Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

Women’s March NYC, 2018. I thought they were funny.

Happy weekend everyone! This week DW quietly turned seven years old! Some of you have been around since the very beginning, and whether you are one of those longtime loyal readers, or fairly new, or you’ve come and gone, thank you for being part of this ride. One of my very favorite parts of this community is witnessing — and celebrating and commiserating about — all the many, many life changes among us: graduations; new jobs; promotions; first dates; new loves; engagements; weddings; divorces; babies; job loss; illness; grief; home purchases (and sales); big moves; and everything in between. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for being part of this community. I continue to learn so much, and I feel honored and humbled by your continued presence here — thank you!

This weekend Jackson and Joanie are going for an overnight sleepover at their cousins’ home in New Jersey without us. Jackson has done this before, but it will be Joanie’s first time and, even though she will be in the very capable hands of Drew’s brother and SIL, I feel just a wee bit anxious about her being away from us for a night in a different home (a different state, even!) while still really looking forward to having some time alone with Drew sans kids. We’re going to see a movie in the middle of the day! And go out for dinner and not pay a babysitter when we get home! And we might go out for brunch the next morning, and get shit done around the house (sealing marble countertops, re-potting plants, this and that!). Very exciting. Jackson, too, has been counting the days til this sleepover for weeks — he has this calendar, which has a magnet for “sleepover,” that he promptly placed on the January 27th square as soon as the plans were made. (He also asked us this morning, in a very serious tone, if we could please, please update his calendar while he was away.)

Anyway, hope you all have a wonderful weekend and spend it with people, or someone, you love.

17 comments… add one
  • avatar

    anonymousse January 26, 2018, 5:50 pm

    I love a guy who can make me laugh about feminism and still be a feminist.

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    • avatar

      anonymousse January 26, 2018, 5:53 pm

      Also, only 7!?!?!?! How long were you at the F?

      Wendy, you’ve been with me since college. Well, at least I’ve been reading your advice since I was in college! You’ve probably, in some way, helped shape me to have healthier relationships. Thanks for that! 😂

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      • avatar

        anonymousse January 26, 2018, 5:55 pm

        Should say “in many ways.”

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  • avatar

    Howdywiley January 26, 2018, 9:32 pm

    Awwwww yeah….. been lurking since way back in the Frisky days.
    You’re all my closest friends and you don’t even know 😜

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  • TheLadyE

    TheLadyE January 27, 2018, 1:40 am

    Happy Blog-site-advice column-aversary to DW! I’ve been reading since the City Wendy days – since BEFORE Wendy moved to NYC to be with Drew! I followed her to the Frisky and then followed her here! Wow, I can’t believe it’s been that long, but I’ve probably been reading for close to a decade!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy January 27, 2018, 4:38 am

      More than a decade if you’ve been reading since my Chicago days. I moved to nyc 10 1/2 years ago! I know, time flies…

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  • avatar

    Kate January 27, 2018, 10:00 am

    Ok, wow. This book is not going to be for everyone- skip it if you like light reading or hated The Handmaid’s Tale, but holy shit.

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316434817/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=dearwecom-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0316434817&linkId=f2d4f56e652aff1ef756de0dfc78a5d8

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  • Lianne

    Lianne January 27, 2018, 11:02 am

    Happy anniversary! I’ve been reading since the frisky- can’t believe it’s been that long!

    Enjoy your weekend. I’m so jealous. We’ve been in flu hell here and I just want to escape. My son came home with it on Monday and luckily it passed very quickly. But my husband got it Wednesday and still has a fever. So far I’ve avoided it but I’m feeling a little rundown today. That could just be lack of sleep catching up to me, though – at least that’s what I hope!!!

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  • avatar

    JD January 27, 2018, 2:10 pm

    So, looks like I am moving to Chicago, in just over a month. SOs job is moving him there, although he could turn it down. I REALLLLLY do NOT want to live in Chicago but it is the one place he has always wanted to live and I am all about supporting his dreams. It will also allow me to stay home with the baby we are currently trying to conceive. He knows my reservations but I am not harping on any of it as I don’t want him to feel guilty and change his mind. He does anything and everything for me, I want him to have what he wants as well.

    I just cannot stand the weather. When the wind kicks in I can cry. I get awful migraines from the cold and wind that last for days. He is all excited about just walking everywhere and not driving. I wear 6 inch heels every day. I don’t walk haha. I drew the line at giving up my car just yet. He is selling his. I just cannot change literally everything all at once. I would feel trapped. Plus public transit is not my thing at all. I have lived in a big city before so I will adapt, but frankly I even drove everywhere there.

    Anxious and nervous but I am sure it will be great in the end. So much change though in such a short time. Plus, the real annoying part is simply finding a place. Not the easiest from CA. He is going out in two weeks to narrow down apartments. He knows my taste pretty well, although I don’t think he gets how picky I am when I see some of the listings. I mentioned a closet being small and he said “we can make it work”. Someone is seriously underestimating my already packed closet. 🙂

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    • avatar

      Ron January 28, 2018, 10:34 am

      If you know that you won’t be able to stand Chicago, including health-wise, then you have to tell your bf, since he can turn down this assignment. If his dream is to live in Chicago, then you may not be compatible, unless a year or two will sate his need and you can HAPPILY tough it out for that amount of time. But don’t be surprised to hear “I just love it here and don’t ever want to move from Chicago” come from his lips two years from now.

      You seem to have an obsession to be the most supportive gf in the history of the world. That is a path to submission, not happiness. What about him supporting your needs? If you can’t do Chicago, then you can’t do Chicago.

      I will say that from my limited times in Chicago that it seemed a pretty great place and friends and family who lived there for years absolutely loved it. Perhaps you’ll come to love it, also. But you need to be honest with yourself here and know and reject what you can’t tolerate.

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      • avatar

        JD January 28, 2018, 12:00 pm

        Ha not even close. Nor will if he forever. We will be back in around 10 years. And he is my husband. Not my boyfriend.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom January 28, 2018, 11:17 am

      If you are going to spend the winter having constant migraines you won’t be able to function, let alone take care of an infant. An infant and horrible migraines aren’t compatible. Discuss this with your SO before moving. You need to have the how are we going to handle me being incapacitated by migraines discussion. Someone who is supportive of you wouldn’t put you in that situation. Consider whether you would be able to take medication for a migraine while pregnant. Can you spend an entire pregnancy having untreated migraines? I work with someone who limited her family size for that reason. She couldn’t function with the migraines.

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  • avatar

    ktfran January 27, 2018, 9:54 pm

    Happy anniversary! This site has been a godsend. Seriously. Thank you.

    I hope you’re enjoying the weekend! In December, my nephew had his first sleepover at my condo. It went fabulous. I can’t wait for more! Today, I watched a friend’s 1 and 3 year old. The three year old pooped in her underwear. Twice. I’m not cut out for child rearing. At all. Thank god the husband came with me. Bless all the parents out there.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy January 28, 2018, 6:49 am

      Better the underwear than the bath, that’s what I always say.

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      • avatar

        ktfran January 28, 2018, 10:55 am

        Lol. Good point. I think main problem was it was beyond stinky. My friend said she is really stinky. Her grandpa puts Kleenex in his nose when he helps. I’ll remember that next time. 🙂

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  • bagge72

    bagge72 January 29, 2018, 9:57 am

    How do people do the sleepovers!? My little lady is almost 10 months old, and I know the grandparents want to have her sleep over, but it’s just so nerve racking. They don’t know her schedule, and how is she going to sleep in a new place, and what if she wakes up and doesn’t know where she is, and what if she is crying and just needs to hug me, and I MISS HER when she’s gone for like 10 minutes. I can’t do it!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy January 29, 2018, 11:12 am

      There’s no rush! This was Joanie’s first time sleeping over somewhere else without us there and she’s 2 1/2 (and I still worried about her!). Jackson was older — maybe 5 — the first time he slept somewhere else without either of us with him. That said, we did leave Jackson alone for a night at our home (with our part-time nanny) for the first time when he was, I don’t know, around 2 1/2. There’s a big difference between 10 months and 2 though. Unless you have to, I’d be more comfortable waiting until your daughter can talk a little bit. Knowing that your kid can ask for what she needs, even in a rudimentary way, eases a lot of worry!

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