Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

This week, I sent out a new newsletter for the first time since New Year’s Day (hey, if you’ve avoided signing up for the newsletter because you’re afraid of getting too much email, now would be a good time to go ahead and get over that concern and sign on up; at this rate, I’ll probably send out two more before the year ends). In case you didn’t receive it, or for some inexplicable reason, received it but didn’t read it (how could you!), here’s the message I included:

This spring – May 15th, to be exact – marks 15 years since I graduated from college. I can hardly believe it’s been that long. I blinked and suddenly I was 36. I blinked and suddenly I was living in New York, with a husband and a son and two cats and even my own advice column (that people actually read). Over the weekend, I was looking for a nail to hang something in Jackson’s room and I looked in the box labeled “nails,” as one would, and it was filled with old photos. Drew had taken Jackson to the playground and I had planned to do a little home organizing while they were out – add “re-label” boxes to the list – but before I knew it, I was lost in nostalgia, reflecting on the girl I used to be.

The months following college graduation were pretty bleak. I was in love for the first time, so the bleakness was, at first, buried under a mix of other emotions, but it didn’t take long for it to rear its head. Almost all of my college friends who’d graduated along with me fled town the moment they got their degrees. It was a mass exodus of my closest friends at a time when I probably needed them the most. I was done with school but had no idea what came next. I couldn’t find a job. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. And skipping over a bunch of details, I’ll say my relationship took a nosedive pretty quickly, and having just said good-bye to my closest friends and feeling completely lost, I clung to the one thing I thought might save me, or at least make me feel less alone. But if there’s anything that will make you feel more lost and alone and confused than you already are, it’s being in a lonely and confusing relationship.

When I look back at that time, I feel so fucking sad for 21/ 22-year-old me. When the boyfriend finally dumped me, after months of fights and tears and threats of leaving him, I hit what I thought was rock bottom. My friends were gone, my family was in another country, I was still unemployed – unless you count working as a telemarketer, with your newly-minted college degree in hand “employment,” I was broke, I still had no idea what I wanted to do – well, I knew I’d like to write, but the idea of making a living as a writer seemed as far-fetched as hitching a ride to Mars, and now I had a broken heart to boot. Worst of all, I hated myself. All that time in college I thought the world would be my oyster once I graduated, and there I was: a total loser with nothing – nothing! – to show for anything. Nothing to show for all the classes I took, and the money my parents spent, and the friendships I made, and the way I put my heart on the line.

Of course, with the perspective of an additional 15 years, I see now that what I was going through isn’t all that unique. It’s classic, coming-of-age growing pains. There were lessons I had to learn. The only way to a better life was through the challenges. There weren’t any shortcuts. I had to put one step in front of the other, pick myself up when I stumbled, brush myself off, and keep moving forward, despite the scrapes and bruises along the way.

But you know what helped? I found a community of like-minded women on the internet whom I turned to for advice and friendship. That community is long gone, and I’d sort of outgrown it during its several early incarnations anyway, but for a year or two, it was a safe haven for me, and even to this day, a decade and a half later, I keep in touch with one of the friends I made (I heard from her just this morning, actually; and last week, a couple days before I found those old photos, she sent me an email I wrote to her many years ago to illustrate to me how far I’d come).

It was my hope when I started Dear Wendy, and especially when I launched the message board, that it could be the same place of support and healing and sharing that helped me. And when I read your comments and your forum threads and the letters you send, I think it is. I think it’s actually more than what I envisioned – and that’s to your credit.

I know I haven’t kept up with this newsletter like I thought I would – life has a way of getting in the way of good intentions, sometimes – but these things were on my mind this week and I wanted to take a moment and share them with you. And to say thank you. And maybe serve as a reminder to anyone who is feeling doubtful or hopeless or at the end of her rope that, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually you do get somewhere. And sometimes the place you get is even better than you imagined.

Thanks, again, everyone, for being a part of DW. Happy Friday and have a wonderful weekend.

70 comments… add one
  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson April 26, 2013, 4:09 pm

    Wendy I can’t say how much I appreciated your newsletter. I’m going through a lot personally at the moment, and it really spoke to me. In that teenager everything-is-about-me kind of way. Thank you so much for this site. I am going to give everyone a large update on my life sometime this weekend, but essentially Sampson and I moved out, I have officially disassociate from my own life, and I have no idea what I would do without this community. The first 3 people I told about what’s going on in my life were DW people I haven’t even met. I love you all!

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      lets_be_honest April 26, 2013, 4:16 pm

      I love you too. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.

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    • LadyinPurpleNotRed

      LadyinPurpleNotRed April 26, 2013, 4:17 pm

      I know I’m not a regular commenter (trying to get better at that), but I’ve an avid reader and we are definitely here for you! Happy to do whatever to make your life a little easier!

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    • theattack

      theattack April 26, 2013, 4:20 pm

      I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time. Everything just seems to happen at once sometimes. I’ve been worried about you for what it’s worth. Looking for your update. Please let me know if I can help you with anything and feel free to unload on me if you need an ear! Go have yourself a nice run and then a huge mug of beer.

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      Amanda April 26, 2013, 4:55 pm

      Sending lots of love to you too. I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time right now. We are all rooting for you

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        Rangerchic April 26, 2013, 5:01 pm

        Same here! I hope things turn around for you soon.

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      sarita_f April 26, 2013, 5:39 pm

      Tons of love IWTTS. My room is open this weekend (and we have room in the basement when I come home!) and my roommate and I love dogs – if you need a place to stay you have it. Let me know if you need anything at all.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson April 26, 2013, 5:41 pm

        Aw you guys are so awesome, all of you! I’m not going to lie I actually contemplated reaching out to you when this was all going down, but I figured it out. We will have to get drinks when you’re back in town! Now if only I could summon the balls to tell my parents. (#80’sbabyproblems)

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        lets_be_honest April 26, 2013, 5:44 pm

        You’ll know when you’re ready to tackle that hurdle. Take your time.

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      applescruffs April 26, 2013, 5:40 pm

      Let me know if you need a margarita or 10! Gracie and I will be over with the tequila.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson April 26, 2013, 5:45 pm

        I’m going to need some skinny girl margaritas poolside stat. The upside is that I’m not staying in a condo downtown that has a vegas style awesome pool that is heated and open year round. So there’s that. I am going to take the lemons life has handed me and soak them in booze. You and Sarita need to be a part of this 🙂

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson April 26, 2013, 5:45 pm

        I’m now**

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        applescruffs April 26, 2013, 6:21 pm

        You tell me when and I’m there. I make a mean margarita. And as soon as my god damn mother fucking piece of shit ankle heals, we’ll go run it out.

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      rachel April 26, 2013, 6:05 pm

      <3 you. You all helped me through my shitstorm last year. You know we're happy to help you through this.

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      GatorGirl April 26, 2013, 6:09 pm

      Hugs. If you need to escape to somewhere warm, my couch here in FL is open 🙂 Toasting to you this weekend.

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    • FireStar

      FireStar April 26, 2013, 7:44 pm

      Aw honey. Sorry you are dealing with so much. My guest room is a little far for you but I’m wishing you the very best until things turn around for you. Then we can go back to disagreeing all the time. 😉

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow April 26, 2013, 8:30 pm

      Love you!! Call me any time.

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    • lemongrass

      Lemongrass April 26, 2013, 9:15 pm

      I’m thinking about you! I hope it all gets sorted.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy April 26, 2013, 10:19 pm

      So sorry to hear this!

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      d2 April 26, 2013, 10:45 pm

      Oh my, I’m sorry IWTTS.

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    • Imsostartled

      Imsostartled April 26, 2013, 10:58 pm

      I’m so sorry! For what it’s worth you are a really important member of this community and you’ve always had great advice to give. If you ever feel like visiting CA!

      Thinking of you!

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    • katie

      katie April 27, 2013, 8:24 am

      i am really, really anxiously awaiting this update…

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      Sunshine Brite April 28, 2013, 10:07 am

      Sorry to hear that you’re having such a rough time! Much care and well wishes.

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  • avatar

    TECH April 26, 2013, 4:16 pm

    Wendy, I wanted to let you know your newsletter touched me as well. I especially liked: “And maybe serve as a reminder to anyone who is feeling doubtful or hopeless or at the end of her rope that, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually you do get somewhere. And sometimes the place you get is even better than you imagined.” When I opened up my email Tuesday morning, trying not to cry as I started my morning at work, I needed to read that.

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  • avatar

    Taylor April 26, 2013, 4:22 pm

    Loved the newsletter! Not for the first time, it really made me wish my 20-something self had this community then. On a lighter note, I had my first DW dream yesterday. I dreamt we were hanging out, talking about places to eat in Chicago vs. NY vs. Cleveland, and at some point Wendy told me AP was Indian (no idea where that came from).

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle April 26, 2013, 6:16 pm

      I love how DW dreams are a thing here. “I had my first one, you guys!” 😀

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    csp April 26, 2013, 4:31 pm

    So, I have found recently that my 30s seemed to come in a blink and this song by Tim McGraw called “My next 30 years” really hit home. Also, I have found I relate more and more to country music as I get older. It is wierd, “back that ass up” just doesn’t resonate the way it used to. Here are the lyrics:

    I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
    The ending of an era and the turning of a page
    Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
    Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

    Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
    Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
    Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
    And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years

    My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
    Cry a little less, laugh a little more
    Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
    Figure out just what I’m doing here
    In my next thirty years

    Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
    Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
    Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
    Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years

    My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
    Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
    Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
    Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years
    In my next thirty years

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      lets_be_honest April 26, 2013, 4:33 pm

      csp, that opener was hilarious!

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        csp April 26, 2013, 5:02 pm

        it is funny because it is true 🙂 my playlists have certainly changed.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson April 26, 2013, 4:52 pm

      I love country music. It always speaks to me. I actually think I should find a friend and make them accompany me to the next country music festival in Denver. There’s something about beer, short skirts, summer time, and country music that’s good for the soul.

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      • theattack

        theattack April 26, 2013, 4:58 pm

        It never occurred to me that you would have country music festivals in Colorado. I didn’t think anyone outside of the South (and lemongrass) listened to country music. You should come to Nashville!

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        Addie Pray April 26, 2013, 5:03 pm

        Hey hey hey when I was in Nashville my mom and I mosey’d into a bar that had live country and it was awesome! They were called: The Silver Threads. Know ’em?

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      • theattack

        theattack April 26, 2013, 5:24 pm

        I’ve never been to a show, but I’ve heard of them. Maybe I’ll go check them out at your recommendation this summer. I’ve been excited for it to finally be warm enough to take advantage of living this close to Nashville. It wasn’t warm enough to convince myself to go out when we first moved here.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson April 26, 2013, 5:09 pm

        Yeah country music is pretty big here. Well really I guess all music is big here. I think we’re up there with Austin, TX and Portland, OR for music scenes. So I just need to quit eating for a while (juice cleanse Monday!) so that I can fit into my favorite skanky jean skirt.

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      • theattack

        theattack April 26, 2013, 5:26 pm

        Sounds good! I’m so glad we’re waiting until Monday. I’m having some major period-induced munchies right now, and I don’t think cucumber juice would fix these cravings.

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        sarita_f April 26, 2013, 5:40 pm

        IWTTS – get a pass for the Underground Music Fest this July. I have one. JOIN!

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      • lemongrass

        Lemongrass April 26, 2013, 9:19 pm

        I listen to country on Seattle radio stations so I’m not the only one around that loves it! Funny how my city has no country stations though. Good thing Seattle comes in clear!

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        applescruffs April 26, 2013, 5:41 pm

        I’m in.

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        findingtheearth April 26, 2013, 4:55 pm

        I live in Montana, so I get to hear a lot of country music. It’s good for around the campfire.

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        Pamplemousse Rose April 26, 2013, 10:46 pm

        I love camping in Montana!! Though I think we might have to skip this year because I got a new job and don’t get to take vacation till October… Hopefully we’ll squeeze in a long weekend down there at some point.

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      Addie Pray April 26, 2013, 5:01 pm

      I secretly love country too! I’ve been listening to Zac Brown Band on repeat on my commute to and from work. Shhhh, it’s a secret. I have an urban, non-country reputation to uphold!

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        csp April 26, 2013, 5:03 pm

        Don’t worry, your secret is safe on the internet

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  • Lyra

    L April 26, 2013, 5:30 pm

    Oh Wendy…I needed this so much. Thank you.

    I’m 25 and finishing up what has proven to be the most challenging year of my life so far. I am in a career that I LOVE but unfortunately there aren’t many available jobs. Last year I received a job offer in a small town 500 miles from home. The job is FAR from my dream job. I love my family and friends back home and I knew it would be hard for me to be far from them so I was incredibly skeptical when I was thinking about if I should accept it or not. I talked to my best friend for 3 hours and we literally came up with a pros and cons list, the cons FAR outweighing the pros. I decided I wouldn’t take it. I told my ex boyfriend that same night, but he (who is in the exact same field) got a job out here too and had already accepted his job. He basically guilted me into moving out here despite the fact that I was sobbing to him over Skype (he was abroad at the time). He said he couldn’t believe that I would even consider not accepting the job and that I was being “selfish” for not wanting to move closer to him. In the end, I stupidly decided that I would accept the job.

    The night before I moved, I was at my parents’ house. Instead of being excited for these new opportunities, I sobbed into my parents’ shoulders for hours. In all honesty I was having second thoughts. I especially didn’t want to leave my mom because I am so close to her. Once I moved, it was a rocky start to the school year. I tried leaning on my ex but he pulled away and was distant for months leading up to our breakup. That made me lonelier than I had ever been. We broke up, finally, in November. In reality I had been over him for months by that point so it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I finally realized that I could lean on my friends and didn’t need him at all.

    I met my current boyfriend in January and I’m so thankful that I did. He has been such a great support for me and has helped me through the tough times. Even now I have a lot of difficulty in my job. I’ve cried to him when I felt completely helpless and he has helped me to get through that. He is there when I need him most and that has been so great.

    Last weekend I made the final decision that I will resign from my job at the end of the school year. I haven’t been happy in my job for a very long time and honestly I’m not quite sure how I got through this year. I plan to move closer to home. Though I may not find a full time job that’s in my field right away, I know for a fact that I will be happy and that’s what matters most. I learned so much through this year and now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m actually really glad that I did this. I’m glad I moved because of how much I’ve learned from it all. I learned a LOT of hard lessons, but I’m coming out of this so much stronger than I’ve ever been before. I will never be the same person that I was prior to this year.

    Yikes, sorry for the novel. This article really resonated with me.

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  • avatar

    ecco April 26, 2013, 5:30 pm

    Wendy, i just wanted to say that this was beautiful. I’ve read your column every day on DW but haven’t really felt compelled to comment until now (usually you/the commenters have it covered before I get around to reading the letters). I needed to hear this today. Thank you for everything you do 🙂

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    GatorGirl April 26, 2013, 6:21 pm

    Wendy, thank you for the community you have built. I appreciate the time, money, effort, sweat, tears, and love you have put into creating this safe place for all of us. Thank you!!!

    I’ve had a shitty week otherwise. Working both jobs most days, fiance working both jobs most days, exhausted and overwhelmed. Work sucks. Wedding planning is hitting the fan. I think I have a tooth that is rotting out of my head (gross). I want to cope by drinking to much, but that won’t help. So I’m off to make lists. (I am thankful that it is sunny and warm here in FL. And that I have the next two days off!!)

    Also, thank you to all the commentors, even the one’s I butt heads with. It is eye opening to have these debates and discussions. You have all helped me learn to formulate my arguements better, back up my thoughts better, and have helped me have a better relationship. Much love to you all!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy April 26, 2013, 10:31 pm

      If it makes you feel ant better, the wedding column from the other was linked to on a forums on theknot.com and commenters there (after reading comments on the thread here) pretty much agreed that gator girl was the coolest person ever and all wanted to be your friend.

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        GatorGirl April 26, 2013, 10:35 pm

        Haha, that’s nuts! Off to stalk the knot!

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        GatorGirl April 26, 2013, 10:50 pm

        They didn’t think I was that cool! Funny thing is I check the knot once a week or so and I’m not a big fan of the site/commenters!

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        lets_be_honest April 29, 2013, 9:41 am

        link?

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        GatorGirl April 29, 2013, 10:17 am

        And yes, those girls are vicious. We think it gets nasty here on DW sometimes…I can’t handle when they get snarky. They even make a whole thread each Friday to mock other posters on the site and their etiquette breeches. Gross.

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        bethany April 29, 2013, 10:06 am

        I hated the community on The Knot. When my wedding was imploding and I literally didn’t know if it was going to happen 10 days before the event, those girls were less than helpful. Bitches.

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  • mylaray

    mylaray April 26, 2013, 6:32 pm

    This is exactly what I needed to hear. I walk home from work everyday, and I’ve been sitting on a bench in this beautiful weather not even knowing what to do right now. I don’t really want to go home. I don’t really want to do anything. I feel like my life is falling apart. I love my job and am fortunate to do what I love, but all of my friends moved away last year, and it’s been tough to keep up with them, while still trying to make new friends. My boyfriend and I are going through some really tough times the past few months, and I don’t know if we can make it though. He’s my best friend but I feel like fate is against is right now. Last night, I was so miserable, I went out and bought a bottle of wine. I very rarely drink anymore. When I finally decided to open the bottle, I realized I don’t even own a corkscrew and didn’t want to go out and get one. I just wanted something to help me go to sleep. I feel like I just need to go in a vacation somewhere, but I always tend to run away from my problems and move all the time. I promised myself a few years ago that I’m staying put here and that hopefully everything will get better. I already feel like I’m 30 years old half the time and I can’t wait to just flash forward to that point in my life. It doesn’t help that most people I know are married or engaged and don’t really have time to do things with me anymore. Worst of all, I’m usually a happy, cheery person, and I hate being like this. But to end it on a positive note, I’ve been reading this site since it existed and I love the positive community it has and I know it’s helped so many people, so thank you!

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    • mylaray

      mylaray April 26, 2013, 6:43 pm

      Oh, also…one thing that helped me soo much when I finished college (and still helps me) was this phrase:

      If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.

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      Rachel April 26, 2013, 7:51 pm

      *hugs* I hope things get better for you. Where do you live? I’m sure there are some dw’ers there!

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle April 26, 2013, 6:36 pm

    I don’t have the words or brain power right now to thank Wendy & all of you again, but I seriously find a new reason every day to love this community. So, heart emoticons for you all in replacement of more articulateness <3 <3 <3

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  • thatswhat-she

    Meg April 26, 2013, 8:36 pm

    Off topic, but I don’t know if I can actually be off topic on an open thread:

    I know many of you have Chicago connections. My fiance and I are headed there for a VERY short trip (fly in early the morning of Sat 6/8, and return home late Sun night). We’re seeing a Sox game on Sat at 3ish, and a Cubs game on Sun at 1ish since we’re naming tables at our wedding after ballparks we’ve been to, and we’re a couple short. We’re crashing on a friend’s couch Sat night. We won’t be renting a car for such a short trip, so plan to stick to public transport.

    I’ve been to Chicago once before, for a particularly frigid New Years trip visiting the same friend which was almost as short. I’m having a hard time deciding what we should do with our limited time (and budget) in town. We’re limited to casual clothes since we’ll be carrying our overnight bags (a backpack each) with us the whole time. I’m thinking we’ll take advantage of the warm weather and focus more on outdoor stuff than museums.

    We should have Sat morning/evening free (with the evening spent with the friend we’re staying with, but activities are still unplanned), as well as Sun morning and probably a couple hours before we go to the airport. It’s not a ton of time and I’m ok with doing a lot of walking to see the sights, but not wandering aimlessly if that makes sense. My fiance needs to eat some sort of sandwich (I forget what kind) and I want a slice of deep dish pizza. We plan to open a brewery sometime in the not-too-distant future, so we do like to try local craft beer when we travel whenever possible.

    What would you do with a partial weekend in June in Chicago?

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy April 26, 2013, 10:36 pm

      What neighborhood are you staying in? Are you more interested in seeing touristy stuff — Magnificent Miles, the bean, Grant Park, Sears Tower, Hancock building — or off-the-beaten-path cool neighborhoods?

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      • thatswhat-she

        Meg April 26, 2013, 11:15 pm

        We’re actually not sure where we’re staying yet, b/c the friend’s lease is up in May and he hasn’t decided on a new place yet.

        I think I want to see some of the basic tourist stuff since my fiance’s never been to Chicago (and it was so cold my last trip that we pretty much hung out in bars and at home watching movies), but if there are neighborhoods worth visiting I’m definitely open to that too!

        We went to the bar at the Hancock building last time, but it was a bust due to fog. I think that if we do a tall building I’d rather do that again (on a clear day) and pay for a slightly overpriced drink, rather than paying $18 admission for the same view. We also went to the art museum and walked the Magnificent Mile that trip, although the Mile was mostly a jog while trying not to get frostbite :).

        I recently finished reading Devil in the White City (I think that’s what it’s called) and I’m tempted to see the Wooded Island on Jackson Park because of that. It might make sense to do that, along with maybe wandering through Hyde Park, before the White Sox game- but there may be better uses of our time.

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        GatorGirl April 26, 2013, 11:23 pm

        Oh, are you talking about the Signature Room on 95th? We went there when visiting in August last year and it was the worst experience of Chicago. You can go to the same building But rather than going to the shitty little room to the left when you get off of the elevator, ask to go right and be seated at the bar in the restaurant. You’ll go right off of the elevator, then right down the hall way and there is a big bar in the “back” dinning room which is really the side facing the city. Don’t let them shuttle you into the room on the left- the view is bad and the service is even worse.

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        Pamplemousse Rose April 27, 2013, 4:54 am

        Devil in the White City is such a good book, it’s one of my favourites! I just started re-reading it again and it makes me want to go to Chicago

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      GatorGirl April 26, 2013, 10:55 pm

      Don’t get Goose Island beer- its not actually craft anymore. One of the big breweries bought it a year or two ago. Hyde Park, I think is it’s name, was awesome. Strolling on the beach and just around in the Loop was awesome. There is the Navy Pier too, and the big ass fountain…idk the name. Oh, the BEAN! You have to go see the bean. But seriously just walk around the loop, gold coast area.

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      • thatswhat-she

        Meg April 26, 2013, 11:17 pm

        I know, I was so disappointed to read that! I did discover that Revolution Brewing (about which I’ve read good things) does brunch on the weekends- and after landing at 9am, we may be in the mood for something like that, especially given that it’s in Logan Square, which is on the way into town from O’Hare.

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        Sunshine Brite April 28, 2013, 10:12 am

        I knew something had changed about it!

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        GatorGirl April 29, 2013, 8:26 am

        Anheuser-Busch now owns a 58% share, at least…it sounds like they bought another 42% too. And the head brewer had to step down in the purchase process- which was in March 2011. So yeah, it’s not the little local brewery anymore!

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  • lemongrass

    Lemongrass April 26, 2013, 9:27 pm

    I’m really glad to have this community here in my 20’s. I really could have used it in my late teen years as those were rocky, lonely and hard. It’s really nice knowing that people care about me here and the dose of adult conversation keeps me sane. It’s reassuring knowing that if I had a personal issue that I have a place to talk about and that you guys would give me honest and caring advice.

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    Sunshine Brite April 28, 2013, 10:14 am

    This community’s beyond awesome and just what I needed this week as I felt my stress levels rose significantly.

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  • MELH

    MELH April 28, 2013, 10:52 am

    I loved the newsletter Wendy. I was reading it on my phone at work, where I am now 2 days away from leaving for my new job, and thinking it really is a matter of continuing to move forward. A month ago, I was sitting at work trying to rush to apply for a job I was about to meet the application deadline on, not feeling very confident and assuming it was going to be just another rejection letter. I was so stressed at the job I hate, and I was thinking I was going to be stuck there for the foreseeable future. Then I got and interview, and then another. They told me I would hear early the next week. I was hopeful but also pretty negative, and by Tuesday morning, I texted my husband and said I felt sure I didn’t get the job. Not 10 minutes later, my new boss called and offered me the job. The last 2 weeks have been some of the most miserable weeks of my life, because my current boss is absolutely furious I “only” gave her two weeks notice. But I’ve kept going because I want to leave a good impression and I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I really loved the newsletter because it reminded me that I felt this way just a few weeks ago, and things changed so fast. Now I have a job I think I will really enjoy, with a better work environment and chances for advancement that are finally going to allow me to start looking for a house to buy and thinking about starting a family. Dear Wendy helped me alot this past year, even when I didn’t have much time to comment. Thank you so much for everything Wendy, and I hope that now that my work life will be calming down a bit, I can comment a little more instead of just reading!

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    painted_lady April 28, 2013, 5:04 pm

    Ugh, you guys. My grandmother died on Friday. And I feel really…conflicted about it. I mean, on the one hand, it’s my fucking grandmother, you know? She was really good to me and really proud of me and I loved that part of her a lot. On the other hand, she was really kind of awful to my mother – there are so many stories my mom would tell about growing up, just like, “Oh, here’s this funny/weird story about growing up,” and I was just horrified. So emotionally abusive, so manipulative, and I saw it firsthand growing up. She was just mean and unhappy. She did some shitty things to me, and especially my brother, and while of course I’m not happy about her dying, there’s just so many complicated emotions.

    And add in, she hasn’t been *there* for years. It’s been probably five or six years since she recognized me, and probably two or three since she’s even spoken. She’s been practically catatonic in a nursing home all that time, and so I let go of the grandmother I knew years ago. I loved her, although it was really complicated, but that person I knew has been gone a long time. And so I keep getting messages from people, you know, meaning well, and I thank them for the sentiment, but it’s so, so strange because other than the fact that I have a funeral to attend Tuesday, I just don’t feel that differently. And I feel awful for not being especially sad. It’s the weirdest feeling I’ve ever had.

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      GatorGirl April 29, 2013, 8:29 am

      Aw, sucky situation.

      Mine is similar. My grandmother was a really shitty mom, but an awesome grandmother. A few years ago she started loosing it, litterally just loosing her mind. I always feel really torn when I see her because on one hand, she was awesome to me. On the other, she was shitty to my mom. And yet all of it is pretty much irrelevant because “she” isn’t there anymore.

      So yeah, no advice other than I can empathize.

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      lets_be_honest April 29, 2013, 9:15 am

      I’m so sorry to hear this PL. Thinking of you.

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