Updates: “Wanting To Do The Right Thing” Responds
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Wanting To Do The Right Thing” a young woman in her mid-twenties whose conservative, Latino immigrant parents still gave her a curfew when she came home to visit from grad school and forbade her from sleeping over at her boyfriend’s house. After the jump, find out if her parents ever lightened up and whether she’s still with her boyfriend.
My relationship with my parents improved greatly after I moved back to my own place after the summer. Instead of lying, I just didn’t share as much information. When I wasn’t under their roof anymore, they seemed to come to terms with the fact that I’m an adult and can do what I please. My boyfriend and I just got engaged and will be getting married next year. We waited until we were ready though, and didn’t get engaged earlier when both our parents said to. I’m back home for a month working and wedding-planning and my parents couldn’t be happier — they’re even helping to pay for the wedding and don’t question when I spend the night at my fiancé’s (we are still waiting on sex for marriage though). It still upsets me a little that my getting engaged had a lot to do with their attitude change, but instead of trying to change their old-fashioned mindset, I’m just working on enjoying the outcome. At times they still attempt to be controlling, but now they understand that my boyfriend and I don’t need them, but want them in our lives only if they continue to tone down the drama. Sadly, I also had to come to terms with the fact that my relationship with my parents will never be the same as it was when I was a kid. We’re still close, but I see them differently now and I know when to keep my distance. We never came to an understanding through discussion, but they seem to have changed.
I think the bigger problem was really power issues within their own marriage that they were taking out on me. I think they’ve spent this last year trying to fix their own relationship and seem to be doing better. They both saw me as their friend and had been telling me way to much information about each other and their problems, which was also damaging our relationship and the way I saw my family. I didn’t tell them anything about it, but now I change the subject and try to stay out of their relationship. Lots of problems can be solved by just butting out.
Thanks for the update and congrats on your engagement!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.