It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Sucker-Punched” whose boyfriend cheated on her with his wife (yes, you read that right) after borrowing a large sum of money from her that he had yet to repay. Keep reading to see whether she heeded my advice to MOA.
We are still together. We’ve talked a lot, fought a fair amount, compromised some on each side, gotten older sadder kinder and wiser, talked to individual therapists and gone together to therapists. We made rules about not drinking and fighting, not texting and fighting, not breaking up or walking out in a fight (“fight in safety”), and calling time-outs before a fight escalates.I’ve read a ton of books and articles, and here is where we stand: Under everything we have a deep and abiding love for each other. We have significant differences. We are both very controlling, the more so when stressed. He has gone through the fire (failed marriage, bankrupcy, seriously compromising his own morals and integrity under stress, betraying people on multiple levels) and come out humbled and raw. I have passed through hatred anger and despair and come out feeling ok about myself and ok about him. He has done everything I could possibly have asked, including paying me back in full, giving me more space, standing by when I have attacks of rage or hurt of despair, answering all my questions, and talking, talking, talking.
Most days we are pretty happy, many days were are very happy, and the ugly days are ever further apart.
It’s worth more time and effort. We are both better people for having known each other and tried so hard.
Well, I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like a ton of work, but if you’re happy and feel the relationship is worth the investment, then that’s what matters most.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.