It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Tired of UTIs” whose boyfriend was “always always huffy and argumentative” about wearing condoms even though they helped the LW avoid painful UTIs.
First, just to clarify, it seems a lot of readers assumed that condom use was my only strategy to prevent UTI’s, which is not true. I didn’t get into gory details in the original letter because I didn’t think they were necessary but I take every precaution I can (showering before and after sex, peeing before and after sex, taking cranberry pills, etc.) and condom use is simply one of them. I never intended our condom use to be permanent either, as some readers understood, but we’ve been using condoms almost every time for the past several months and I haven’t had a UTI, so for now, our combined precautions are working and I want to keep it that way. I was pretty shocked at how many people told me to MOA over this issue, but I guess it makes some sense coming from readers reacting to an isolated incident and not knowing all of the wonderful things about my boyfriend.
Anyway, to the heart of the matter, a week or so after our fight my boyfriend and I sat down to talk about this in a more neutral environment and it was pretty much a non-issue. He said he doesn’t mind using condoms and he of course wants to spare me any pain he can. I told him I understand his dislike for condoms, and I don’t like using them either, and we’re going to keep up our regime for now. I think his anger over the issue may have been frustration over a combination of things, as we cope with a lot of recurring sexual issues because of trauma in my past.
It was really helpful to hear so many outside opinions, so thank you! I was furious at the time and it was a relief to hear many readers echoing my feelings. After having some time to arrange my thoughts, we have talked through this issue and are still going strong. 🙂
Great! Good luck to you both.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.