, 2:42 pm

        Real mature AP, real mature.

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      • Regina Chapman

        Regina Chapman August 22, 2013, 2:55 pm

        Haha, in Dutch the comparable saying is ‘Dat zei mijn vrouw ook vannacht’, which translates to ‘That’s what my wife said last night’.

        I thought you might appreciate that.

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      • avatar

        honeybeenicki August 22, 2013, 3:06 pm

        I’ve got both the kids (13 and 15) saying “That’s what she said” after… well, almost everything. And they think it’s great when they actually use it in a way that it’s meant to be used and I double over laughing and their dad looks at them with a horrified deer-in-the-headlights face.

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  • avatar

    mf August 22, 2013, 1:55 pm

    Thumbs up for hot karate instructor. Every girl needs one of those in her life.

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    • avatar

      bethany August 22, 2013, 2:20 pm

      Or a hot yoga teacher! I love mine 🙂

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle August 22, 2013, 2:02 pm

    Oh nice, ditto on the “breath of fresh air” thing. When I saw she was updating so soon, I immediately thought it was going to be ~super~ defensive. But you are lovely, LW! Good luck with everything, & congrats again on the karate instructor 😉

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow August 22, 2013, 2:39 pm

    I’m sorry I made fun of your word choices, LW! :p

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  • avatar

    MMcG August 22, 2013, 2:44 pm

    Did we really get an update that wasn’t defensive!?! And somehow the additional information was helpful but not at all DEFENSIVE!?! Pigs must be flying outside my window right now.

    And holy hell I wish I had been a waitress in Australia… yet more proof I need to embrace my inner socialist 😉

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