It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “That Girl” who developed a crush on a new booty call and then felt crushed when he stopped hanging out with her. “Should I just wait for him to ask me to hang out again and move on if he doesn’t, or should I try asking him out one more time?” she asked. Keep reading to see where things stand now.
Wow. When I look back at the letter that I wrote to you and your response and the reader comments, I’m so embarrassed! What was I thinking! Of course, that’s what you were going to tell me. That’s what I was trying to tell myself, but I let myself get all crazy and wrapped up in the situation. Why is it so easy to do that? Why is it so easy to forget common sense when you have a crush on someone?? The one thing you said that really hit me that I’d never thought about before was that just because he didn’t want to date me doesn’t necessarily mean he wasn’t into me. Yea, this guy could totally smell my desperation.
Anyway, once I had sufficiently embarrassed myself with this guy, I gave up on him. I failed to mention in my original letter that this bar that I “frequent” is actually literally connected to my office, as in, one of the entrances to my office is through the bar. So avoiding the bar was not exactly an option. But I’ve kept interactions with him to a minimum and always keep them friendly. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I went on vacation and was gone for over a week. Since I’ve been back, it’s like he’s done a 180. He’s the first to come up to me whenever I enter the bar, he came and found my office the other day just to say hello, and yesterday he came to my office again to ask me to dinner.
Now I know I’ve heard it a million times, and I’ve even told many friends who needed to hear it before, but it still baffles me that, the minute I stop showing interest in a guy, he comes running! I turned him down for dinner because I was actually busy, but I would like to hang out with him again. I will, however, keep it friendly for now. After all, it did effectively take him a whole month to call me back….red flag?
And no, readers, I will not be sleeping with him again any time soon! For the record, two dates is pretty much my average for sleeping with someone. Yes, that seems really quick, but it’s just the way I work, and it has generally worked for me (most of the time!) thus far. I’ve had multiple satisfying, long-term relationships that included sex on the second date, so at the time sleeping with this guy so soon did not seem like such a mistake. But who knows where things will go from here. At any rate, thank you Wendy and readers for smacking some common sense into me!
Don’t beat yourself up too much. Also: let this guy work for you a little bit. He’ll value you more for it.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.