Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

wendy jackson botanic

Sunday is Mother’s Day and as much as I will enjoy time with Jackson and Drew, and will be thinking about my own mother and how much I appreciate her, especially now that I have a better understanding of the sacrifices she made to raise me and my sister, my thoughts will also be with those for whom Mother’s Day isn’t a happy occasion. I’ll be thinking of people whose own mothers are no longer with them or who never had the kind of mother they deserved. I’ll also be thinking of mothers who have lost children or suffered miscarriages and who have experienced the unthinkable grief no one should have to experience. And I’ll be thinking of the women for whom motherhood remains just outside their grasp no matter how hard they reach for it.

I won’t pretend to know what it feels like to lose a mother or a child or to want a baby so badly and not have one. But I do know the joy of motherhood, the love I feel from my own mom. and the excitement I feel watching my son be loved by his grandmother–and I wish every woman who wants those experiences could have them. And I wish I myself could experience them as long as I want without worry that I will ever lose the people that matter the most.

I guess more than anything, Mother’s Day is a reminder to me to cherish what I have while I have it and to not take time or family or love for granted. It’s also, hopefully, a chance to maybe, possibly, hopefully sleep in a little (Drew?).

Happy Mother’s Day to those of you who are moms or moms-to-be. And to those who are hurting, know that you aren’t alone and you aren’t forgotten. Here’s to a wonderful weekend to all of you, wherever you are and whomever you’re spending it with.

80 comments… add one
  • avatar

    TECH May 10, 2013, 4:08 pm

    What a wonderful, compassionate post! Mother’s Day is hard for many people for many different reasons, and it’s great to acknowledge it!

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary May 10, 2013, 4:11 pm

    Happy Mothers day to all the DW moms, and Wendy of course! Thanks for acknowledging that this holiday (as well as many others) can be difficult for moms who have lost children. My one close friend is anticipating a difficult weekend with her mother for this very weekend.

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  • lemongrass

    Lemongrass May 10, 2013, 4:13 pm

    This is my first Mother’s Day as a mom which is pretty cool. I’m not sure what mr. grass has planned, if anything. I’m pretty low-key so as long as he aknowledges how much he appreciates me then I’ll be happy.
    His mother is getting tested for what looks like cancer. I’m kind of in denial because she is so healthy, runs 10k several times a week, isn’t overweight, doesn’t smoke or drink excessively. I’m not ready for one of us to lose a parent, they are still invincible to me. So for now it’s just some symptoms and unless she gets a diagnosis then I won’t go there. I love her like my own mom and I love watching her with E.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray May 10, 2013, 4:14 pm

    Lovely! Except I thought the very last sentence read “Here’s to a wonderful weekend to all of you, wherever you are and whomever you’re SLEEPING with,” which I thought was an odd twist. (I should read more carefully.)

    I am actually spending Mother’s Day with my mom – on accident but we’ll pretend I made the trip for her. πŸ™‚

    Happy Mother’s Day, Wendy! And LBH. And Lemongrass. And Classic. And Iwanna (Sampson counts). And JK (just in case you come back).

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray May 10, 2013, 4:17 pm

      (And all the other DW moms I’m missing.)

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      • avatar

        bethany May 10, 2013, 4:20 pm

        I”m a cat mom. And a guinea pig foster mom!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray May 10, 2013, 4:24 pm

        Eww, you’ve been sleeping with rodents. (Cats are rodents, right?)

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      • avatar

        AliceInDairyland May 10, 2013, 4:45 pm

        I creeped on your instagram the other day (oops, confessions) and you are an amazing guinea photographer. They are so hard to photograph because they are so close to the ground and so squiggly. πŸ™‚ They are very cute too.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:46 pm

        That’s gotta be the first time I’ve ever heard the compliment of a great guinea pig photographer!

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      • avatar

        Bethany May 10, 2013, 9:43 pm

        The really good photos are ones my husband (the professional) took with his fancy camera, and then emailed them to me. Then I instagramed them… So… I can’t really take credit! But thanks anyway. Oh, and creep away!

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      • findingtheearth

        findingtheearth May 10, 2013, 10:21 pm

        I love guineas! I have two – both females. They are very bossy. I had a male one in high school and I love how different they are gender wise. Even personality wise- one of mine is very much the leader.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:45 pm

      Thanks Addie! Happy mother’s day to the rest of you! (come back JK!)

      I’m anxiously awaiting Sistine wishing me a happy mother’s day. I know how much she thinks I’m the best mom-commenter on here. πŸ˜‰

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      • avatar

        Amanda May 11, 2013, 11:18 am

        I’m cracking up LBH πŸ™‚

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson May 10, 2013, 4:56 pm

      Oh my gosh love the shout out! I posted before I even noticed you acknowledging it. I admit being a newly single mom to Sampson has been challenging, but it’s so rewarding. πŸ˜‰

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    • lemongrass

      Lemongrass May 10, 2013, 5:02 pm

      Thanks!

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    • Classic

      Classic May 10, 2013, 6:31 pm

      Thank you, Addie Pray! Have a great Mother’s Day weekend!

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  • Copa

    Copa May 10, 2013, 4:15 pm

    Today is Mother’s Day in Mexico, which is what I celebrate with my mom! So, Happy Mother’s Day to the DW community!

    My boyfriend’s mom passed away last summer and he’s been really distant the past couple days. I don’t know how to help or what to say.

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    • Bubbles

      SoCangie May 10, 2013, 10:47 pm

      I’m so glad 1-800-flowers hasn’t caught on to the fact that Dia de las Madres is May 10th so they don’t charge extra for delivery on that day!

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:18 pm

    I love that you wished for ALL moms, even those without living children, a happy mother’s day. Beautiful, and happy mother’s day to you!

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:21 pm

      Also, you look gorgeous in that picture!

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  • lynn

    lynn May 10, 2013, 4:29 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day to all you DW mamas and mamas-to-be. I can tell y’all all care very much for your children! And I hope all you other ladies out there, hoping for a little pumpkin of your own… have your dreams come true very soon. I know I’ve already (happily) stored away plenty of parenting advice just by reading your posts and comments. πŸ™‚

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  • mylaray

    mylaray May 10, 2013, 4:30 pm

    Thank you for this. While Mother’s Day is very difficult for me, I try not to be a grouch about it. I know it is a wonderful day for many. And I hope that maybe my feelings on it will change someday. My boyfriend invited me to go to dinner with him and his mom on Sunday, and while I would like to go, I don’t think I will because I would rather not do anything related to that.

    I also just found out a few days ago that a friend of mine lost his newborn daughter who was born with a rare condition, and I feel so bad for him and his wife as Mother’s Day is coming up.

    But I’ll be spending the weekend celebrating all the wonderful women in my life, which is a good enough distraction for me πŸ™‚

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  • avatar

    MissDre May 10, 2013, 4:49 pm

    Guys!!! What should I do for my boyfriend’s mom for mothers day? I imagine this year will probably be difficult for her…. but I don’t know her likes/dislikes well enough to decide what to get her. I just want to give her something that lets her know I’m thinking of her.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:50 pm

      Flowers?

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      • avatar

        MissDre May 10, 2013, 4:54 pm

        I’m considering it!

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    • avatar

      AliceInDairyland May 10, 2013, 4:55 pm

      Something off of Amazon… πŸ˜‰ Or modcloth… πŸ˜‰

      Anything off of modcloth.

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    • sobriquet

      sobriquet May 11, 2013, 11:50 am

      I made my boyfriend’s mom a card and baked her these cookies: http://joythebaker.com/2010/07/blueberry-black-and-white-cookies/. We also bought her a Yankee candle that smells like flowers.

      I don’t know if you have time to bake or make anything, but nothing says “thinking of you” like something homemade!

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      • FireStar

        FireStar May 11, 2013, 1:35 pm

        I liked the baked idea. Cookies or brownies? Can’t go wrong.

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  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson May 10, 2013, 4:54 pm

    Wendy you are so thoughtful and grateful and compassionate lately, I love it. I’ve noticed such a change in you now that Jackson’s a little older. You just seem so at peace.

    P.S. Sampson got me the cutest new running shoes for Mother’s Day!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy May 10, 2013, 7:07 pm

      Thanks! Raising a toddler is hard, but I definitely feel much more at ease and at peace as a mother than I did in the first year.

      Enjoy the running shoes!

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    • avatar

      d2 May 11, 2013, 8:25 am

      Pets always give the best presents!

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  • Lindsay

    Lindsay May 10, 2013, 5:06 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! I feel bad because I can’t do anything for my mom in person, and I know she misses her mom. I also have to make an awkward call to my stepmom. Luckily, I didn’t forget to send her a card like I did last year. :\

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 5:14 pm

      Hate the awkward stepmom call!

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      • EscapeHatches

        EscapeHatches May 10, 2013, 5:25 pm

        Hopefully she appreciates it, even if it is weird.

        Thought/effort that counts?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 5:26 pm

        Just saw your comment below. So sad! I think she does appreciate it. I always remind my siblings to call her also, even if I grit my teeth while doing so. πŸ™‚ Happy mother’s day to you.

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      • Lindsay

        Lindsay May 11, 2013, 11:32 pm

        Just saw it, too. I just wanted to specify that I don’t find the call to my stepmom awkward because she’s my stepmom, just because she has said a lot of mean things to me over the years. Regardless, she appears to appreciate it when I call and send a card. You sound like a great parent, though, and I hope that your kids realize that. Happy mother’s day!

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      • Lindsay

        Lindsay May 11, 2013, 11:29 pm

        Yeah, my stepmom doesn’t get on the phone when I call them anymore, so it’ll be like the first time I’ve talked to her extensively since like Christmas? But usually she hands to phone off to my dad within a minute or two even when it’s her birthday or Mother’s Day, so maybe not…

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  • avatar

    AliceInDairyland May 10, 2013, 4:20 pm

    [/url]

    (Hope that worked) I am so excited to be a goat GRANDMA! My second doe named Pumpkin just had TWINS! A boy and a girl, which is the same as the last doe. I am thrilled and they are all so perfect and I love them all so much and they are just so small and lovely and perfect. Any ideas on what to name Pumpkin’s female kid? I want something veggie related…

    Mother’s Day is postponed at my house because both my sister and I have finals this week to study for. But after Friday I am FREE and I will be enjoying my very last summer vacation of all time. Whew.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:22 pm

      Pie? Like pumpkin pie.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:22 pm

        Or VAG, for veggies are gross. πŸ™‚

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      • avatar

        AliceInDairyland May 10, 2013, 4:24 pm

        Veggies are good for you LBH… πŸ˜€

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:29 pm

        So says my daughter. Yuck! πŸ™‚

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    • avatar

      bethany May 10, 2013, 4:22 pm

      Name her Baby Bear. It’s a variety of pumpkin.
      http://www.mariquita.com/images/photogallery/pumpkins.truck.jpg

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      • avatar

        AliceInDairyland May 10, 2013, 4:37 pm

        …now I am going to make The Boy grow me Baby Bear Pumpkins because they are so cute.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary May 10, 2013, 4:29 pm

      Name her lima bean. Because lima beans are small and they are my favorite veggie (I know, right? I’m the only person on the planet).

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      • avatar

        Painted_lady May 10, 2013, 4:39 pm

        Nope. I love them so much.

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      • avatar

        honeybeenicki May 10, 2013, 4:41 pm

        You’re not alone. I love lima beans!

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      • avatar

        ChemE May 10, 2013, 5:36 pm

        Limas are the best!!!!
        I love Friday nights at the Cracker Barrel, limas are the veggie of the day. Yum!

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    • Copa

      Copa May 10, 2013, 4:33 pm

      Baby goats are so cute. Holy crap! Name ideas…

      Calabaza (means pumpkin in Spanish)
      Butternut (my favorite variety of squash)
      Buttercup (a different variety of squash, would make a cute name)

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      • avatar

        AliceInDairyland May 10, 2013, 4:35 pm

        Ahhhhhhh, I LOVE BUTTERNUT OR BUTTERCUP. That’s such a great idea, we grow both of those. Now, officially it’s The Boy’s turn to name the baby because I named Parsley… buut… I can make some strong suggestions.

        I like all the ideas. I love the name Lima too. I need to have 1,000,000 more goats. Also I am squirreling these all away on an excel spreadsheet for later naming needs.

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    • avatar

      AliceInDairyland May 10, 2013, 4:23 pm

      Okay I fail at pictures. But that’s the girl and she is soooo cute. I like both of these ideas! My dad just texted me with the suggestion of Pepita, because it is what you call pumpkin seeds…?

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      • avatar

        bethany May 10, 2013, 4:25 pm

        I love her, by the way. She’s so stinking cute. I want to squeeze all the baby goats.

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      • avatar

        AliceInDairyland May 10, 2013, 4:27 pm

        the little boy is (if possible) cuter, his whole head is greyish-brown with no white head marking. I will spam with more pictures later once I get a good one.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest May 10, 2013, 4:26 pm

        Oh I like Pepita!

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    • avatar

      AliceInDairyland May 12, 2013, 5:30 pm

      She has been named! Welcome to the world Acorn (Squash)! They are so so soooo cute.

      Here’s a photo the intern took!

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  • EscapeHatches

    EscapeHatches May 10, 2013, 5:24 pm

    As a stepmom – and not an overwhelmingly evil one…

    Please, please take a moment to recognize those “extra” parents you may have in your lives. Those aunties, “aunties,” grandmothers, coaches, teachers and stepmothers and whatnot who often step (no pun intended) into the lives of children playing a mothering role.

    Not to be a downer but I spent last Mother’s Day in tears because my stepson was at his biological mother’s house and I got not-so-much as a card from anyone. To work and strive and be there as much as I can(we have joint custody) for a child, to care and spend and sacrifice is hard. To do all of those things and be vilified for wanting a thank you is harder.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray May 10, 2013, 6:22 pm

      Fuckin’ a to the aunties!! πŸ™‚

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      • EscapeHatches

        EscapeHatches May 10, 2013, 7:28 pm

        Word. Both the biological and the acquired!

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      • othy

        othy May 10, 2013, 11:48 pm

        Good news: My 3 year old niece was asked by another one of her aunts who her favorite aunt was. She told them it was Othy πŸ™‚

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray May 11, 2013, 8:37 am

        Awwwww

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    • Bubbles

      SoCangie May 10, 2013, 10:43 pm

      Awwww, hang in there EscapeHatches. Believe me that type of treatment happens to biological/fulltime mothers as well. But once the kids are grown, a light goes off in their heads and they realize all that you did for them and that’s when they are overwhelmingly appreciative of all that you’ve done. Don’t give up and continue to be the best stepmom you want to be. And thanks for being there for your stepkid. Happy Mother’s Day!!

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      • EscapeHatches

        EscapeHatches May 13, 2013, 11:21 am

        Appreciated. I just always get a little bummed, y’know? Like it’s a family holiday but he goes back to his mother’s house so when my husband keeps saying things like, “whatever you want dear, it’s your day!” all I can think is that I’d rather he were home with us so we could go see Iron Man 3. πŸ™‚

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  • Jess

    Jess May 10, 2013, 5:25 pm

    Oh Wendy, so beautiful. Thank you. As a woman who miscarried but does not (yet) have a child, it’s incredibly touching for someone to consider me/my situation in their thoughts about Mother’s Day. That really, truly meant a lot to hear.

    And I have much more to be grateful for, like you, a wonderful mom of my own and a loving soon-to-be MIL.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle May 10, 2013, 5:28 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day to Wendy & everyone πŸ™‚ I was off today, so I spent part of the day shopping with my mom, & I bought her lunch and perfume. Then Sunday, we’re going out with my family & I’ll probably do the flowers thing.

    Now, my boyfriend’s mother…I think I got her sunflowers last year? And a bottle of wine for every other occassion (like Christmas, her birthday, etc.) So must think of something different!

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  • Classic

    Classic May 10, 2013, 6:34 pm

    Oh, this is so beautiful. Happy Mother’s Day dear Wendy and all the DWers.

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  • avatar

    LuckySeven May 10, 2013, 6:30 pm

    Aw, I was already going to comment because of how cute the photo is. I think it’s so great that you went out of your way to acknowledge all of the people who definitely deserve to be included on Mother’s Day.

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  • avatar

    XanderT May 10, 2013, 7:47 pm

    Happy Nana’s Day to all the Nanas raising their kids – me included. Tough work, but, so worth it.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Wendy. Hope it all goes your way!

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  • beelzebarb

    beelzebarb May 10, 2013, 9:05 pm

    Actually, here’s a question for you guys…my mom has never really been into Mother’s Day so in the past we haven’t done gifts or anything. This year, I’m on the fence about something. We’ve had a rough year – my sister passed away last September and I’m the only other kid so my inclination is to do something special for her BUT would that make it worse? She’s had an extra-shitty time because last month she also lost both her brother and a cousin she was close to. Ideas? Should I wait a week or two and buy her a gift certificate for a massage which would hopefully dodge the overt reminder? Dad and I both threw in on a massage gift certificate for Xmas and she LOVED it. I’ve been putting off the decision, obviously…

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    • Bubbles

      SoCangie May 10, 2013, 10:59 pm

      If she loved the massage GC, then definitely do that. You could also take her to the movies on that day to distract her. The “first insert holiday” after a loved one has passed on is always the hardest. So if she has a breakdown that day, just quietly be there to support her.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy May 10, 2013, 11:02 pm

      No, do something nice for her for mother’s day. I think even just saying in a card, something along the lines: “This has been a rough year and I just wanted you to know how much I love and appreciate you and am thinking about you this Mother’s Day.” I think she’ll definitely appreciate the gesture, especially since she probably will be extra sad.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray May 11, 2013, 8:43 am

      Oh this is really sad – I’m sorry for your losses! My mother is the same way – never been in to Mother’s Day. If I were to send her a card it wrap a gift for Mother’s Day, she’d laugh at me. But she likes to be wines and dined and so I spoil her all the time anyway. So I’d do something you know she’ll like – like that massage – just because. Or ham it up if she’s like my mom and say – all the other moms celebrate this day and you’re way better than all the other moms so just take this! I dunno. You know your mom better than anyone! But I know a card would make me look like an idiot. Which I’m learning is kind of weird? Maybe.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray May 11, 2013, 11:36 am

        Ha I just hugged and kissed my mom and said Happy Mother’s Day Tomorrow! Her response? Oh brother is it Mother’s Day? I said yes and that I got her a lovely card with a printed message of love that cost $5. (But i didnt.) She said “return it and lets go buy lottery tickets!” Such a hater! Haha.

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    • avatar

      Megan_A_Mess May 11, 2013, 11:45 am

      I just wanted to say that I am sorry for her (and your!) losses. My mom just lost her sister three weeks ago (who helped raise me and was also like another mom to me, I always bought her a card on Mother’s Day too …) and her mom is gone as well. My fiance and I bought her a new washer a few weeks ago, but I am also getting her a little something.

      I would say that the GC is a good idea, tucked into a card, with what Wendy said. Does your mom garden or like plants? Instead just a bouquet, maybe get her your sisters favorite flower to plant in the yard, or a nice flowering plant with your sisters favorite color buds on it? Or a GC to her favorite clothing or home-goods store, with a little note that when she’s not busy, you can spend the day together shopping, and then treat her to lunch? Movie tickets?

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  • beelzebarb

    beelzebarb May 10, 2013, 9:06 pm

    Oh, Wendy, I LOVE that picture! Both of you look so happy!

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  • findingtheearth

    findingtheearth May 10, 2013, 10:26 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day fellow mamas, grandmas, foster mamas, step-mamas – taking on the role of a mama is hard hard hard work.

    Sunday is my very first Mother’s Day. Honestly not a holiday I thought I would ever celebrate. My mom and her bf and I and my lil are all going to brunch (with mimosas!!!). Then a BBQ with my dad’s side of the family. My lil is sick, so I am hoping she will feel better by then.

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  • avatar

    Christy May 10, 2013, 11:16 pm

    Thanks, Wendy. My gf has a hard time with Mother’s Day, so we’re keeping it easy and staying home and watching hockey. I feel too guilty dragging her to my family’s…so I’m sending my grandmother a book, calling my mother, and chipping in for my stepmom. My mom hates celebrations anyway.

    So thanks, Wendy, for the reminder that Mother’s Day isn’t happy for everyone.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl May 11, 2013, 9:52 pm

    Happy Mothers Day DWers!! I’m a cat mom πŸ™‚

    Said cat and I just survived an 18.5 hour, 935 mile, 2 day road trip from FL to PA. Mama needs a beer.

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    • othy

      othy May 11, 2013, 11:15 pm

      Well done, I can’t imagine my cats on a road trip. Beer it up, you’ve earned it!

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  • QaraKoz

    QaraKoz May 13, 2013, 9:27 am

    I just need to write this somewhere. This mother’s day I invited my mother to come see me perform because I wanted to give her a chance to share something with me. She hated it. Now I feel like I don’t even want to pretend to be interested in her life anymore because we have absolutely nothing in common and I’m so tired to trying to fit myself to her expectations. I just need a space to remind myself why I’m giving up on our relationship.

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