Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

Screen Shot 2016-06-10 at 8.51.48 AM

We’re ten days into June, one of my favorite months. So far I have enjoyed:

1. That rainbow, seen from both our living room window and right outside our apartment, after a 2-hour rainstorm last Sunday.

2. Vanilla frozen yogurt with this caramel sauce.

3. A couple cheese platters (one in Missouri before we left, and one at the Cafe Carlyle on Monday evening when I took Drew as a belated birthday gift to see Woody Allen play with the Eddy Davis New Orleans Jazz Band).

4. Picnics in the park.

5. So many strawberries from the farmers’ market.

6. Days that aren’t too hot to have windows open, breezes gently blowing bedroom curtains open.

7. A couple afternoon naps while Joanie snoozed.

8. After dinner play time in the school yard with Jackson two hours before sunset.

What about you?

53 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Ange June 10, 2016, 3:44 pm

    I’m off to play in my first weekend long masters softball tournament. It’s a representative tournament meaning I had to try out and I’ll be playing against some former state players and Olympians which should be fun. Of course in the last training session beforehand I wrenched my knee and I’m worried I’ve torn my ACL again after a recon a few years ago but I’ll get by.

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    • Lianne

      Lianne June 10, 2016, 5:56 pm

      That sounds fun, Ange. I used to play softball and loved it. Though definitely not at that level!!

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      • avatar

        Ange June 11, 2016, 12:35 am

        Hahaha we’re not at that level either evidently! Lost our first two games but we definitely found our rhythm halfway through the second one and I’m expecting a good show tomorrow for the next two. It’s definitely awesome fun though, I’ve been playing for 28 years now.

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      • avatar

        Steph June 14, 2016, 8:13 am

        This is awesome! I’ve played softball since I was six, still play now. Coed slow pitch (there’s no fast pitch here in Central Florida for over 20 🙁 ) … But it’s a lot of fun.

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  • Lianne

    Lianne June 10, 2016, 5:39 pm

    Your June sounds very magical so far, Wendy. The strawberries are so good right now.

    I’ve been enjoying being a mom (despite some postpartum anxiety) and getting to know this little boy that kicked and prodded me for months inside my belly. He’s such a good baby so far and I really hope it continues. Despite some cluster feeding the past couple of days, I’m usually able to get one three hour stretch a night. My husband goes back to work next week so the real adventure will begin!

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    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover June 10, 2016, 9:14 pm

      I’m so jealous. 🙁 I’m basically at the end of my rope. My baby only sleeps about 11 hours a day (that’s out of 24 hours), and only about 1-2 hours of those are at night, usually split up into two or three 30-40 minute naps. It’s horrible. My husband’s had this week off, and my mom was here for the 2 weeks before that, and I’ve asked her to come back next week. Because without help, there’s no time for me to sleep. She cluster feeds all night. And then some days (like today), she cluster feeds all day, too. I went through 7 hours today of cluster-feeding, she took one 1/2 hour nap and one 15 min nap in those 7 hours. If this doesn’t end soon I don’t know what I’m going to do. My son was the same way, except he at least did a bit of sleeping at night. And I thought he was bad! I never imagined she’d be worse. 🙁

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      • Lianne

        Lianne June 11, 2016, 1:31 am

        I’m so sorry, RR. That sounds absolutely awful. I wish it was better and that things improved be sooner rather than later.

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      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover June 11, 2016, 6:00 pm

        Thanks Lianne. I’m sure it’ll get better soon. One thing about being on your second kid is you realize that you can’t even really remember going through this period with your first. 🙂 So, I just keep reminding myself that it’ll pass, and she’ll move to the next phase, and I’ll hardly remember this part. Couple more weeks, hopefully! And my mom’s coming back on Monday so that will really help too.

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      • avatar

        Anonymousse June 11, 2016, 12:39 pm

        Have you tried to prolong breaks between feedings even by a few minutes each time?
        I had some issues with cluster feeding (not at all like yours! I’m sorry you are having such a rough time.) but my pediatrician had some good tips that seemed to work for us.

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      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover June 11, 2016, 5:58 pm

        Yeah, I do that, I try to give her some time to “play”, which at this age is really just staring at the ceiling, but still. It gives me time for bathroom breaks and to get something to eat or drink. I’m also trying now a suggestion from my midwife which is to switch sides more often, so that she’s always getting a good flow and doesn’t have time to rest in between. Because what I’ve been doing is letting her finish a side, and then she’ll come off and sleep for 10 minutes or so, then she’ll want the other side. Now I’m like, screw that, you keep eating till you’re so tired you just can’t, lol. Hopefully that’ll work and she’ll drop off more easily since she’s not getting the little in-between 10-min naps.

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      • Pamplemousse Rose

        Pamplemousse Rose June 11, 2016, 2:39 pm

        So sorry to hear RR. My son was that bad. It’s awful and I could barely function for the first 3 months. He only slept in 30-45 minute increments. He’s gotten better and now at 5 months on really special nights he’ll sleep from 11:30 PM to 6AM. One thing that helped us was him finally getting his lip/tongue ties clipped at 9 weeks. They didn’t do it sooner because I wasn’t in pain and he was gaining well, but he wasn’t effectively transferring milk so I had to nurse him all the time and it gave him reflux as he was taking in too much air, so he would scream right after eating for hours. They finally did it because I insisted and things improved slowly. That was a really long way to say I’m really sorry and I know how hard the lack of sleep is.

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      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover June 11, 2016, 5:54 pm

        Thanks PR, I saw your other comment about tongue ties on another thread, and I had her checked by both my doctor and midwife, and they say she’s fine. So, no luck there. I know it will get better, like I said my son was similar, and then after a few months he actually morphed into a great sleeper and was sleeping more than the average number of hours for his age. In fact right now, at 3, he’s sleeping more than the baby! I have hope that she’ll do the same, and maybe it will at least improve in a couple of weeks (she’ll be 6 weeks old then).

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      • avatar

        Boosker June 13, 2016, 9:08 pm

        That sounds so, so awful. One tip our Dr. gave us was to be intentional about night time and daytime. So for 12 hours during the day, keep the lights on, make noise, etc. even when the baby is napping so he’ll know it’s not for real bedtime. And then for 12 hours at night, lights off, quiet, swaddled, white noise. But it does sound like your issue is feeding related, so this might be a useless tip.

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  • avatar

    Kate June 10, 2016, 6:36 pm

    Oh holy shit. I was reading this book called Requiem for a Dream, maybe you’ve heard of it. It was pretty good, and I wasn’t too far in… The nice Jewish mom thinks she’s gonna be on TV, her son is in love and trying to score a pound of pure heroin with his buddy… I decided to watch the movie and now I’m scarred for life. Gaaaaaahhhhhh! If you have seen it, I’m sorry. If you haven’t, do not Google Jared Leto’s arm.

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    • Lianne

      Lianne June 10, 2016, 6:51 pm

      Kate didn’t ask me first. I would have told her to stay away. Most horrifying movie ever made.

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      • avatar

        Kate June 10, 2016, 6:54 pm

        Don’t anybody watch it.

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      • avatar

        Kate June 10, 2016, 6:56 pm

        Or google his arm

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    • avatar

      Anonymousse June 10, 2016, 6:56 pm

      I hate that movie.

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      • avatar

        keyblade June 10, 2016, 10:44 pm

        I didn’t like it, either, much to my boyfriend at the time’s confusion and dismay

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    • kare

      kare June 10, 2016, 9:04 pm

      I don’t understand the desire to shoot up. My cousin shoots up meth, which has to be one of the worst things you can do to your body. Just no…

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      • avatar

        keyblade June 10, 2016, 10:53 pm

        I don’t understand it either, Meth just seems idiotic. Heroin does, too. I’m a bit drunk and enjoying it at the moment, safe at home, far away from the Brock Turners of the world:). But man do I wish it was a deleted thread day….

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      • avatar

        Kate June 11, 2016, 7:13 am

        They do use heroin in the movie (as well as booze, weed, pills, coke, everything), but the movie itself is more generally about addiction. In the mom’s case it’s addiction to losing weight (and not being able to let go of the past). Marion, Harry, and Tyrone each have their own issues too, and their own dreams. As disturbing as the movie is, it’s a pretty hard core realistic portrayal of how addiction ruins lives. The scene at the very end where the mom, Sara, dreams she’s on the game show, all thin and glamorous, and her son Harry comes onstage dressed in a suit looking all young and fresh and innocent with his hair parted neatly, is heart-rending. Even more so, I would say, than Marion degrading herself doing sex shows for drugs. I still wish I hadn’t watched it, but the acting and film work were impressive.

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      • call-me-hobo

        call-me-hobo June 11, 2016, 10:34 am

        It’s just that very rarely does anyone wake up one day and say- “You know- I think I’ll try meth/heroin today!”
        Most of the hard drug abuse that I see in my area is from people hooked on prescriptions who work their way up to the hard stuff because either A) They have worked up a tolerance for their scripts, and are in search of a stronger high or B) They had a prescription, but financially meth/heroin is cheaper and easier to get.

        Heroin/Meth is really easy to be like “I can’t believe anyone would do that!” but, the real problem in US healthcare is prescription drug abuse. Prescription drug abuse is actually responsible for the largest percentage of OD deaths in the US.

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      • avatar

        Kate June 11, 2016, 10:47 am

        The daughter of a co-worker just died from prescription drugs, and I think it was an accident. And yes, a lot of the drugs we justify using are gateway drugs. I’m sure Jared Leto’s character started with booze and weed when he was a kid, and worked his way up to heroin. This disgust over heroin is kind of hard to understand, when a lot of us are hooked on something… Wine, food, TV, sleeping pills, anxiety meds, marijuana.

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      • avatar

        keyblade June 11, 2016, 12:14 pm

        I guess it’s because the three people I knew who have died from addition all used heroin. I don’t think addiction is the same same thing as eating too much, or occasionally drinking to the point of inebriation in a safe and measured way. I do think some people can get addicted to Benzodiazepines, but I think the more commonly prescribed anxiety medications are a lot more likely to help people than harm them. I think sleeping pills can be addictive, but I think its more psychological than physical in most cases.

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      • avatar

        keyblade June 11, 2016, 12:24 pm

        That doesn’t mean I don’t think addiction to prescription drugs isn’t a major problem, though. And I don’t think most people start off by racing towards a cliff, I think it is a slippery slope.

        Honestly, I think one of my biggest vices these days is the internet, especially this site. I hope I didn’t offend anyone with my response to Kare. My statement about Meth seeming idiotic wasn’t meant to imply I think people battling with addiction are idiotic. Honestly I wasn’t even talking about the movie, I was just commiserating with Kare over my personal aversion to Meth and Heroin.

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      • avatar

        Kate June 11, 2016, 12:33 pm

        People do have serious food and alcohol addictions though. Eating too much or drinking too much once in a while isn’t addiction, but that doesn’t mean addiction to food and alcohol doesn’t exist, ruin lives, and kill people. And yes, the Internet could be a dangerous addiction too.

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      • call-me-hobo

        call-me-hobo June 11, 2016, 2:20 pm

        Anxiety meds are ABSOLUTELY addictive. That’s why you have to have a doctor prescribe them, and you only get a months worth at a time.

        And honestly, the thought that it’s more of a psychological dependence is why America has such a pervasive prescription problem. If the prescription says- “this has a risk of dependence” its because your body will crave the chemicals in it. The reason why it’s so hard to quit is because your body craves the chemicals that it produces when the drug is administered, and in some cases, the body will stop producing the chemical naturally (that’s what Detox symptoms are. That’s your body reacting to not having enough of the chemicals to function normally without the substance).

        My thing is that, yes, meth and heroin are deplorable, awful addictions. But the reality of drug addiction in America is not heroin and meth. Many normal-looking, job-holding people struggle with prescription addiction which is JUST as dangerous as so-called “harder” drugs.

        Look at Prince! Prince died from a fentanyl overdose- probably because he dealt with chronic hip pain (he was a Jehovah’s witness, so no surgeries) and he just upped his dosage as he hit the wall.

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      • LadyinPurpleNotRed

        Ladyinpurplenotred June 11, 2016, 2:22 pm

        Preach it, girl!

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      • avatar

        Kate June 11, 2016, 2:31 pm

        Yup. Benzos are incredibly dangerous, because not only are they dependence-forming, but it’s very easy to die if you mix them with alcohol. Small doses can be fatal if mixed with other nervous-system depressants. And doctors prescribe them willy-nilly for stress, sleep problems, anxiety.

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      • avatar

        keyblade June 11, 2016, 2:44 pm

        It depends on which medication you are talking about. If you are talking about drugs that are a schedule three or higher, than yes. But a lot of people treat anxiety with SSRIs and drugs that have much lower potential for addiction.

        Dependency is different than addiction. Having a physical reaction when coming off of a medication isn’t the same thing as being addicted.

        Yes, normal-looking people struggle with addiction. I knew someone who died just a couple of months ago, who you’d never know by looking at her was struggling with addiction.

        I don’t really care what you think about the reality of drug addiction in this country so can stop trying to take me to task over it. I never said anything about prescription drug abuse not being a major problem, so you can save your sermonizing for another member of the audience.

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      • avatar

        Kate June 11, 2016, 2:53 pm

        Oh nice.

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny June 12, 2016, 1:35 pm

        You must work in the medical field or something.

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      • avatar

        keyblade June 12, 2016, 4:03 pm

        No, I don’t work in a medical setting. I think you are being sarcastic Money-Penny. I think the discussion about prescription-drug abuse is a good one to have. I didn’t want to start it by responding to comments that assumed my stance on the subject based on a few general comments. I noted what I did about anxiety medication because there is still a stigma attached to this form of treatment and about anxiety and depression, themselves. I noted what I did about sleeping pill addiction being mostly psychological because I don’t believe the physical withdrawal is the most difficult part of going off of these pills. I do think people use drugs because it many of them don’t have a good answer to address what is ultimately a bigger issue in their life. I’m not a doctor who can prescribe medicine so perhaps I should have kept that to myself. I honestly thought it might be helpful, but perhaps it was none of business. I don’t feel I was approached to have a conversation about any of this. I feel like my comments were talked over to make another person’s point. I think that point is very important, but I didn’t personally want to have a back and forth conversation that felt aggressive and assuming towards me.

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      • kare

        kare June 11, 2016, 9:48 pm

        Oh I agree 100%. I just meant the concept of actually tying off and shooting up freaks me out because I hate doing blood tests and stuff. Veins freak me out.

        Prescription pills are a huge problem. My brother is an addict, but he’s only used heroin in a pinch to keep from going through withdrawal. His drug of choice is opiate based painkillers. You can tell from the markings the dosage, manufacturer, if it contains acetaminophen, and roughly the year it was manufactured. People cut heroin with fillers or other drugs they can’t move. Of course he started with alcohol and moved up to pills (plus he has a TBI from the war). He told me the high is exactly the same from snorting or smoking heroin as taking pills, except it’s not as “clean” and sometimes not as strong. I know lots of people that take pain meds recreationally that sneer at heroin use, but they’re not really that different. Of course he abuses benzos too, which are incredibly easy to obtain. He does legitimately have an anxiety disorder and PTSD, but he has no self-control. He’s over dosed 6 times that I know of – usually on benzos or Ambien. He will just take the entire supply in one sitting. But people don’t consider pills a problem like “street” drugs.

        My cousin that’s addicted to meth started with Adderall. I think they’re very similar on a molecular level, but I’m not 100% sure. Once he couldn’t afford that, he moved to meth. I have coworkers that love taking Adderall to get shit done or for workouts that think I’m an idiot when I say the effects can be similar to meth (I’m obviously talking about not taking it as prescribed – not people using it as intended).

        But yeah – heroin junkies tying off and getting an infection is definitely a shocking look at addiction, but the reality is that all addiction is heart-breaking. I can’t remember the person my brother was before drugs. I was 11 or 12 when he started getting heavy into alcohol and Xanax. Every now and then when he’s sober, I see glimpses of the person he used to be. In high school I was always worried he would die in Iraq. Then he came back, and I was worried he would commit suicide. Now I just feel like I am always waiting for the next relapse, the next overdose, the next arrest. He’s had a lot of friends die before and after the war, but many have built a life for themselves. But he’s stuck in between – not truly living, but not dead yet. Just a shell of a person trying to lose himself and not caring who he takes with him.

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny June 12, 2016, 1:34 pm

        Slow clap!

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    • Portia

      Portia June 11, 2016, 8:34 am

      Ugh, I tried watching that movie once and barely made it through before I turned it off. I’m usually not that affected by needles and drug use in movies (the husband will immediately turn off anything where people inject drugs). That movie was too much.

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  • Dear Wendy

    Dear Wendy June 11, 2016, 9:15 am

    Materials Girl got married yesterday. Here’s a photo that she sent to share:
    https://www.facebook.com/120020534730502/photos/a.399197770146109.97159.120020534730502/1142469682485577/?type=3&theater

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    • Lianne

      Lianne June 11, 2016, 10:19 am

      Saw that this morning. She looks amazing!! Congrats MG!

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    • Portia

      Portia June 11, 2016, 2:05 pm

      Aww, congrats Materials Girl!

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    • kare

      kare June 11, 2016, 10:02 pm

      Thank you for sharing this!

      Congratulations MG!!!

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  • avatar

    Kate June 11, 2016, 2:27 pm

    For those who are into skin care… I had been trying to clear up some melasma that appeared on my forehead in my late 30s (thanks to sunscreen not being a huge concern when I was a child probably, as well as thinking an SPF 20 moisturizer or makeup was enough in my 20s. It’s not.) If you’re not already wearing SPF 50 every day, you need to be. Your skin will go along fine for a while and you’ll think you’re totally beating this aging thing and then one day, boom. Something pops up out of nowhere that was hiding all along.

    The Rodan + Fields Reverse serum wasn’t working, so I got the Bliss That’s Incredipeel daily Glycolic pads, and Skinceuticals Advanced Pigment Corrector. It’s only been 3 weeks but my forehead has visibly cleared up already (it takes 4 weeks of using a new skin product to truly see results).

    The Rodan + Fields eye cream IS the real deal though. Great stuff. My issue was a little bagginess. Much better.

    You’re not gonna invest in this crap until you need it, so for now just use retinol night cream, antioxidant day cream, and SPF 50. Drug store stuff is fine.

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    • avatar

      snoopy128 June 11, 2016, 9:48 pm

      I just found my new favourite spf 50 face cream- Bobbi Brown SPF 50 Protective Face Based. It stayed on while I was surfing and didn’t cause any issues with my sensitive skin

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    • kare

      kare June 11, 2016, 10:01 pm

      Do you have a retinol recommendation for sensitive skin? I’ve seen one at ulta that’s about $20 and a relatively low percentage that I’m thinking of trying. I use SPF 50 everyday. My night time routine is an AHA then a serum or sleeping mask, but I’d like to add in retinol. I avoid the sun like the plague since I burn easily. Every summer people tell me I’d look so pretty if I tan, but I just remind myself it’s less damaging to just embrace what I have.

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      • avatar

        Kate June 12, 2016, 5:11 am

        ROC night cream comes in a sensitive version (at CVS). It’s really good.

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  • avatar

    keyblade June 11, 2016, 10:31 pm

    Kare- I’m so sorry about your brother. I know you’ve talked about him before. I definitely think prescription pills are abused way more often than category one drugs. I think they kill way more people due to doctors over-prescribing highly addictive ones and people thinking that they are safe because they are legal.

    I think people with PTSD are particularly susceptible to drug abuse and addiction. It is so frustrating that doctors are quick to prescribe Benzos in these cases when the potential for abuse is so high.

    My friend who died didn’t OD on heroin, it was prescribed drugs. But I think the Heroin addiction coupled with a lot of other things in her life pushed her depression to the point of no return. I think the recent resurgence of Heroin is related to all the Benzos and category four pain killers that are over prescribed.

    I’m really sorry.

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    • avatar

      keyblade June 11, 2016, 10:32 pm

      Sorry. This was meant as a response to @Kare.

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    • avatar

      keyblade June 11, 2016, 10:32 pm

      and sorry for the category typo

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    • kare

      kare June 11, 2016, 11:25 pm

      Thank you. I’m so glad to have this community.

      I agree about the over-prescribing of drugs, especially for PTSD. The VA hospital in my city isn’t great. They just do not have the resources to provide individual treatment to people. The solution seems to be pills. My brother’s file lists at least one of his overdoses on Klonopin, but that doesn’t stop his doctor from giving him another prescription.

      Supposedly my brother is clean, but I haven’t spoken to him since Christmas. He still talks to my parents since they pay his cell phone bill, but they are dodging my questions about him. Which is usually what happens when they think he’s using again.

      I’m sorry to hear about your friend. I really think there needs to be an overhaul on how we prescribe medication and the dangers of prescription drugs. Of course, I also think there needs to be more discussions about depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. One of my friends that volunteers with Wounded Warrior Project and Carry the Load told me that it’s wrong to mention PTSD because it promotes the stereotype that veterans have mental disorders. :/

      I’m sorry I really de-railed this Weekend Open Thread. I’ve been worried about my brother lately, not for any particular reason I can explain.

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      • avatar

        Kate June 12, 2016, 5:22 am

        You didn’t derail anything. I’m sorry about your brother too. That awful war.

        Adderall IS speed if you’re not ADHD. I’ve taken a half pill maybe 8x. Once I took a whole one and yeah, I felt like I was on speed. Not in a good way either. I became obsessed with what I was doing, and kept putting on more and more makeup. I can see why people would get into taking it to get things done. And I’ve heard that it’s just like meth. Which my cousin was hooked on forever, along with other things, but the word is he’s been clean for a few years.

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  • avatar

    Lovelygirl June 11, 2016, 11:11 pm

    Summer has arrived and it’s amazing inside, away from the thunderstorms and humidity. It’s the season where you bring an umbrella with you to work, to the store, and any other outdoor activity. I was just outside in 90 degree thick humid air (at midnight walking the dog) and need another shower. This is why it’s off-season in Florida. Those who attempt Orlando at this time of year are certifiably nuts. Even the beach isn’t enjoyable after 10:30 am. I shall find enjoyment inside until mid-October.

    On the other hand, it’s nice here from October-ish thru May. I shouldn’t complain!

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  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny June 12, 2016, 1:54 pm

    I had an interesting Saturday… I went up to Napa with my parents to spend the day with my cousin, his wife, their 2 kids, and her mom and sister (who I also know). They live on like, 3 acres, and her mom keeps a couple of horses. My uncle and his wife came, and my other cousin and his wife and son came, so it was a fun day! We had a bbq and lots of food and great wine. Then, unfortunately, around 7:30, shortly before we left, I suddenly got sick in their kitchen sink. And proceeded to get sick for the next 3.5 hours. I had a garbage bag for the drive home (luckily I was not driving), and I generally felt awful. I have no idea what it was from, since I ate all of the same food as everyone else! But I guess something didn’t sit well, and, well, that was that. I feel fine now, though. What a day!

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    • MaterialsGirl

      MaterialsGirl June 13, 2016, 2:04 am

      Where in Napa were you? Im still here until tomorrow

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