Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “The Unwelcome Guest”

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “The Unwelcome Guest” whose boyfriend made her sleep on a yoga mat on the floor next to the bed he slept on when they visited his sister. “Both Bob and I have chronic health issues, and I asked if we could stay at a hotel for the four nights, even offering to pay. Bob refused out of concern for Nina’s feelings, so I spent three nights on the floor, with resulting pain and stiffness. By the fourth night, I had had enough and reserved a room at a nearby hotel. Bob refused to join me, and he was furious that I hurt Nina’s feelings and made him feel uncomfortable in front of his family.” Keep reading for an update:

I wrote in January of last year. My boyfriend and I had spent the holidays at his sister’s, where I slept on the floor. I confronted my boyfriend, and I said I was not going to stay in a relationship where my needs and feelings always came after his sister’s (or anyone’s), and he surprised me by agreeing to make our relationship his priority. Over time, we’ve grown closer, and we have lived together for almost nine months now. While it’s a process, I would say the relationship is moving in the right direction, and my partner now puts me and our relationship first.

My boyfriend’s sister still tends to be domineering, and my boyfriend sometimes “goes along to get along,” but I make my boundaries clear and stick to them. Things that aren’t so important I am learning to let go of.

You’re doing such a great service, Wendy! Thanks again.

 
Thanks so much — glad to hear you’re doing well!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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4 comments… add one
  • avatar

    dinoceros March 16, 2017, 1:48 pm

    I’m happy that it’s going well, and even happier that you chose to be clear about your expectations of how you’d be treated. But I guess it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around how someone could be a good enough person to listen and make changes and not have the sense to not be a jerk to begin with…

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    Janelle March 16, 2017, 2:34 pm

    I have to say, I am happy she is happy but I still think this man is a monster to put his GF on the floor. No reasonable person thinks this is ok. I see a lot of continued abuse down the line. Also if his sister is offended that someone can’t sleep on the floor she clearly has some serious issues.

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      dinoceros March 16, 2017, 5:53 pm

      Yeah, I feel like there is a basic level of decency required in not making your partner sleep on the floor that shouldn’t have to be requested by the other person.

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    Gwyneth6 March 16, 2017, 4:50 pm

    I’m wondering if they’ve visited again and if so, what the sleeping arrangements were.

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