Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread: Biggest Etiquette Pet Peeves

Happy Friday! Is it Spring yet? No? I’m sure I speak for many of us when I say winter is about two months and three weeks too long. But I finally got some Sorel Joan of Arctic snow boots on an end-of-winter (end of winter!!) sale, so I guess it wouldn’t be too terrible if we had a couple more snowy days and I had a chance to try them out.

Also! Yesterday would have been Nina Simone’s 80th birthday so what better time to post that clip of her singing “My Way”? It’s one of my favorites of hers.

Anyway, before I get lost on a long tangent, I wanted to open this weekend’s thread with a question that was inspired by a recent discussion in the forums. Addie Pray asked whether there was a bible of wedding etiquette and someone suggested I write one. I’m not going top write a bible of wedding etiquette, but maybe some day I’ll write a book of etiquette for modern times that would include online dating etiquette, texting etiquette, social networking etiquette, and stuff like that (as well as more traditional scenarios). And that got me wondering: if you were going to write an etiquette book, or contribute to one, what “rules” would you be sure to include? What are some of your etiquette violation pet peeves, or what acts of etiquette are super important to you?

For me, thank you notes are a pretty big deal. Any time I receive a gift and the giver isn’t there to see me open it, I always send a thank you note. And, depending on the occasion, I sometimes send a thank you note when the giver is there to see me open the gift and receive my in-person thanks (like, at a baby shower, for example). I like to send thank you notes when people have been gracious hosts or helped me out with a favor. I wish people sent thank you notes more often. It’s such an easy way to show appreciation for someone’s time, effort, and thought.

Another big one — and it’s one that I have admittedly violated on occasion but I hope am much better at following these days — is giving unsolicited advice, especially to strangers and especially in regards to highly personal topics, like parenting, appearance, and … relationships. I didn’t realize what a biggie this was until I became a parent and was suddenly bombarded with strangers telling me how I should raise my kid. There were many well-meaning but annoying readers of this site who emailed me and left comments along the lines of, “You really should try harder to breastfeed!” and “Try breastfeeding THIS way and not that way,” and “No, don’t give your baby a bottle right before bed or he’ll never learn to fall asleep without one.” And then there are the countless strangers and acquaintances who have stopped me when I’m out and about with Jackson to tell me that he isn’t dressed warmly enough or he’s dressed too warmly or he’s crying too much and I should try this, this, and this to get him to stop, or I shouldn’t be feeding him formula because it will basically kill him, or I shouldn’t let him play with any toys that light up or make noise because it will stunt his attention span, and on and on and on (oddly, Drew has never once — not ONCE — been given unsolicited parenting advice when he’s out with Jack. Nope, it’s always the mothers people pick on). Anyway, as I said, I know I’ve been guilty of this etiquette violation, but it’s something I’m much more aware of now and really do hold my tongue when I feel the urge to “be helpful.”

I’m also experimenting with different responses that get my point across — the point, of course, being that I don’t care to hear any unwanted suggestions, however well-intentioned they may be — without sounding like a beyotch. A few weeks ago, I was out on a walk with Jackson. It was lightly snowing, but he was bundled up in several layers, a hat, and a stroller blanket. He was not, however, wearing mittens, but that wasn’t from my lack of trying. After about 15 failed attempts to keep those mittens on his hands, I finally surrendered and tucked them back into the diaper bag as he reached his bare palms skyward, caught his first snowflakes and squealed with delight. Just then, a woman who was standing on the corner watching us, said sternly to me, “He needs mittens!!”
“Sorry?” I said, buying time to form a proper reply.
“His hands are so cold!” She huffed.
Jack grinned at her. I seethed.
“He needs mittens,” she said again, this time a little softer.
And I replied, simply, “I’m his mother.” I wasn’t combative. I wasn’t cranky or rude. I just stated the fact: “I’m his mother,” I said again, this time more firmly.
“Oh,” she said, suddenly flummoxed, “Oh, okay.”
And that was that.

Yeah, so unsolicited parenting advice is definitely a pet peeve of mine. Some other little things that bug me: when people don’t hold the elevator even though they see you coming; when people let the door slam in your face because they can’t be bothered to extend their arm long enough for you to reach out for it; when Americans are super loud in foreign countries (I mean, it’s bad when they’re loud in their own country, but it’s just so damn embarrassing when they act like fools on someone else’s turf); when the person in front of you on the plane reclines his chair into your lap (I’d be stoked if reclining chairs on planes were outlawed — at least in coach); when the waiter/waitress automatically assumes that Drew should taste the wine first just because he’s the man (even when I’m the one to order it!); and, oh my God, how could I forget this one: LADIES, WIPE THE SEAT AFTER YOU GO!!!!

Okay, I’m sure I’ll think of others, but these are mine for now. What are yours?

240 comments… add one
  • avatar

    kerrycontrary February 22, 2013, 4:07 pm

    -Don’t talk on your cell phone on the bus or metro. If you have to, make it brief.
    -Don’t clip your nails or do anything else related to personal grooming on public transportation.
    -If someone falls, asking if they are OK. I have fallen (hard) twice in my life and had NO ONE ask if I was ok. Once was on ice and a girl in front of me looked at me, and then kept on walking down the street. The second time was on the steps of my college library in front of about 100 people and not one person helped me and I was actually hurt.

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    • avatar

      Desiree February 22, 2013, 4:18 pm

      The falling thing recently happened to me. I slipped on wet tile stairs and absolutely crashed down a few weeks ago. It was a really bad fall (I hit my head loudly), and there was a man a few steps up talking on a cell phone. He didn’t bother checking on me or anything. Even worse: this was at my church, and this man was a leader at the meeting I was there for.

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      • avatar

        Taylor February 22, 2013, 5:03 pm

        Yikes, you ok? (See, so easy to check!)

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster February 22, 2013, 5:48 pm

      The clipping the nails thing… shudder. Reminds me of this guy back in college who refused to sit at a desk, and instead sat on the bookshelves by the window. He’d prop himself up on it, and pull off his socks and shoes and clip his toenails! He did it EVERY week. It was like he scheduled toenail clipping in with British Fiction! Blah ew gah! The memory is skeeving me! This went on for a few weeks before the professor figured out how to get him to stop without him flying off the handle (he was a nutjob- really smart, but effing crazy).

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      • liz

        Liz February 25, 2013, 7:42 am

        There was a woman at my last job who clipped her nails loudly at her desk (we did not have cubicles.) And it was at least once a week, not just like “oh, I’ve got to get rid of this hangnail..” She was fired, but that was for other reasons..

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      • avatar

        Marcie February 25, 2013, 9:22 am

        I have a co-worker that clips his nails. I have sensitive hearing and it drives me insane!

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    • avatar

      AliceInDairyland February 24, 2013, 6:17 pm

      Someone asking me if I am Okay somehow instantly makes me burst into tears even if I am fine. I tend to ask people if they “need help” because for some unknown reason that doesn’t make me cry.

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  • avatar

    6napkinburger February 22, 2013, 4:12 pm

    I GOT THOSE BOOTS TOO!!!!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy February 22, 2013, 4:46 pm

      Aren’t they awesome? I have been coveting them for months and am so glad to finally have a pair of my own. So comfy and so warm!

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      • Lianne

        Lianne February 22, 2013, 4:57 pm

        I own them and looove them. I also listened to Nina Simone for the first time ever today and loooved her music. How ironic that you posted a video and it was her birthday!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 5:31 pm

        I need them. Wendy, where did you get them on sale?

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy February 22, 2013, 5:38 pm

        Eek, I can’t remember! I think it started with a D.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 5:55 pm

        Dunkin Donuts!

        No.

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      • avatar

        Aurora Thirteen February 22, 2013, 11:29 pm

        Was the place called DSW?

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy February 23, 2013, 7:44 am

        No, it was a website and one I’d never heard of before. I found it rough a google search but now it doesn’t pop up when I do the same search.

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      • avatar

        quixoticbeatnik February 23, 2013, 12:20 pm

        dealsofamerica.com? My prof told me about it the other day to look for good prices on laptops.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl February 22, 2013, 4:13 pm

    Wendy are you trying to give me a heart attack?

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy February 22, 2013, 4:46 pm

      Tee hee.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 5:32 pm

      For you, GG, you should just comment about what aren’t your pet peeves – that’ll be more efficient. 😉

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy February 22, 2013, 6:21 pm

        I wonder what she thinks about no chairs at a wedding!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 8:15 am

        Off with your head!

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle February 22, 2013, 4:18 pm

    Oh, oh, the wine thing! I was going to poll people about that, actually, on the last discussion about etiquette or maybe sexism, but I forgot. It’s not something that bothers me, but I was wondering if it bothered anyone else?

    The only time I even noticed this was during one dinner with my boyfriend, when the waitress like feinted at my boyfriend’s glass, then smiled coyly at me instead & poured me the first taste of the wine. I was kind of like, “Oh! Thanks,” very, very surprised because that never happens.

    Also, what about when you’re out with friends & order a bottle? (Like, female friends) I never get poured the first taste then, either.

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    • katie

      katie February 22, 2013, 4:26 pm

      whoever orders the bottle tastes. thats the rule, it doesnt even say men/women. i have never experienced it any other way- in different countries and different cities. those people dont know wine etiquette, plain and simple.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle February 22, 2013, 4:35 pm

        Oh, shit. I did not know that at all! I thought they just always gave it to the man at the table or whoever the fuck they felt like, because that seems to be what happens for me?

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      • katie

        katie February 22, 2013, 4:41 pm

        nope, it is who ordered the bottle.

        now, ill give the service industry that it is/was historically men who ordered the wine.. so, usually the male sitting at the head of the table, who was also paying for the whole meal, ordered the wine. also, in those old-time instances, the only menu that had prices on it was the head male’s menu. it was very proper… but anyway, i can understand that giving it to the male is/was the default, because it was almost always the male paying… but that just doesnt happen anymore. what i can definitely tell you is that people are NOT taught to give it to the male in schools. the industry, maybe, if its old timers who are doing the teaching..

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      • avatar

        csp February 22, 2013, 5:04 pm

        yes, it is the orderer regardless of sex.

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    • avatar

      Lucy February 22, 2013, 6:05 pm

      I’ve never ordered a bottle of wine and not had the server give me the taste. Maybe it’s a regional thing? But Wendy and I both live in NYC so maybe not.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 8:17 am

      It’s whoever orders the bottle…. So I *always* get the first taste. Wendy, does this happen even when YOU order the bottle??

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy February 23, 2013, 9:43 am

        Yeah because drew doesn’t like ordering the wine since he doesn’t know anything about it.

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  • avatar

    6napkinburger February 22, 2013, 4:20 pm

    – Never talk on the phone in a car if there are other people present in the car unless the topic of the call concerns all of those present, in which case speaker is preferable, or unless there is a true emergency. Moderately important calls may be answered but the callee must immediately inform the caller that they can’t talk and will call back, so the caller will say the important message quickly.

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    • avatar

      painted_lady February 22, 2013, 4:46 pm

      THANK YOU. My mom does this all the time to me and I cannot STAND it. The one time I said something, it was like I’d told her she needed to breathe more quietly. If you’re not the one on the phone, you can’t listen to the radio or have a conversation, and you’re hearing exactly half the conversation, which is also rude because you’re having a conversation the other person can’t take part in.

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      • othy

        othy February 22, 2013, 4:56 pm

        I hate it when I see drivers talking/texting on their phone when their passenger is sitting idly by. If the phone call is vital enough that it has to happen RIGHT then, make your passenger take it so you can drive and not swerve into my lane.

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    • avatar

      Kerrycontrary February 22, 2013, 7:02 pm

      So true! One time I gave this girl a ride to her brothers college because my boyfriend was there on a job. She talked on her cell for an HOUR to her mother. And she never gave me gas money. RUDE

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    • beelzebarb

      beelzebarb February 22, 2013, 7:02 pm

      The worst I’ve encountered is people talking on the phone in a public restroom WHILE PEEING! This has happened at least three times that I can recall and none of them were at a bar where you’d at least have the marginal excuse of being drunk. What the hell is that about?

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      • avatar

        Trixy Minx February 23, 2013, 10:49 am

        Most awkward thing is when they call someone and they’re like “hey what’s up?”and I’m sitting there thinning is she talking to me and I’ll be like ooh nothing much here just urinating. So fun.. And then things get really awkward when she continues her phone convo.

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      • beelzebarb

        beelzebarb February 23, 2013, 3:04 pm

        I hate that! That happens to me all the time. Not just in restrooms but in general. I mistake someone’s phone convo for them actually talking to me at least twice a week. AWKWARD.

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      • MELH

        MELH February 23, 2013, 10:39 pm

        Last night, I was in the bathroom at a bar and some drunk lady was on the phone. She was saying that a guy was supposed to meet her friend an hour ago and hadn’t showed. She then said “If he’s not pulled over, bleeding or dead in a ditch, that’s unacceptable.” I was really uncomfortable when I came out of the stall!

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  • Crochet.Ninja

    Michelle.Lea February 22, 2013, 4:21 pm

    how about dont f’in hover in the first place ladies??? honestly. if you’re that paranoid, use a toilet seat cover – and keep them on you. gah.

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    • avatar

      painted_lady February 22, 2013, 4:47 pm

      Yeah…I mean, to each their own, but if there’s not pee on the seat…you’re not eating off it, you know?

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle February 22, 2013, 4:54 pm

      Yeahh—pee splatter somehow still manages to happen at my workplace, even though there is a damn toilet seat cover DISPENSER in every stall. People are not as good at hovering as they think they are?

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      • othy

        othy February 22, 2013, 4:57 pm

        I wonder how much of that is proper leakage vs back splash from a high powered toilet. I hate the ones that flush far too hard and splash up on everything.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster February 22, 2013, 6:02 pm

      Seriously. Pee on a toilet see makes me irrationally angry. I grew up with three brothers and I’m the only girl. So I’m no stranger to pee on the seat. But WTF ladies!!! If you MUST hover, would it KILL you to wipe it up!?

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle February 22, 2013, 4:21 pm

    As for etiquette, I’m sure I’ll think of more things, but I hate when people answer their cell phone in the restaurant. Texting I’m actually cool with, as long as it’s not the ENTIRE TIME, but how are you going to fucking put the phone up to your ear & be like “HELLO OH HI, I’M JUST AT ______” ughhh. Unless it’s somebody you’re supposed to be meeting, this is not necessary & it’s rude as hell.

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  • avatar

    bethany February 22, 2013, 4:24 pm

    I feel like the world frequently needs PSA’s for how to behave in public. My current pet peeves are as follows:
    1- When someone holds the door open SAY THANK YOU
    2- When walking somewhere crowded- the city, the mall, wherever, WALK ON THE FUCKING RIGHT SIDE. It’s just like driving. KEEP RIGHT.
    3- Along the same lines as #2, but when using a set of double doors (and there are other people around), USE THE DOOR ON THE RIGHT.

    Jesus. I’m all fired up now.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy February 22, 2013, 4:50 pm

      Oh yes! I hate when people don’t say thank you when you hold the door open for them. I always say, you’re welcome” loudly as they all off. Also, DW does not understated the walk-on-the-right rule. I always have to remind him, an I wonder if its because he never learned to drive?

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom February 22, 2013, 5:09 pm

      But be aware that if you are in a country that drives on the left you need to walk on the left side. I sometimes mess up in England. My worst problem in England last summer was that I looked the wrong way when crossing the road and started to step out in front of a car. My mother-in-law grabbed me and pulled me back. Some MILs are incredibly nice!

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      • avatar

        Lucy February 22, 2013, 6:02 pm

        Actually in London at least people walk on the right, or they did when I lived there, which wasn’t that long ago. I never understood why, but I never thought to ask anyone.

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      • avatar

        Lisa February 22, 2013, 10:30 pm

        In Australia you drive on the left side and walk on the left side. But in Sydney there’s a lot of tourists walking on the right side and locals walking on the left side so it doesn’t work so well on the sidewalks.

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    • avatar

      Hobbesnblue February 23, 2013, 1:55 am

      Similarly, if you’re on an escalator or moving walkway, the right side is for standing and the left side is for walking. Don’t block the whole escalator standing alongside your friend while someone in a hurry is stuck behind you.

      This might be a little controversial–I know my mother always thought it was rude to be so “hot to trot” that you can’t wait for the escalator to carry you up–but in some places like London it’s just good manners. I live in Hollywood and hate trying to squeeze an extra errand into my day and getting held up as a big pair of tourists is slowwwwwwly carried up six flights of escalators, oblivious to me looking for an opening to get past.

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    • avatar

      Liquid Luck February 23, 2013, 9:49 am

      In addition to saying thank you, if there are two sets of doors (like the ones at mall entrances) and someone holds the first one for you, hold the second one for them! Seriously, I can’t even tell you how many times I’d hold a door for someone, and then they’d let the next one slam in my face. At least hold it out behind you if you really have to go in first.

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  • theattack

    theattack February 22, 2013, 4:26 pm

    – Be friendly to people. If someone speaks to you, speak back. You’re not better than they are because they’re behind the desk at the hotel or behind the concession stand at the movies or whatever. I can’t stand to see that.
    – Don’t demand things from people. Don’t come into my office and ask me to do something for you when we’ve never met and you didn’t even bother to introduce yourself to me. It’s just basic manners and conversational skills.
    – Keep appointments.
    – DO NOT TALK ON THE PHONE IN THE CAR WITH OTHER PEOPLE. This makes me so mad. It’s probably my #1 thing here. My mom would always do this when I was a teenager, and it meant turning off the music completely and sitting in silence while she talked to someone other than me for God knows how long. Give your attention to who you’re with. If you have to make or answer a call, make it brief (ie: under two minutes).
    – If your lane is going to end, go ahead and get over. Only assholes drive up as far as possible and cut people off.
    – If you need someone to do something, give them notice.
    – Thank you notes. I don’t care if you just got married and had a huge wedding with lots of thank you notes to write. As soon as you get back in the swing of life, thank you notes should be your priority. It should not take several months. If most couples did just one every day, it wouldn’t take more than two months.

    Okay, not all of this is etiquette. It’s just a bunch of personal pet peeves.

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    • avatar

      6napkinburger February 22, 2013, 4:27 pm

      CANT AGREE WITH YOU ENOUGH ABOUT THE CAR!!! (SEE ABOVE)

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    • avatar

      bethany February 22, 2013, 4:30 pm

      I’m guilty of #1. I hate when people talk to me in the elevator… I never know what to say back, so I usually fake a smile and nod. I also have kind of bad hearing, so half the time I have no idea what they even said. It’s a tad awkward.

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    • thewriteway

      thewriteway February 22, 2013, 5:47 pm

      Agree! My mom does this too, and when I get annoyed, she tells me that I obviously can’t stand it when my siblings call to talk to her. Um, no, it’s not that, but I can’t stand that you’re in the car with me and ignoring me while you take a long phone call to listen to my sister cry about how her boyfriend made her mad this week.

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  • avatar

    Desiree February 22, 2013, 4:28 pm

    My big pet peeve lately is people not RSVPing to events, or not RSVPing in a reasonable time frame. In my grad school social group, a lot of people are really coy about RSVPing (or just won’t at all). My more recent pet peeve is people not RSVPIng to weddings. I’m probably going to have to call at least 50 wedding guests (likely more), and its a little frustrating.

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    • theattack

      theattack February 22, 2013, 4:34 pm

      Geez, me too. I threw a baby shower for my cousin last month, and when I contacted people who didn’t RSVP, they said “Well I’m not sure if I’ll come or not. I’ll see if I feel like it that day, but I’ll give her a gift either way.” That’s not what I asked you, freakazoid! I’m sending out wedding invitations next week hopefully, and I’m dreading the RSVPs too. Don’t people understand that they have to decide ahead of time and actually tell people?

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      • avatar

        Desiree February 22, 2013, 4:39 pm

        I know. I have two bakers and a hotel caterer to finalize numbers with, not to mention doing table assignments. And I have med school exams two weeks before my wedding! So, after the RSVP date passes, my fiance and I are going to divide the group that hasn’t RSVP’d yet to contact them. If we haven’t heard anything from them by a week after that, then they are presumed not coming, no exceptions. There was a Save-the-Date, an invitation, and a personal phone call; at some point I have to assume they just don’t care that much.

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      • theattack

        theattack February 22, 2013, 4:45 pm

        Agreed. If they pass up that many opportunities to RSVP on time, that’s on them. Unfortunately, I don’t know if I could turn anyone away in reality, but I definitely want to if it comes to that.

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    • avatar

      Pamplemousse Rose February 22, 2013, 5:50 pm

      I feel the same way!! Our deadline is next Friday and we’re still waiting to hear back from about 40%. My other big frustration are those who assume people not named on the invite are included. Or that if they do want to bring a last-minute date it’s not a big deal.

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    • avatar

      Lucy February 22, 2013, 5:54 pm

      This is my biggest peeve as well. We give a lot of parties, esp around the holidays, and it’s nervewracking not to be confident I’ve got enough food and drink to go around, butt then it’s incredibly annoying to be stuck with huge amounts left over.

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    • avatar

      Elle February 24, 2013, 2:26 am

      Completely agree. My theory is that these people never organize events either. If they ever threw a party, they would know how important it is to RSVP.

      I used to organize happy hour at my workplace. At some restaurants, I needed to make a reservation in advance. Imagine my surprise when people would show up and we had to scramble for more chairs or move to a bigger table. I would always say “Oh, I didn’t know you were coming!”, but they wouldn’t get it. I was always embarrassed in front of the staff though since the reservations were in my name. Luckily, I transferred the responsibility to someone else. And I always RSVP.

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  • Crochet.Ninja

    Michelle.Lea February 22, 2013, 4:30 pm

    thought of another one. Speaker phone. i HATE to be on speaker phone when i know you’re in your office, with someone else in there. i have a coworker that will call me and have lengthy conversations and keep me on speakerphone, when another coworker is there that shares an office with her. i think it’s rude to the other person in that office, and me.

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    • avatar

      Ladybug February 22, 2013, 5:02 pm

      YES!! One of my bosses at my last job did 90% of his calls on speakerphone with his door open, so we all had to hear it. I felt so bad for the people he was talking to. Even more annoying, he would call me on speakerphone when my desk was about 10 feet from his office door, so I could hear him through the phone and through my other ear–it was like have two speakers that were just a split second out of sync with each other. And he was bad about moving his head around while he talked, so what you heard from the phone cut in and out randomly. After that experinece I loathe speakerphone on principle.

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    • AKchic_

      AKchic_ February 22, 2013, 6:23 pm

      I just had that issue today! A girl (who used to work for us until her and two other people opened their own company) called me and got very aggressive right away, had me on speaker phone w/ a client and started grilling me. It’s unprofessional to NOT tell me I’m on speaker and NOT tell me who the 3rd person is, especially when you want to talk about confidential records!

      I refused to speak about the issue with her and did the leg-work on my end with what info I had gathered from the info given to me and sent out a huge email. Needless to say, someone is getting in trouble, and it isn’t me or my company.

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  • katie

    katie February 22, 2013, 4:31 pm

    wendy, im really surprised people just call you out, like the mitten lady. “he needs mittens”. who says that to a stranger? so weird.

    what about “i heard…” statements? i use those sometimes with people, when people are talking about a problem they are having, and then ill be like, oh ive heard about X remedy for that situation. i have no idea how it works/it has worked well for me, maybe it would help you! i dunno, i hope thats not rude- its a discussion between two people, i think, and so if i know of something that could potentially help them, why would i withhold that info, you know?

    re: wine etiquette… the person who orders the bottle does the taste test. and yes, its a test. it is to make sure the wine isnt spoiled. you can refuse the bottle after you have tasted it if its bad. i have never experienced this in any other capacity, in 3 countries and in multiple US cities. the only thing i can think of is that there was confusion whether you or drew ordered the bottle -im imagining you discussing between yourselves what bottle to get- and then she goes to the man of the table, because as we all have learned this week and last, the man always has to pay for dinner or else he isnt interested or a loser… so.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy February 22, 2013, 4:53 pm

      Re. The public calling out: I’ve wondered about this too and I think it may be more or an urban thing. We are so much more in each others personal spaces in the city versus elsewhere and that may give people the mistaken feeling that shared space= please share your opinions about how I’m raising my kid!

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      • avatar

        Jenny February 22, 2013, 5:05 pm

        I bet you’re right. I’ve seen moms discuss this online a lot, yet it’s never happened to me. And I really doubt it’s because absolutely everyone I encounter agrees with my parenting choices. But I live in a fairly small city in the desert. My parenting pet peeve is strangers touching my baby. I know he’s cute, but keep your germy hands off of him, creepers!

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      • FireStar

        Firestar February 22, 2013, 5:56 pm

        I so agree. I don’t get why strangers touch other people’s children or put their hands on a pregnant woman’s baby bump. I’ve been so scared my whole life that I would bitch slap anyone trying to touch me when pregnant.

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        Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 6:01 pm

        I really hate that it’s not not acceptable to do that – touch people’s kids and stuff. Because when I see a cute baby, even if it’s across a crowded room, I will go “oooooh ahhhh hiya baby!” and then it takes all my strength not to touch the baby’s little outreached chubby hand or … well, frankly, kiss it’s face up. I realize that moms frown about strangers doing that so I hold back, but I really hate that societal rule.

        Fun fact: when I was in college, I was using the computers in the lab and so was this woman while she held THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY EVER. Seriously. Of coruse I was like “well hi there cute lil’ guy” and the baby leeped out of his moms lap and into mine. It was so cute. The mom was like: wow, he really likes you! do you want to babysit? So I did! And now that kid is 15, and the mom and I are good friends. (I was 19 at the time and she was an “old” grad student – 26 at the time.)

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        Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 6:03 pm

        * I guess that’s more of a “fun story” than a fun fact. But still. I just … I just wish I could hug and kiss all the babies. That’s all. Why is that so bad?! Sigh.

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      • avatar

        Bethany February 22, 2013, 6:20 pm

        I want to hug all the babies, too!! My bf found out today that she’s having a GIRL in July!!! I’m so excited!!! She already has 1 girl, but baby #1 was born in late November, so I didn’t get to buy teeny little baby sun dresses, and now I get to!! YAY!!

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        Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 6:04 pm

        God, typos, everywhere, all the time,… at this point, no one expects otherwise, right? ok good.

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        Jenny February 22, 2013, 6:30 pm

        I know, and I can totally understand, because I love to touch babies, too. But especially when there’s a flu epidemic, I don’t like strangers to touch my baby – or me for that matter! I have let a stranger hold my baby, though. I was on a long plane ride and my husband, son and I were seated next to this sweet old woman, and she was telling us all about her grandkids and she totally reminded me of my grandma. So I asked her if she’d like to hold my son for a little bit and it made her so happy.

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        Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 8:22 am

        BUT I WANT TO KISS YOUR BABY! And being exposed to my germs will help them develop a stronger immune system! Can I please kiss your baby, please?

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      • avatar

        Jenny February 23, 2013, 12:28 pm

        Oh, what the hell. You sure can!

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        Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 12:33 pm

        YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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  • avatar

    6napkinburger February 22, 2013, 4:32 pm

    Here’s one I wish I could change the ettiquette rule, because I think its totally ass-backwards:

    – Don’t hold the door for people if they are not within two strides of the door

    Now, I have thought about this quite a lot. It may seem rude, but hear me out! When you hold the door for someone who is several strides away, they feel the need to hurry up because you’re holding the door. In fact, it is almost rude of them NOT to hurry, because you’re so polite that you are holding the door, they should be so polite to make it as little as an inconvenience as possible. But that just means that you forced someone who was totally minding their own business and walking at their own speed to hurry up so that you could do something nice for them. Not on purpose or anything, you legit were being polite, but I just find the whole thing annoying, especially if I’m the one who is getting the door held for. And you no one listens if you try to waive it off, or whatever.

    Now, if someone has something in their hands and wouldn’t have been able to open the door themselves when they got there, I think it is a great policy. But otherwise, I find it so inconvenient to be helped!!

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    • avatar

      bethany February 22, 2013, 4:35 pm

      YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      I ALWAYS wave them off, because to me, it feels like now I”m somehow on your time, and I don’t like that. This happens at work ALL THE TIME. we have a door that leads from the lobby down to the train and people who are obviously in a hurry will sprint down the hall and then stand there holding the door for-freaking-ever and glare at you for not rushing. I can open my own fucking door! Just go already!!!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy February 22, 2013, 4:56 pm

      I agree, and to be clear, when I mentioned door-holding, I meant within a couple strides. It’s happene many times where so el e a step ahead of me just let’s the door shut on my face. So rude!

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      • othy

        othy February 22, 2013, 5:00 pm

        I totally agree with this one!

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      Matcha February 23, 2013, 4:26 pm

      What I do is, if the stranger is several strides away, I push the door open so the stranger can catch it and doesn’t have to pull it all the way open.

      Reply Link
  • BriarRose

    BriarRose February 22, 2013, 4:34 pm

    People who talk on cell phone while in public bathrooms. So weird and rude!!

    And yeah, the thank you note thing gets me too. I still remember a girl I worked with years ago who told me she didn’t send thank you notes to the 200+ people who came to her wedding. I cannot even explain how horrified I was at that! My daughter has been indoctrinated about writing thank you notes!

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    • avatar

      bethany February 22, 2013, 4:37 pm

      Someone on a phone in the restroom once asked my coworker not to flush because she was on the phone! What is wrong with people?!

      Reply Link
    • theattack

      theattack February 22, 2013, 4:38 pm

      Love this comment!

      I wonder if that woman is still friends with any of those people now. Maybe it’s petty of me, but I won’t forget it if someone doesn’t send me one.

      And YES to the phone in the bathroom! It’s wrong on so, so many levels.

      Reply Link
      • BriarRose

        BriarRose February 22, 2013, 4:52 pm

        I don’t know if they’re all still her friends, but I’ll be honest; I totally viewed her differently after that. That’s just SO rude. I even get irritated when I get a wedding thank you that says just “thank you for the gift”. Can’t they even fill in the blank and make it more personal? The most recent wedding thank you note I got was just 2 sentences long. They could have sent it on a postcard and still had empty room.

        Bethany, I hope your coworker flushed that toilet!

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      • theattack

        theattack February 22, 2013, 4:53 pm

        Geez, seriously? Honestly, that barely even counts as a thank you note. I guess it does, but if it doesn’t make the person feel like you appreciated the gift, it kind of isn’t a thank you note, ya know?

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        bethany February 22, 2013, 4:54 pm

        She did. 🙂

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      Uyzie February 25, 2013, 10:53 am

      Uh oh! This comment has me worried. I got married in October, and I sent notes out to every person or couple who gave us a gift or a card, but certainly not to every single person/couple who attended. Is that wrong?

      I already feel bad enough for not being able to make my entire way around the room and thank/talk to all my guests. 🙁

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      • avatar

        Liquid Luck February 25, 2013, 2:51 pm

        You don’t need to send thank you notes to people just for attending (because the reception IS the thank you), but you really should have made it a point to greet everyone individually. If you feel bad, you could send notes to the people who you didn’t say hi to at the reception say you’re sorry that you weren’t able to get to them.

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  • avatar

    MJ February 22, 2013, 4:35 pm

    Oh, geez, airplane seats! Do you see how much space I have? And you are going to take more of it so you can recline your damn seat a few inches on A TWO HOUR FLIGHT OMG I WILL MURDER YOU.

    I like to passive-aggressively dig my knees into the seat to try to stop it. One of my very tall (6’5) FB friends says that he just says, outloud, “Oh, no, that’s not going to happen.” I wish I were brave enough, but I’m only 5’8 so I don’t know if I have the excuse.

    STOP MAKING SEATS THAT RECLINE, STUPID AIRLINES.

    Reply Link
    • Fabelle

      Fabelle February 22, 2013, 4:38 pm

      ” ‘Oh, no, that’s not going to happen.’ “<—haha, I love it.

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    • avatar

      painted_lady February 22, 2013, 4:50 pm

      I’ve actually said, “You should at least buy me dinner if you’re going to put your head in my lap.” I’m 5’11” and it’s mostly leg, plus I’m REALLY claustrophobic.

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        Trixy Minx February 23, 2013, 10:51 am

        Haha that’s awesome

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      canefan February 22, 2013, 5:12 pm

      THIS

      It annoys me soo much when people recline their seats in airplanes. Hello, when did your comfort become more important than mine?? I’m not even that tall (5’5″) and its still uncomfortable. I don’t even want to think about what tall people have to go through!

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    • avatar

      CaraM February 22, 2013, 5:20 pm

      Seriously. Yesterday I was on a five hour long flight that departed at 10 am (not a red eye and no other reason to need to sleep) and the guy in front of me had his seat reclined for the ENTIRE flight — literally from as soon as the plane took off until the flight attendant made him raise it before the plane landed. So annoying!

      Reply Link
      • Cara

        Cara February 22, 2013, 6:39 pm

        It´s okay if you actually want to sleep though right? Because, all of my flights have been + 8 hours and I actually really needed to sleep. Sometimes that meant that I would sleep on a two hour flight too – because I had already been on another plane for 8 hours by then, travelling for 14 hours. So, you never know, right? Frankly, if i inconvenience someone for 2 hours a little bit, I’m really sorry at that point ( and I wouldn’t recline if they asked me politely not to) but in that momemt my need for sleep would trump their inconvenience. And I’m 5′ 11” too. Also, isn’t it you get what you pay for? If space is that important to you, book business class.

        If someone told me “Oh no, that’s not going to happen” when I inform them that I’m going to recline, I would do it just to spite them, because that just sounds frickin’ rude.

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        zombeyonce February 23, 2013, 10:55 pm

        I feel you, people are likely enough to be on a second flight or exhausted from a really long layover (and we all know how hard it is to sleep in an airport).

        I try to sleep on every flight I go on since I get serious motion sickness and if I have to be awake the whole time, I’m miserable. Trying to sleep without reclining a little bit is incredibly difficult. I wonder if the person behind me would prefer to put up with me reclining some or if they’d prefer to hear me throwing up repeatedly? It sucks for everyone.

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      spark February 22, 2013, 10:37 pm

      I almost always recline my seat from takeoff to landing. I paid for this seat, and with it the right to recline. Why is someone else’s comfort more important than mine? The seats are recline-able for a reason! I would be very annoyed if someone tried to stop me from reclining, and I would go out of my way to make sure that I did in fact recline. Likewise, I have no problem with my in-front neighbor reclining – he deserves to be comfortable too!

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      • avatar

        Hobbesnblue February 23, 2013, 2:05 am

        Me too. I know this is a very divisive issue, but I’m with you–the seats recline for a reason–so *everyone* can be more comfortable once the plane has taken off if they so choose (yes, there are some rows that don’t recline, but they handily list those seats on the seating charts so you can avoid them). I at least attempt to sleep on every flight, and that’s next to impossible if the seat is pitching me forward onto my own chest. Besides, it’s what–a 10 degree recline? You’re hardly in someone’s lap.

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      • beelzebarb

        beelzebarb February 23, 2013, 4:03 pm

        I think it’s ok to recline seats, esp on long flights, but PLEASE warn the person behind you so they can rearrange themselves to be more comfortable. A few years ago I was on a plane and I had my tray table down and a cup of hot tea on it. The person in front of me abruptly reclined and I ended up getting scalding hot liquid dumped in my lap. It left welts. The person didn’t even apologize either.

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        applescruffs February 23, 2013, 4:43 pm

        Oh geez! That’s awful!

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      applescruffs February 23, 2013, 4:42 pm

      Slate just wrote an article on this. The way I see it, being able to recline an inch or two really doesn’t make me that much more comfortable on the plane. And when the person in front of me reclines, I can’t have my laptop open, it’s harder to get into my carryon bag, my knees are squished, including my bad knee that ends up aching horribly by the end of even a short flight. Those seats are so close together, it’s just going to be an uncomfortable experience. We’re all in it together, let’s try to work toward the collective airplane good, you know? I think you’re right, MJ. The seats just shouldn’t recline.

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  • avatar

    cdobbs February 22, 2013, 4:37 pm

    1. don’t talk on your cell phone when hanging out with an actual live person!
    2. don’t do that tap, tap, tappy thing when you reach the end of your yogurt (gah!)
    3. don’t invade my personal space! especially when speaking to me!
    4. don’t clip your toe nails in public (gah! again!) or basically any sort of grooming (flossing your teeth in a restaurant – WTF! I have seen this!!!!)
    5. if someone holds the door open for you…say thank you (just say thank you more for any kind gesture actually)
    6. when seated next to someone…don’t use the arm rest in between (airplanes, movie theaters, etc)
    7. on social media…don’t post personal stuff…i don’t need to know that the girl you were dating is a c()nt! (keep it classy)
    8. when standing in line…give other people space…standing so close that you are touching me will not make the line move faster!
    i better stop there!

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    • avatar

      applescruffs February 23, 2013, 4:44 pm

      I’ve always subscribed to the belief that the person in the middle seat on the airplane gets the armrests. They don’t get anything else, you know?

      Reply Link
      • othy

        othy February 24, 2013, 1:44 am

        I whole heartily concur!

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        cdobbs February 24, 2013, 11:04 am

        yeah…i guess it would suck not having a window to look out of or to be close to the aisle…ok, i agree to let them have the arm rest!

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  • avatar

    Anna February 22, 2013, 4:42 pm

    1) When you’re driving on a divided highway, only go into the left lane if you’re passing. Don’t just chill in the left lane, especially if you’re driving slowly.
    2) If you make plans with me, either show up when and where we agreed or call me to let me know you can’t make it. It makes me so mad when people just don’t show up and don’t answer their phones.
    3) If we are hanging out in person, don’t spend half the time texting other people. If they are more important than me, go hang out with them. I understand if you’re checking on the kids quickly, and if that’s the case please tell me and I’ll understand. But it’s so rude to just pull out your phone suddenly when we’re in the middle of a conversation and start texting someone else.

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    • avatar

      ebstarr February 22, 2013, 4:54 pm

      #2 so much!!

      Some addenda:
      -If you ARE going to cancel, give as much notice as possible, don’t just act unexcited and then suddenly say that you have cramps an hour before meeting (that might be my biggest pet peeve, when you KNOW someone is going to bail out of pure laziness and they don’t admit it till right before, meaning that you don’t get to make other plans ughhhh)
      -If you cancel because something more fun came along, at least be ashamed of yourself and lie about it rather than expecting me to be nice about the fact that you would rather go out with your sorority sisters than me
      -Actually, just don’t cancel because something more fun came along.
      -If you’re late and it’s in NYC or any other city where restaurants are mean, don’t say “sorry I’m late, feel free to order without me!” as if that makes it ok when you KNOW PERFECTLY WELL the party can’t get seated till you get there.

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  • theattack

    theattack February 22, 2013, 4:43 pm

    Oh and one more: Don’t scrape your fork against your dish to get the very last bits of something. This actually makes me feel nauseous. It ruins my whole meal and makes me gag, and it’s rude. If you’re still hungry, get more food. You don’t need the three-millimeter sized ball of potatoes.

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  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny February 22, 2013, 4:55 pm

    I hate it when people chew with their mouth open. Or chew gum with their mouth open. Or scrape their fork against their teeth. Yuck, it’s like fingernails on a blackboard for me!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 5:31 pm

      Oh gum chewers – hate it. Even when gum is just in their mouth and they’re not chewing. I went on a date with a guy once who had come in his mouth and looking at him was paintful because I kept seeing the gum roll around in his mouth while he was talking to me.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy February 22, 2013, 5:39 pm

        Woah, that is quite a typo there, AP.

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        Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 5:43 pm

        WHOOPSIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny February 22, 2013, 6:06 pm

        Ewewew. An old coworker sat next to me and for awhile chewed her gum with her mouth wiiiide open and I could hear everything. I tried as tactfully as I could to ask her to stop and it backfired-she took it all personally and I was creating a “hostile work environment.” Whatev, I would have gotten more hostile if she hadn’t stopped…

        Actually, this brings up a question that I have been wondering- how do you ask someone to say, stop slurping or chewing so loudly (or whatever faux pas they are making)? I usually keep my mouth shut and turn up my headphones but what can you do?

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        Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 6:11 pm

        It’s awkward! I feel like you have to couch it in a “I’m sorry, I have this crazy sensitivity, this is kind of embarrassing but it’s a weird quirk of mine – but when you [slurp your dirnk or chew your gum] for whatever reason the noise grates on my ears and I can’t concentrate. Which is so dumb and silly but if it’s something you can control, do you think you could try not to?”…. I mean, I think you have to usually ignore that stuff. But if you’re sharing an office with someone you have to be able to … remain sane. And if someone can stop tapping a pencil or makign someother repetitive noise that is KILLING YOU SOFTLY, I think you gotta say something.

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny February 22, 2013, 8:30 pm

        RIGHT!! I totally have wanted to use the reason that “I have sensitive eardrums” or something, but it just doesn’t seem believable. And instead, I feel like the biggest manners-annoying sounds-freak ever. There has to be some subtle hint that a person can drop (“are you eating carrots?”) that doesn’t sound like an insult or something… It also doesn’t help if your office happens to be very quiet, so there’s nothing to muffle it!

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        Marcie February 25, 2013, 9:37 am

        I feel so bad about this, but one of my co-workers eats so loudly and fast, that one day I told her that she sounded like she had never eaten before. I know it was so mean but it was out of my mouth before I could control it. I’ve worked with my co-workers for 5 years, so at least all of them do something that drives my ears crazy. I really do think I have a hearing sensitivity disorder.

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      • avatar

        applescruffs February 23, 2013, 4:46 pm

        HA!

        But yes, on the gum chewing. It took a year and a half, but I finally got my ex to chew gum with his mouth closed. And then we broke up and all that work was just wasted. ARGH.

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      • othy

        othy February 24, 2013, 1:46 am

        Oh, I’ll be sure to appreciate it next time I see him!

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        applescruffs February 24, 2013, 11:07 am

        You’re welcome.

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    • avatar

      Elle February 24, 2013, 2:37 am

      Check to see if you have misophonia. I definitely have it, and chewing is one of the triggers for me.

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny February 25, 2013, 1:57 am

        I’ll look that up, thanks!

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      • avatar

        Marcie February 25, 2013, 9:37 am

        Yes! It totally explains why I want to strangle my husband when I hear him eating! Rage!

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      • avatar

        Marcie February 25, 2013, 9:38 am

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  • avatar

    ebstarr February 22, 2013, 4:56 pm

    People who lean against the subway pole so no one else can hold on. Anyone? Especially if you were already holding on and they decide to just start leaning on your hand to make you let go!

    Also, non-obese people who sit with their legs spread out on the subway and encroach on the people next to them (some people really do need two seats and that’s fine). Like come on dude, I’m sure it’s not THAT big.

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    • avatar

      Lucy February 22, 2013, 5:57 pm

      Re #2, I have been known to ask men who do this if they have elephantiasis of the nuts.

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      • avatar

        ebstarr February 22, 2013, 6:15 pm

        amazing

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  • othy

    othy February 22, 2013, 5:03 pm

    When people (re: my inlaws) just show up to my house unannounced, and think they can stay to ‘just chat’. Just because I had no plans to go out didn’t mean I didn’t have plans to hang out in my PJs, curled up on the couch, watching TV. No where in that did it involve ‘chatting’ with you.

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  • avatar

    csp February 22, 2013, 5:09 pm

    Give people the benefit of the doubt with “email Tone”. I hate when people say “it was the way she said it” and it was an email. There is no way. it’s an email.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 5:26 pm

    This weekend thread is going to get NUTS, I can already tell! I can’t wait. I’m nervous I’m going to read someone’s pet peeve and realize I do that all. the. time.

    The biggest one I can’t seem to get over right now is assholes who sit on the bus while an elderly man or woman stands, or someone holding a child. They are just oh so conveniently consumed with their phones that they don’t notice (or purposefully look away). Assholes! For some reason this bothers me even more: when they do notice and instead of just getting up, they sit there and say “Oh, would you like to sit down?” No, asshole you get the fuck up and say, “here, take my seat.” And if they still say no, just keep standing. I guarantee you they will take that seat after a few minutes.

    People are such lazy inconsiderate assholes.

    There, that’s all I got, for now.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 5:37 pm

      Pet peeve No. 2 is all about talking in the restrooms and includes: (a) When someone talks to me while I am trying to go potty. It makes it really hard to go when she is standing outside my stall talking to me. I think it’s because I’m afraid my peeing will be too loud to hear; the sound of my pee will interrupt the conversation, and then she’ll have to talk louder; awkward. (b) When others in the restroom are talking to each other, having a full-blown conversation at the sinks or something instead of getting back to work. It’s too hard to go Number 2 when they are talking like that. I have to wait until they leave, but some of those conversations can last 10-15 minutes! and (c) When someone is ON HER PHONE while she pees. Can’t the person on the other end hear that?! It also makes me feel inconsiderate when I go ahead and flush full knowing she is on the phone. You know, like I should have waited or something, because it will be rude to her because now person on the other end will know for sure she’s in the restroom – busted!

      In short, I feel like the restrooms at work should be a NO TALKING ZONE.

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      • avatar

        Grilledcheesecalliope February 22, 2013, 6:38 pm

        Agree so hard! Peeing and 2ing is a quiet time behavior

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      Kerrycontrary February 22, 2013, 7:08 pm

      Omg. So recently I have had to stand on the bus because I got up for someone who was pregnant/elderly/disabled/carrying a child could sit. While all of the grown ass men ages 25-35 sit on their asses. I will never sleep with them. Ever! Jerks! (Ps we had a work party and I’m tipsy!)

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 8:14 am

        I hate those guys! Hate ’em. I always think: they must be the worst boyfriends/sons/brothers ever.

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    • Moneypenny

      Moneypenny February 22, 2013, 8:34 pm

      I totally agree. It’s as if people expect “someone else” to take care of something that should just be done without question. I do have to commend people on the buses in my city though- I rarely have seen elderly people/people with little kids have to stand. People (including myself) usually move if the bus gets crowded and there aren’t any seats.

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    • avatar

      Mr. Cellophane February 23, 2013, 12:32 pm

      My grandfather once said to me, “Jimmy, a gentleman never sits if a lady is standing.” For some reason this really stuck with me (I was young, like 6 or 7 when he said it) and I still hear his voice saying it in my mind whenever I am on a bus/train.

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  • avatar

    Grilledcheesecalliope February 22, 2013, 5:55 pm

    Funny story. I was on a bus once and some girl was having a loud phone conversation about her hookup the night before. It was graphic. Texted my friend saying “ugh I hate when people have loud awkward conversations in public” as we got off the bus the girl tapped me and said “sorry I usually never do that but I just got wrapped up in the call”. Not only was she loud phone talking in public sh was also reading my texts over my shoulder. I ended up feeling super embarrassed.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray February 22, 2013, 5:56 pm

      Wow, props to her though for being such a good multi-tasker!

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  • avatar

    GertietheDino February 22, 2013, 6:01 pm

    Constantly checking your phone or texting while supposedly having a conversation. My best friend does this and it pisses me off – I’ve been letting it slide since she’s a newly-wed (if she’s texting the hubby_ and when we attend her work functions (if it’s work people she’s conversing with), but when it’s just us having Chai, girls, I could strangle her!

    Also talking or texting while on the toilet is just gross.

    Oh and that person who drives 20 under the speed limit on the highway.

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    • avatar

      Liquid Luck February 23, 2013, 11:54 am

      “Constantly checking your phone or texting while supposedly having a conversation. ”

      This, so much. I used to meet up with a friend every couple weeks for coffee, and she would always be texting another one of her friends THE WHOLE TIME. Seriously, she would stop talking in the middle of a sentence to check her messages. I eventually told her that if she pulled her phone out again, I was leaving. And I did, and she got pissed. But at least she doesn’t do it as much anymore.

      Reply Link
  • thewriteway

    thewriteway February 22, 2013, 6:19 pm

    Kind of in line with RSVPs, but…

    If I invite you to go somewhere, even if it’s just out to lunch or ice skating, and you need to let me know if you can go, don’t keep me hanging. I understand we are all busy, but when you can’t even bother to get back to me, I consider it rude. It says you either a) don’t care about my time or b) don’t care to spend time with me. I think both are hurtful. And it’s also a pain for me, when I have obligations, to have to follow up with you and see if you want to go. One of my friends, when I asked her if she wanted to go on a trip with me that I had to sign up for in advance, told me TWICE she wasn’t sure if she could afford the trip and had to let me know. I just dropped the subject.

    I have another friend who does use the “I’ll let you know” line, but when she has used it, she has always followed up with me after she checks her calendar. This is why she gets more invitations than people who say that and never get back to me.

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  • avatar

    Slamy February 22, 2013, 6:40 pm

    I don’t have time to read all the comments but a big one for me recently has been when a cashier asks how I’m doing, and I reply and ask how they’re doing, and they say nothing. I don’t know why it irritates me so much but it’s like, don’t start this how-are-you business if you aren’t going to bother to respond.

    This happens often. I’ve even made a point to be louder and people still do it.

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    • avatar

      Slamy February 22, 2013, 6:41 pm

      I wish today at work had not been so busy; this is one of my favorite topics.

      Reply Link
      • MELH

        MELH February 23, 2013, 10:36 pm

        I agree its rude not to respond at all. Although today I was in a store picking out gifts and an employee walked by and asked me how I was. I responded “I’m good how are you?”. The woman responded “I’m good, thank you so much for asking.” Her surprised tone made me think that people rarely responded to her that way. Its not an excuse, but maybe they aren’t used to people even asking how they are.

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  • avatar

    Lilitu Aster February 22, 2013, 6:47 pm

    I was just going on about this subject last night.

    1- If you’re going to invite someone to your house and you’re having dinner… offer them something.

    I have a relative who my fiance hangs out with a lot. He’ll go over when said relative is having dinner, knows he’s having company, and not offer anything. It’s annoying! When he lived with my family, there would be night when we had *nothing* for dinner but a single buttered tortilla and he would come to my room with his serving plate piled high with steaks and ceasar salad. Like really? You’re going to come in here, eat all that in front of me, knowing my family can’t afford anything since we’re stuck supporting you?!

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  • avatar

    lilypad February 22, 2013, 7:15 pm

    Oh, I’ve got a few online dating ones from this week!

    1) Don’t presume that on a first or second date somebody owes you a ride home. Last night this dude asked me out to a restaurant in a very inconvenient part of SF, so I opted to drive in. We both live in the East Bay, about a 45 min drive or train ride (they are about equal). Even though the date was just okay and I couldn’t wait to go home, I offered to drop him off at the nearest train station afterwards. He accepted, got into my car, and as we’re driving down the street, he tries to convince me to go 25 minutes out of my way and drop him off at his house in Oakland instead. BLARGH!

    2) Don’t text me at 3 PM on a Friday to schedule our first date for that night, even though we’ve been talking all week. Nothing says “I don’t respect your time at all” like assuming I kept my whole night free and am waiting with bated breath for you to send a lazy text.

    Reply Link
    • FireStar

      Firestar February 22, 2013, 8:42 pm

      I’d say don’t ask someone out for a date over text. And definitely be specific. When I was single I met a guy who would text me all the time and want to “hang out” or “get together”. When I ignored those “plans” he would get upset I wasn’t giving him a chance. But if you can’t at least phone me there is no chance I’m wasting my time to meet up with you.

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      • avatar

        MissDre February 22, 2013, 9:28 pm

        Hey FireStar! How’s everything going?? How’ve you been?

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      • FireStar

        FireStar February 24, 2013, 1:50 pm

        Hey! I emailed you.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark February 22, 2013, 7:34 pm

    People that always run ten minutes late. But then TEXT to let you know they are almost there. I hate people that constantly leave you waiting…

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    • the_optimist

      the_optimist February 23, 2013, 10:29 am

      OMG I hate this too!! Unless you have seven pairs of eyes and five pairs of hands, there is no way to do this without stopping and WASTING MORE OF MY TIME!

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  • avatar

    KarenE February 22, 2013, 7:41 pm

    OMG I second (and third) the one about reclining your seat on a plane. And flossing on a plane. EW! People should never do anything on a plane that they normally do in the privacy of their own bathroom. In fact, I hope you don’t mind me posting this Wendy, but a couple years back I wrote a whole article on the topic of airplane etiquette. That’s how strongly I feel about the subject!

    Reply Link
  • Paki

    Paki February 22, 2013, 8:36 pm

    I could probably have a list that goes forever – HA!

    Probably my biggest are people that are late, always late and way late – not a 5 or 10 minutes, but like an hour late. My cousin is the queen of this, always late, an hour late. Everyone jokes about not asking her to bring an appetizer for a potluck. How do you get to be 50ish and not be able to manage time? It is just disrespectful, her time is clearly more important then yours.

    Phone thing, when out for dinner, etc. Why go out if you are just going to text? Leave the phone in your purse, your pocket or your car.

    And lately, talking about future plans that don’t include you. I have been out with couples and they talk about their detailed plans for trips or dinners, that don’t include you. Like hey, for our spring trip, where should we go? What should we see? etc. After an hour of conversation, you finally get the, oh would you want to go to? Actually no, I don’t want to go every anywhere with you. (friends of my significant other so I can’t avoid them).

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  • avatar

    Christy February 22, 2013, 8:43 pm

    Oh good call with this open thread, Wendy.

    One of my biggest pet peeves is ringtones–the coworker with the cubicle next to mine is a grown-ass woman who has a pop-ish song as her ringtone, and I HATE having to hear it several times a day.

    I also hate when people brush past you on the subway/Metro escalators because they can’t freaking stand still for the 30 seconds the escalator ride takes. Especially at Union Station, because it’s full of “important people” (Congressional staffers) and tourists.

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    • beelzebarb

      beelzebarb February 23, 2013, 3:21 pm

      OH! You reminded me of another one – people who don’t silence the ringer on their phone when they pick it up to see who’s calling. Like, yesterday I was at the grocery store and there was a lady in front of me in line whose ringtone was a rap song and it was really loud. Her phone started to ring, and so she took it out of her purse, looked to see who was calling, decided not to answer it but she just let it finish ringing! Don’t all phones have an option to silence the ringer without declining the call?

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    • avatar

      *HmC* February 23, 2013, 5:01 pm

      The right side of the escalator is for those who want to stand still, the left is for people that are walking. It’s rude to bump into you as they’re passing, but it’s weird that you think of people walking as “they can’t freaking stand still”. I like walking, I obviously walked to the escalator and I’ll walk when I get off it, why should I just stand there stationary, especially if it’s a really long escalator and I’m trying to get somewhere? I hate it when people stand next to someone on an escalator and don’t allow either side for people who like walking to pass.

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    • avatar

      ele4phant February 23, 2013, 5:23 pm

      Hmm, I think walking on the escalator is legit. To me, whole point is to get you there twice as faster, not to be lazy and stand around while a machine moves you along. I mean you don’t HAVE to walk, but for gosh sakes stand to the right to let people pass you on the left.

      And for the love of all that is decent, if you’re with a buddy please don’t stand side by side and block other people from moving past you. Again, if you don’t want to walk up the escalator, fine, but don’t prevent other people from doing so if they want.

      On a related note, mom friends with big strollers on a narrow sidewalk, also please don’t stand side by side until the path you two are on widens up.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest February 22, 2013, 10:09 pm

    Ok. I take back everything I said yesterday about thinking I’m a nice person. However, I now think I’m an easy going person bc none of these bother me too much. I’ve NEVER thought I was easy going so I guess thts a plus?

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 9:36 am

      There aren’t a lot of things that actually bother me – like that make me so mad I feel almost compelled to say something, those include:

      – assclowns seated on a bus, in the handicap sections, who are unaware (or purposefully ignoring) the old people STANDING right in front of them;

      – when men I don’t know call me as “honey” or “sweetie” or something equally gross;

      – when people are rude/yelling/insulting service providers – like the bus driver or the gas station attendant or something – is that really necessary? Ok, he missed your stop, why do you need to be so aggressively dicky about it? I will often say something like “whoa, is that necessary, dick?” I have a few times and they usually just stomp off seething.

      – … I’m sure there’s more. But…. I think I’m pretty easy going too. (But isn’t that what all people who are NOT easy going say? Ha.)

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy February 23, 2013, 9:44 am

        I hate all that stuff too and I have also called people out on being dicks to service workers.

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    • katie

      katie February 23, 2013, 10:47 am

      haha, im with you… none of this stuff really annoys me. i mean, it sucks, sure.. but my day is not affected if someone doesnt hold the door for me or if they recline on my flight.. lol.

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  • avatar

    sb February 22, 2013, 10:34 pm

    has anyone mentioned people who stand on the left side of crowded escalators? similar to walking on the left side of the street but more annoying because you’re actually stuck and can’t move! it’s sucks when you’re late for something and some jack ass is blocking the way.

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    • avatar

      Hobbesnblue February 23, 2013, 2:20 am

      Looks like it’s you and me versus Christy, here!

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl February 22, 2013, 10:55 pm

    I hate when you’re out with friends and that one person is on their phone the whole time and disengaged. Stay the f home.

    And I didn’t realize how important I thought thank you notes were until I was an “adult”. In the past year I’ve sent a baby shower gift and a wedding gift with no acknowledgement (not even FB or email!!!). Ugh annoyed! I’m frustrated with myself that we’ve gotten wedding gifts since I’ve been out of town (less than a week) and I haven’t sent thank you notes yet. I just bought some tonight so I can send them this weekend because it clearly can’t wait 10 more days.

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  • avatar

    AllisonExclaims February 22, 2013, 11:14 pm

    OH.MY.GOD. ER rules:
    1. If you need to go to the ER, do not talk or text on your phone while sitting in triage & talking to the nurse. If you are too busy to talk on your phone, it’s not an emergency & you don’t need to be here

    2. Please don’t reference things in a time frame that I was not there for. For example, don’t just say you’ve been having pain since you had your surgery. I’ve known you for 12 seconds, I don’t know when your surgery was. For exampe, I’ve been having pain for x hours/days/weeks/months/years

    3. When I ask you how old you are, please don’t tell me you will be 68 in 5 months. That’s super, but I want to know that you are 67 RIGHT NOW.

    4. Don’t come in the ER to get a preg test. Hint. We use the same ones as in the dollar store. This is 2012 you have many options for birth control.

    5. If you have been having abdominal pain for 3 hours, try some laxatives, motrin, pepto, etc before coming into the ER. You probably are constipated anyways.

    6. Also, if you have a sore throat that started this morning you don’t need to visit the ER. Get some cough drops & be a big kid. Or go to urgent care because no one can get in to see their primary care anyways.

    7. If you need to use the bathroom while here, just please pee in the friggin cup. Please.

    8. It’s embarrassing to watch the 35 year old man cry with his “chest pain” when Grandma is the one sitting quietly & patiently for her turn & it’s really her having the STEMI

    Yup, working in the ER has made me an angry, cynical person. I’m losing faith in humanity 🙁

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    • the_optimist

      the_optimist February 23, 2013, 9:57 am

      Ok, I have to respond to #s 1, mostly because I was in the ER yesterday, as a matter of fact (btw, were you my doctor? I hope not, since she sounded a lot more sympathetic than you do). I started getting awful stomach pains– worse than anything I’ve ever experienced– while at work and immediately dropped everything and took a cab (two, actually, since the first guy didn’t know where he was going and basically told me to get out, very nice of you, sir, thanks) straight to the nearest hospital. Since I was alone and scared and trying to keep myself from passing out, yes, I was on my phone almost the entire time. I made sure to explain that I was alone and scared and just wanted to hear a familiar voice, and I apologized to the triage nurse and doctor, both of whom seemed to understand. But basically I was on my own for a good couple of hours, in an excruciating amount of pain, and was very grateful for my phone at the time.

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    • avatar

      kate February 23, 2013, 9:05 pm

      yeah, i think you might need to take a vacation or something. you sound a bit burnt out and really unsympathetic. i would really hate to remember this post if i ever to need to go to the emergency room. it’s upsetting, stressful, and scary enough without wondering if the nurse/doc/health professional is secretly judging every little thing i do.

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    • avatar

      FossilChick February 24, 2013, 12:20 am

      Yeah, I’m definitely feeling for the 35-year-old and whatever he was going through that got him judged for him behavior while ill/in pain, apparently based on his sex and age.

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    • avatar

      Desiree February 24, 2013, 2:25 am

      And if patients presented a well-organized written HPI to the front desk when presenting at the ER, the triage staff would be out of jobs. Clarifying things like time of surgery IS THE HEALTH PROFESSIONAL’S JOB. Doesn’t matter if you are a nurse, doctor, or a scribe. This is what we are paid to do.

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  • avatar

    quixoticbeatnik February 23, 2013, 2:19 am

    OMG. Most of my pet peeves are concerned with driving. I hate when:
    1. People do not use their turn signals. Now, my dad taught me how to drive and he taught me well – he taught me how to look ahead and watch people constantly. I am REALLY good about knowing which people are going to move over or not, even if they don’t use their turn signal. However, it is still so FUCKING ANNOYING! Don’t make me read your mind, please.
    2. People who wait until the last possible second to merge or get over, even though they had plenty of time. They just want to be first. Assholes.
    3. People who are SO SLOW getting on the freeway. WE’RE GETTING ON A HIGHWAY SO YOU NEED TO GO FASTER THAN 40 MILES AN HOUR RIGHT NOW! Seriously. I’m always surprised when I run into slow people here in Houston, because pretty much 98% of the population in Houston drives fast and idiotically. I drive fast-ish, but I do not drive recklessly or stupidly.

    Other pet peeves:
    1. I hate it when people just blow me off. I don’t mind if people cancel on plans that I have because that gives me time to make other plans or to stay at home and watch tv and chill out. However, if I make plans with someone and I call/text them repeatedly and don’t hear from them at all, I get really pissed. My boyfriend did that once and I was so pissed he had to grovel for like a day. I didn’t MAKE him grovel, but it took me about a day to stop being so pissed. And then my best friend blew me off twice in one night about two weeks ago and I was SO PISSED, because she had told me that she would be a little late but she would meet me (she’s late a lot) but then I didn’t hear from her for like an hour and a half by which time I was annoyed and went home. And then she was like, oh, I can come over if you want me to! And I said, okay, come over, but my boyfriend is coming over in two hours. Then I didn’t hear from her for like an hour and a half and she hadn’t left yet and I was so pissed I told her not to bother and went to bed. The next day she was super apologetic but I was like “Do not do that again because I was REALLY annoyed because you basically blew me off TWICE in one night to hang out with people you don’t really even like that much. Next time, either cancel your plans with me or turn down their invitation, its not that hard.”

    Wow, that was really long, lol. Another pet peeve of mine is when people talk on speaker phone if they aren’t by themselves. OMG, my second college roommate did that ALL the time and it drove me fucking NUTS! She would have long speakerphone conversations with people which I never understood. Like, WHY? Go somewhere else if you want to talk to someone! However, that wasn’t the only thing she did that drove me crazy – like living chinese food out forever, keeping a bowl of cereal out for a week, blasting Christian music all the time, speakerphone conversations, etc etc.

    I can’t think of anything else at the moment. Good thread!

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    • avatar

      Kzinti February 25, 2013, 10:35 am

      I’m in Houston, too, and I agree with all of the driving peeves. Lately the turn signal one has been really bugging me!

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  • avatar

    lemongrass February 23, 2013, 3:38 am

    When people talk on their cell phones while going through the checkout. Such a dehumanizing experience for cashiers! They aren’t machines but people deserving of at least some eye contact. This applies to cashiers ignoring customers too. Why are some people afraid of basic human interactions?

    When people try to tell you that you’re making mistakes when they haven’t researched the issue and are just going by how they feel. Such as home births- done right they are actually safer than hospital births! That doesn’t stop people from calling those that have them irresponsible.

    I’m definitely going to get flak from people about how I raise E. I don’t read baby books since they would just stress me out. I feed him less often than all the books say- and I don’t feed him when he first shows cues (because he shows them literally all of his waking hours) so I’ll use that line! No, stranger, your instincts are not the motherly instincts because you aren’t the mother. You just made a snap judgement of a film having watched 15 seconds of it.

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    • avatar

      honeybeenicki February 23, 2013, 5:48 pm

      I totally agree with you on the researching issues thing. And home birth is one of those… when we do get pregnant, I am looking into midwives and home birth instead of a hospital birth and people who should know better (ie: 2 of my nurse friends), are super judgmental about it.

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  • avatar

    Anna February 23, 2013, 7:22 am

    I just thought of another one! It really annoys me when parents are out in public and speak only baby talk, especially parents whose kids are no longer babies. Baby want din din? Time go bye bye! Ugh. How do you expect your child to learn proper grammar and sentence structure if you aren’t teaching them? My sister adamantly refused to let anyone use baby talk with her kids and I think she’s brilliant for that. All 3 of her kids are highly intelligent and carry on conversation like little adults. When I have kids, I’m going to follow her lead in that respect.

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    • avatar

      lemongrass February 23, 2013, 12:24 pm

      I don’t think there is anything wrong with baby talk as long as it isn’t the only form of communication with your child. Sure they need to hear proper conversations but if baby talk hindered proper words we’d have a generation of people still saying “baba.” It actually serves a purpose- it helps babies as a stepping stone between babbling and real words. It’s just a stage- all children go through tons of stages and it is really irritating when people don’t realize that those stages don’t last forever. People spout that crap at me all the time- dont let your baby (sleep on you, use a soother, nurse to sleep, etc.) or else they will always need it. Bullshit! No 45 year old man still sleeps on his moms chest, it’s just a stage that will pass.

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      • avatar

        Anna February 23, 2013, 1:46 pm

        Maybe I just don’t know because I’m not a parent, but it seems like a child is a person so I would choose to talk to them like I would talk to any other person. I also might be a little biased because I actually do know adults who speak and write at approximately an elementary school level (who are not learning disabled but were just too lazy to learn). Anyone ever play that game Apples to Apples? I love that game but it’s frustrating when the people you’re playing with don’t know what any of the words mean.

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      Temperance February 23, 2013, 2:22 pm

      I hate baby talk SO MUCH!

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    • avatar

      ele4phant February 23, 2013, 2:46 pm

      I agree with lemongrass. Baby talk to the actual baby in public? Fine, kinda sweet even. Baby-talking to *me* while we are hanging out with you and your baby? Learn to turn it off when you talk to a grown-up.

      Also annoying? Me coming to hang out with a new parent and having them *completely* ignore me while they only interact with their new baby. I get it it, you love this child more than life, but throw me a conversational bone once in awhile, too.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 8:31 am

    I wish men understood this rule: yes, it’s polite to let the woman on/off the elevator first and to let women enter/exit rooms first… but this does NOT apply to those rotating doors that are in every building in Chicago… It’s hard to push those! They guy should go first there. And a lot of guys will pause and let you go first, but then you’re in there pushing really hard to get the door to start rotating… and that’s when it’s correct for the guy to go first. Most guys don’t know that.

    Also: there’s this one guy I used to work with who would always enter/exit elevators before me. That etiquette violation doesn’t bother me at all, but what bothered me was he used to pause and let me enter/exit first WHEN THERE WERE OTHER ATTORNEYS IN THE ELEVATOR WITH US. But just the two of us? He was like “I’m getting out of here first bitch.” How rude.

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    • avatar

      ele4phant February 23, 2013, 2:52 pm

      Re: the men letting women off elevators or out the door first, I don’t really think this one needs to apply anymore. I mean *I* like being let off first (who doesn’t like not having to wait?!) but I personally feel like this is a piece of old chilvarious behavior that I wouldn’t care if it went away. There’s no *reason* I as a woman should be let off first, its not as though I’m not less physically capable so I don’t feel I should get precedence just because I am of a certain gender.

      If I guy wants to let me get off first, fine, but I’m not put off at all if the first person on is also the first person off and I have to wait a second.

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      • avatar

        applescruffs February 23, 2013, 5:12 pm

        Apparently, the actual rule with elevators is that men get on first, women get off first. BECAUSE. If the elevator is unstable and going to break and hurtle everyone to their deaths, it’s more chivalrous for the dude to be the first one on there to find out, and minimize the time the woman is on the elevator. Weird, right?

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        Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 5:53 pm

        Oh I like it.

        As for men getting off the elevator last, sometimes it’s best if they get off first. I hate it when it’s a crowded elevator for example and the guy is blocking the door but can’t really step to the side easily, without others shuffling around, so the woman in the back can exit before the dude …. Dude, just get off first, it’s ok, no one will think you’re an ass.

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        ele4phant February 23, 2013, 6:05 pm

        Yeah, I think unless anyone has a mobility issue, people should just get off in the order that is most convenient for everyone.

        Same for things like seats on the bus. I’m in my mid-twenties, fit, and healthy. I am perfectly capable of standing on the bus during the rush hour. I don’t love standing, but neither does anyone else. So to the middle aged businessman, you don’t need to get up and give me your seat, particularly if that means we all have to crush together to let you get up and me slide in.

        If someone NEEDS a seat (like they are pregnant, they are injured, or they are elderly), then we should all make an effort to get them a seat. But for a young, normal, healthy person like me? I don’t deserve a seat, so don’t think you’re obligated to give me one just because I’m a woman. I certainly don’t think that men who stay seated while I stand are rude.

        That said, if you want to give me a seat, I’m not going to make a scene. I’ll take it, but I definetely wasn’t expecting you to nor did I think it would’ve been rude had you not.

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    Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 9:25 am

    Am I the only one who wakes up early and immediately starts dearwendying? Apparently! Check out that side bar – all AP! —>

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  • avatar

    spark February 23, 2013, 10:51 am

    My biggest pet peeve right now is when people bring dogs into malls on leases or in strollers. It’s a mall, not a park! The sense of entitlement drives me crazy. It’s even worse when they put on a “service dog” vest so staff legally cannot question them. I’m all for service dogs, but a yippy-yappy little thing running around on its leash, sniffing everything and definitely not heeling is OBVIOUSLY not a working dog.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 11:40 am

      Really, that bothers you? That’s funny because it doesn’t bother me AT ALL. In fact I love it.

      I’m also not annoyed at all when people bring children (who sooner or later start crying or moving around) to nice restaurants. Does that bother you? I know a lot of people who are really bothered by that.

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      • avatar

        spark February 23, 2013, 12:06 pm

        Actually, I don’t mind children at all: in restaurants, on planes, screaming and crying. Children are people, too, and we were all loud babies at one time. I love dogs, but not in places they are not supposed to be. I think it’s more the owners’ sense of entitlement (I can bring Fido anywhere I want!) than anything.

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        Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 4:15 pm

        I wish dogs could go everywhere — but not if they are running loose of course, or brushing up against clothes, or ewww peeing on counters like lemongrass mentioned below!

        So, in Addie’s World, dogs can go everywhere, but cats have to stay home.

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      Rachel February 23, 2013, 11:54 am

      I won’t bring my dog anywhere I’m not supposed to, but I really do wish more places were dog-friendly. I feel bad when I’ve been working all week, and then I have to leave all day on a weekend to run errands. I prefer when I can bring Toby with me.

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        spark February 23, 2013, 12:08 pm

        That’s a really good point, Rachel. I didn’t really think of that!

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        painted_lady February 23, 2013, 2:11 pm

        Yes! I mean, my dog is better behaved than some children (I don’t mind screaming and badly behaved children, it’s that brand of parents who continue with their meal/shopping/outing as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening), and yet children are allowed 99% of places (not like you can bring a kid to work most places, but the presence of a child won’t get you asked to leave). I bring him as many places as I can – provided that he’s not being an asshole and mooching for food or barking at random strangers – but I hate that I can’t bring him more places because I know he gets so bored at home by himself.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson February 23, 2013, 2:30 pm

        Agreed.

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        applescruffs February 23, 2013, 5:13 pm

        Same. I’m just happier when my furkid is around!

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      Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 11:59 am

      And I’d argue there is not much difference between a mall and a park. So….

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      lemongrass February 23, 2013, 12:42 pm

      I hate that too. Some people are allergic to dogs and it isn’t fair to let your dog rub up against brand new clothes! I worked in a mall and one girl brought her little dog in and put it on my counter and it peed all over it! She just picked him up and walked away while giggling “oops!”

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        Temperance February 23, 2013, 2:04 pm

        EEEEW! I love dogs, and that’s the grossest thing I’ve ever heard.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom February 23, 2013, 6:18 pm

      What I hate is when someone takes a dog to a place like a splash park where there are lots of kids running around barefooted. So the dog poops or pees where the kids will be running. Disgusting to say the least and rude. I also don’t like it when people take a dog to a place that is crowded with people where the dog’s toes will likely be stepped on in the crush of people. My daughter’s elementary school would always have an ice cream social at a park beside the school the day before school started so kids could meet their teachers and see their friends. With nearly 300 kids on a playground it was always crowded and there would always be a family that would bring their dog and the dog would have children running past it and around it constantly.

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  • avatar

    sb February 23, 2013, 11:20 am

    oh, and random people telling you to smile while you’re walking down the road or something. no one every tells a guy they dont know to smile, only girls. so rude!

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    • othy

      othy February 23, 2013, 11:58 am

      My husband gets told to smile a lot at work from random strangers. And then he also gets told he’s smiling too much. You can never win in a customer service job.

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      Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 12:03 pm

      oh yes this really annoys the shit out of me! it’s like, what, are we all just here to smile for you? no, now stop talking to me mother fucker. that, plus when i get called “hon” or “sweetie” by some stranger man gets my blood boiling.

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    Temperance February 23, 2013, 12:14 pm

    Keep in mind that I’m in Philadelphia, and I just really desperately want to believe that this is a Philly problem rather than an everywhere problem:

    SPITTING. So fucking gross outside, but so much nastier indoors and at subway stops. Go to a bathroom or something, use a tissue, put that shit in the garbage.

    Also, CIGARETTE BUTTS. I don’t know why this is a thing, but seeing a smoker throw them on the ground makes me want to punch them. Come on, it’s gross, makes everything look trashy, and makes me think you’re a bad person. Seeing a pigeon pick one up at a train station made me want to weep for humanity.

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      Addie Pray February 23, 2013, 12:28 pm

      That’s a good point. We don’t throw gum wrappers on the side walk, or candy wrappers, or ticket stubs, etc. … So why is it ok to flick your cig butt? … I smoke cigarettes at a rate of 1 cigarette every 2 months. … And I throw the butt on the side walk. Never again!

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        Temperance February 23, 2013, 2:02 pm

        This is why you are excellent (among many other reasons). <33

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      honeybeenicki February 23, 2013, 5:52 pm

      I am a smoker and I agree whole-heartedly with you about the butts on the ground. I hate it with a passion. If there isn’t an ashtray or trash can near me, I put it out and put it in my pack until I do have a trash can nearby. On that same thing, have you noticed that there are often TONS of cigarette butts AROUND the ashtrays? That’s just dumb. At work, we have ashtrays at every entrance to the building and I hate having to see the guy pick up butts from the ground around the ashtray. I mean, come on – it’s right there. Then again, my husband whines because my pants often end up next to the laundry basket instead of it in.

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    ele4phant February 23, 2013, 2:55 pm

    I hate hate HATE when people let their dog off-leash in an area that’s not a dog park or explicitly marked as an off-leash area.

    There’s nothing worse than being at a beach or a park hanging out, minding my own business, and having some dog decide they want to come check out what you’re doing.

    Sorry dog owners, I don’t care if you think you’re dog is well behaved and friendly, I don’t really want to get sniffed up and down or jumped on. I avoid areas where that might happen, so please don’t put me in a situation I’d rahter not be in.

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    • beelzebarb

      beelzebarb February 23, 2013, 3:40 pm

      Agreed. Once I took my little dog to the dog beach and you’re not supposed to take dogs off of their leashes there. One lady had some massive dog, not sure what breed, and he was running around off his leash chasing other people’s dogs and freaking them out. Mine is neurotic enough without being accosted by a hellbeast. Anyway, beach patrol came by and told her to leash the dog or leave so she put a leash on it but as soon as they drove away, she took it back off. I gave her a bunch of crap for that and was quickly joined by just about everyone else so she left.

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      Kerrycontrary February 23, 2013, 4:35 pm

      I hate this too! My dog has been attacked twice by large dogs because of this. If you can’t call your dog back mid-chase, don’t let it off the leash!

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    Lynn February 23, 2013, 4:50 pm

    Pet peeves…

    — I have only ever seen this on the East Coast (maybe because everyone always seems to be on the go?), but when people don’t stop to hold the door for delivery guys or people who have a lot of things in their hands… it drives me insane because I feel like it says a lot about you and who you are. I was in D.C. once and this delivery guy had a butt ton of boxes and was trying to open a door and people just strolled right by him. A friend of mine noticed and ran to go hold the door for him. He seemed so surprised and a couple people raised their eyebrows as they walked by. It was weird.

    — If the speed limit is 65 — don’t go 45 or 55, and please do not even think about driving in the left lane.

    — If the cashier asks you how you are doing, respond and ask them how they are doing.

    — I’m big on tipping, and I get annoyed when people look at my bill and say, “Wow, you tip a lot.” … That’s not any of your business.

    — People who let their dogs pee or poop in hallways or on elevators and don’t clean it up…

    — Please use your turn signal/blinker.

    — Dressing incredibly down at places when you know the dress code calls for something classier.

    — People who leave their dogs in the car while they run errands or go to the park. One time I was in Austin and had gone to Barton Springs… some asshole left their dog in the car (95 out) while they enjoyed themselves in the pool…

    — Couples who fight outside the apartment. Take it inside please. If it’s 1 a.m. on a Sunday night, I don’t want to hear your girlfriend crying and screaming because she’s drunk and is upset that you don’t pay enough attention to her.

    — Ugly behavior in general. Don’t be rude to the cab driver, don’t act like you’re better than the fast food cashier, don’t yell at the security guard because you don’t have the proper identification, don’t snap at the waiter/waitress, don’t argue with cashiers or whoever at any given place just because you want it done your way or no way or just because you want a discount… because you’re not better than any of those people. Ugly behavior tells me everything I need to know about you — you’re not someone I would associate myself with because you should always be polite and gracious and if there is an issue, take it up in a private area or at least be calm and rational about it. /endrant

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      honeybeenicki February 23, 2013, 6:00 pm

      I’m guilty of dressing down sometimes. But usually not on purpose. We were going to a casual supper-club type place for dinner one night and apparently it didn’t occur to us to get reservations (duh) and we ended up going somewhere else. We have a few restaurant.com coupons we were trying to use, so we randomly picked one of them and ended up in jeans and college-sport t-shirts at a fairly nice place that we felt very underdressed.

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        ele4phant February 23, 2013, 6:12 pm

        I agree, I live somewhere that’s pretty casual. So most of the time when I am under dressed its not because I meant to, I literally had no idea what the expectations where.

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      • lynn

        Lynn February 23, 2013, 7:31 pm

        That’s understandable though. I mean people who know well in advance that they’re going to a nice place but somehow think it is perfectly okay to wear jeans and a tshirt. I’ve been around people like that and it blows my mind.

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        kerrycontrary February 23, 2013, 8:57 pm

        Yeh…we recently went to a company party. And it was clearly cocktail attire. The men wore suits, the women wore *duh* cocktail dresses. A girl there had her foot in an air cast, and chose that as an excuse to wear jeans. And not even nice jeans. She was like “well I have this boot on so I can’t wear a dress” UMMM yes you could. It’s not like she was in a body cast. She could’ve easily worn a dress with tights and ballet flats. This was a really nice event and her outfit choice just really bothered me.

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        ele4phant February 23, 2013, 9:27 pm

        Eh, maybe her leg was really hurting her, she felt like crap, but she had to go to this thing and wearing something comfortable helped make this thing bearable for her.

        I can understand feeling peeved if someone you know and are going with dresses down when the event calls for something more formal (the whole the company you keep reflects on you business) but when its just somebody else there? Who cares if some random person does or does not dress approporiately? That’s their problem. They’re the ones who made that choice, they’re the ones who will have people looking funny at them all night.

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        Lynn February 23, 2013, 10:35 pm

        Ahhh that would have really annoyed me. I mean I get what ele4phant is coming from as far as the person not being in my group… but I just don’t get why someone would do that.

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      Elle February 24, 2013, 3:17 am

      “Couples who fight outside the apartment. Take it inside please. If it’s 1 a.m. on a Sunday night, I don’t want to hear your girlfriend crying and screaming because she’s drunk and is upset that you don’t pay enough attention to her.”

      Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the couple took the fight outside so that they would fight less? When I was dealing with my ex, I would go outside. I knew that one outside, he would control the volume of his voice and calm down a bit. Also, I wanted to have my neighbors’ attention in case he wound up hitting me again. When I was screaming from pain inside of the apartment, no one ever called the cops. I was making more noise then.

      You know what? You see a couple fighting on the street at 1 a.m., fucking call the cops.

      /end rant

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        Eagle Eye February 24, 2013, 10:05 am

        And this is why when our awful neighbors from a few apartments ago, who used to have awful fights (usually at 7am on a Sunday morning) started to sounds scary, we called the cops.

        Ugh, SO GLAD we left that place…

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        Lynn February 24, 2013, 1:28 pm

        No. It’s in the hallway of an indoor apartment. She does this frequently. She is the only one crying, screaming and berating him. He doesn’t make a peep. It’s usually, “I do everything for you and you don’t even care.” “Why aren’t you paying attention to me?” And blah blah blah blah. The last time it was so late and she was so loud, I walked out into the hallway because I thought something bad was going on. No she was drunk and crying again and he was silently standing there, literally just taking it from her. I stood out there for a minute until they both looked at me and she pushed her way back into the apartment, while he gave me the, “I’m sorry” look. I don’t like calling the cops, and I’m hoping this last time was it or that they break up.

        If you’re in the street, I don’t care. In an indoor hallway? Yeah, that bugs me.

        So sorry, in the case with this couple, definitely not buying what you’re selling. Sorry you dealt with that crap with your ex, but that definitely isn’t the case with what I’ve seen from these two specifically the girlfriend. I’m pretty sure they take it out into the hall because he has two roommates.

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    honeybeenicki February 23, 2013, 5:58 pm

    I have a lot of pet peeves and many of them have already been mentioned. For example:
    – Thank you notes (An absolute must. We make the kids to thank you notes for birthday gifts, etc and now they think to do it on their own!)
    – People who don’t hold the door open for others, refuse to vacate their seat for someone who is elderly, injured, handicapped, or has small children. I see this all the time when I take the bus to and from work. There was a guy who broke his leg and more than once I gave him my seat (in the back of the bus, up 2 stairs) because no one in front would get up for him.
    – People who take their anger out on service people for things that aren’t their fault. I may be biased, because part of my job is taking calls and (for only an hour a day thankfully) staffing a front counter where people pay parking tickets and get releases for impounded vehicles. And apparently this is always my fault. People can be assholes.
    – Bathroom talkers.
    – Unsolicited advice.
    – Asking for advice and not taking it.
    – People who do nothing but yell at their kids all the time (apparently it is the only form of communication) and then get mad because that’s all the kids know how to do.
    – Not RSVPing
    – Probably a bunch of other things I can’t think of since I’m sitting at my part time job thinking about the fact that I should get up and do something productive but really just don’t want to.

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    pamplemousse February 23, 2013, 8:37 pm

    I have a friend who brings wine to parties and then takes it back home with her if it has not been opened. I just cannot understand why she would bring the host a bottle of wine, and after the host has opened up their home and fed and entertained her, she will go to the kitchen and take the bottle of wine back home with her. Additionally, these events tend to be potluck style (the host provides the bulk of the food but guests usually commit to bringing a snack or dessert of some kind), and she has never once brought food. Just wine that she always takes back if it hasn’t been opened. I will soon be hosting one of these parties and am going to be sure to open her bottle of wine first.

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    • beelzebarb

      beelzebarb February 23, 2013, 9:45 pm

      If I had a friend like that, I’d always open her bottle first. It’s obnoxious that she does that but I don’t see any way to bring it up without being tacky.

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        FossilChick February 24, 2013, 12:34 am

        Beelzebarb, you’ve summed up another one of my pet peeves with this example: when other people’s bad behavior still makes it impossible to do anything about it without coming off like the bad guy. So frustrating!

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    FossilChick February 24, 2013, 12:32 am

    Most of my pet peeves fall under “getting up in other people’s business”. The unsolicited parenting advice, the value judgments, the condescension when a person just plain does not know your circumstance and doesn’t need to know! I have a disability and a parking tag. Just from looking at me, it is not obvious what my disability is, and I am relatively young. I cannot tell you how many times angry shoppers make a beeline over to me as I park and accuse me of having stolen a handicapped parking tag, or “you must be using your grandma’s”, or demanding to know “what’s wrong with me”. As a child my parents told me to freely tell people things were “Nunya business”. I wish we could go back to that and have it be polite, because I’ll be polite even when someone is telling me I must have knocked down and dragged out a disabled person in order to get their parking tag.

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    SeattleBean February 24, 2013, 11:17 am

    Smokers who walk down the street, walking and smoking at the same time while waving their cigarette around. It’s not always easy to get around them and a lot of times, they’re part of a group walking six abreast on a tiny city sidewalk. I’m not arguing your right to smoke, but just be aware of the people around you in this big city!

    People on the incredibly crowded subway during rush hour who were sitting but decide that they need to stand up 3 stops before their stop and muscle their way to the door. What are you doing? There’s no place to go and you’re standing on my feet, giving me stinkeye because I can’t move. I know New Englanders can be jerks, but I’ve been here 8 years and never seen anyone not be able to get off the train! Calm yourself.

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      ele4phant February 24, 2013, 12:12 pm

      I don’t know about the people getting up to move closer to the door. On my bus commute, it gets super crammed, and yes its hard to move, but the bus drivers don’t really pay attention and I have seen them shut the doors before everyone has had a chance to move to the door. Then everybody has to frantically yell that there are people still have to get off and it gets a little panicky.

      Bottom-line, its a pain in the ass to get off no matter what, you’ll have to squeeze past a ton of people no matter if you do it a bit early, or if you wait until your stop. At least if you do it early you’ll be able to get off more easily once you actually get to the stop.

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      kate February 24, 2013, 3:17 pm

      omg YES. i am a smoker and i cannot stand walking behind smokers. you cannot get away. i never walk and smoke – if i don’t have time to stand still somewhere out of the way, i’m not smoking.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray February 24, 2013, 1:13 pm

    YOU GUYZ, I AM SO SICK OF EATING AND DRINKING AND WATCHING TV, I AM GOING OUTSIDE FOR MY FIRST BREATH OF FRESH AIR ALL WEEKEND – HERE I GO. HERE I GO. HERE I GO.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson February 24, 2013, 1:17 pm

      Take a walk for me.. My car hasn’t moved since Friday night

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        Addie Pray February 24, 2013, 2:02 pm

        UPDATE: the balding eagle has showered but she also turned Lifetime on and there’s a very dramatic movie involving murder and teen angst.

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    spark February 24, 2013, 2:00 pm

    Another thing I hate is tipping. I know that sounds crazy, but I wish services came with flat fees. I always tip 20% standard, and throw in extra if the service was good, but I think it would be so much easier if there was just a flat fee. Like, the sandwich costs $15 and there is no tipping rather than the sandwich costs $10 and you are expected to tip. Or the haircut costs $50 flat, not $35 plus tip.

    I just think restaurants/salons/spas should have to actually pay and insure waiters, etc. People say tipping motivates people to improve their service, but I disagree: plenty of people in non-service industries do excellent work without tips.

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      *HmC* February 24, 2013, 7:23 pm

      YES! And I really dislike how arbitrary our tipping practices are in the U.S. Everyone who deals with the public has a tough job. But is a server really working exponentially harder than a bank teller at a busy bank? I don’t think so.

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      • avatar

        spark February 25, 2013, 8:06 am

        Exactly!

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  • othy

    othy February 24, 2013, 2:42 pm

    Someone mentioned people who don’t use their turn signals. I would like to add people who flip on their signals and then don’t turn. Or forget to turn them off after changing lanes. I was behind a guy for 5 miles who had his signal on before he realized and turned it off.

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  • sobriquet

    sobriquet February 24, 2013, 5:43 pm

    College Pet Peeves
    -When you text while walking, hold the phone up higher so that you can see where you’re going. People run into me all the time and feign a quick “oh, sorry” and keep texting. It’s the most ridiculous thing I have had to encounter- people just randomly running into me because they’re not paying attention.

    -If you’re walking down a narrow sidewalk side-by-side with friends and see someone coming the other direction, step behind your friend or walk in the grass so that the other person has room to pass. Don’t take up the entire sidewalk and make the other person walk on the grass or wait for you guys to pass. It’s unbelievable how much this happens!

    -When professors scold a class for not speaking up. Not only am I an introvert, I don’t like speaking in a group unless I truly think it will add to the conversation. The people who speak up all the time are incredibly frustrating! They usually bring up personal anecdotes- ESPECIALLY in my Nutrition courses (“My sister said that she had to eat X while pregnant…”)- that have nothing to add to the lecture. It interrupts the entire learning process.

    Roommate Pet Peeves
    -Not cleaning up after yourself (obvs), but especially after you cook a smelly food like fish. There is nothing more disgusting to me than cleaning my roommates fishy pans the next day.

    -When your roommate’s dog gets extremely sick (think 5 gigantic piles of dog crap on the carpet) and you are forced to clean it up. And when they get home, they say, “thank god you were here to clean it up!”

    -When my roommates try to start cooking while I’m already in the kitchen cooking. Makes me claustrophobic and it’s dangerous! You can wait 15 minutes until I’m done!

    General Pet Peeves
    -Using the word “literally” incorrectly.

    -When you’re on a double date, don’t hang all over and make out with your boyfriend! It makes the other couple feel like you clearly just want to be alone. Extremely uncomfortable.

    -When you say “that’s a really good RECIPE” to me after I’ve cooked something awesome. I know this one’s a little tricky, but it can come across as such a backhanded compliment. Complimenting the recipe instead of complimenting the cook implies that the cook had nothing to do with it.

    -When you think everyone loves your dog/baby/whatever as much as you do. They don’t!

    -When someone keeps talking to me as I’m clearly on my way out and in a hurry. Pick up on social cues, people! If I’m walking backwards while you’re talking to me, if I’m not reciprocating the conversation, TAKE THE HINT!

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      *HmC* February 24, 2013, 7:27 pm

      It’s a common misconception that “literally” is improperly used when people mean “figuratively” In fact, that is a proper use of the word literally, so people that get annoyed by people supposedly misusing the word literally are the ones who are incorrect.

      http://www.thefreedictionary.com/literally

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    applescruffs February 24, 2013, 6:48 pm

    I forgot! (but was reminded this morning in my body pump class).

    Gum smacking. There is no sound more irritating to me than gum smacking. If you have time to smack your gum during a work out class, you’re probably not doing it right. Or on public transportation, because riding the light rail isn’t irritating enough. Or in CLASS. Seriously, in class?! That’s not at all distracting.

    May your Sundays be quiet, full of considerate people, and just a little less blizzard-y than mine.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson February 24, 2013, 8:20 pm

      People chew gum while working out? Color me surprised.

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        applescruffs February 25, 2013, 4:16 pm

        Yes! Me too! Like I said, you’re not doing it right.

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    Marcie February 25, 2013, 9:51 am

    I would work myself up too much if I listed my pet peeves. But I think I have a hearing sensitivity disorder so I’m on edge a lot when I’m at work. There are 6 of us that work in an open area so I have a list of about 100 things that make me mad.

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    Kzinti February 25, 2013, 10:27 am

    I don’t know if this is my biggest pet peeve, but it is not one that was mentioned in the original post. Perhaps because, living in New York, you really don’t have this, but, living in suburban Houston, we have large grocery stores with large parking lots. Most of them have places to put your shopping cart after you are done, but most of the time, I see people just leaving their carts haphazardly in the parking lot, where they can get blown into cars and cause dents, or take up a perfectly good parking spot.

    Seriously, if you use a shopping cart, take the time to walk a few extra steps to put it back where it belongs!

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    NC73 February 25, 2013, 3:32 pm

    RSVP. Oh god, people, RSVP – and HONOUR YOUR COMMITMENTS.

    This isn’t even necessarily a “modern” thing, in the sense that RSVPing has been a thing for, like, centuries, but I think the advent of the Facebook event and Evite and all that has made blowing off events, or not even responding, all too easy. I mean, if your college buddy from three towns away creates an event and invites his entire Facebook friend list to some bar opening, ok, whatever, he’s probably not even consciously thinking about who he’s inviting; but other than situations like that, respond to your invitations, people! And if you say “yes,” then GO! Saying yes is actually a commitment. It means you are accounted for, budgeted for, anticipated. Then if you bail at the last second, unless you have a fair reason, like an illness or a family emergency, you’re pretty much a shithead. (And the illness/emergency has to have a severity that matches the event’s importance. If you have a cold, you can skip your friend’s dinner party – one might even say you should – but it’s a shitty reason to blow off a wedding. Go to the wedding, avoiding hugging people if you must, and go home at a respectable hour to get some sleep, but you really should go.)

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