Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

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This weekend is Mother’s Day and, as usual, I am looking forward to an egg sandwich in bed, maybe an afternoon nap, and not cooking for anyone. I told Drew he doesn’t have to plan a thing β€” as long as I get my egg sandwich, a nap, and a day free of cooking and cleaning up, I’ll be a happy camper. This year Jackson’s old enough to have some awareness of what Mother’s Day means. At least, I thought he was.

“It’s a day to say ‘thank you’ to Moms,” he said, “for the stuff they do.”

“Like what?” I asked.

Blank look.

“What kind of stuff do moms do?” I asked again.

“Oh. … I don’t know!” he said, shrugging.

I guess I should be glad he didn’t reply, “Drink wine and yell a lot.”

The other day Jackson decided that all of our house plants are also moms, so he named them (after his friends, naturally) and made them all Mother’s Day cards that he placed on the soil in their pots.

“They’re very special to me,” he said dramatically as I watched him do this.

I’m not jealous though. Despite my fierce new competition (we have six plants), I’m still in Jackson’s top three of favorite moms.

“I like you, Sidney’s mom, and Riley’s mom all the best!” he says. Listen, those other two moms are pretty awesome, so I’m in good company.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of my son’s favorite moms, to all of my favorite moms, including my own wonderful, fabulous, loving Mom, to my mom friends who make this crazy adventure we’re on a hell of a lot less lonely and scary, and to all of you who are moms, too. Having kids is such a leap of faith β€” you have no idea what motherhood is really like until you’re in it, and to have other women in it with you who lift you up and have your back and let you vent without rolling their eyes and judging you (and you know who you are who do that) is a goddamn gift, and I will be forever grateful for the friendship and support of other moms, just as I’m forever grateful for the reason I get to be on this adventure in the first place. Jackson and Joanie, you two are my heart.

55 comments… add one
  • kare

    kare May 6, 2016, 4:14 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the DW moms and soon-to-be moms!

    Tomorrow I’m doing lunch with my grandmother and buying our plane tickets for Hawaii. Sunday I’m doing lunch with my parents then going to see Wicked. I can’t wait!

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      Rangerchic May 6, 2016, 4:21 pm

      Tickets for Hawaii…I’m so jealous! Are you going for vacation? I want to go but it is so expensive. One of these days the husband and I will make it out there. Have a good time when you go!

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    Rangerchic May 6, 2016, 4:17 pm

    Happy Mothers day to all the moms! My oldest daughter (20) is cooking me a german breakfast and my youngest (16) is cooking up a scheme of some kind with her father (my husband) so I’m not sure what to expect. I only asked for a dairy queen ice cream cake that has fudge in it somewhere…and to do absolutely nothing if I want. I love DQ ice cream cakes!
    .
    So glad it is Friday! Have a great weekend all πŸ™‚

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  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny May 6, 2016, 4:27 pm

    Oh my gosh, that’s such a cute story! Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and almost moms! On Sunday, my parents and I are going to my sister’s to visit with her, my BIL, and my nephew who is almost 4. It’s a 2-hour drive, so I’m not looking forward to that. I also got my mom some spatulas that say “best mom” on them. So useful and fun, ha. πŸ˜›

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    snoopy128 May 6, 2016, 4:59 pm

    I feel bad that this is the first year my mom hasn’t had any children at home to do something with for mother’s day, especially since we aren’t a gift giving family for these sort of things. My dad gets her flowers every year…so I’ve been scrambling all week to think of something little and nice. Finally found this today: (https://www.giftagreen.com/). She doesn’t have a green thumb, but she makes wicked salads. I chose the “I love you” one (duh) that grows radish shoots which are perfect for salads.

    On the topic of ordering online….I ordered this romper (but not from nordstrom) http://siteclosed.nordstrom.com/n500.htm?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=BLACK) ….and I just realized they use my least favourite shipping company. The last time something was shipped with this company, it was sent to the wrong province and ended up on some random lady’s doorstep even though it said the package was still sitting in their warehouse!!! I can see that my order has been sitting in the warehouse for 2 days (in Canada) and that makes me antsy. SEND ME MY THINGS.

    Anyways, weekend plans- running a race, taking care of a friend who just had surgery, watching another friend play a small gig, hopefully teaching the dog to swim without her running away (again), and a big bike ride in the sun!

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  • Stonegypsy

    Stonegypsy May 6, 2016, 5:24 pm

    I have mostly been a terrible daughter on Mothers Day. I always call, and when I can afford it (not often) I’ve had flowers delivered, but that’s pretty much it.
    Same with Fathers Day but I don’t feel that bad about that because he was a pretty crappy dad. My mom was and is awesome though, and really deserves better. So this year I invited her and my grandmother over and I’m cooking them brunch. I came up with a fantastic savoury stuffed french toast recipe a couple months ago that I think they will really like. If I can afford to buy them each a small bouquet I will, but I don’t have much to last me until my next paycheck so maybe not.
    Happy Mothers Day to all of the DW moms and nearly-moms. You are far stronger than I.

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      Anonymousse May 6, 2016, 6:28 pm

      You are not a terrible daughter!
      At least, not at all from what you’ve written here.

      I can’t wait to get the preschool crafts! And French toast of any sort is very much appreciated.
      Happy female parent day! Ha ha.

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  • avatar

    Kate May 7, 2016, 7:50 am

    I’m in that annual two week period in which I don’t talk to my mom and ignore her texts. She had no one to vent to, and took it out on my face. Happy Mothers’ Day! And happy fucking birthday to me.

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      Kate May 7, 2016, 7:57 am

      Sorry. She’s fine most of the time, but the first half of May is a dark time for me. In other news, my MIL, at 75, stopped talking to her son. But she was very concerned about the death of the singer Prince, we hear.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne May 8, 2016, 12:45 pm

        She’s taken to wearing purple in his honor.

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        Kate May 8, 2016, 1:44 pm

        Update: She called today after no contact since Cheistmas, and they had a pleasant 3-minute convo.

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      Anonymousse May 7, 2016, 8:24 am

      I’m not talking to my mom right now, either.
      She seems to prefer it this way.

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        Kate May 7, 2016, 8:53 am

        Nice.

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        keyblade May 7, 2016, 10:04 am

        Sorry Anonymousse, but it least it kind of simplifies Mother’s Day, right? You can just be with your kids :).

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        Anonymousse May 7, 2016, 11:39 am

        Ehh, I would be regardless. I’m okay with it. I wish things were different, but they aren’t. She’s currently posting thirsty “I love my kids unconditionally and I’m so happy to be your mother,” crap on Facebook. I know I probably sound cold, but this is how she does it. She’s the sacrificial perfect loving mom in public, and horrible in private. The great thing about having two really dysfunctional parents is the desire to never parent like them.
        I sent her a card. Terrible daughter guilt, bring it.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne May 8, 2016, 12:31 pm

        That’s one of the many reasons I blocked my mother on FB completely. I can’t see anything she posts anywhere. You should junk about doing the same.

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        Anonymousse May 8, 2016, 12:39 pm

        We haven’t talked in months and we tried to talk and make up yesterday. Ugh, I’m such a sucker.
        It did not go well.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne May 8, 2016, 12:52 pm

        I’m sorry. I played that game for years. I finally am done. I thought maybe the baby would get her to finally stop drinking and get mental help but it didn’t. It just made her feel entitled to access to her grandchild – who isn’t even born yet. So I cut that shit off before he’s here to keep the boundaries up. I will say that not having the support of my mother during pregnancy has been harder on me than I thought it would be, but I’m trying to just deal with the emotions as they come and lean on the other awesome support people in my life.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne May 8, 2016, 12:30 pm

        Same. But she doesn’t prefer it. I do, for the sake of my own mental health. But happy Mother’s Day to you!

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        Anonymousse May 8, 2016, 12:40 pm

        Thanks, Lianne. Happy Mother’s Day to you!

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      • Lianne

        Lianne May 8, 2016, 12:53 pm

        Thanks!

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      keyblade May 7, 2016, 10:02 am

      When was your birthday?

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy May 7, 2016, 10:32 am

      When’s your birthday?

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      • avatar

        Kate May 7, 2016, 10:51 am

        Who, me? It’s this Thursday. But it often coincides with Mothers’ Day and over the years we built up a lot of ugly family history, to the point where I’ve asked them not to acknowledge it.

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        keyblade May 7, 2016, 11:52 am

        This is a little off topic but I feel like Mother’s Day has gotten similar to Valentine’s Day and engagement commercials. It feels almost like you are obligated to make some kind of deal of it. That’s why I think flowers work just fine. I don’t even want a some fussy arrangement. Just because something costs more doesn’t make it mean anymore for me. I’d be very happy with a bouquet of wildflowers. I love an excuse for affection but I hope neither of my boys drives themselves crazy over it. I’d rather them enjoy me than worry about my reaction to some compulsory holiday.

        My own mom is incredibly difficult to read. I’ve gotten negative reactions for getting bouquets that were “fussy” and “over-the-top”. I’ve gotten negative reactions on various holidays in the past for gifts. I think she noticed I felt like I couldn’t please her and now she sometimes gives me kind of hammed-up reactions. I smile but I think its uncomfortable for both of us. I’ve finally learned to keep it simple and not over-think it. I don’t worry about her being disappointed because there isn’t much I can do about it anyways. It seems to work as well as anything else and frees me up to genuinely enjoy our family when we get together.

        @Kate- I’m sorry your mom is being such a pain in your ass, but i hope you have a good birthday! Does your husband do anything dorky, like get you Mothers Day gifts from your dog? Do you have any plans to treat yourself to something special on Thursday?

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        Anonymousse May 7, 2016, 12:08 pm

        I agree with the over commercialization aspect.

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        Kate May 7, 2016, 12:36 pm

        Yeah, my husband does a good job. On the Saturday we’re going to this speakeasy that looks like a hair salon and staying in a nice hotel. My kind of night!

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        Kate May 7, 2016, 12:53 pm

        And I agree with you on the “American Consumer Opportunity” aspect and relate to your mom being hard to please. Ugh.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 7, 2016, 1:45 pm

        Oh, that’s too bad. If either of my kids’ birthdays ever coincided with Mother’s Day, their birthdays would trump all!

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy May 7, 2016, 1:51 pm

        I also think that while Mother’s Day should be about celebrating all moms, unless a woman is actively parenting kids (as in, they’re 18 and under and living at home), a card and a phone call or some flowers or a meal if you live close should suffice. If a woman is actively parenting children still at home (especially young children that require a lot of physical work), she should get a day (or at least a few hours) “off” if that’s her preference and if there’s a partner or someone else to help make that happen. I honestly don’t care about gifts, though I’m lucky to have a husband who likes giving gifts; I appreciate down time more than anything.

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        Kate May 7, 2016, 3:15 pm

        I guess you could say my mom is actively parenting a 43-year-old child. He was either switched at birth, or suffered some brain damage from drowning in a pool as a toddler, depending on who you talk to. Last month I overheard a bizarre conversation in which he was telling her his plans to get a job “where they pay me to travel the world.” And she was trying to reason with him by asking him questions, like you’d do with a child. Afterward I was like, WTF was that about, and she’s like, “those five minutes… That’s my life.”
        .
        He also told my dad that he wants to sell his house and car and live on a cruise ship. The second time he said it (at the dinner table on the cruise we got tricked into) my dad goes, “I own your condo and the bank owns your car, so good luck with that.”
        .
        They can all F off for the first half of May.

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        RedRoverRedRover May 7, 2016, 8:40 pm

        Totally agree with you Wendy! My MIL always insists on having brunch with her kids, which is annoying as hell to me, because I want to sleep in. My husband doesn’t mind skipping it, but his siblings go and then his mom bugs him about it, and I don’t want to put him through that. I’m skipping this year though, since my due date is on Wed and I really feel like crap and I think that’s a good enough excuse. But basically I’m not going to get my “own” Mother’s Day till his mom’s gone. And my kids will most likely be grown-up by then. It’s very frustrating.

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        Gwyneth6 May 8, 2016, 12:12 pm

        That’s not fair ! Plan a weekend away if you have to next year (and all the years maybe..) shw knows you’re a mom too, right?

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        RedRoverRedRover May 8, 2016, 7:32 pm

        Oh, she knows I’m a mom (as are her daughter and her other DIL), but she says she’s the “matriarch”. Like, you’re not *my* matriarch. I have my own mom. And she says it’s for all of us (the four moms), but since she’s the one who chooses when and where we go, and she’s the one who gets treated (by us), it sure doesn’t seem like it.

        We’ll probably in the future skip it a few more times, but you know, it does cause some fuss. She doesn’t like it. That’s not a reason to go every time, but we end up going a lot just to keep the peace. Not really worth the complaining afterwards.

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        Gwyneth6 May 8, 2016, 11:35 pm

        Well at least her own daughters are in the boat with you and she acknowledges your maternal status! I was somehow thinking she ignored the fact that you had a child for that day (even it being her grandchild). I have probably read too much reddit justnomil

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      • Lianne

        Lianne May 8, 2016, 12:34 pm

        I agree, too. I send my stepmom flowers. But my MIL wants a big deal made. So my husband went to visit her yesterday and did some projects at the house for her and then took her and her husband to dinner. I was like, this stops next year, just FYI.

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        RedRoverRedRover May 8, 2016, 7:33 pm

        Yeah. My husband’s willing to stop, but then I know what he has to put up with. So, we go along to get along. Maybe next year I’ll get him to make the plans before she has a chance to. πŸ™‚ Then at least I’ll get to do something I’d like to do, like afternoon tea!

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    suzyinthesky May 7, 2016, 12:23 pm

    Happy mama’s day, DWers! (Am I late?)
    Today I met a whole bunch of family on my mother’s side that I never even knew existed until about a year ago. They’re my mother’s older brother’s kids and grandkids, so my first and my future kids second cousins. Or did I get that wrong? It was weird and amazing. They all felt like family and there were definitely things in common, yet I never knew them before.
    It’s not mother’s day here, but it kind of was after all!

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    keyblade May 7, 2016, 4:54 pm

    I’m stealing this quote. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you out there who mother.

    “Today I celebrate the mother who has no children of her own. The one that is nurturing, loving, and is there. The aunt, cousin, or friend who is present at soccer games, birthdays, performances, the one that takes the time to make her nephews day a better day. The one that uses her maternal talents to nurture and love those around her. Today I celebrate you.”

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      Kate May 8, 2016, 8:26 am

      That works, I guess. There doesn’t need to be a day to celebrate people who have no maternal instinct and don’t need or want kids in their lives beyond a few minutes of appreciating their cuteness.

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        keyblade May 8, 2016, 12:57 pm

        But there are people who don’t have their own children but still have maternal instincts, love, attention, and affection flowing out.

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    Kate May 8, 2016, 7:52 am

    On a totally different note: We went out to dinner Friday night at a restaurant that’s walkable from our house but we hadn’t tried yet. It’s got a private dining room that has a big hole in the ceiling and an old-fashioned bank vault door. Why? Well! In 1980 the biggest bank robbery and jewel heist (possibly) in the world happened there. Some crooked cops wanted to rob a TV store, but this other cop was like, that’s not worth it, let’s rob the bank instead! So three crooked cops and three regular crooks (safe-crackers, alarm experts) got in on it. On Memorial Day Weekend they broke into the watch repair shop next door and cut into the bank vault through the ceiling. At first they were like, wtf, there’s only $60K in the vault. But then they busted into the safe deposit boxes. They worked on it all weekend and ended up with $15-$25MILLION in cash, jewelry, and drugs!!! It seems some mobsters were keeping their stash in there.

    Then somehow Whitey Bulger and Steve “The Rifleman” Flemmi got involved. They captured and tortured one of the crooks and got $300K off him, then brought his head to someone that wanted it. Natch.

    It wasn’t until 1984 that they all got caught. One of the cops showed up at the other one’s house and shot him at close range with a shotgun and a pistol but he survived because he had so much cocaine in his system. He I think ended up turning state’s witness and went into the protection program. The main crooked cop got like 55 years in jail and figured he’d write a book about it, because why not? The Boston Globe Spotlight team covered it extensively too.

    I was not surprised at all to find out this happened in this town after living here for 6 months. Classic old school MA shitshow.

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  • Lianne

    Lianne May 8, 2016, 12:39 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day DW moms and moms-to-be! We spent the morning putting together baby items, including the Rock n Play auntie Kate got for us. Now we’re going to get a late lunch and I think I’ll have a glass of wine.

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    Anonymousse May 8, 2016, 12:46 pm

    So yesterday, my mother and I tried to make up…it didn’t go well, but one gem I can’t stop laughing about is: my mom was yelling about all the sacrifices she made for me and that she was a good mom because she didn’t force me into childhood prostitution.

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    • Lianne

      Lianne May 8, 2016, 1:02 pm

      Wow. Was that an option!?! What’s wrong with people!?

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        Anonymousse May 8, 2016, 1:56 pm

        Seriously. I couldn’t believe it. Like that’s even something to be proud of. Also, where the hell do you come up with that?
        She also said, “How long do I have left? Life is short and I’m not going to be around forever. 25 years? 25 if I’m lucky.” (true that, she’s not very healthy) and I am proud of myself for saying, “Okay, but that doesn’t give you carte blanche to be an asshole.”

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        RedRoverRedRover May 8, 2016, 7:35 pm

        Jesus H. Christ. That’s all I can say. πŸ™

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  • Dear Wendy

    Dear Wendy May 8, 2016, 4:46 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! I got my egg sandwich, but I made Drew make two trips to the cafe because the first egg sandwich he got didn’t have bacon and I need bacon in mine. I wouldn’t ordinarily care, but I was looking forward to that same sandwich all week — it had to be the right one. Afterward, Jackson asked me if we could make something special for drew for Mother’s Day. Thank God I had a second kid who seems to actually like me.

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      Kate May 8, 2016, 4:57 pm

      You have to have bacon.

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      RedRoverRedRover May 8, 2016, 7:35 pm

      Oh I thought you meant he’d make you a fried egg sandwich, which I was surprised at because they don’t seem that popular! I always think of them as a French Canadian thing, because I’ve only ever seen my dad and other french people making them.

      I don’t usually put bacon, but that does sound good. πŸ™‚

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        Kate May 8, 2016, 7:46 pm

        You guys have that weird bacon up there πŸ˜‰

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        RedRoverRedRover May 8, 2016, 9:24 pm

        “Canadian bacon” is an American thing actually. πŸ™‚ We don’t really have it here. We have the thing it’s based off of, which is peameal bacon, but that’s back bacon and it’s not what we mean when we say “bacon”. We mean the same thing you guys do. No one refers to peameal or back bacon as just bacon.

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    Ktfran May 8, 2016, 6:28 pm

    Super late to the party…. Although I suppose I still have a few more hours, but happy mothers day to all the moms, all the soon to be moms, and to everyone who supports them!

    Also, thank you to all the moms on this site who share their stories, their struggles, and their happiness. It’s a huge eye opener and I truly appreciate it.

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    em May 9, 2016, 10:59 am

    Your child’s giving the plants all cards really made me smile! Not only is it objectively adorable, I believe my secret to success with plants (I’m a greenthumb) is b/c I talk lovingly and positively to them– a trick I learned from my mom. (Judge us by our thriving plants, not our methods!)

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