Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

Screen Shot 2016-09-02 at 12.29.44 PM

Happy Labor Day weekend, everyone! We made it, we survived the summer. Ordinarily, I’d be mourning the end of the season, but this summer was an exhausting one and I’m excited to get back into a routine that allows me to shift some focus back to DW and the self-care I’ve been neglecting. We had some parenting challenges that required scheduling adjustments and lots of time and energy and attention, but I’m hopeful the start of a new school year (first day of kindergarten is Thursday!) and its related structure will bring some much-needed relief in that regard. If nothing else, it will at least free up some hours in the week and that in itself will be a relief.

Anyway, we have one last big summer hoorah this weekend. Do you have any plans? We’re staying local, hanging with friends and enjoying what I hope will be a quiet, low-key few days in Brooklyn. I always like the weekends when most everyone flees town and those of us who remain get the sidewalks and parks and ice cream shops to ourselves — a luxury, for sure, in a city like New York. What are you up to and what’s been the highlight of your summer?

46 comments… add one
  • avatar

    ktfran September 2, 2016, 3:13 pm

    I’m attending my first ever Bris on Sunday for my sister’s newborn, her first. I’m excited and a little nervous. He was born, unwillingly, on the 28th (before sundown, of course). All 10 lbs. 5 oz., 22 in. of him. Yikes! She ended up needing a c-section, because he did not want to come out. At all. But he’s effing adorable and happy. So yay! And she’s doing well now too. I’m so excited for the new addition to our family.

    That basically sums up my weekend.

    Happy three day weekend!

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      anonymousse September 2, 2016, 4:03 pm

      That is a big boy! Congratulations!

      Reply Link
    • honeybeenicki

      honeybeenicki September 2, 2016, 4:19 pm

      Holy cow. Anytime I hear other baby’s weight, I’m so happy mine was little.

      Reply Link
    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy September 2, 2016, 5:48 pm

      Yikes! That’s a big baby!! My babies were 5 lbs. and 5.13, respectively, and labor was painful enough with them, so I can only imagine what your sister went through. Congrats to her and the rest of your family!

      And a bris is fine, as long as you aren’t the baby or the parents.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Ktfran September 2, 2016, 9:01 pm

        Yeah. Luckily I can leave the room when they take care of business.

        She didn’t want the c-section, and cried when she found out she needed one. After I think she was relieved.

        Link
  • avatar

    snoopy128 September 2, 2016, 3:41 pm

    We were planning on going camping this weekend, but fall has hit, and the weather is forecasted to be cold and rainy, so we are staying home. Actually, tomorrow we have to drive 4 hours each way to check out a potential wedding venue. But other than that, we plan to hibernate, drink tea, clean our house, and maybe catch up with friends.
    I also started reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up and hope to get a little further along and apply some of the techniques this weekend. My closet needs some fall updating but it really needs to be sorted first.

    This summer was a busy one and I’m looking forward to the slowness of fall.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    anonymousse September 2, 2016, 4:13 pm

    Joanie is so cute! I also love her room!
    I’m pretending it is fall here, because it was pouring rain, and grey and cold all night and half the day here. I was actually considering turning the furnace on, but the sun is finally out and it’s warming up.
    We are really sad, (okay, I am) because a giant snail that lives in our garden got stepped on, and is now missing a giant part of his shell, I’m hoping he can grow it back. He seemed fine, and was cruising along happily munching away, but his shell is not fine. I actually read all these weird snail forums on the web last night to find out if he could grow it back. I don’t know why I am so concerned for this one snail, for some reason it’s important to me. It might be because my son talks to it, he says, “Hi, snail!” And goodnight to the snail and “new home snail.” It is only a little adorable in person.
    Wish us good snail thoughts!

    Reply Link
    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy September 2, 2016, 5:50 pm

      Aw, I would be the same way. Good luck, snail!

      And thanks about the room — it’s actually the kids’ play room. They share a bedroom and have a separate play room, which I guess is a little unconventional but it works for now (they love sharing a room, and any time I ask Jackson if he’d like his own room, he shouts, “No!”).

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        anonymousse September 2, 2016, 6:51 pm

        How do you manage bedtime? I’d love to get them in a room together. It’s not possible right now, (my son can be way too rough with her) but it’d be really nice to do that.
        Thanks for the snail good luck! I looked for him but couldn’t find him. (Or her, I did find some snail eggs-thanks Internet forums!)

        Link
      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy September 2, 2016, 7:33 pm

        Well, tonight has been a total shit show (literally, since Joanie pooped in the tub as the kids were taking a bath together…). But how we normally do it is we stagger the bedtime. Joanie gets a bath (sometimes jackson bathes with her and sometimes he waits til later), and then bottle, books and bed. And then Jackson, if he hasn’t bathed yet, gets his bath and then books and bed (usually 30-45 minutes after she’s gone down). A lot of times, joanie isn’t quite asleep yet when jackson goes to bed, or if she is, she wakes up and thinks it’s party time and the two of them giggle and horse around for 10 minutes or so. But jackson is SO active during the day and doesn’t nap or anything so he’s pretty wiped out by bedtime and goes to sleep quickly. After he quiets down, joanie gets bored and goes to asleep herself. We start all this around 6:45 and the goal is to have them both asleep by 8. Most of the time that works, but there are some nights it might be 8:15 or 8:20 before they conk out.

        Link
      • avatar

        anonymousse September 2, 2016, 7:47 pm

        That’s a great routine. We just started doing baths and books together and it’s been really sweet.

        Link
  • avatar

    Ange September 2, 2016, 4:14 pm

    We’re in LA which is exciting and exhausting and bloody hot. Totally forgot you guys have Labor day so hopefully we can find something to do.

    Hilariously we were in a cell phone store in Santa monica on Tuesday and got talking to a guy who has a friend from Sydney. Today we were wandering up a random alley in Venice and the same guy appeared out of a garage and started talking to us again, he had no idea we were the same random Aussies until we reminded him. Nice guy, can’t wait to run into him again.

    Reply Link
    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy September 2, 2016, 5:50 pm

      Ha – well, all you Aussies look alike. 😉

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Ange September 3, 2016, 3:28 pm

        Hee!

        Link
  • honeybeenicki

    honeybeenicki September 2, 2016, 4:18 pm

    I get mixed feelings because I love summer and the heat, but football and Halloween happen in the fall.

    We have a busy weekend this weekend and one is taking baby to his first rock concert! We have an annual event every year (Taste of Madison) and one of my favorite bands is playing tomorrow night, so I’m super excited to take my music-loving kid. Fortunately all of the test runs of his ear protection have gone well. He hated them before but now loves them.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 12:19 am

    I’m really struggling. Really, really struggling. My baby is awful. I love her, but it’s true. She’s what they call a “high needs” or “extremely fussy” baby. My first one was too, and it was definitely hard, but nothing like this. She’s horrible. She won’t go to sleep. Will. Not. Sleep. Her last nap today ended at 4pm. 4pm! I’ve been trying to get her to sleep since about 6. She’s still awake. This happens every night. It’s her “fussy time”. She has done this almost every night for the past 3.5 months. And believe me, I’ve done everything. Nothing works. I’m so sick of her. So, so sick of her.

    She sleeps about 7 hours per night when I finally get her down, which is usually around 1am, although I guess it’ll be later tonight because she’s still up right now. She’s up at 8, I feed her, and then she goes back for 1.5-2 hours, although it’s a broken sleep. Other than that she has 3 naps, which today were all 30 mins. She’s had less than 11 hours sleep today. That’s typical. Sometimes 12 or 13, sometimes less than 9. And to get these magical half-hour naps, I have to work for 45 minutes. Walking back and forth, bouncing, patting and shushing all at the same time. Sometimes for as long as an hour. And sometimes after all that, she doesn’t even sleep. I spend way more time putting her to sleep than she spends actually sleeping.

    I was hanging in there till the 3 month mark, hoping it would get better. If anything it’s been worse. In the last 2 weeks I’ve left the house once. I can’t take her on walks bc she won’t sleep on them, and I can’t miss a nap window bc she’s already getting so little sleep. I hardly ever shower. My husband is working, he’s got a 2 hour daily commute, he does 100% of the housework and all the meals and everything, and he does all the care of our toddler. Plus he helps with the baby in the evening after our son is in bed, but he can only do so much bc she’s clusterfeeding and won’t take a bottle. And when I say clusterfeeding, I don’t mean on and off through the evening. I mean 3-4 solid hours of constant feeding, with maybe 5 min breaks when she switches sides. She’s doing it to soothe herself through her fussiest time.

    My back is killing me, my neck, shoulders and knees are stiff, I grind my teeth every night which causes headaches, I’m so wired I can’t sleep in the precious few hours that she gives me. I’m a wreck. And there seems to be no end in sight. The book I trust the most said that extreme fussiness ends around 4 months. God I hope so. Because I can’t do this much longer.

    Sorry for the rant. No advice, please. I’m up to my eyeballs in it and nothing works. My book says that with these babies, the things that work on regular-fussy babies won’t work. Neither will no-cry sleep training. The doctor who wrote it recommends that for these kinds of babies, the best approach is full-on cry it out. No checking on them, no soothing, no stopping them after 10 mins. But he doesn’t recommend it for babies under 4 months. I,m just 12 days away. If I can hang on for 12 days, she’s gonna have to just fucken cry. I hope to god it works.

    Reply Link
    • Moneypenny

      Moneypenny September 3, 2016, 2:28 am

      I’m sorry Red Rover! I really hope that things turn around soon for you and your baby.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 1:05 pm

        Thanks Moneypenny

        Link
    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy September 3, 2016, 4:45 am

      That sounds positively awful — I’m so sorry! Jackson was a very fussy baby who didn’t sleep well either, but he was not quite this bad. And we were able to sleep train him pretty early (I think right around 4 1/2 months if I remember right) and it was mostly successful (I say “mostly” because throughout the years there have been plenty of regression periods. Hang in there — it WILL get better.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 1:08 pm

        That’s what my first was like. And I was trepidatious about having a second, but then I was like, well I’ve already had a “bad” baby and it was really hard but not so hard that I can’t get through again. But she’s so much worse. Unbelievably. If my first had been like this, there’s no way I would have had a second.

        Link
    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy September 3, 2016, 4:49 am

      This was about a week before jackson turned four months old and he never slept and it was a battle all day long to try to get him to take a short measly nap and I was super losing my mind (you might relate):

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI3q4As8BQA

      It gets better!

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 1:09 pm

        Thanks Wendy, that was cute and made me smile. You have a nice voice!

        Link
    • avatar

      freckles September 3, 2016, 8:39 am

      I’m so sorry Red Rover. That sounds so difficult! I hope it gets better soon!

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 1:09 pm

        Thanks Freckles

        Link
    • Lianne

      Lianne September 3, 2016, 9:39 am

      I’m so sorry RR. That sounds like hell. Since you asked for no advice, I’ll respect that, but just wanted to say that my son is adorable a shitty napper. He sleeps great at night, but I can only get 3 or 4- 30 minute naps out of him. And I just follow his lead. Maybe just throw away the book? I think the books can be helpful as a guide but not any baby is the same so why put so much faith in a book? Just a thought – again, not advice. Either way, I hope it gets better for you soon.

      Also, do you have a mom’s support group or something? One of the things that was tremendously satisfying and helpful for me was the mom’s group my hospital facilitates. Even to just vent, I always feel reinvigorated after a session. You sound like you could use the support right now.

      Reply Link
      • Lianne

        Lianne September 3, 2016, 9:40 am

        That was supposed to say “also a shitty napper.” While he IS adorable, that’s not what I meant to say… Autocorrect is so odd sometimes.

        Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 1:17 pm

        I only pulled the book out last week. I’ve been “following her lead” this whole time. I only thought to retead it last week when Addie posted about her son not sleeping. So it’s definitely not the problem. In fact it’s the only thing holding me together, because the author is a pediatrician who specializes in infant and child sleep issues and he’s got all the science, plus his whole career of hands-on experience, backing him up.

        According to him, there is nothing to be done until 4 months. What works for other babies won’t work for her. No matter what the mother does, if she has a baby with extreme fussiness, it will be fussy. That’s why I don’t want advice anymore. I’ve had 3.5 months of advice and nothing worked. Reading the book just confirmed my own experience.

        Link
      • Lianne

        Lianne September 3, 2016, 1:31 pm

        I see. I’m sorry it’s been such a rough few months. Hopefully the 4 month mark comes with lots of improvement.

        Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 1:42 pm

        Thanks Lianne, I hope so too. How are you getting through? I was thinking about you last week, haven’t seen you on here much. Of course I’m off for huge gaps too, so maybe I’m just missing you every time. 🙂

        Link
      • Lianne

        Lianne September 3, 2016, 10:34 pm

        We’re doing pretty well. I hesitate to say that given your struggles but it’s just true. I am very fearful for number two because it can’t be so easy twice. I also realize we had our struggles in bringing a pregnancy to term, so like to think this is our reward 🙂

        As far as getting on here, I do read when I can but I find my days very busy and it’s rare I can get time to just go online. I’m actually looking forward to going back to work so I can get some time to myself. My husband is great about taking the baby so I get breaks on weekends and nights, but I still find it not to be enough or the same. Becoming a mom has certainly been an adjustment!!

        Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 4, 2016, 4:42 pm

        It’s an adjustment for sure. Even if your baby is “easy”, it’s hard. 🙂 Glad to hear things are going well!

        Link
    • avatar

      Snoopy128 September 3, 2016, 9:50 am

      Oh gosh. Hang in there. You are so close!! I’m hoping something just clicks with her and she settles down! Then one day you can look back on this and remember how strong you were to get through it all.
      And I’m glad you feel this is a safe space to have your vent!

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 1:18 pm

        Thanks snoopy. And yes, that’s why I vented here. I knew people would understand. 🙂

        Link
    • avatar

      anonymousse September 3, 2016, 10:07 am

      RR, I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time.
      It’s going to get better.
      I really hope you can get a break soon.
      Have digestive issues been ruled out?

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 3, 2016, 1:21 pm

        Thanks anonymousse. Yeah, it was the first thing I checked. Took her to the doc at about 3 weeks, started probiotics, and put myself on a really restrictive diet. Basically meat, potatoes, and fruit. I kept it up for 2 weeks and then slowly added foods back in. Dairy was the last thing, I was off it for a month. Nothing made a difference though. She’s still on the probiotics, just in case it’s helping, but I don’t think it is.

        Link
    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray September 5, 2016, 8:51 pm

      I’m really sorry, RR! That sounds horrible. I hope things get better fast for you and your babe. Do you remember how long your first kid was fussy like that? And did he just get better on his own?

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover September 6, 2016, 1:22 pm

        Thanks Addie. He was never *this* fussy. He was worse than other babies, but she is much worse than him. With him we did cry it out at 4 months and it worked. Hopefully it will for her too. She’ll be 4 months on the 14th so not long now.

        Link
  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny September 3, 2016, 2:27 am

    I’m hanging out with my sister and her family tomorrow and sunday. My nephew (4) just got glasses! He’s so cute. And my sister is 4 months pregnant and is exhausted. I’m hoping to just chill and play with nephew and give her a little break.
    I haven’t felt like I’ve had a summer, actually. The weather has been nice but not very summery… but we pretty much have 2 seasons where I live and it’ll stay nice out til Halloween. I also haven’t taken any time off from work since June of last year, and I’m mentally burned out. I’ve been working on a few work projects that need my attention, and there’s been nobody to pass them off to in order to take some time off. I’m taking 5 days off of work at the end of September, though, to go to New Mexico! I can’t wait to get out of town and somewhere different where I don’t have to be attached to my email.

    Reply Link
  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark September 3, 2016, 5:38 pm

    Production Designing a web-series in the California desert.
    .
    Oh, and later today I play a deranged zombie. Meaning I crawl out from under a bush (clad only tighty-whities) and attack our two heroines with a machete.
    .
    Yep. It’s official.
    .
    My. Life. IS. Weird.

    Reply Link
    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom September 5, 2016, 8:39 am

      That sounds like fun!

      Reply Link
      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark September 6, 2016, 7:43 pm

        It was, though doing a scene in your underwear is NOT for the faint of heart. Tight whiteys? Not inherently flattering. Ugh. Bittergaymark is FAT. Well, too fat to do that again anytime soon. 😉

        Link
  • othy

    othy September 4, 2016, 12:01 am

    I ran my fastest half marathon yet today, and then made the stage show (top 6 in my division) of the cosplay contest of our local comic con. I also celebrated Othello’s birthday, and now I’m going to be a hermit tomorrow. All in all, a good weekend so far.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Kate September 5, 2016, 7:42 am

    Well, I never felt like I was glad summer was over… Until now. I hate to complain about heat when there could be 8 feet of snow on the ground, but the sun was just on BLAST the last 2 months, with too many days in the 90s. And the summer also wasn’t quiet-ish like it should be at work. I never even took one of our alleged 8 summer Fridays. Thanks, assholes, for giving me a Director on paper but in reality a Manager who doesn’t work Fridays. Haha! Funny! Also, the next three months should be absolute hell as all the clients try to use their budget for the year all at once, so bring it the fuck on, let’s get it over with, and then I can go to Cabo in December and maybe actually relax. I’m at almost 90% of my sales goal going into this busiest quarter, so the trick will be to go over a little bit but not TOO much. I want to cover my ass for any slippage but not get screwed next year because I exceeded the goal. Flying under the radar is best right now.

    We took a short vacation Wednesday through Saturday to Martha’s Vineyard, to a group rental house, but I really couldn’t relax, just drank a lot of attitude adjusters. We had to leave the island early because ferries were being cancelled for this Hermine Storm. Having a couple quiet days cleaning the house, catching up on work, having more seafood dinners before the shitstorm hits.

    Reply Link
  • Addie Pray

    Addie Pray September 5, 2016, 9:01 pm

    This weekend was full of milestones for my babe (he’s 11 months now; soon 1 year, eek!). He got a big boy haircut on Saturday. Today, he took 8 steps in a row before falling (*and* I got it on video)! And he just, I dunno, generally, all of a sudden, started acting like a little boy and not a baby. Overnight. Funny how things just change, all of a sudden. Some changes are gradual. Some changes are more BAM, and everything’s different. It was an “everything’s different” kind of weekend. Also, we’re sleeping better. (Aaaaaand now I’ve jinxed myself.) Happy Labor Day, all!

    Reply Link
    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray September 5, 2016, 9:04 pm

      . . . Never mind, he’s up again. Why why why, I’m trying to watch TV!

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    K September 7, 2016, 9:29 am

    I went to a wedding in Portland, ME this weekend. The weather was great! The highlight of my summer was definitely my trip to Montana, Wyoming and Idaho. But I also had some other great times like hiking in the Adirondacks.

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment