It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Tired of the Betrayal” whose ex-boyfriend had recently started hooking up with her again despite being involved with a new girlfriend. She wondered why he would keep sleeping with her if he didn’t want to get back together. Keep reading to see whether she figured out the answer to that riddle.
Last Sunday, I went over to his house and I stayed until Thursday morning. We had an amazing time together watching movies, and I cooked dinner every night. He saw his girlfriend Friday during the day and told me they did nothing. That night he asked me to come over and I said I didn’t want to see him right after that. He invited me to go to a restaurant/bar that he was meeting his best friend at. I gave in and told him that I would meet him up there.
The entire night his best friend, who has always liked me as a friend, was talking to me about him, telling me how much he loves me, he wants to be with me, that he was only with the other girl to deal with not having me and that he didn’t want that girl, and he was telling me all these things to do to get him back. My ex overheard us and said that I have his heart, I’m the only one for him, and that we are meant to be together. We snuck off to a spot that nobody was at and he told me that he’s not confused about what he wants anymore — that what we had is worth trying again, that he was so sorry for putting me through all this, and that he never stopped thinking about me even when he was with the other girl.
So I ended up back at his house after that, and I’ve been here since then. He told me the next day that he didn’t know how to end it with that girl and he wanted to be an ass so she would dump him. I told him I didn’t like that idea and to just be straight-forward. Then yesterday he finally told me he ended it with the her, and he showed me all the texts between them confirming it.
I was very happy that he finally showed me that he really does love me and is serious. And even though I’m so happy to have us back, I’m now scared to death. I just don’t understand why. I have him now. I have what I fought so hard for. But now I’m afraid that I might become that girl — putting my trust into him to only get played at the end. In my heart I don’t believe he would do such a thing to me, but I know, too, that you can’t put anything past a man.
Yeah, I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t feel completely comfortable and confident in a guy who cheated on you with someone else, then cheated on her with you, thought it would be best to be an asshole to her so she would dump him, and then ended things with her over a text message. Watch your back — that’s all I’ve got for you. Oh, and go home already. Just because you’re back together with this guy doesn’t mean you have to move in with him. Get a little distance. It’s healthy.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.