It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Totally Over It Bridesmaid” who was wondering whether there was a way she could get out of being a bridesmaid for her frenemy who was no longer speaking to her after a series of tiffs and misunderstandings. She pdated us back in May saying she bowed out of the wedding party and had told the bride she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore but wished her well. It was a long update, and I responded saying I couldn’t wait to drink tequila again. Now that I can, the LW has a new update:
First of all, I really wanted to say thank you for giving me the “nudge” I needed to end that friendship. I endured some “heat” from other mutual friends who understood my reasons but did not support that I had just sent her an email resigning from her wedding. (I guess they thought that meeting in person would have been better? I still don’t agree with them on that one).
I stuck to my guns, ended the friendship, and remained friends with those who wanted to remain friends with me. I also never brought her up to mutual friends because I didn’t want to put them in the middle of anything.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago when the bride-to-be had her second bachelorette party, this one in Vegas, where only one bridesmaid attended and where three other friends went as well. The bride got super drunk and was kicked out of a bar with some guy because the bartender saw “penis.” And that was just the first night. According to two separate accounts from girls who were there, she was escorted back to her hotel room on the second night by cops (after she screamed at the other girls when they wanted to crash at 3 AM and then went back out by herself) and flat out cheated on her fiancé the third night, none of which she can “remember.”
The one bridesmaid that was there resigned from the wedding when she got back into town, citing obvious moral issues with watching her get married after seeing how out of control she was, and the others don’t plan on being friends with her after she’s married. Also, it came out that all the bride-to-be does is spread lies about every single person in her friend group to other friends, and, when they all got together to swap notes, let’s just say no one was happy with her. I’ve completely stayed out of it, and I have only offered to listen and support people, should they reach out to me. They have all said that I was lucky to get out when I did.
The bride has said she would never do any of the things she was confronted with doing, has no idea what she did or said, and does not know why everyone is mad at her. She claims her doctor told her she could stop taking a medication so she could drink, which caused her to have a meltdown, but, frankly, no one believes her, and it’s apparent she thinks everyone else is to blame except her.
She’s also on FMLA, and seeing “several therapists” daily. I truly believe that she does need help and is not very mentally stable. It’s gotten back to me that, because of my “cutting ties” with her (in March) and because of her consequent feeling that all of her friends will leave her, I was the trigger that caused a mental “breakdown.” So I am now the cause for all of this mental “illness,” which keeps spiraling out of control. I do feel very sorry for her, and I hope she gets the help that she needs.
It’s a hell of an update, I know. My life has been drama-free though, and I am very glad that I haven’t been drawn into any of the drama I’ve just accounted and have instead just heard about it from other sources.
Thanks again, Wendy!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.