It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Waiting for the L-Word” whose boyfriend once told her he cared for her but didn’t think he was capable of love. Still, she kept hoping he’d eventually drop the L-Bomb and wondered if she should ask him directly to say it. After the jump, find out whether she’s finally heard those three little words.
My boy and I have always had a challenging relationship. The first year was fun, but he was very emotionally distant and we broke up because of it. A few months later, he came to me saying that he needed me in his life, and he made a huge effort to be emotionally available and to show how much he cared for me. This is why I hoped that his attitude toward loving me had changed as well.
I decided that I didn’t want to go through the challenge of long distance, etc., for someone who can’t love me, so I finally steeled myself and asked him straight out: “Do you still feel the way you did when you said you didn’t love me and never will?” He responded that he did not still feel this way and it was cruel of him to have said that in the first place. He had only said it to “burn the bridge” between us (didn’t work, obviously).
Because he is so different from the way he was in the first year of our relationship, I only think of us having been together a year without him saying “I love you,” since I know he wasn’t capable of it before. I know that everyone reaches that point in their own time, so WHEN he says it doesn’t worry me too much. In the meantime, we have discussed a future; our life paths are complicated but we know we want our futures to be with each other!
Some readers voiced concern about my statement that he “will stay until you tell me to go” and that I’m the best he can do. He meant the first statement, basically, as “I will always stay with you,” because doesn’t want to lose me again, not because he’s resigned to it. As for the latter, it was meant quite literally — that he really thinks I am The Best: the best girl, the best for him, and the only one he wants.
Thanks for all your advice and input. I hope my story — and all of yours — has a happy ending.
Thanks for the update. I’m glad you’re happy with where things are and wish you all the best.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.