Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Trying to Respect Boundaries” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Trying to Respect Boundaries,” the young woman who wondered if it would be appropriate to visit her old friend in the rehab clinic where she was recuperating from a terrible car accident. They’d been best friends years before but had a small falling out, after which their friendship was never the same and they’d only been in touch through sporadic FB messages and an occasional text or phone call. She wrote: “I think stopping by to visit with her could be nice, but I don’t want to overstep my place. She is going through a very traumatic and life-changing thing right now, and mostly I want to be respectful but let her know that I care about her and am here should she need me.” Her update below:

First of all, I wanted to thank you for your advice and everyone who commented. Evie regained control of her Facebook page, and soon was posting photos with lots of folks from our high school. One night I decided to just message her, and I said basically that I was so sorry to hear about her accident, that I was thinking of her, that I hoped she was getting stronger, and etc. She immediately messaged back and asked for my phone number, after which we caught up over the phone, during which time one of the first things she asked me was when I was going to come visit her. So, two weeks later when I was heading through home for a different reason, I stopped by.

I was very nervous, I had not seen her since college, and it was very hard for me to be at the same rehab center where I had spent time. I hope I hid my anxieties well. It was nice to see her, and she seemed positive and mostly excited to go home to recover more before she started outpatient therapy.

I can confirm that she had a clean toxic screen, and so no alcohol or drugs were in her system at the time of the accident. Her friend jerked the wheel and was the cause of the accident, and the story is very drama-filled (obviously!).

It was not a long visit, mostly because the on-/off-again boyfriend (who was part of our rift and whom her dad has a restraining order against) was there, and he was odd and creepy and talking about inappropriate things. Bottom line: I was not comfortable around him, and I really wish that I could have hung out with just her. I think going forward that I would like to message her from time to time, but since we live in two different states, I think our friendship will remain about the same.

Aside from my being nervous and anxious, it was a good visit and I am glad I went. Thanks again for your advice; it was the push I needed to reach out.

 
Thanks for the update! Hope your friend continues to heal and also that she ditches the creepy boyfriend eventually.

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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