It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Third Wheel” who was jealous of a budding friendship between to pals she introduced.
I reached my boiling point in January when they both announced together that one of them was going to have a baby. It proved that she had told the other girl long before me and it felt like it was *their* news instead of just hers. I caught myself letting this spiteful feeling get in the way of being happy for her and decided that it was totally unacceptable. I saw two options: Keep letting this eat away at me and potentially ruin my friendships, or really put an effort into letting it go and focus my energy towards more positive things (like planning a baby shower!). I worked at comparing how my needs are met with how their needs are met, as one commenter put it, and got some great perspective.
Nothing has changed between the two of them. In fact, it’s probably worse with all the baby hoopla going on and since the two couples went on a trip that my guy and I couldn’t afford. However, I feel much better since I resolved to drop it. I am no longer stewing about it and can actually enjoy when we get together. I am no longer dwelling on the fact that I was invited second, but just having fun hanging out with them. Of course I still get that twinge of jealousy sometimes, but it’s definitely getting easier to ignore.
Something else that I keeps me laughing when I get upset is one of the comments, “cutesy-poo junior high school gushing by adult women gives me the willies. Are you sure you value the friendship of women who behave like this?” I know it’s not the most mature coping mechanism, but whatever works, right? Is there a feminine version of the word bromance?
Thanks for the update! I’m glad you’re feeling better about things and that the reader comments helped put everything into perspective for you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.