Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread: Happy Friday the 13th

Does anyone else feel like this week was llooonnnggg? I started it off sick, so that didn’t help. And then Drew got sick and took Tuesday off from work which was, maybe, the second or third time he’s ever done that since I met him. And let me tell you, taking care of a baby and a sick husband while you’re still kinda sick yourself? Oy vey! Luckily, little Jack seemed to avoid catching whatever it was we two grownups had. I thought he was getting sick there for a bit, but it turns out he was just extra spit-uppy that day and that’s it. Thank God.

Hey, have I mentioned a hundred times yet that this month marks the one-year anniversary since the launch of this site? Yep. January 24th is its official birthday, which may even be the anniversary of Jackson’s conception, not that anyone really needs or wants to think about that, but whatever; I think it’s kind of a cool coincidence. Both of my babies created the same day/week. I’ve been working on a couple of things behind the scenes to mark the occasion and I’m pretty sure you’ll be excited about them. At least I hope so. And I hope they’re ready soon.

Anyway, I don’t really have a topic for this weekend’s open thread. Maybe, since it’s Friday the 13th, you’d like to discuss superstitions? Do you have any? I don’t like stepping on sidewalk lines. Remember that childhood chant: “Step on a crack, break your mama’s back; step on a line, break your daddy’s spine”? Well, I guess it stayed with me because I still avoid cracks and lines to this day lest something bad happen to someone I love. What are your weird superstitions?

[photo via this isn’t happiness]

189 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Mel January 13, 2012, 5:08 pm

    Being superstitious is bad luck.

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  • avatar

    ForeverYoung January 13, 2012, 5:16 pm

    So I had this creepy dearwendy dream last night where Wendy and Drew lived in this super cute like bed and breakfast type house. There were people coming and going all day, but I was trying to over stay my welcome by pretending that I was babysitting Jackson so they wouldn’t kick me out. I needed to be somewhere that day but I was avoiding it like the plague. I ended up having a discussion in the basement with Drew about where my life was going and he was totally calming like the Dahli lama.

    Anyway I have never had a dream before that was analogous (sp?) to my life and it freaked me out. I am taking the bar at the end up February and I have NO IDEA what i’m doing afterwards. I have no job lined up, nor any prospects. I am not even sure I have any passions. Nothing gets me nearly as excited as I thought my grown up life should.

    This has been like 7 years in the making and now that it’s here I feel so unprepared. What kind of law should I practice? Where do I want to work? Why isn’t being a stay at home wife an option? Oh, right, because I have student loans. UGH. I need a life coach stat. Otherwise i’m about to pick up a nasty wine and xanax addiction, I can feel it.

    So that’s my rant. Sorry to hijack the open thread, and sorry Wendy if I creeped you out by having a dream about baby-sitting your child so you wouldn’t kick me out of your bed and breakfast.

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    • avatar

      rangerchic January 13, 2012, 5:22 pm

      That is weird…I think I’ve been reading the site too much b/c I had a dream that I went to DW’s apt b/c she sold me some baby stuff (I have two older girls and am NOT having anymore babies) anyway the stuff was like a high chair and playpen and all. I kept telling her all the stuff would not fit on a plane and she just said yes it will, it folds up really small and tada – she folded all the stuff so small it fit in the palm of my hand. WEIRD. But I always have really weird dreams. πŸ™‚

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      • JK

        JK January 13, 2012, 5:28 pm

        I always have extremely mundane dreams, but lately they are all related to DW columns. I wonder what on earth that could mean.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 13, 2012, 5:31 pm

        Me too! I think we need to take turns taking breaks from DW. I’ll go first. I won’t comment again for like 10 hours. Ready go.

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      • JK

        JK January 13, 2012, 5:34 pm

        What, is it your bedtime already AP? πŸ˜€

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      • avatar

        ForeverYoung January 13, 2012, 5:41 pm

        I was really nervous to admit that, but i’m glad we’re all creepy together.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray January 13, 2012, 5:26 pm

      Funny, I had a dream about Dear Wendy and Drew too! (By the way, in my head I never refer to Wendy as Wendy but as “Dear Wendy,” like that’s her name.) Anyway, so Dear Wendy was yelling at some friends – I can’t remember why but she was pissed – and I walked up and was like “Hey, it’s Dear Wendy, so cool to meet you!” But my timing was not so good because she was, like I mentioned, chewing her friends out. Not so much “chewing out” but they were having a heated conversation. And I kept saying “Hey, remember that funny letter? Hey, remember that time people fought in the comment section?” I have vivid weird dreams every night. They usually aren’t too deep. Like this one just echoed my belief that I spend too much time on this site.

      Forever Young, I wish you were here so we could go get coffee and I could drill you about law jobs the way I wish someone had drilled me. There are so many, many different kinds of law jobs out there and finding the right fight is so important. … Think long and hard about the kind of life style you want in X years from now and which area of law will cater to that.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 13, 2012, 5:29 pm

        * finding the right “fit” – not “fight” …. this has been an angry week for me, i’m not sure why – a lot of potty mouthing and chewing people out (in my head).

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      • avatar

        ForeverYoung January 13, 2012, 5:39 pm

        Haha I actually like finding the right fight. Which causes do I think are worth my time/energy. I just feel like I am running out of time (enter – xanax), and am so mad I didn’t start thinking about this sooner. I really like yoga. Like i’m not doing 1800 hours a year. I need to work out. And I don’t want my relationship with my dog to suffer, he follows me around everywhere because i’m his favorite, and i’m pretty sure that’s solely because I feed him, but still, I don’t want it to stop.

        I should be studying for the bar, but I have actually increased the number of happy hours I go to every week since graduating. I am like the opposite of Martin Luther King, I don’t have a dream. Or maybe I do, but I lost it somewhere along the way. I want someone to profile me and just tell me what type of law I want to do. And then I want them to check in on my life annually, and if i’m not happy I want them to find me a new passion. I need a jimminy cricket (sp?).

        Do I work a shit ton of hours for a couple years, pay off my student loans quickly, and then become a DA? Work like 50 hours a week? I want to be in house counsel – but shit who doesn’t?

        I am going to turn into this guy in like 5 years, I can tell:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMvARy0lBLE

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 13, 2012, 5:47 pm

        Love, love, love that video! It is sooooo accurate. That’s me, I’m that guy. And you’re that girl. …. Now go study for the bar already. I’m heading out now to hoyo (“hot yoga” — i’m trying to get that started, so far, just me ….). Oops, I wasn’t supposed to comment for 10 hours. I’m re-starting now…

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      • avatar

        *HmC* January 15, 2012, 3:03 pm

        Oh, hello. I’m also a confused recent law grad, who should be studying for the Bar at this very moment, who idealizes a career in house, who is also considering DA work but having trouble turning down BIG $$. Nice to meet you!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy January 13, 2012, 7:02 pm

      I wish I really did live in a Bed & Breakfast. Only, I wouldn’t want to run it. Someone else would run it. I’d just live there. And have all my breakfasts made by someone else. That sounds awesome.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 13, 2012, 7:42 pm

        Well my dream is to run my own Bed & Breakfast when I retire, so you can come down south and stay with me! And I make a badass breakfast.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy January 13, 2012, 7:54 pm

        Deal.

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      • avatar

        Something More January 14, 2012, 9:03 am

        My aunt and uncle own a B&B about an hour south of Buffalo, in a little ski town. They are both retired police officers and bought the place about a year ago. They absolutely LOVE it.

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    • MELH

      MELH January 13, 2012, 9:22 pm

      Good luck on the bar! I took it in July and while it was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done, if you put the work in, you will be fine! Now the job thing…..I feel like you, I like law but I haven’t found a particular passion. Or a job. This week I was excited to get a job with the city part time in a stipend, just to get experience. It’s stressful, keep your head up!

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    • Lyra

      L January 14, 2012, 11:35 am

      OK, this is suuuper weird…I had a dream about Dear Wendy too! Last night I dreamt that Wendy invited us all to come out to New York and hang out with her. And it was awesome.

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  • JK

    JK January 13, 2012, 5:24 pm

    IΒ΄m quite superstitious, I mean I donΒ΄t really believe that something bad will happen, but just in case I avoid stepping on cracks, walking under ladders, breaking mirrors, etc. Other than that, I loveblack cats, and my favourite number has always been 13.

    I also am completely addicted to Words with Friends as of last night, thanks to the thread yesterday!!!

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  • avatar

    amber January 13, 2012, 5:36 pm

    it has been a long week. i left 10 minutes early because no one else was in the office. i felt like a rebel. now you all know how boring i am haha.

    i actually didn’t even know it was friday until i sent out an email to a colleague and they told me happy friday the 13th. i’m not really superstitious at all. i do have terrible luck though so maybe i need to start paying attention to that kind of stuff!

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  • avatar

    rangerchic January 13, 2012, 5:39 pm

    This week has been terribly long for me as well. I started out sick but got better quickly. However my oldest daughter (16) is sick again with the same thing she had two years ago – something she missed almost an entire semester of school for and the doctors still do not know what she had. Basically her lower back and joints (especially her knees) are in a lot of pain. Her knees are swollen a bit, she has headaches, neck pain, get dizzy and shortness of breath sometimes and extreme fatigue. She was tested two years ago for several things and all tests were normal, of course. Anyway, I am so sad and angry this is happening again. She is such a good kid that doesn’t deserve any of this. We have a DR appt with a new doctor Tuesday so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. SHe only went to school 1 day this week. Sorry to rant….I just worry and it kind of makes me feel better to tell all of you “perfect strangers”!

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    • JK

      JK January 13, 2012, 5:43 pm

      How awful about your daughter. There are some weird diseases out there, I hope they manage to find out what it is this time, and that she feels better soon!

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      • avatar

        rangerchic January 13, 2012, 5:48 pm

        Thanks! Us too. I just feel for her. Wish I could take all the pain onto myself so she can just be herself.

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      • JK

        JK January 13, 2012, 5:51 pm

        I know the feeling. Than goodness my daughters have never had anyting serious but itΒ΄s the worst feeling in the world to see your child suffering and not being able to do anything about it.
        IΒ΄ll be sending positive thoughts your way.

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    • avatar

      AKchic January 13, 2012, 5:45 pm

      Has she been tested for Lupus yet?

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      • avatar

        rangerchic January 13, 2012, 5:50 pm

        No – I am going to ask for that test this time. The first set of doctors we had were morons and I think they thought it was all in her head. Um…NO. I know my child and I know when she is sick!

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      • avatar

        mcminnem January 13, 2012, 5:58 pm

        Eeeeek. I hope you find out what it is soon, and that it’s nothing serious – mystery illnesses are just the most frustrating thing.

        I’m just curious, has she tried taking glucosamine and magnesium? Glucosamine is healing to joints and magnesium is great for taking down swelling and relieving pain, because it relaxes muscles. I ask because I’ve rarely known mainstream doctors to suggest things like that (glucosamine sometimes, but not often) and even if you don’t know what it is, mild supplements like that won’t be dangerous to take. It may not solve everything, but it may make things a little more livable while you figure out what’s going on. Best of luck!

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      • avatar

        rangerchic January 13, 2012, 6:08 pm

        Thanks for the advice. I’ll do some research on that – I haven’t heard of it before. Even if it help a little that is better than nothing.

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      • avatar

        AKchic January 13, 2012, 6:00 pm

        Ugh. I had a doctor that saw me once when my regular doctor was out for an emergency and told me that my pain was all in my head, that I was addicted to painkillers (when I hadn’t even filled the RX in two months) and I was depressed.
        Next month a DMX scan and an MRI proved that I had three bulging discs in my neck, one leaking disc, nerve damage and my c1-c2 were slipping and grinding over each other, causing the headaches I had been complaining about (all in my head indeed!).

        If you didn’t get the answers you needed from the first doctor, do not hesitate to find another doctor. Seriously, you are the best advocate you have for your kid(s). Because of the incompetence of my primary care doctors who didn’t understand my problems, I wasted 11 months in unneccessary pain and ended up with medical notes that label me as “depressed, possibly faking, pain pill addict” from one visit with one idiot. Lost me a major settlement with the company that hit me and caused the injury too.

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      • avatar

        rangerchic January 13, 2012, 6:10 pm

        So sorry to hear that happen to you! I hope you are doing better now. That sucks about the settlement too, I’m sure it would have been helpful with the medical bills.

        And yea, doctors can be total morons. I mean I know there are people out there that do that kind of thing but come on…I don’t think it is the majority of patients.

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      • avatar

        AKchic January 13, 2012, 6:33 pm

        For me, pain is just a facet of life now. Kind of like having brown eyes or freckles. It’s manageable so I manage. I just hate thinking about how doctors are supposed to be advocating for their patients, and yet, some of the time, they don’t. Either through burn out, stupidity, or frustration due to high addiction rates in their areas. Sometimes, it’s lack of knowledge.

        Perhaps finding a specialist. Whether it’s for children, pain, or go directly to someone who specializes in Lupus and ask them to test her specifically to rule it out.
        Unfortunately, the symptoms also similar to Lyme or even gout and RA. All can be treated, but not cured. Hopefully, it’s not any of those.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 13, 2012, 6:32 pm

        I was recently called a pain pill addict too. I’ve been going through some surgeries for a dental implant. After the implant I went back for a one week check up complaining about some severe pain elsewhere in my mouth. The surgeon ignored me and told me it should be over by now. Then he questioned how I could be numb in one place and in pain in another. He accused me of looking for pills, until three weeks later when the CT scan showed he fucked up my nerves during surgery. Asshole. Now I can’t feel part of my face, and I’m still in pain.

        rangerchic, I’m so sorry you’re having to watch your daughter hurt. It’s much worse to watch someone you love be in pain than actually experiencing it yourself.

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      • avatar

        AKchic January 13, 2012, 6:34 pm

        Be careful what they give you for pain. -codones, if taken too much, too frequently or in too high of doses WILL cause jaw pain. Funny, since they prescribe it for jaw pain. This includes vicodin, percocet, norco, etc.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 13, 2012, 6:37 pm

        Interesting. I’ve never heard that before. My pain is in a bone that I don’t think would be considered the jaw though. It’s in the bone under my front bottom teeth. Like, it’s covered by my gums way at the bottom. Is that the jaw, or just something else?

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      • avatar

        AKchic January 13, 2012, 6:47 pm

        Right underneath the front teeth? I think that’s the jawbone. You could try Aleve (or the generic) for a while and see if the pain goes away or lessens. If it does, then the painkiller is a part of the problem (or may even BE the problem).

        I learned the lesson the hard way when I had neck surgery and accidentally took too much norco (I took my pill and didn’t document the time, so my then-husband gave me another 30 minutes later and didn’t document the time, then my brother gave me a half a one “just in case” because I rememebered taking “one” and documented IT) and ended up with massive jaw pain. I have never again forgotten to document my med sheets. And even still, if I take a -codone too early, or too much, I have jaw pain. It’s a common side effect.
        Red heads have more pain too, so if you’re a red head, be prepared for that issue as well.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 13, 2012, 6:57 pm

        Hmm… I mean, I haven’t actually been taking that many anymore, because I’m trying to ration them for when it’s really bad. But I’ll stop for a couple of days completely and see if it helps. Thanks for the suggestion!

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      • avatar

        AKchic January 13, 2012, 7:01 pm

        Not a problem. Been dealing with “pain management” for 8 years this May, so I feel like an “expert” sometimes when it comes to some of the side effects of pain pills that they don’t tell you about.

        Depending on how many you’ve been taking and for how long – be careful of detox. Typical symptoms are mood changes (grumpy/bitchy), sweating, flushing, hot flashes, inability to concentrate, jitters (not much, think restless leg syndrome), and poor impulse control (don’t go shopping). You may also lose your appetite for a day or so, or end up wanting to binge eat.

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      • kare

        Kare January 14, 2012, 1:19 am

        I have to find a new doctor because mine was arrested for selling pain pill prescriptions. So there’s that…

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom January 14, 2012, 9:40 am

        I hate it when the doctors say it’s all in your head. When our son was younger he kept vomiting over even slight traces of milk in his food and a specialist told us that we were imagining it. Yes, I just imagined that he threw up again. Just imagined that there was puke all over him and the floor. Just imagined it over and over and over even though it seemed pretty real cleaning it up over and over and over.

        Research on the internet as much as possible. That’s what worked for us. I found the solution myself after about three months of intensive internet searching. No one knows your child and their symptoms like you do and no one is as willing to search for a solution as you are. Doctors often only thoroughly know their own speciality so if you get sent to the wrong specialist, in the wrong field then they won’t be much help. Trust yourself!

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    • avatar

      amber January 13, 2012, 5:51 pm

      so sorry to hear about your daughter. i hope the drs are able to figure something out soon. she’s lucky to have a mom who cares so much about her πŸ™‚

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      • avatar

        rangerchic January 13, 2012, 5:53 pm

        Thank you!

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    • katie

      katie January 13, 2012, 8:11 pm

      i watch The Doctors everyday, because i work nights, and they said just today that you should always get second opinions and if you dont feel like your doctor is doing a good job to get another one! so dont feel bad about firing your doctor.

      also, the natural supplements sometimes do wonders for people. and they usually wont hurt you if you dont need them, so definitely check them out! i know this because my parents are weird hippies and i didnt even go to a “real” doctor until i was like 17 and i went by myself. so dont discount all options. definitely see real doctors, and then see other alternative doctors. you never know what thing will work!

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    • ApresMoi

      Dans January 14, 2012, 3:22 am

      Very same thing happened to my mom last year except the pain started in her thumbs and wrists and by the end of the week she was bed ridden because so many of her joints were swollen and in pain. She was really sick for a couple of weeks and got tested for everything under the sun but everything came back normal. Finally one day the pain was gone and she was back to normal just like that. She ended up getting a cortisone shot for thumb a few weeks later because it kept bothering her but the doctors couldn’t come up with an explanation. specially the orthopedist seemed really skeptical like he didn’t really believe she was in pain when she could barely move. Her Dr. suggested that she might have had a weird allergic reaction to something. Hoping whatever it is doesn’t come back because it was really scary to watch!! Good luck with your daughter! Get as many opinions as possible and think if there is anything that she might have done/ eaten/ worn etc around the times she’s gotten sick.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom January 14, 2012, 9:35 am

      I’m so sorry for what is happening to you daughter. As a parent, I know it would make me sick with worry and the sense that my child was getting the short end of life.

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    • avatar

      cookiesandcream January 14, 2012, 12:11 pm

      I’m so sorry to read about this. I’ll be sending good thoughts to you and your daughter! πŸ™‚ Good luck with your new doctor!

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    • Leroy

      Leroy January 14, 2012, 9:39 pm

      Have they checked her for Lymes?

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      • avatar

        rangerchic January 16, 2012, 9:38 am

        Thanks everyone for all the suggestions and thoughts! I really appreciate it. And, no they haven’t checked for lymes though I’m pretty sure she was not bitten by a tick it would still be good to get checked.

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    • avatar

      kris January 16, 2012, 11:26 am

      Hi,

      Ok, hopefully you see this even though the weekend is over, but this sounds so much like what I went through, I had to comment. Two and a half years ago, I had a period where I was completely out of commission for months. My symptoms were extreme fatigue, tremors, dystonia, lack of balance (so bad I literally couldn’t stand upright with my eyes closed), weakness and vertigo. Then all of a sudden, I just started getting better. I had some days for the next year and a half where some of the symptoms would come back. Then I developed a new symptom: random eye movements, and several months later, I had the same period where I was completely out of commission for months. I had the same problems with doctors as your daughter. Everything came back negative, my tons of blood tests and MRI’s, etc and many would tell me they had no clue or it was all in my head. Eventually I ended up at the NIH where they diagnosed me with Function Neurological Disorder. I’m not going to lie, it’s a catch all for random symptoms right now. There is no cure, but there are some things you can do to reduce the symptoms and at least have a diagnosis. Having a diagnosis, even if you can’t do anything about it, helped me tremendously. I know what to expect now which helps prevent the depression and frustration that comes along with a chronic illness. It can have all sorts of symptoms, including the ones that your daughter has experienced. There are a lot of doctors out there that will tell you it’s all in your mind but it’s not. A good site on it is here: http://www.neurosymptoms.org/

      That being said, I would have her checked out for lupus, MS, fibromyalgia and vitamin B12 deficiency first. Also Lyme, even though they did it before, it has a high rate of negative blood tests. They can all have similar symptoms. If that all comes back negative too, I would recommend getting a referral to the Mayo Clinic, NIH, or other facility along those lines (depending on where you are). They’re the only ones that will diagnose functional movement disorder and if it’s not that, they’re the experts that can tell you what it is. It will be a couple of months before they look through your paperwork to even accept you and it could be awhile before you have an appointment too.

      So from someone who’s been there, hopefully your daughter gets a diagnosis.

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  • avatar

    AKchic January 13, 2012, 5:49 pm

    Being pagan, I have to laugh a bit at the whole Friday the 13th hullabaloo. Of course, I also know some very terrible stories of why Friday the 13th is supposed to be cursed. Can’t say it is for me though. My youngest is a Friday the 13th baby (next month is his 3rd birthday).

    If anyone wants to ignore the scary part, it’s also Rubber Ducky Day AND Blame Someone Else Day. You’re welcome πŸ™‚

    BTW – as of last night, Anchorage “officially” has 88 inches of snow for the year. Some areas of town has more (the mountain areas have over 100 inches). Cordova and Valdez (other towns) have hit 26 feet. Makes our 7 feet look like nothing.

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    • avatar

      rangerchic January 13, 2012, 5:52 pm

      88 inches of snow for this year already? It’s only been 13 days!

      I enjoy all the superstitions but don’t really believe in them. And happy birthday to your youngest -they grow up so quickly!

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      • avatar

        AKchic January 13, 2012, 6:01 pm

        *laugh* For the 2011-2012 winter. We go by fiscal year for winters. So, July to June.

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      • avatar

        mcminnem January 13, 2012, 6:08 pm

        Gah. We had some serious rain and then a sudden freeze last night, followed by about six inches of snow this morning here in Toronto. The snow’s not really a big deal, except for the fact that it’s hiding all the ice. Over 200 accidents reported in the GTA over the last 24 hours. It’s like people forget how to drive over the summer!

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      • avatar

        AKchic January 13, 2012, 6:38 pm

        No shit. It’s like the sun burns away their memory of snow or something! We had rain for about 2-3 hours, then 15-16 hours of heavy snow followed by 2-3 hours of dry snow. Now it’s between -5 and 8 degrees (just depends on where you are in town) and the roads are icier than snot. Even in four-wheel drive, my suburban was sliding around some corners.

        I’m going to take some pictures this weekend and post them next week for everyone, if I get the chance.

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      • avatar

        Lindsey January 14, 2012, 12:02 am

        @McMinnem I’m in Toronto too and you are totally right. People have been driving like crazy!

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    • Chaotonic

      Chaotonic January 14, 2012, 10:16 pm

      OMG you’re pagan also? YAY!

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  • avatar

    mcminnem January 13, 2012, 5:50 pm

    Uhhhhhhhgh such a long week. First week back to classes after the holidays, in my last semester EVER, and I can just tell it’s going to be hard work and I don’t feel up to it AND I MISS MY CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS. I finally took my tiny apartment-sized Christmas tree back down to storage, though I put it off as long as possible and had total tree withdrawal as I was doing it.

    No superstitions here, though my inner five-year-old is always tempted to throw salt over my shoulder when I spill some…and then I go “no, don’t be silly, then you’d have to clean it up off the floor, too.”

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  • avatar

    JJ January 13, 2012, 5:51 pm

    Congratulations on the anniversary of your site Wendy-can’t believe it’s already been a year.

    I don’t have many superstitions really but I will sometimes do anything to avoid a black cat and not walking under ladders. Hope everyone has a great weekend !

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    • avatar

      Rachel January 13, 2012, 7:09 pm

      You wouldn’t be able to avoid my black cat. He’s too friendly πŸ™‚

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  • theattack

    theattack January 13, 2012, 5:52 pm

    Hey guys, I really need some help here. Can’t write into Wendy about it, because I need it fairly quickly. My roommate is missing.

    She’s from another country and went home for winter vacation (we’re both college students). She was supposed to be back Wednesday, and she hasn’t been home yet. She has not answered any calls, replied to any text messages, or responded to any emails. I don’t know any of her friends, as she usually goes to their apartments instead of bringing them here. I messaged her boyfriend yesterday, and he said he was about to go pick her up from the airport (at 2am). But I don’t trust him because before she left I heard them in a terrible fight that I believe was physical on his part. And now, 15 hours later, she should be home if he picked her up. The apartment manager doesn’t have an emergency contact number, and neither do I (STUPID, STUPID STUPID!). But the apartment manager did say that other people have had issues with their visas from that country. I also don’t have any of her flight information to check.

    I only have a few options now. Call her work (a huge bureaucracy of an agency that probably wouldn’t give me any info) to see if she has been there. Call the university to see if her professors know anything. Call the police and report that she’s missing and her bf is acting sketchy.

    I don’t want to embarrass her by calling work or school and intruding (She’s Asian, so this is important to her usually). I don’t want to call the police and start a huge problem – not that they would do anything anyway. And as far as I know, there’s no way for me to tell if she’s having problems with her visa.

    I need someone to tell me what to do. Or what’s socially okay to do. Or if there are any other things I can look into. If there’s a way to find out about the visa. Basically, I have no idea what to do, and I’m just freaking out.

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    • theattack

      theattack January 13, 2012, 5:53 pm

      Oops. She was supposed to be back Tuesday. So she’s been missing for four days. Or at least missing to me.

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        rangerchic January 13, 2012, 5:56 pm

        Have you tried contacting the BF again? Maybe she went back to his place?

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      • theattack

        theattack January 13, 2012, 6:01 pm

        I just sent him another message asking if she made it home yet (even though I’m here right now). My next move is to drive around his apartment complex to check out the area and look for her car. Honestly, I just don’t trust him after that last incident. I’m thinking if she had gone to his place, she would have at least come here to drop off her stuff first and take a smaller bag to his place.

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    • JK

      JK January 13, 2012, 5:55 pm

      Wow, I can imagine how freaked you must be. Do you have her family phone number? Or could you find it easily? That might be the best place to start, at least.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 13, 2012, 6:04 pm

        Unfortunately I don’t have their phone number. πŸ™ I’m so mad at myself for not getting emergency contact numbers from her when we moved in together. I don’t even know how to go about looking it up. I mean, she’s got a very common last name for her country. And I don’t know anything about her parents, like their first names.

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      • JK

        JK January 13, 2012, 6:09 pm

        Do you have a police acquaintance? Maybe you caould ask what they think, it might be a bit tough doing a full blown police report, but at least get an opinion.

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      mcminnem January 13, 2012, 6:04 pm

      Oh man. Four days is a long time to be totally out of touch – I wouldn’t worry about being embarrassing at this point. Call whoever you can get in touch with and work out the “correctness” of it once you know she’s okay. If it helps, think this: wouldn’t you rather she be found and safe and mortally embarrassed than missing and potentially hurt?
      Call whoever you need to, you’re only being a good friend.

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      AKchic January 13, 2012, 6:08 pm

      Honestly, I would call her place of business and contact HR. Just ask them if she has been there. Tell them that you haven’t seen her since she was supposed to be home and you haven’t been able to contact her and you just want to make sure that she did arrive back in country. If they are able to tell you that she has made it to work, great. If they tell you they can’t give you any information, let them know that it would be helpful because if they can’t confirm/deny, your next option is to file a missing persons report. They will probably be willing to say that she’s either been there or not, or at least been in contact. If she has been there, then you can leave a message with her HR manager to call you. If she hasn’t been in to the office, then you DO need to call the police and file a missing person’s report and give them every single detail you can, including the information about the boyfriend, the call to HR, and be specific in the timeline (as best you can).

      If your friend is alive, well, and whole – then she was irresponsible and should be grateful that someone was willing to check up on her and was worried about her. If she is alive but unable to fend for herself, she will be thankful that someone DID worry. If she isn’t alive, then her family will find some comfort in the fact that someone outside of the family was worried about her enough to initiate a search on her behalf (which will eventually notify them as well).

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      • theattack

        theattack January 13, 2012, 6:13 pm

        Okay, great. Thanks! I think I might try the school first and then work, just because it might be a little less embarrassing for her. And since she’s a PhD student, someone should know something at school.

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        mcminnem January 13, 2012, 6:17 pm

        Let us know how it goes!

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        scattol January 13, 2012, 6:25 pm

        Keep in mind that she might not have been due back to work this week. She won’t be missed by HR or her manager. Work, or the university for that matter might not be much help if she isn’t expected but it’s worth a try. If she is overdue at least you would find out quickly.

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        AKchic January 13, 2012, 6:40 pm

        Yes, we are sooo going to want updates on this one!

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        Kristen January 13, 2012, 8:45 pm

        Definitely make some calls. No one would be upset to know that someone cares enough to check on them if they thought something was wrong.

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        Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 9:02 pm

        Better embarrassed than in trouble and no one wants to intrude and she doesn’t get help. If HR doesn’t have family contact for her, check the school. If they don’t have it/won’t release it/won’t check for you, then contact the police. They can at least advise you about how to proceed.

        Keep us updated, please!

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      savannah January 13, 2012, 9:37 pm

      3 things to think about: If she has facebook maybe you can get in touch with some of her friends that way. Also 4 days is adequate time to call the police. Esp if you are worried about your roommates boyfriend and he said he was going to pick her up. Better to have overreacted than not reacted at all. Finally, though its a long shot you could try to call the airline she was on, (if you don’t know it but think her bf was telling some truth you can match her departure city with the arrival time he told you) and see if they would be willing to tell you if she was on the plane or not. Good luck!

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom January 14, 2012, 9:57 am

      Does she ever not check in for four days or is this unusual behavior? If this is completely out of character for her I’d call the police. They can check with the airline and see if she was on the flight. If she made it back to this country they can see if she’s been to work or school. Since they are the police people can give them information that they would never give to you.

      If she would always at least respond to a text I’d be worried unless she can’t get cell phone reception where she lives of if she would have to pay huge roaming fees to use her cell phone where she lives. Let the police find out if she made it on the flight. If she’s at home and just out of touch you can have peace of mind. If she needs help she needs it immediately.

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    • theattack

      theattack January 14, 2012, 10:43 am

      Update: She’s okay. She was just held up in bad weather somewhere else in the United States. And for some reason she neglected to respond to anything I sent her. I had already contacted a lot of other people by the time she showed up this morning.

      It is very unusual for her to be gone for this long without telling me. We might not talk a lot as friends, but we’ve always let each other know stuff like this because we get worried. I don’t know why she didn’t communicate with me, but she is alive. Irresponsible, but alive.

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        mcminnem January 14, 2012, 2:28 pm

        I’m so glad to hear she’s okay – feel free to yell at her a little bit for not being in touch. πŸ™‚

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      • theattack

        theattack January 14, 2012, 5:40 pm

        Believe me, I definitely want to! Thanks for your concern!

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        Taylor January 14, 2012, 3:16 pm

        Good to hear!!

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      • theattack

        theattack January 14, 2012, 5:41 pm

        It certainly is! Thanks!

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    MsBorgia January 13, 2012, 6:34 pm

    I am generally not superstitious, but I am wary of jinxes. I REFUSE to cross my fingers for anything and I ALWAYS knock on wood if the statement requires it. It’s totally out of character for me but it’s lodged in there good.

    I also had this cheap plastic ring when I was a kid that I was convinced was cursed or something. I loved wearing it and pretending I was Ringo Starr, but every time I wore it I had the most shit-tastic day. I eventually threw in the towel and gave it to my sister πŸ™‚

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom January 14, 2012, 9:59 am

      I think if you always do something it can’t be out of character for you.

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        MsBorgia January 14, 2012, 10:50 am

        I mean it’s out of character for me to succumb to any kind of superstition or faith. Physics is my religion.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom January 14, 2012, 11:18 am

        I would have loved to have studied physics but the calculus is beyond me.

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    GatorGirl January 13, 2012, 6:45 pm

    It has been an incredibly long week for me too.

    I moved into my BF’s place last week with about 24 hours notice. I found out an regester sex offender with two felony convictions for violent sexual crimes moved into my complex (I’m a petite younger woman who was living alone and working from home during the day). Thanks to the help of a lawyer aunt, we decided my best course of action was for me to immediately remove all of my belongings from the apartment and notify them they had failed to uphold their half of the bargin. Long story short, I was supposed to get a response in the mail by today- and hadn’t so my aunt advised I go into the unit and see if they put a letter inside. Sure enough they did; even though she beleives that wouldn’t hold up as a legal way to notify me. So now it looks like we might be going to battle over the next 7 months of my lease.

    Also, the BF and I are starting wedding planning since we’re planning a 6 month or less engagement and want to get married in September. And I figured out our “mandatory” family guest list is around 150 people…so much for my small back yard wedding. And so much for not having to get a second job to finance it!

    Sorry for the rant. One positive note, I finally got around to framing an album that my aunt gave me on my 18th birthday. That she had bought the day I was born. πŸ˜€

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      AKchic January 13, 2012, 7:14 pm

      Well, if you don’t end up paying on that second apartment, then you’ll save a little bit of money – right?

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        GatorGirl January 13, 2012, 7:52 pm

        I am totally pumped about the saved money (which can go into the way too expesive wedding fun)! The issue is my lease has a BS clause that says even if I don’t live there I’m responsible for the full 12 months of payments. So I would owe like $4,000. My aunt said their lease violates all kinds of state laws, but it’s a really big management company and I’m worried they will take me to court over the money. I just don’t feel like dealing with it! The extra $400 or so my BF and I will each save by living together is going to be awesome.

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        AKchic January 13, 2012, 8:02 pm

        Good thing you have a legal-eagle aunt. Doing it on your own would suck.

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        silver_dragon_girl January 13, 2012, 10:08 pm

        That happened to me- I signed a 12 month lease and then took a job out of state and had to leave. Luckily, they re-rented the apartment right away so I only ended up having to pay for one month when I wasn’t living there. But it still sucked. What state do you live in? I guess it could vary a ton, but if you have to take them to court, do it. They’d probably back down rather than fight you for months over it.

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        GatorGirl January 13, 2012, 11:09 pm

        I live in Florida, which has pretty good laws favoring renters (according to the lawyer aunt). Based on her interpretation of the FL statues the complex isn’t upholding their side of lease by renting to a felony (they aren’t creating a safe environment for me). I’m really hoping that they just let me walk away from it all. I think it would be way more work and money for them to come after me for money rather than just find someone who doesn’t check the sex offender registry regularly to move in. It’s just sucky having it uncertain- especially because I need to go out of state for work for the first half of February.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom January 14, 2012, 10:02 am

        I check the sex offender list too. Luckily, none live close to me but it is surprising just how many live all over our community. Since we own our house it would be hard to move just because a sex offender moved in near us and I don’t know what we’d do.

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        savannah January 14, 2012, 11:10 pm

        I am really surprised that people actually move or consider moving because someone on the sex offender registry moved in near them. I guess it makes sense kinda but I just have heard so many stories about what actually qualifies people for that list, some of which are real and intense crimes to be sure, while others are pretty non-threatening. (public urination, public sex and flashing come to mind) Perhaps if you can see the type of crime they committed you could make a more rational decision but without the details I guess people just assume the worse. I think it might give people a false sense of security if they rely on the lists to tell them if they live in a safe place or not. I’d be more worried about unknowns out there rather than those already identified.

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        GatorGirl January 15, 2012, 10:56 am

        They do list a general description of the crime such as Sexual Batterty and usually include a general age of the victim. For example Aggrivated Sexual Assault and Battery victim aged 14 and older. The individual who moved into my old complex has two of the above felony convictions and I and small, petit, young looking and lived alone. Its too close for comfort in my opinion.

        The sex offender registration categories and qualifiers have been revised in 1997 and 2004 (I think those are the years) to classify the less “harmful” crimes you mentioned in more appropreit categories. Or make it so the perpitrators don’t have to register at all. Of corse this is just my semi-educated understanding, I am by no means an expert. I’ve spent a bit of time reading about it though and have had lots of conversations with my lawyer aunt.

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    silver_dragon_girl January 13, 2012, 7:04 pm

    I’m not very superstitious but I do knock on wood. Like, all the time, because I’m usually thinking of the worst possible outcome and I knock on wood to make it not happen, lol.

    This week has been hella long for me. My bf and I got into an argument Tuesday night, and spent most of Wednesday not talking, which had me totally freaked out because, as I’ve mentioned before in columns, I HATE HATE HATE knowing something is wrong and not being able to fix it. So even though I know he probably just needed space to cool down it was driving me batty. Then I found out I need to have an invasive and painful medical procedure/test done here soon. For the second time. So I turned into a really weepy sad mess last night and ended up getting into another fight with my bf because of that.

    I can’t wait to try my new pill in two weeks to see if it helps me calm the eff down about stuff.

    Anyway, this week has been stressful and really sucky for me, so TGIF.

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    • Imsostartled

      Imsostartled January 13, 2012, 7:20 pm

      Aw, I’m sorry you had a sucky week. I’ve gone through the same thing with my fiance (so weird calling him that, it’s been only a week since we got engaged) when we first started living together. We went to therapy for awhile after having some communication problems and it helped tremendously! What our therapist basically told us was that that there were two types of people. External vs. Internal processors. I am like you, and external processor who likes to fight and resolve the situation right away, while the fiance is an internal processor who likes to stew on things for decades (ok hours). Usually (not always) people are coupled up with their opposite because they compliment you. It’s about finding the ability to compromise, if you start getting heated perhaps allow him to step away for a specific time period and then come back together to work it out. It also helps me when my fiance reassures me that even though we’re in the midst of a fight we’ll be ok and that it’ll pass. It soothes the neurotic thoughts that can occur in my head when arguing. πŸ™‚

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        Kristen January 13, 2012, 8:34 pm

        Congratulations on getting engaged!

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        silver_dragon_girl January 13, 2012, 10:05 pm

        Thank you! That is actually really helpful. I think I will talk to him about that. Because definitely, hearing the, “I still love you I just need some space” would be very, very helpful!

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    • avatar

      AKchic January 13, 2012, 7:45 pm

      *hug*

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      Kristen January 13, 2012, 8:48 pm

      Were you able to work everything out with your boyfriend? Hopefully he’s supporting you emotionally for your surgery <3

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  • avatar

    Anna January 13, 2012, 8:08 pm

    I don’t really have any superstitions but it seems that Friday the 13th was kinda bad luck for me…I got a fat paycheck from the Christmas holidays so I was planning to go to the salon and have my hair dyed bright red like Victoria from Twilight. The salon wanted between $150-200 to do it! They claim it is because my hair is “pretty long” and would require bleaching first in order to make it that color, but I don’t buy it. First of all, I was planning to also purchase a haircut from them first which would eliminate about 4″ of split ends…after the haircut it would be about shoulder-length. And I’ve had color treatments before, they usually run about $50 so even if I need two that’s only $100…

    Needless to say, I sadly walked away. I am still planning to get it done but have to shop around for coupons/deals at other salons. I work too hard for my money to just give it away.

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    • avatar

      AKchic January 13, 2012, 8:18 pm

      I usually dye my own hair. Manic Panic has a great selection of colors/products available for DIY-ers.

      Reply Link
    • katie

      katie January 13, 2012, 8:20 pm

      check out groupon!! or living social or any of those sites… they have salon deals all the time!

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      amber January 13, 2012, 8:23 pm

      i have to look in to coloring my hair soon. i was in the bathroom at work today looking at my hair and i realized i am seriously going grey. i used to be able to pass it off as blonde highlights (at least in my head i could….). but, now there is no mistaking it.

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        Kristen January 13, 2012, 8:39 pm

        I dyed my hair red this week with an at home kit, and it turned out a lot brighter than I expected. It’s only temporary, though, so it’s cool to feel like a different person for 28 days. My boyfriend keeps calling me the Mary Jane to his Peter Parker, haha.

        I had the same experience as you, Anna, except I was stupid enough to not ask for the price ahead of time, and it came out to $150 for hair that took me two years to grow out, haha. You made a wise decision to keep looking πŸ™‚

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        Anna January 15, 2012, 1:02 pm

        I am considering a DIY job now but usually those wash out quickly, which is why I wanted it done professionally. I am signed up for both Living Social and Groupon but no salon deals in Akron/Canton or Cleveland right now. *sigh*

        I am so glad I asked the price before getting it done! I would have been so pissed, that is WAY too much $ for someone to put $20 worth of chemicals in my hair. I am a pretty frugal girl because I don’t make a ton of $ but have lots of bills. I use coupons for most of my groceries, rack up fuelperks to help with gas, and say ‘NO’ to myself so often it hurts. So naturally spending $200 on myself out of one paycheck seems absurd.

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  • katie

    katie January 13, 2012, 8:23 pm

    well i dont know if this is supersticious, but you know those murphy’s laws? well, i want to officially say that i hate murphy. because murphy’s law says that the same weekend that my boyfriend finally gets sunday off on a regular basis would be the same weekend that i have to start working every other sunday. yep. thanks for that one life. its as if the world will explode if me and him have more then one day off together a month. well worry not, all you supersticious people. the world will not be exploding anytime soon, and i wont be spending time with my boyfriend anytime soon either. ugh!!

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      Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 9:16 pm

      I hate Murphy as well! It was Painted Dude’s birthday yesterday, and I ended my after school play rehearsal early so that we could eat in time to go to this really nice bar down the block from our apartment because it closes at like 9 on weeknights. We’re both SO broke (I get paid once a month and I’ve got two weeks to go, he just started his job), but my mom gave us a gift card to this place for Christmas/housewarming. It’s on the roof of this hotel that was built at the turn of the last century, though, so when we got there, they said they were closed due to weather (it turned really cold for South Texas yesterday). So we ended up going to the same dive bar we adopted when we moved in here and drinking cheap beer because that’s all we can do right now.

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      • katie

        katie January 13, 2012, 10:11 pm

        dang! murphy needs to get out of our freaking lives. pronto.

        on a side note, you only get paid once a month? that would drive me nuts!!

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        Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 10:22 pm

        Yay teaching salary! Also, they pay us early in December – the Friday we got out for Christmas break, to be exact – and on the 25th in January, which is the date they normally pay us on…so actually, it will have been SIX WEEKS with no paycheck by the time I get paid.

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      • katie

        katie January 13, 2012, 10:27 pm

        thats ridiculous!! how do they get away with doing that around the holidays? wow.

        my job pays me every week, its like the best thing i had never heard of. i thought every 2 weeks was just everywhere. i didnt even fathom that they could change it, as if it was a law or something dumb. but 6 weeks? there should seriously be a law against that!!

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        Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 10:47 pm

        It’s apparently pretty standard for school districts, at least in my state. Painted Dude’s mom is a teacher as well, and she gets paid the same days I do. I made it work last year because I wasn’t shelling out gas money constantly during the holidays, but this year with moving expenses it ran out pretty quickly. We all know it’s coming, so you just sort of budget accordingly, but it couldn’t be avoided this year.

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      • katie

        katie January 13, 2012, 11:15 pm

        moving sucks! and it sucks away all your money too lol. i hear you for sure! but i bet when you settle into bed with your sweetie, it all seems worth it, right?

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        GatorGirl January 13, 2012, 11:24 pm

        I’m assuming there is probably a teachers union in place (which if so makes all of this irrelevant)- but those pay dates seem a little shifty to me. (I do the HR for my company.) I would do a google search of your states wage laws, you might be able to argue they are in the wrong. But you might not, either way 6 weeks with limited funds and moving sucks!

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        Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 11:40 pm

        Yeah, it’s all above-board. Between Texas’ ass-backwards labor laws and the school district – including payroll – shutting down for two weeks, that’s how they do across the state. Besides, with all the teacher layoffs no one’s really going to rock the boat.

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        GatorGirl January 13, 2012, 11:41 pm

        Lame-o.

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      • katie

        katie January 13, 2012, 11:44 pm

        very lame-o!

        i love all the commericals about kids being our future and bla bla bla.. but then this is how teachers are treated. yep, ok…

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    Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 9:28 pm

    Not overly superstitious – most people in theatre are, don’t mention MacBeth inside a theatre, no peacock feathers onstage, don’t say “Good luck!” I’ve always been the asshole who tries to get other people to accidentally say MacBeth or dresses the set with a vase full of peacock feathers.

    The only thing that I avoid for fear of something bad magically happening to me is saying someone died/is sick to get out of work or school. I knew people who did that all the time in college and grad school, and it just seemed like tempting fate. And actually, remember Crazypants, my now-ex-roommate’s boyfriend? The night before he told Jane he was divorced rather than widowed, we had been talking about using that excuse, and he said his grandmother died nine times in high school. My response? “That’s the kind of lie that gets you sent to hell.”

    Sometimes I’m unintentionally tactless. But looking back, that particular gaffe makes me very happy.

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      mcminnem January 13, 2012, 9:33 pm

      Speaking of which, has anything happened with your roommate and crazypants? I’m dying to know how that turned out. (there hasn’t been an update that I missed, has there? >.>)

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        Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 10:10 pm

        I wrote in on a Friday, and I updated that Monday, but that’s been all I ever officially wrote in. But here’s some new developments:

        – Jane and Crazypants are supposedly moving in together in a few weeks. Jane hasn’t been able to afford the place we were in for awhile (she owes me a ton of money which I know I’m not getting back), but she doesn’t want to move back in with her parents at 38 either.

        – The friend of Jane’s I contacted, Carol, has stayed on top of it and also has talked to a couple other friends of ours, Mary and Craig, who have now met Crazypants and think he’s an absolute psychopath. We all met for lunch to compare notes and decide what to do. We’re pretty sure he’s on drugs, Jane has been drinking and smoking way more pot than any of us has ever seen, she and this guy have been hitting up all three of them to drink, smoke out and bum food like 4-5 nights a week, and Jane’s also all of a sudden offering to house sit for Carol who goes out of town for work and leaves her very nice house unoccupied with its many valuables. Crazypants isn’t even bothering to mask how much he hates me anymore – despite the fact that he knows Carol, Craig and Mary are also my very good friends, and he’s started in on Jane about her weight.

        – We all agreed to stay in contact with Jane as much as we are able so he won’t isolate her. Craig is going to hang out with her this weekend and let her know how worried he is. She’s from a very patriarchal culture so her response to men is slightly different than her response to women. Carol is going to contact Jane’s brother so he knows what’s happening.

        – If nothing else works, Craig is going to invite Crazypants over for a guy’s night with him and several other very large guys (two bouncers, two professional carpenters), all friends of Jane’s, and make it clear to this little 5’8″ Napoleon that it might be in his best interest to take his game someplace else. I’m waiting to hear the rest.

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      • katie

        katie January 13, 2012, 10:15 pm

        ohhh i cant wait to hear what happens after that guys night!!

        having craig talk to her is such a good idea! it is pretty crazy how those kinds of thoughts get ingrained into people’s heads who were brought up that way… my ex’s mom, who i am still really close to, has to deal with her own mother this way. anything that needs to be said she has to get her husband to do for her or her own mother wont listen! i have faith that this approach will yeild results. this also maybe explains why she is so blind to how crazypants mr. crazypants really is…

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        Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 10:41 pm

        Yeah, that’s a huge part of it, I think. Also, true to most patriarchal cultures, there’s always been huge pressure on her to get married and have kids, so at 38, she’s suddenly got the solution to all her life’s problems.

        I also think letting her brother know what’s up will be pretty effective. They’re pretty close, and Jane introduced Crazypants to the family over the holidays and he behaved pretty badly, according to Mary, who was at the bar with Jane, Crazypants and Jane’s brother and SIL. He got all pouty that Jane and SIL were bonding over their post-Christmas sale shoes and Mary and Jane’s brother were talking about their post-grad school employment slump (he’s got a massive inferiority complex about anyone who’s well-educated – apparently I make him feel really stupid).

        Also, Jane told her mom they were moving in together and she flipped. her. shit.

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        Taylor January 13, 2012, 10:45 pm

        Good.

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      • katie

        katie January 13, 2012, 11:14 pm

        well it seems the odds are stacked pretty against him… eventually (hopefully) everything will fall into place.

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        Taylor January 13, 2012, 10:44 pm

        Wow! It’s really great that you are all sticking up for your friend. Having a support system like that is invaluable.

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        mcminnem January 13, 2012, 11:14 pm

        Ohhhhhh man – this is like soap-opera caliber stuff, here. I’m always astonished that actual real people get themselves into situations like this, but I guess I’ve been pretty sheltered from crazypants-ness up to this point in my life.

        She’s lucky to have so many people looking out for her! Sounds like you’ve got things as under control as possible – keep us posted!

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        GatorGirl January 13, 2012, 11:18 pm

        Does you’re friend Carol have a good security system and solid insurance in place? If this Crazypants character is really that crazy- I wouldn’t put it past him to break-in.

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        Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 11:30 pm

        She’s got solid insurance but no security system, and worse, Jane has a KEY. Carol just bought out her roommate’s share in her house, but until the sale is final she can’t change anything about the security. The roommate isn’t completely moved out yet, and he left a bunch of really expensive men’s jewelry in a closet. How much men’s jewelry this guy owns has become sort of a joke, so Jane mentioned it in front of Crazypants at Carol’s, and he asked to see them. Now he’s obsessed with them, won’t stop reminding Carol that if the roommate leaves them behind (yeah, right), he has first dibs on them (also yeah, right). So Carol’s moved the jewelry and has been trying to get ahold of her roommate to get permission to at least get the locks changed, but he hasn’t been answering her calls (he’s very odd, although not a bad guy, so this is pretty normal for him).

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      • katie

        katie January 13, 2012, 11:42 pm

        lol.. you know a very wide array of colorful people, dont you?

        haha. keeps life interesting….

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      • avatar

        Painted_lady January 13, 2012, 11:49 pm

        Haha! Well as far as the jewelry goes, it’s all cufflinks and watches and tie pins, not like gold chains and medallions. And he’s VERY uncommunicative, especially with potentially awkward subject matter – he and Carol are on good terms, but it’s money+friends, which is always awkward, combined with the fact that he just doesn’t want to live there anymore, so this whole move-out process has mostly happened by email I think.

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      • katie

        katie January 13, 2012, 11:52 pm

        haha… as if moving out was a personal offense. everybody has their little oddities though…

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl January 13, 2012, 11:57 pm

        Well honestly, at least it’s the now ex-remotes jewlery Crazypants is oogling. Still shady though. Maybe Carol should spell things out a little better for Cufflinks man.

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      • avatar

        Painted_lady January 15, 2012, 4:40 pm

        Oh, seriously. I’ve got some stuff still at the house that Jane was fine with me leaving (nothing valuable, just a box of little tchotchkes I’d like to hang onto and a couple of wooden chairs), and I’ve been putting it off because I don’t want to see that guy. Mary and Carol said he hit on them as well – jokingly-but-not-really mentioning a threesome, got all weird when he found out we all have boyfriends. I’m hanging out with Jane next week to go get Malaysian, and luckily he’s very much a meat-and-potatoes guy, so I won’t have to see him.

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  • MELH

    MELH January 13, 2012, 9:43 pm

    I have been having rough couple weeks. I’ve been looking for a job for almost 8 months and it’s really starting to stress me out. And its manifesting in weird ways. For example , I’ve been to the apple store multiple times for the past 2 weeks…..for tiny tiny problems on my iPad, like dust under the screen that no normal person can see. I’m just being OCD and I know it, but I can’t stop. I’ve been working on it, and I think I’m doing better. Otherwise I’m going to get kicked out of the apple store and drive my husband crazy, it’s like I have to focus on some tiny, non existent problem so I don’t have to think about my unemployment. And I’ve felt so anxious lately. I know is just a terrible market for lawyers right now, but I feel like such a failure! Today I did get a short fellowship from my law school to work for a few months part time at the city’s law department. hopefully that, combined with my part time job working on attorney discipline at the city’s bar association will net me a full time job!

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl January 13, 2012, 11:16 pm

      Maybe try volunteering to occupy some of your free time? You may be able to add it to your resume which will help with your job hunt, and it may help decrease your stress because you feel like you’re doing good. It won’t help with money stress unfortunately.

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  • avatar

    TheOtherMe January 13, 2012, 10:24 pm

    I’m not superstitious, I’m number-stitious … numbers are important to me, they have to be divisible by 5.

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    • avatar

      Aya January 13, 2012, 11:19 pm

      I feel the same way. The number ten is my favorite.

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    • Budj

      Budj January 14, 2012, 3:37 am

      3 is my divisible.

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe January 16, 2012, 1:30 pm

        Phewww, I was ashamed to admit to it, I’m glad I’m not the only one !!

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  • avatar

    Taylor January 13, 2012, 10:38 pm

    My Mom freaked out when I brought bougainvillea flowers into the house once because it’s bad luck, and supposed to portend a death. I don’t believe it, but I’ve never brought it into the house again.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray January 14, 2012, 1:51 am

    You guys, I’m in love with a 24 year-old. I’m 33. Ok, go. (ReginaRey, we need to talk more about this.) Every time I hang out with him, I just want to eat him alive. Like tonight, he is so funny and sweet. I’m envious of his coworkers because they get to spend 8 hours a day with him. He’s a delight. And he’s adorable. And he is so earnest and sincere. And he is so happy. I want to bottle him up and drink him for breakfast. … Have I gone too far?

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl January 14, 2012, 10:43 am

      Ask him out! Is he single?

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    • avatar

      callmehobo January 14, 2012, 11:01 am

      Addie,

      You sound so awesome, so I don’t think it would be weird for you to ask him out! I mean, 24 is old enough for it to not be creepy (at least in my opinion). You’re such a cool person, AP. GO FOR IT.

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      • avatar

        silver_dragon_girl January 14, 2012, 12:04 pm

        Yeah, for what it’s worth I’m 24 and my bf is 31, which is basically the same as your age difference. So I say go for it! But maybe keep the “I want to bottle you and drink you up” stuff to yourself until the third date πŸ˜‰

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 14, 2012, 2:31 pm

        you’re so sweet! … maybe i’ll make a move after I complete the “30-day challenge” at bikram and feel really confidant and sexy! though, i really think if he are interested, by now he would have done something.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 14, 2012, 2:32 pm

        * um, if he *were* interested. πŸ˜‰

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray January 14, 2012, 2:29 pm

      He’s single, yes. I met him at an alumni event about a year and a half ago. (Note: alumni events are GREAT places to meet dudes, ladies.) Two days later he friend requested me on FB and asked me to go see a movie. (Now, this may seem forward but as I’ve learned he’s just a very outgoing person and meets a lot of friends in a lot of places!) On that movie “date” or whatever it was I learned he was only 23 (soon to be 24) and he learned I was 32… He said he thought I was 26 or 27. Oh, silly boy, very sweet but how silly. I may have teased him a lot about how young he was. Which in hindsight I wish I hadn’t. We became friends fast and I learned he’s an old soul and adorable and funny — really really funny! — and smart and just a great guy. I like listening to him talk about nothing or his favorite kind of tacos or about his bus ride to work. … But I’ve been a chicken to do anything about it. Meanwhile, I started sleeping with my douche-bag neighbor; that lasted about 8 months. I’d meet the 24 year old for dinner and movie and get all turned on by his adorableness and then go home and sleep with the douche-bag neighbor.

      I feel like this is one of those situations where “if the guy likes you, he will do something about it,” right? I think that, so I don’t do anything. That plus the couple of opportunities he could have done something, he didn’t. For example: one night we watched a movie at his place. I sat down on the couch first and then he sat down SO FAR AWAY from me. Like, it was funny how he managed to find a place to sit as far away as he did. And one time when we were out I put my hand on his knee and he froze — he froze up and seemed so scared! So I decided he wasn’t interested and I never pushed it again.

      But man, whenever I see him,… I just love talking to him. And yes I want to bottle him up …. He’s ALWAYS available when I call. He says, “whenever you want to hang out, just tell me when and where.” But if I don’t, then I will go weeks without hearing from him… He’s like a text-order cabana boy without the cabana and without sexy times. FRUSTRATED.

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      • Budj

        Budj January 14, 2012, 2:42 pm

        Making fun of his age may have made him gun-shy because it seems like YOU wouldn’t go for HIM. In the meantime…just don’t tell him about your neighbor…I mean overall that situation isn’t bad because you are just getting to know him, but I’d be peeved if I caught wind of a girl I was crushing on hooking up with a guy right after she was on a date with me, haha.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 14, 2012, 2:46 pm

        He knew a little bit about the neighbor. We’ve been friends for 1.5 years now and NOTHING has ever happened. So I mean these “dates” weren’t really dates. We’d talk about life, girls he was meeting on match.com, etc.

        So that’s the Story of the 24 Year Old. He turns 25 soon. Maybe then I’ll pounce. But now of course I’d hate to ruin our friendship. Plus, I mean, he never initiates anything. If he liked me at all by now he’d initiate things. Ok, I’m back to believing he is definitely not interested so I need to not let myself get worked up about how lovely he is.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 14, 2012, 2:49 pm

        I was a little (slash, a lot) tipsy when I got home after a nice night with him, hence my original comment… I’m thinking clearer now and need to not put myself in the situation where i’m pining over him. Also, I really need to stop drunk DW’ing. It’s a bad habit of mine. The good news is I don’t think sober AP and drunk AP sound too different, right?

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      • Budj

        Budj January 14, 2012, 2:51 pm

        haha – a DWWI (Dear Wendying While Intoxicated).

        I’m at work…need more comments.

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      • avatar

        Taylor January 14, 2012, 3:20 pm

        My bff is married to a guy 7 years her junior…they started dating when he was 19 and she was 26 =) Eight years later they are going strong!

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      • Budj

        Budj January 14, 2012, 2:50 pm

        Fair enough. I’ll add that If he doesn’t talk about other girls with you that is a good sign.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray January 14, 2012, 2:56 pm

        He does a little but usually when I ask… Eh, IF A GUY LIKES ME HE WILL ASK ME OUT; i’m going to get this tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. Ew, not really.

        Budj, I’m not working and instead am going to my favorite mafia pizza place to eat and drink tea and start reading The Marriage Plot. Jealous, much?

        Also, for those who are dying to know… today was my 14th day in a row of Bikram! It is making feel so relaxed and strong at the same time in body and mind. I think it’s changing my life. But let’s talk when I complete the 30 day challenge… and then the 60 day challenge!

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      • Budj

        Budj January 14, 2012, 3:04 pm

        Probably..if it has been 1.5 years.

        Have fun…I’m going to stare into my microscope and think about what I’m eating when I finish up what I came in for.

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      • avatar

        scattol January 14, 2012, 3:55 pm

        This is the 21st century. The century of women. Act like an equal and ask him out. Put the moves on him and put yourself out of your misery. Maybe he is just shy or intimidated by you. You seem to like him and he likes you enough to show up.

        PS: I actually don’t know what I am talking about. I am just suggesting this because I think it would result in pages of riveting DW material that I can’t wait to read πŸ™‚

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe January 16, 2012, 1:35 pm

        yes AP, do it, I have actively pursued every man I’ve really been into & apart from a few restraining orders, It was always worth it !

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    • avatar

      mcminnem January 14, 2012, 2:33 pm

      GO GO GO. Have fun πŸ™‚

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  • Budj

    Budj January 14, 2012, 3:45 am

    I hear the witching hour is 3 am…and I’ve been wide awake from 3 to 4 for 3 nights in a row…weird superstitious occurrence? Or do I just need to stop passing out on the couch? ….we may never know…

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  • FireStar

    FireStar January 14, 2012, 11:55 am

    I have a question. My husband gave me my anniversary gift today – it is 11 days late – which wouldn’t be an issue except the gift is homemade jewelry a friend of his makes and sells on Etsy. I haven’t worn jewelry that isn’t silver or gold for the past 20+ years – it just does bad things to my skin. This jewelry isn’t real and even the ‘gems” look plastic – though maybe they aren’t since he said it was expensive. But completely not my style. Part of me feels I should be grateful for any gift I receive but part of me feels that he gave me something I would never wear just so he could support his friend’s hobby…and the friend couldn’t even give enough of a rat’s ass to give him the pieces in time for the actual anniversary. I returned the hat I bought him for Christmas since he bought one that he liked better and the one I bought was not to his style… so I thanked him, told him it was a nice thought but maybe he could return the jewelry since it is not to my style and that I don’t wear costume. Now he is upset – Was I wrong?

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    • avatar

      *HmC* January 14, 2012, 12:24 pm

      I feel like this kind of issue is so particular to the individuals in the relationship. From what I’ve seen on this site, people can get their feelings very wrapped up (pun!) in the gift giving/getting process, especially when it comes to their significant other.

      Personally, I tell everyone that I give a gift to that I won’t mind one bit if they return or exchange it, and I mean it sincerely. I include gift receipts whenever possible. I hate waste, and I’d rather them have something they like. Of course, it feels extra nice to get it right and give them something they like, and I do put thought into my gifts. But ultimately I feel it is their choice and their gift to exchange if they want, so I do my best to not take it personally.

      But, it sounds like you have a few other issues going on. It seems that you are upset that he prioritized his friend’s business over thinking about what you would actually prefer. The fact that he is upset that you want to exchange it is, in my opinion, just sort of a personality thing that some people have, especially when they feel like they DID put a lot of thought into the gift- they take gift giving personally. From my perspective you weren’t wrong to want to get something you would actually use and like. There is far too much clutter and crap in our lives to place so much emotion on inanimate objects just to have them sit in a corner and not be enjoyed by anyone. I know that sounds kind of insensitive, but it’s what I believe. I totally appreciate the thought behind gifts, but it seems like you feel like there wasn’t much thought behind this one, in regards to your taste.

      If it were my relationship, I’d consider telling my partner that I appreciated the gift, but I felt like he sort of prioritized his friend’s business over my personal taste, and if he wants to support his friend then that’s fine and I’d like to give the gift to someone who could use it. I mean, those are your feelings, you should just own them and be honest. Maybe he can reassure you that he did put thought into the gift and you will feel better about that issue. I’m all about honesty in a relationship. Otherwise resentment builds. Anyone compatible with me would probably accept that without getting too hurt. If it’s not your style, it’s not your style. Does he really want you wearing something around that you’re not comfortable in?

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom January 14, 2012, 4:45 pm

        I wonder if he’s uncomfortable returning the jewelery because it is from a friend and he hates to tell them you don’t care for their work. He may be embarrassed to return a purchase to a friend. I have an acquaintance who sells lots of jewelery on Etsy and she used to send me lots of emails advertising it but it just wasn’t my type.

        Maybe you could ask him if he purchased from them because they are a friend or if he thought it was your style or if he knows that there are jewelery styles. If he doesn’t buy much jewelery he may not get much about jewelery styles. It may be that the friend gave lots of advice to him about what you would like when what they wanted was a sale. Someone may have assured him that the jewelery matches what you wear or that you would just love it.

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      • theattack

        theattack January 14, 2012, 6:06 pm

        This is exactly what I was thinking. But honestly, I would probably just throw it into a drawer and not worry about it. I mean, it’s better to have somethign I’m not going to use than to hurt his feelings. Hopefully he’ll notice that she’s not wearing it and get the hint for next time.

        Then again, I’m way too passive aggressive for my own good. What do I know?

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      • avatar

        *HmC* January 14, 2012, 8:49 pm

        “I wonder if he’s uncomfortable returning the jewelery because it is from a friend and he hates to tell them you don’t care for their work. He may be embarrassed to return a purchase to a friend.”

        I had the same thought! That’s why I suggested maybe she offer to give it to someone who would like it, as opposed to her plan of giving it back.

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      • FireStar

        FireStar January 15, 2012, 9:05 pm

        Thanks – I suspect you are all right and that was his issue. I told him he could give it to his nieces. I was annoyed because he is typically thoughtful and even if he picked out jewelry in the past that wasn’t necessarily what I would have picked, I could see the thought and effort he put in so I ended up loving the pieces. This time it really wasn’t about me …but he’s over being upset and I got my point across so we’re good and hopefully there is no more fake hobby jewelry in my future.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom January 14, 2012, 4:52 pm

      Also, begin the conversation with something positive and also try to end it on a positive note with the negative sandwiched in between. You can start by saying you appreciate/love/etc that he got you an anniversary gift and you don’t want to offend him and that what you have to say isn’t meant to be mean and that you love him. Then tell him why the jewelry isn’t your style and tell him that unless it’s gold or silver it irritates your skin (be specific here). Ask if he wanted to support his friend’s business. Tell him you do appreciate supporting friends but in this case it doesn’t work for you. Tell him you love getting jewelry from him and that you love to wear jewelry from him and that you love him. Basically, make it a nonconfrontational sandwich with lots of positives but with information in the middle that conveys what he needs to know. Be patient, back off if and when he needs some space and always be positive. If he begins to look sad, agitated or unhappy give him a hug and tell him you love him and that it isn’t a personal attack on him. That helps to diffuse the negative feels he may have and listen if he tells you it feels like a personal attack.

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  • avatar

    LolaBeans January 14, 2012, 6:22 pm

    I’m excited to see what you have planned for the one year anniversary!! yayyy!!!
    I remember in/around December 2010 on The Frisky when I noticed your columns weren’t on very much and was sooo upset there was no explanation! But was very happy to hear you started your own site.

    I always look forward to each and every letter you post, all your advice and the comments!

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  • avatar

    cookiesandcream January 14, 2012, 6:40 pm

    I just remembered a superstition I sort of had when I was little. When I was about 7, my family and I moved into a new neighborhood, and the family down the street got murdered around the same time we moved in. My dad then started to tell me that it was really bad luck to look at the house and to avoid looking at it whenever possible. I still avoid looking at that house whenever possible. I remember being really surprised at how soon a new family moved into that house and I always wondered if the new family knew anything.

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    • avatar

      Ally January 15, 2012, 6:40 am

      How horrible! Don’t they have to tell someone moving in if the previous occupants have been murdered/died there? Or is that just something I’ve seen on TV and taken as true… not sure πŸ™‚

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        cookiesandcream January 15, 2012, 9:51 am

        It was a very tragic story, and it was in the news a lot which is why I was so surprised to see that it got sold so quickly. I’m not sure if you have to tell someone moving in that someone had died there, but if I had to guess I’d say no. I wouldn’t be surprised if the real estate agent wanted to sell the house as soon as possible and covered up those details.

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow January 14, 2012, 7:03 pm

    I turned 30 on Friday the 13th!! Happy birthday to meeeeeee!!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray January 14, 2012, 7:32 pm

      Happy birthday! Did you do something special?

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow January 14, 2012, 8:51 pm

        I had a party at my friend’s bar and had a couple of my friends’ bands play. I wore something sparkly and brought some of my own decorations (went with black cats to go with the superstition theme). I love getting to see all my friends together at the same time, especially since many of us live in different places. I also had the most amazing cupcakes EVER – I got them from a Cupcake Wars champion, woohoo! They informed me that they’re going to be back on the show on Sunday for a battle of champions or something. Then me & the boo got a hotel room.

        All in all, I had a blast. I did, however, fall at the end of the night. Icy sidewalks + heels + inebriation due to a night full of free drinks and cake shots is NOT a good combo. πŸ™‚

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    • JK

      JK January 14, 2012, 7:37 pm

      Happy Birthday!!!!

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    • avatar

      cookiesandcream January 15, 2012, 9:53 am

      Happy belated birthday! Glad to hear that you had a good birthday! πŸ™‚

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  • avatar

    Something More January 14, 2012, 7:50 pm

    YES this week felt long. I think it was because it’s the first full week after the holidays. We had a half day the Friday before Christmas and that Monday off. Same with New Years. So, working for actually FIVE WHOLE DAYS… Ugh. Who does that? πŸ™‚

    Superstitions… I knock on wood, throw salt over my shoulder if I spill it, try to avoid cracks on the sidewalk… I think that’s it. Occasionally, usually when I visit home, I will hold my breath when passing a cemetary.

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  • katie

    katie January 14, 2012, 10:56 pm

    So I am thinking that the marriage plot is good because I went to the library to get it today and all the copies are out! Lol they are gonna get me one from another library… it’ll probably take a week. I’ll have to read fast. Lol

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  • avatar

    Daisy January 15, 2012, 7:09 am

    I hold my breath when driving over train tracks. Anyone else? Or did my sister and I make that up?

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    • avatar

      Rachel January 15, 2012, 6:34 pm

      No, but I hold my breath driving through tunnels.

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      • avatar

        Trixy Minx January 15, 2012, 7:34 pm

        @rachel, I posted my comment at the same time as yours! lol

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    • avatar

      Trixy Minx January 15, 2012, 6:37 pm

      I hold my breath driving through tunnels. At least until I almost pass out.

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow January 15, 2012, 11:27 am

    I haven’t heard that one, but I do either duck our hold the roof up if I drive under a bridge with a train on it.

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  • Lyra

    L January 15, 2012, 11:51 am

    I am by no means superstitious, but a freaky thing happened last night/early this morning. I’m visiting my boyfriend this weekend and we were sound asleep when we heard this knocking at the door at 4:30 am. My boyfriend bolted up from bed, went out to look out the back door and there’s this shirtless dude standing there (it’s about 15 degrees here). The guy was highly intoxicated and thought that he owned the house so he wanted to get in. My boyfriend tried to scare him off by yelling at him through the door and telling him that it isn’t his house. The guy kept on trying to tell my boyfriend that it was his house and that he needed to get in. He started POUNDING on the door. I thought he was going to physically break it down. The pounding was so loud that both his roommates both woke up (the apartment is long so the back door is very far away from the other bedrooms). My boyfriend immediately called the cops. Fortunately a cop car was in the area and they got here immediately and took the guy away, probably to detox-land. I was so freaked out. I’m so glad my boyfriend kept a cool head.

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    • Lyra

      L January 15, 2012, 11:53 am

      Not to mention I can’t say I envy the killer headache that dude probably has this morning while waking up in the slammer…

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    • avatar

      amber January 15, 2012, 12:21 pm

      That happened to my roommate and I a few years ago. The person was positive that “Kevin” lived there and he was NOT happy with him. Apparently the entire set of apartments heard him because when I called the cops they told me I was the 5th call in the past 5 minutes about that person. When the cops came they chased him back in to the woods behind our apartments. It was SUPER creepy, but at 4am I just kind of said whatever and called the cops. I was more freaked out the next day when I woke up and thought about it more!

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      • Lyra

        L January 15, 2012, 12:44 pm

        I knew we had to call the cops immediately. It’s just so freaky when you are woken up by pounding on the door and it’s someone you don’t know. I don’t know what we would have done had he gotten in. This was a great reminder for us of why we lock doors…I don’t think he would have hurt us, but incredibly drunk people can do incredibly stupid things.

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  • avatar

    Trixy Minx January 15, 2012, 5:51 pm

    I’ve started talking to this really sweet guy online. I saw that we had a big match percentage and I sent him an email asking how his new years is going. Didn’t think much of it since he lives in another state but next thing you know we have soo much in common and are writing really long emails back and forth. A few days ago we had our first phone conversation and when we hung up we realized we had been talking for 4 hours! We started talking about meeting up one day and I’m excited to. Funny thing was on friday the 13th I googled the distance between us and it was exactly 666 miles. Bad omen?
    I’m not sure about all this. On one had I’m really excited to meet someone I feel at ease talking to, I’m super shy around guys and don’t open up easily, on the other he lives in another state. I am impressed that he really is enjoying getting to know me and i him, enough to make plans a month or two from now to visit me. Any thoughts?

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    • Lyra

      L January 15, 2012, 6:20 pm

      Go for it. Honestly, what do you have to lose? Talking to anyone for 4 hours — especially a potential significant other — is a big deal! If you have so many things in common, there could really be something great there.

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      • avatar

        mcminnem January 15, 2012, 7:06 pm

        I agree. People work long distance out all the time – it’s worth it to see if something good happens.

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  • avatar

    Emma January 15, 2012, 6:01 pm

    This week has actually been incredibly short for me, actually. It’s the last before I have to go back to class, and I’ve been waking up around two every day, like I need to save up on sleep before the semester begins. I thought Friday was actually Wednesday. Been having a lot of dreams about missing my first classes, or being in really awful classes. The other night, I had some dream where I was waiting for a friend to give me a cigarette while she was taking some test about cancers, so I could intentionally miss my class in this giant, terrifying wooden tower. There was also something about some guy stalking me, and a murder case I needed to solve. I need to stop watching so much L&W SVU before bed. And stop smoking.

    I’m not exactly superstitious (I don’t believe in anything supernatural), but I do avoid stepping on cracks. I think it’s a little bit of OCD, or something. Actually, there’s a book, Kissing Doorknobs, about a girl who has OCD, which develops out of that little rhyme, and takes over her life. Good book.

    I also cross my fingers when I want something to happen, but not when I’m making a false promise. And I sometimes wish on loose eyelashes and dandelions, but that’s more about making goals than anything.

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