It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Too Good for Him” who worried about the repercussions of breaking up with her best friend’s brother, whom she’d been long distance dating for eight months and who she decided lacked the ambition she desires in a partner. Keep reading to see where things stand now.
Many of you hit the nail on the head with what I didn’t articulate – it’s not so much his lack of money and blue collar job that he’s making that bothers me, but his lack of ambition and no desire to “make it” without relying completely on his parents. In my career, I do intend to continue working, so I certainly don’t want a man who serves as the only provider, but I DO want someone who can contribute to our household income. I’m not willing to replace his parents and become his sole source of income!
After doing some thinking, I decided to break up with him. I think the physical distance caused the relationship to naturally be somewhat dead-ended, but it also served as a “good excuse” to end it, as I agree with so many of you that it would be just be plain hurtful to tell him the other part of the reason. As for my friendship with his sister, she certainly wants to know all the details, but I’m trying to be respectful towards Adam. I’m hoping that in due time our friendship will be back to normal. I would like to think that even if Adam had been married and it had ended, the longevity of my relationship with his sister would still allow us to remain somewhat friendly, let alone after eight months of failed long-distance dating. Thanks again, Wendy, and everyone who commented!
Thanks for the update, and best of luck to you in the future. For what it’s worth, it’s much better that you ended the relationship now than months — or even years — down the line after you both were much more invested. In the long run, eight months is just a drop in the bucket — especially when it was mostly long distance — and I’m sure everyone will be able to move on with minimal awkwardness or hurt feelings.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.