My friend, Sarah Brown, posted this on her tumblr the other day and I thought it was great:
“Pick an age you’ve been and sum it up in ten words or less.” This was hers:
“25: I hope the pizza guy can’t tell I’ve been crying.”
Here’s mine: 28: The box said it was supposed to look natural.
You can read a few others here. Wanna play?
By the way, Sarah is creator and host of the monthly adolescence-celebrating reading series, Cringe, where “brave souls come forward and read aloud from their teenage diaries, journals, notes, letters, poems, abandoned rock operas, and other general representations of the crushing misery of their humiliating adolescence. It’s better and cheaper than therapy.” She is also author of the book, Cringe, which you can probably surmise is a collection of teenage writings from a host of funny contributors.
{ 104 comments… read them below or add one }
34: How the fuck did that happen?!
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21- Wait- Not everyone walks their guinea pig on a leash?
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22: summer of the Gym, Rice-cooker, wine dinner dance party
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That’s kind of your current age too.
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every year is like that!
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18: Man I love college.
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18-rest of life- Man, I love(d) college!
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Aw 18 for me was “Man, I can’t wait to get out of college.” Then 22-present is: Why didn’t I appreciate college?
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30. It’s time to put on my big girl panties.
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22: I’m lost. I guess I’ll go to law school.
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And this is what led me to that:
5-18: When I grow up I’m going to be a doctor.
19: C in chemistry? No medical school for me.
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God this is so fun, I can’t stop. How about this one:
15: Ewww, BJ means what?! I’d never do that.
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LOL! My friends and I still have a notebook that we kept in which we signed a pledge to never ever give a BJ (it wasn’t a creepy abstinence pledge we were just like ewwww no!).
I’m pretty sure I was the first one to make that contract null and void. hahahaha.
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20. One day I want 5 kids.
25. One day I want 3 kids.
30. I think 2 kids would be great.
33. You know, just 1 kid would be ideal, but soon.
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I though that was pretty much a done deal by now
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17: I shouldn’t have asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
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26: Holy Hell, I’m responsible for my own emotional well being?!
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25- So this is THE guy.
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18- so THIS is what christmas is.
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27: I’m single. For the first time in my adult life. NOW WHAT?
…I’ll be 27 next Saturday…
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hmm… I think we need an update!
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So its official? Hugs. Been waiting for an update on how you were doing!
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UPDATE!!
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(I realize I never posted on that situation, but I was creepily lurking :-\ ha)
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I’m so not updating that thread. Lol. Yeah. It’s official. I’m living with a friend temporarily and the goal is to figure out the logistics of the split (furniture, finances, apartment) in about a month. We’re actually on really good terms even if it’s fucking weird as hell that he’s still my best friend and we’re still in love. :/
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I just can’t update it because I’m just pretty sure if I go over it one more time that my head will explode. When that feeling subsides, then I will update. Promise.
Suffice it to say that I’m OK and just taking it day-by-day. And contemplating moving to another continent to escape him.
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Think of the adventure ahead of you and all the sites you will see and all the food you will eat and all the new friends you’ll make along the way! … Exciting!
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*sights. but whatever it’s too late for me to even pretend to correct typos and misspelled words and whatnot.
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Not gonna lie- I’m feeling an Eat, Pray, Love journey is in order! Minus all the parts that have to do with love because until further notice, being in a relationship is not on the menu!
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thinking of you, tara! an adventure sounds perfect
if i was closer i’d meet you for wine and tell you that you’re stronger than you know and you’ll make it through this ok in person!!
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Thank you! I know I am and I’ll be ok it just sucks, ya know? And I’d love to meet you for a glass of wine! Idk where you live, but if you’re ever in NYC let’s do it (and if you’re ever in NYC that would be a perfect time for our loooong overdue DW NYC meetup!).
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ahem… I´m going to be in NYC in late October/beginning of November? Meet up then? It would be completely awesome, because I don´t think I´ll get the chance to come to the US again within the next two years…
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i definitely understand it sucking and i’m really sorry!
the next time i am in ny i will let you know. one of my best friends lives on long island. i know she would encourage any trip to ny she could!! 
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22- The world just got a little smaller!
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One more:
20- the summer all my girlfriends and I were single. It was also the summer I became very very sad.
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22: But I just went out last nigh– Oh well, see you at 8!”
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19: Where the party at?
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18: How’d it get to be 2am already?!
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22: Shouldn’t have said yes.. the second time.
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I broke the rules on my last one with multiple sentence. So let’s try this again!
17: HOLY SHIT I HAVE BOOBS.
18: Lots of guys want to touch my boobs, yaaaay!
19: I’m a feminist so look at my face, not my boobs!
20: I’m going to get my PH D right away and be an English professor!
21: If I’m gonna pay Sallie Mae $400 a month I better get a good fucking job.
22: Having my own apartment is the best fucking thing to happen to me ever.
I think I may be addicted to this.
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10. I don’t ever want boobies!
12. I would DIE if I had boobies.
14. Maybe little boobs could be nice.
16. I hate life b/c I have the world’s smallest chest.
18. They say some guys like little boobs.
20. Gaining weight is not bad, at least you get boobs.
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22. Why didn’t all of that weight go to my boobs?!?
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This reminds me to add:
16: MY MOM HAS NO BOOBS AND I WILL NEVER HAVE BOOBS EITHER.
Since I think you all know my mom is mentally ill, the following will not surprise you:
Mom: I prayed those onto you. I told you prayer works.
She was dead serious. She insists I should thank her for them to this day even though my dad’s mom and sister are DDs, so I think it’s fair to say I got them from his side. I’m shaped just like my mom though so I was CERTAIN they would never grow. I spent a fair amount of my teen years obsessing over my boobs/lack of boobs.
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I totally didn’t read the rules. It’s 10 words or less. I just made up my own rules in my head (one line? one sentence?). And I get paid to carefully read and implement guidelines for a living. FAIL!
Oh well. I’m blaming it on breakup brain!
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16: Sex is alright. Nothing special.
17: I don´t want to wear a bikini, I´m too fat.
18: I must have a low libido, my boyfriend wants so much sex.
22: MY ex had an unnaturally high libido.
23: Do I have a high libido? My bf wants less sex than I do. Am I too fat?
25: Nobody wants to have sex with meeee.
25: I wish I had my 17 year old body back.
26: Sex is wonderful and while I could stand to lose a few pounds, I love my body.
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Just wait until you hit your 30s! You are going to die. Like, in a good way. Or just be incredibly incredibly incredibly frustrated.
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It get´s even BETTER? OMFG! I die. Literally, that last time I had sex was so good and exhausting I couldn´t even THINK properly. Lily might be able to confirm that.
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You had sex with Lili? That’s the best DW gossip evah.
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HAHAHA, well, now you´re jealous, huh!
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Seriously, I think I can speak for AP here and say that we’re going to need some details…
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haha, before rumors start flying; I had amazing sex and THEN met Lily for lunch. There was very much a penis involved in the amazing sex.
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18 – Everclear is clear like vodka, so it must be the same!
19 – I’ll just sleep out on my boyfriend’s porch so I can hose off the puke tomorrow.
20 – My professor posted all the notes online, so I never have to go to class again!
21 – Shit, maybe I should start trying at life
22 – I’m going to save the world and get awesome jobs with this degree!
23 – If I give you a sad pouty face will you hire me pretty pretty please?
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Omg…I’m dying over the first two. Why werent we best friends in college?
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haha, It’s never too late! I feel a new phase of drinking coming on in my life.
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24 – http://memeorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/ive-made-a-huge-mistake-arrested-development.jpg
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13 – No boy will date me.
19 – Hey that boy will date me.
22 – I MUST DATE ALL THE BOYS.
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Do you follow hyperbole and a half? Your 22-line reminded me of “Clean ALL THE THINGS”.
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25- Dr. What? Oh shit, that’s me, and I obviously know what I’m doing…
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19 – I want a man who doesn’t just want to bone.
23 – I don’t have to date him to have sex? WHEEEEE!
27 – How did I become one-night stand girl?!
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23–thyroid problems suck
26–I survived law school and never want to practice, so what the hell do I do now?
28–If I just keep breathing, sooner or later this feeling that I’m slowly bleeding to death inside will ease up.
32–Holy shit, somehow I’ve morphed into an actual grown-up who’s happy with her life!
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19. God I hate my employer, I hope I never work here again.
23. I was a fool, a good salary and benefits rock.
22. I may hate library school but I sure like this girl.
16. OMG I have the biggest crush on Will O’Donnell.
10-12. Middle school would be the worst even without a back brace.
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19. My jeans keep shrinking in the wash!
20. Oh, no more chili cheese fries at midnight. And run!
27. I can’t live without him.
30. I can totally live without him.
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30: Hey, I finally totally feel like a grown-up.
40: Did he just call me “Ma’am”?
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22-Relationships are stupid and I’m a free spirit!
27-Wanna maybe think about getting married someday? A little?
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45: I finally am the confident woman I always knew I could be.
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19 – I am following the Grateful Dead with my new boyfriend.
23 – What took me so long to break up with my boyfriend?
23.5 – I met the love of my life!
25 – The love of my life dumped me, pass the kleenex!
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13-19: OMG MY LIFE IS OVER.
20-23: Oh life goes on huh? That’s cool. This is awesome!
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24: I forgot. What name are you using tonight?
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Weird. I only forget which name I use. Or which accent.
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Oh I’d forget my “name” too!
My best friend and I sucked at it though. We would still call each other by our real names (both distinctive) in front of the guys we gave wrong names to.
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45: (today) my family has no idea how much it hurt me that they all forgot my birthday
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Happy birthday, fellow virgo!
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Happy birthday!
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Happy birthday!!!
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Happy Birthday!!
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Happy happy happy birthday, aibhlinn!
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Happy Birthday!!!
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ps. You share a birthday with the boyfriedn I had when I was 15, he was such a sweetie!!! So good people must be born that day
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Happy Birthday!
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Happy Birthday!!!
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Felicidades!
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Thanks everyone!
I admit to being in the midst of a pity-party of one when I posted that. A good night’s sleep and knowing it wasn’t intentional helped put it all into perspective. Life happens sometimes, things and events get in the way and I do have a pretty spectacular family…all of whom love me a ton. I have nothing to complain about! Except turning 45, which in itself is a whole other post ha!
Thanks again
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31- I gOt drunk tonight with my parents at wine club… Is that ok?
Ps- I am drunk
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27 – He LEFT me because he didn’t feel “in love?”
29 – We were going to adopt and now he wants a divorce?
31 – I’m making out with a 25 year old by the river….I rock!
31.5 – He is a doctor, who owns his house, pays his bills, and cooks?! Sign me up!
34 – WHAT I am MARRIED for a second time?!?! It’s okay, I got this….
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I can’t handle 2 bethanys!!
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What, me neither! It’s like that time we had an Amber and amber – I can’t deal with this.
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I don’t know what a wine club is, but it sounds fabulous! I’m jealous
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16- the best version of me I ever was
24- why the eff did i do medicine?!?
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66-Glad to be here. Looking forward to the rest.
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WD, you know what would be fun for everyone? If you were to tell stories about Wendy – you know, the funny/embarrassing things that she did. Like, the one time she did that one thing in front of you know who and so and so was so mad! If Addie Prays Dad were still alive – and knew what a blog was and how to comment (ha!) – he’d tell you that I used to eat dog food under the table and that I used to hide food behind my dresser so it would be there later when i was ready to eat it. Your turn, except tell us the really scandalous stories you have. If you reply to this comment it will be kept private – she won’t be able to see.
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Oh, my dear, sweet Addie Pray. It’s true that I was born at night, but it was not LAST night. I think I’ll leave those stories for Wendy to tell. After all, I’m counting on her to take care of me in my old age.
BTW, as you know, I go way back. Do you know what we used to call Stephens girls?
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Oh those Stephens girls… do tell!
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Actually, AP, it wasn’t so much what we called the girls but what we called the institution. It was known as “Stephens School for Nymphomaniacs”. Well, I guess that was also what we were calling the girls. Alas, I didn’t go to school in Missouri, so I missed out on all the fun.
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Ahh, I’m understanding better now why my brothers (who did go to Mizzou) always had girlfriends from Stephens.
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18. Yes I’m married and NO, I’m not pregnant.
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38: Am I brave enough to change my whole life?
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Yes.
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22- wow my friends are shitty
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28 – Who knew living alone was this awesome? Ooh, he’s cute.
21 – I’m still conscious on Saturday night. Time to drink more.
18 – If I sign here, I get this new Jeep? SWEET!!!
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22: The year I was fucking stupid. And fucking Stupid.
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I wish I was only fucking Stupid for one year
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18 – I can’t wait to go to college!
22 – I can’t wait to graduate from college!
Also at 22 – I wish I had more friends who live near me.
College has not been the greatest experience for me. But whatever, I still got the rest of my life to make awesome, I guess.
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18: I hope people like me.
20: More than a little self-righteous towards a relative/friend.
21: Eh. People fuck up and make bad choices. The world isn’t black and white. There’s a whole lotta bad and good in all of us. Ditched the self-righteous attitude.
22: Never want to go home. Love living abroad.
24: Happy in my hometown of Los Angeles, but kind of want to move to another big city just to try something different. Feeling the urge to wander again. Employment situation not stable, but financially stable so a move would be feasible. Need to stop drinking red wine and reading Dear Wendy on Sunday nights when I should be cleaning/doing laundry
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31 – Seems so much younger than 30.
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