Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Tired of the Sexts” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Tired of the Sexts” who wanted tips for breaking her habit of sexting guys too quickly. Keep reading to see whether she took our advice.

I want to say thank you for your advice and to the readers/commenters as well. I appreciated the help everyone offered though. initially, I was nervous reading the responses. I know the group can be blunt–and sometimes snarky. And I also know that the original LWs can get pretty defensive. At times, I wanted to be like, “You don’t know me, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” But the truth is, the readers do know me, at least the parts about me I chose to share and maybe even the subconscious things. What we include in our letters and the tone they take often reveal more than what we think they will.

The best thing about this experience was the reflecting it let me to do. I realize that I am at fault for sexting too soon, and I’ve been avoiding that lately. It helps that I’m not really talking to any new guys and I’ve stopped talking to some entirely. Some people questioned whether I really wanted a relationship, and I have to say it made me think about it, and, while I do want a relationship, I’m also OK with keeping things casual until I meet someone right. No need to live like a nun waiting around for Mr. Right! I’ll probably update again when I find myself in a relationship – and I’ll let you all know whether or not I sexted him too soon!

Thanks again!

P.S. I typically include 2 spaces in between sentences; that’s how my mom taught me to type (on an old word processor/electric typewriter), but after reading the forum post Addie Pray started about 1 space vs. 2, I have been getting rid of that extra space. After I wrote my email to you, I had to go through and delete all the extra spaces! Thanks AP for making me anal about it!

 
Thank you for your update and thanks for only using one space after your punctuation!

***************

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

43 comments… add one
  • Astronomer

    Astronomer June 11, 2013, 1:14 pm

    I like this update a lot. It’s positive but still leaves room for real life. I hate it when LWs are all like, “And then I found a boyfriend, and it solved all my problems!” This one is just, “Hey, I learned some stuff and I’m still working my way through it.” That seems more honest and how life actually works to me. Kudos, LW.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest June 11, 2013, 1:15 pm

    Love the first paragraph…and the one space!

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  • avatar

    Guy Friday June 11, 2013, 1:27 pm

    I like the update, but just on the “one space versus two”: the reason why lawyers do that often is because many courts require it. The Court of Appeals and Supreme Court in Wisconsin (and I believe also the 7th Circuit and Eastern and Western Districts of Wisconsin federal court, though I generally don’t practice there) all demand 2 spaces, among other requirements. If you don’t, your brief will get denied, and you could screw your client over.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest June 11, 2013, 1:33 pm

      Hmm, I’m going to check my circuit’s rules now. Don’t yours depend on the judges usually though?

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 1:38 pm

      i call bullshit re: the 7th circuit!!

      otherwise, whoops

      GF, can you find me authority for the 7th and the ND of IL? thanks…

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 1:39 pm

        ^ my new MO is just to create new paragraphs so i don’t have to think about 1 v. 2 spaces.

        because my fingers still automatically insert two spaces, but i don’t want to be that old fart that kids today mock.

        see?

        no need to worry about spaces anymore.

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      • avatar

        mertlej June 11, 2013, 3:51 pm

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      • avatar

        Guy Friday June 11, 2013, 4:42 pm

        5.2 doesn’t deal with spacing. 7th Circuit rules comply with the Federal Rules of Appellate Procedure 32(a), and FRAP doesn’t really deal with spacing beyond line spacing (double) and block quote spacing (single).

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    • avatar

      Christy June 11, 2013, 2:20 pm

      Thank you GF! AP wouldn’t believe me when I said it was the legal standard!

      😛 at AP.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 2:41 pm

        I still don’t believe you or GF. Show me the authority!!

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      • avatar

        Guy Friday June 11, 2013, 4:45 pm

        Hey, look, I just spent 3 hours fighting with my billing software to draft an invoice before the maker told me their update today broke it, it’s a known issue, and it’ll be fixed sometime in the next 3 months (and you can imagine being a solo practitioner, effectively, and not being able to bill for 3 months). So, yeah, that authority is going to have to wait, AP.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 6:36 pm

        oh playing the “i’m a solo practionaire and the billing software broke” card, eh? … ok, ok, i will have a summer associate do the research tomorrow….

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      • avatar

        Guy Friday June 11, 2013, 6:54 pm

        Thank you. You actually work at a FOR PROFIT firm 😛

        But seriously, sorry for being grumpy before. The software apparently upgraded itself today, and you can now no longer submit time entries to an invoice in chronological order. So, for example, my invoice today read:
        2/22/13
        6/10/13
        4/15/13
        3/12/13
        2/25/13
        … You get the picture.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 7:20 pm

        no need to apologize for being grumpy! hello, that was me in february *and* march. so you can have one day every now and then.

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  • avatar

    TheTruth June 11, 2013, 1:34 pm

    I have nothing snarky to say to this, which really disappoints me. In all seriousness, as a guy, I suggest that she work on adding humor and double meaning flirting to her text messages. Nothing is sexier than a funny woman. For example:

    Guy: I can’t wait to get you naked tonight

    Girl: Awww, so sweet that you want to do my laundry.

    —————————————-

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    • avatar

      zombeyonce June 12, 2013, 11:45 am

      Now I want to sext TheTruth just to see what hilarious message he writes back.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 1:37 pm

    Best update ever for obvious reasons!!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 1:44 pm

      Also that old letter made me laugh – we were on fire that day!

      “please see attached a picture of my left boob” (<—- that's how lawyers sext I bet!)

      hee hee

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      • katie

        katie June 11, 2013, 1:47 pm

        the “attached picture of my peen” one made me laugh so hard, and again today when i looked at it again! haha

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      • avatar

        Married by Elvis June 11, 2013, 10:56 pm

        They’d say “Attached please find a picture of my boob. Herewith.”

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  • avatar

    sisisodapop June 11, 2013, 1:47 pm

    I <3 AP. That is all.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 2:01 pm

      I love sisi!

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle June 11, 2013, 2:10 pm

    I love this update! And this: “but the truth is, the readers do know me, at least the parts about me I chose to share and maybe even the subconscious things. What we include in our letters and the tone they take often reveal more than what we think they will.” <—is very wise.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest June 11, 2013, 4:01 pm

    Great study! Here’s as good a place as any to post, right?

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    • avatar

      rachel June 11, 2013, 4:07 pm

      Sounds about right to me!

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle June 11, 2013, 4:08 pm

      Ah, that explains it..;)

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    • katie

      katie June 11, 2013, 4:54 pm

      if you can post that, then i can say that i just bought a bunch of stuff for work from amazon and used wendy’s link! at least i think i did. i used it to search, then never left that window as i shopped for more stuff and then i checked out. but anyway, my company just helped wendy! thats cool. lol

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  • avatar

    Boosker June 11, 2013, 5:10 pm

    Love it, I give you two thumbs up for deciding that being single and wanting a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be a nun. I think flirty texting is way fun. Keep it up. Just maybe no pics.

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  • avatar

    tbrucemom June 11, 2013, 6:42 pm

    LW – your mother taught you correctly. I have been an administrative assistant for 35 years and it is correct to put two spaces after punctuation, before the next sentence. Now maybe they don’t teach it that way any more but it is fine to do.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy June 11, 2013, 7:56 pm

      NOOOOOO, it’s not fine!! It’s wrong and it drives me bonkers.

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      • Cassie

        Cassie B June 11, 2013, 11:22 pm

        It’s may be wrong, but if feels so right!

        I definitely picked up the habit while typing papers for college. Double spaces add up, as does choosing the lengthiest synonyms.

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      • Cassie

        Cassie B June 11, 2013, 11:22 pm

        *It

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest June 12, 2013, 9:09 am

        I was thinking how funny it is, the comments you chime in on…
        1. Someone calls someone else a nasty name;
        2. Someone makes a rude commenting about mothering/nursing; and
        3. Someone claims you can use 2 spaces after punctuation.

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      • avatar

        DatDamwuf June 26, 2013, 6:58 pm

        Two spaces after the period came about because typewriters did not properly space fonts. Computer fonts DO properly space characters so adding an extra space after a period causes too much blank space, pauses you too long. Like so

        I hate two spaces after a period. Stop it!
        I hate two spaces after a period. Stop it!

        Thank you

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    • Lindsay

      Lindsay June 11, 2013, 9:48 pm

      Eek, no! I’m an editor, and it’s been a huge no-no to use two spaces at every publication I’ve worked at.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray June 11, 2013, 10:55 pm

      i think it used to be right. like writing on a type writer used to be right…. but if you were in admin at a law firm, don’t fret: everyone likes 2 spaces around law firms.

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      • avatar

        eelizg23 June 12, 2013, 1:42 pm

        I’m in law school right now and was actually instructed to use two spaces between sentences in legal writing, which was great for me because that’s already how I do things.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 14, 2013, 6:29 am

        this is late and you’re probably not gonna see this but… do you use blue book in your legal writing class?

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl June 12, 2013, 8:38 am

      My 80 year old boss uses 2 spaces; it drives me bonkers. I think it is a generational thing and that now it’s commonly accepted to just have one space. Do we not have an DW teachers who could weigh in on what is to be taught these days?

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark June 12, 2013, 12:02 pm

        It’s confusing…. I just confirmed that in screenplays the “standard” is still TWO spaces after each sentence. Actually, I prefer this as I really do think it “reads” better that way…

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark June 12, 2013, 4:46 am

    I missed this original letter. Sounds like a level headed LW. How rare… 😉

    PS: So, when do Addie Pray and I get our own Talk Show?

    EDIT: The one space versus two space has been the BANE of my existence as I have had numerous copywriting gigs where that seemed to vary week to week. Project to project. And then in scripts the official format is still TWO… although that could change any day…

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray June 12, 2013, 12:10 pm

      bgm, i’m ready right now, let’s do it. i’ll be the voice of compassion and rational thought. And you can be bitter, hahaha. You ok with me not wearing pants at the table?

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  • avatar

    Nicoll June 12, 2013, 11:10 am

    The spacing thing refers to the difference between mechanical and optical spacing. Back in the days of typewriters, all spacing between letters was a set distance. Nowadays, font design means that the spacing between characters is calculated optically to be the same area in between and it’s automatic. You can do a neat little test to see this for yourself: type NIOC and see the variation between these letter combinations. Spaces after full stops are greater and therefore only require one space. Using two spaces in a body of text means the possibility of creating ‘rivers’ of white space which are distracting and poor design.

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