Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread: The Single Files

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Yesterday, on my Facebook page I posed a question: “Those of you in relationships, what do you miss most about being single?”

Of course, I’m very happily married and wouldn’t trade what I have now for anything, but there are times I do miss the convenience and simplicity of being single. Actually, what I really miss when I miss the single life isn’t so much being single β€” I kind of hated being single, to be honest β€” but being in a long distance relationship. I mean, yes, eventually being in an LDR sucked donkey balls, but for a while it was sort of like having the best of both worlds: I got the joy or knowing I’d found someone I really, really liked and the anticipation of where things might lead, AND I still had lots of time to myself to do whatever I wanted (which generally included many drinks with friends, too much bad TV, tons of bike rides, and entire summer weekends spent at the beach).

So, now I will ask you: if you’re in a relationship, what do you miss most about being single?

118 comments… add one
  • avatar

    TECH March 8, 2013, 4:11 pm

    The great thing about being single is that you know every time you go out, there could be a great guy waiting for you around the corner. Every night you go out is full of expectation, and that can be exciting.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary March 8, 2013, 4:28 pm

      I loved not knowing where the night would take me. I went out a lot more when I was single (I was also younger…) but you never knew who you would meet or where you would go. You could go out one night and your whole life could be changed by an experience or a person you meet, not to sound melodramatic.

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  • mandalee

    mandalee March 8, 2013, 4:15 pm

    I miss only consulting myself when I had to make a major life decision. I’ve had a hard time finding a career path I’m happy in and it’s hard enough for me to deal with, but it’s more difficult when I have to explain and rationalize my goals to my husband. I wouldn’t trade our relationship for the world, but it would be definitely be easier to go through a career crisis without it having a direct, immediate impact on someone else.

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  • avatar

    bethany March 8, 2013, 4:16 pm

    I don’t really miss anything about being “single”, per se… It’s more things I miss about living alone!

    I miss always having music playing, things being exactly where I put them, horribly old/ugly PJs, drinking a bottle of wine alone on a Thursday night while watching countless episodes of Friends on Netflix, not having to share my jalapeno poppers, grocery shopping and laundry for 1… basically just doing whatever the fuck I wanted without being concerned about how it would impact anyone else.

    Living alone was glorious.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl March 8, 2013, 4:19 pm

      Wait…. you don’t wear your horribly old/ugly pj’s anymore?

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      • avatar

        bethany March 8, 2013, 4:25 pm

        Not really. I’m transitioning into “grown up” PJs πŸ™ I wear leggings and a t shirt a lot, too.

        Right around the time I got my own apartment I was at my parent’s house and found and old nightshirt from when I was a kid. It had a big teddy bear dressed in PJs on it, and it said “Bearly Awake”. I thought this was awesome and brought it back to my apartment and proceeded to wear it when Dave stayed over. He hated it. Anyway, one of my requirements of moving in together was that it was going to be leading towards marriage. His only one was that that nightshirt did not come with me.
        It was a sad day, when I threw Bearly Awake in the trash.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 8, 2013, 4:29 pm

        πŸ™ thats so sad.

        I definitely have my share of sexy sleepwear but 28 or so days a month I’m in leggings or sweatpants and a big t-shirt. I really want one of those matching pj pants and button up shirts from victorias secret.

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      • avatar

        bethany March 8, 2013, 4:32 pm

        I have 2 of those! I LOVE them!

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow March 8, 2013, 4:31 pm

      I <3 living alone for all of these reasons.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl March 8, 2013, 4:18 pm

    Wendy I totally agree with you on the LDR part! I spent one weekend a month visiting my now fiance, doing all the lovie relationships stuff and the rest of the month doing MY stuff. It worked out awesome for him too, as he was in the first years of a Phd program. He could exert all of his time and energy on school 28 days a month and spend the other 2 or 3 focusing on me πŸ™‚

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle March 8, 2013, 4:19 pm

    I just miss going out in general (even though I still do it plenty)? But I miss not having to balance seeing my boyfriend, & seeing my friends—when I single, I was down to do pretty much whatever, whenever. Because I could. A random “let’s do something tonight!!!” text would actually result in ~doing~ something, whereas now it’s like, “ugh, could you NOT have made plans with me earlier? I’m already with my boyfriend & cannot just go ditch him!” (This actually was part of our beginning-of-relationship “learning curve”, as someone called it in a forum thread. It took me a minute to realize that people AREN’T COOL with being ditched mid-evening, I guess? “Oh, boyfriend—so-and-so wants to go do this, don’t you have video games to play or something?” No, he was not okay with that at all. Oops. Haha.)

    But I’m getting older now anyway (& therefore less willing/able/desirous of multiple social events a week) so this isn’t like, a problem or anything. It’s just that the relationship/friends/life/work balance is difficult.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle March 8, 2013, 4:23 pm

      Oh, also this is a weird one, maybe—but I miss eating alone?? I’m one of the only people I know that likes to cook for one. I like making my one plate (something healthy & reasonably portioned, two things I lack when doing dinner with others…) & then sitting down and just reading as I eat, not talking to anyone, like some grouchy old man.

      (That’s^ my eating at home MO, anyway…I mean, I like going out to restuarants & stuff but I tend to like solitary meals when I’m at home)

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      • avatar

        bethany March 8, 2013, 4:26 pm

        I loved cooking for one also!!! It was so easy!

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow March 9, 2013, 4:13 pm

        I like eating alone, but mostly because I don’t want anyone else to watch me scarf down a whole pizza in one sitting. Or a whole box of Boo Berry, dry, with my hands.

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  • avatar

    TECH March 8, 2013, 4:21 pm

    Wendy, the photo at the top of this post kind of makes me laugh, oddly. Is there a story behind it or is it just a stock photo?

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy March 8, 2013, 6:45 pm

      It’s me! I wasn’t single there, but I was doing a sort of “single weekend,” I guess. It was after i had moved to New York, but I was on vacation in Chicago visiting all my buddies. This photo was taken at, like, 5 in the morning after a night of hanging with my best friends, trying on wigs, hula-hooping, being silly. We watched the sun come up, then crashed, then woke up at noon and cooked a big ol’ brunch. I miss weekends like that…

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary March 8, 2013, 4:25 pm

    I had the same attitude about an LDR! (or at least trying to put a positive spin on it!). I got to do all MY stuff during the week (working part time, grad school, homework, hanging with friends, watching bad reality tv) but I still had the benefit of a boyfriend. On the other hand, being in an LDR is like the worst of both worlds. You can’t go out and meet guys, but you don’t have the benefits of having a boyfriend close by. It’s all about attitude! I really like being in my current relationship, but being single was fun and I think dating is really fun.

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  • the_optimist

    the_optimist March 8, 2013, 4:40 pm

    Before I moved in with my boyfriend, I kind of never wore pants at home. And now I have to sometimes wear pants. It’s not really a “cover up for God’s sake!” kind of demand, it’s more of a “it’s December and freezing in here and I noticed you don’t really wear pants…like ever. Do we need to pick you up a pair?” sort of thing. So I guess I, too, just miss living alone sometimes, if just so I could prance around pantsless, no questions asked, no concerns expressed.

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  • beelzebarb

    beelzebarb March 8, 2013, 4:41 pm

    This isn’t exactly about being single but I miss the “firsts” at the beginning of a relationship. Except the first time you fart in front of a new guy…there’s that split second of “oh please God don’t be one of those guys that thinks girls don’t fart.” I hate when guys have that mentality. So unfair.

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    • avatar

      MissDre March 8, 2013, 4:53 pm

      Same here…. it’s just all the butterflies in the beginning that I miss. Other than that, I don’t really miss much. I love being with my boyfriend. Mind you, we don’t live together yet. But I think I’ll probably enjoy it.

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      • beelzebarb

        beelzebarb March 8, 2013, 5:17 pm

        Oh, definitely. I wouldn’t trade my husband for anything. The butterflies were the only thing I could think of. I’m a total homebody and so is he and it’s nice to have company even in solitary pursuits. We spend a lot of time sharing the sofa and reading. Well, I do miss not being serenaded by snores in the middle of the night. One time I actually stuck a Breathe Right strip on his face at 2am. It worked beautifully. He was so confused when he woke up.

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  • avatar

    ktfran March 8, 2013, 4:42 pm

    I’m single. So I can’t answer this question. But I will tell you what I miss about being in a relationship. I miss knowing someone will always be there for you. I have a great life. I’m happy. I have lots of friends and I’m out and about most of the time. But once in a while, the lonliness bug will creep in and I wish I had a partner. It never lasts long. But it happens. I also miss having readily available sex. Especially a morning quickie. Love those.

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    • avatar

      Anna March 9, 2013, 12:59 am

      I’m also single and the #1 thing I miss about being in a relationship is the readily available sex. The #2 thing I miss is cuddling. Winter is a bad time to sleep alone every night. And I miss splitting the bills with someone. My summer electric bill was about $50/mo. My winter electric bill is $200/mo. That means in order to not die and still save, I have to give up almost all of my “fun money” for the entire winter.

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  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson March 8, 2013, 4:50 pm

    I miss the simplicity of it all. Although I blame Sampson more for my complicated life more than Ethan. I miss getting off work and thinking to myself, “huh what should I do tonight” now it’s “holy fuck if there is traffic I will be royally fucked because I need to go to the grocery store, liquor store, do laundry and clean my house so that I can spend quality time with Ethan while sitting on separate couches and both of us on a laptop with headphones on”.

    I miss day dreaming of the what ifs. Like what if I moved back to Canada and got to get drunk with my 50 year old cousins all the time and go camping with them and watch their children grow up? What if I joined the CIA?

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    • avatar

      MissDre March 8, 2013, 4:54 pm

      You’re from Canada??

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 8, 2013, 5:00 pm

        MissDre! We’ve totally talked about this. I lived there until I was 11. My entire enormous Irish Catholic family is still there on both my Mom and Dad’s side – my parents are there – and only my brother and I live in the U.S. And I really do sometimes think about moving back – and then I remember stupid Ethans job.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 8, 2013, 5:02 pm

        stupid Ethan’s job? or Ethan’s stupid job?

        also, P O U T I N E S – my favorite word

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 8, 2013, 5:06 pm

        I’m going to punch you in your poutine. (I don’t know).

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 8, 2013, 5:07 pm

        Your mom is a poutine!

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      • avatar

        MissDre March 8, 2013, 6:45 pm

        I totally don’t remember haha! Yay for Canada! And poutine! I had poutine today for lunch. Also, Tim Hortons Roll up the Rim and Beavertails. Oh Canada!

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      • lemongrass

        Lemongrass March 8, 2013, 8:33 pm

        I rolled up the rim today! Didn’t win though. You know you’re Canadian when you have ripped rims of coffee cups in your car’s cup holders.

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      • avatar

        MissDre March 9, 2013, 8:52 am

        I had 12 coffees before I won anything this year! WTF is up with that?

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      • lemongrass

        Lemongrass March 9, 2013, 10:24 am

        I’ve only had 3 and I haven’t won yet but my husband has won twice out of three times! Whatta jerk.

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    • avatar

      FancyPants March 8, 2013, 5:08 pm

      Those are two of my three things I miss.

      I also miss having nothing to do. I had a very brief window of time between when I finished school and started working, and when I met my husband. But I remember those lazy weekends when I had no plans and no boyfriend/husband where I just did whatever because my time was kind of endless. No papers, no obligations, etc. As soon as I got serious with my husband, I’ve felt like any time I have a day off where he’s not around and I don’t have plans with friends or whatever I’m trying to pack so much quality me time in, it’s never the relaxed “or maybe I’ll just take the hour trip out to the beach to read a book for two hours and then come home because I have nothing else to be doing” mentality. I still make a lot of time for myself, but there’s always a time limit at the end of it. I’m sure that would start feeling sad though if I ever had that back or if it hadn’t ended.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow March 9, 2013, 4:12 pm

        I actually LOVE having weekends where I can spend time by myself doing absolutely nothing. It keeps me sane. I know other people need to be around people and always be doing something, but I’m just not one of them.

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    • avatar

      sarita_f March 8, 2013, 5:34 pm

      I also wonder, every once in a while, if I should go off into the foreign service / CIA / FBI. I think I’d make a really good secret agent.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 8, 2013, 5:42 pm

        I think I would too! The FBI and CIA did recruitment at the law school too and I looked into and discovered I can’t apply until 2018 (cough cough) but I still consider it a distant dream.

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      • avatar

        sarita_f March 8, 2013, 5:55 pm

        Wait. I’m not smart enough for this. Why 2018?

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  • avatar

    applescruffs March 8, 2013, 5:01 pm

    I’m in the early stages of buying a house, and I’m so excited that it’s going to be MINE. I’m going to paint the kitchen purple or something – just because I can!

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    • beelzebarb

      beelzebarb March 8, 2013, 5:30 pm

      I want a purple kitchen! I also want to paint a wall with that chalkboard paint so I can doodle on it.

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      • call-me-hobo

        call-me-hobo March 8, 2013, 7:03 pm

        Ugh- Does the actual use of chalk/chalkboards royally squick anyone else out? I cannot stand the texture/sound it makes. Which is terrible, because I love the idea of chalkboard paint. Maybe there is dry erase paint, lol?

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      • paperheart

        paperheart March 8, 2013, 7:16 pm

        πŸ™‚

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      • paperheart

        paperheart March 8, 2013, 7:18 pm

        BTW, I dunno if that stuff actually works, I just remembered seeing it at Lowe’s. Haha

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      • beelzebarb

        beelzebarb March 8, 2013, 7:44 pm

        MARKERBOARD PAINT!! OMG! @hobo, I can’t stand the sound either but my friend had the paint and it didn’t make the same sound. It still felt icky though…I forgot what chalkboards felt like and went to erase it with my hand. It made my hair stand up. Markerboard paint it is!

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      • Cymepkee

        Cymepkee March 10, 2013, 7:50 pm

        So, I thought this was super awesome and was excited to get it for when I buy my house. Then I looked at the price. I don’t mind chalk or the sound. Chalkboard paint it is.

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    • avatar

      Christy March 8, 2013, 7:40 pm

      My mom had a purple kitchen and LOVED it. Just make sure it’s not too dark, and keep the insides of your cabinets white (1) so it’s not crazy dark in there and (2) to make it easier to repaint to sell.

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  • avatar

    Grilledcheesecalliope March 8, 2013, 5:10 pm

    @applescruffs That is the best part! my living room has an orange ceiling and I already have the purple for the hall pucked out.

    I miss all my friends being single I feel like i’m in forced codependency because all my friends are in relationships where all they do is work and hang out with their s.o its soooo sad.

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    • avatar

      applescruffs March 8, 2013, 5:39 pm

      This too.

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  • theattack

    theattack March 8, 2013, 5:13 pm

    This is more about single and LDR vs. living together, but I miss grocery shopping for one and being able to control leftovers. We’ve been living together for six months now, but I’m still not used to it. Everytime I come home from the grocery store with like $150 of groceries, I’m really excited and proud that it will be enough to last us for like two weeks, but no. All of it is gone within days. Men are black holes, I’m telling you! And I think he just can’t control himself if he sees that food is available.

    And whenever I cook big meals, I do it so that I don’t have to cook again for the next two days. He doesn’t see it that way though. To him multiple chicken breasts mean that he gets to eat two and a half chicken breasts in one night, and then we don’t have any leftovers, and I either have to cook all over again the next nights, or we end up eating pizza or fast food.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary March 8, 2013, 5:19 pm

      I totally agree about the cooking! Whenever I take home food from a restaurant it would last me another 2 meals, but my boyfriend barely ever has leftovers to take home. And I’ll make a crockpot meal which could last me 5 days, but lasts my boyfriend 2 nights. It’s like “stop eating all my food!”

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson March 8, 2013, 5:23 pm

      Oh my gosh. Insane. I never knew life was like that for everyone. I love cooking – it’s kinda my Sunday tradition. I love cooking two huge meals that could arguably last at least 4 days during the week so that I only have to cook once while still eating awesome food. But nooooo. Ethan eats everything! And in a hurry. It drives me crazy too because it’s like the day I get groceries is a hot dog eating contest – except for everything. He’ll instantly have like 4 pops – even though I was hoping the 12 pack would last 2 weeks – 3 apples – half a bag of chips – and essentially all the good treat food. It drives me batty! And then he wonders why by the time Thursday comes around we have spinach, ketchup and milk and I have to try to make a meal out of that. And holy shit I feel like I spend so much on groceries – probably an average of 400 a month – and I just don’t understand how that’s possible with a family of 2.5.

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      • theattack

        theattack March 8, 2013, 5:31 pm

        You just described my life exactly. So glad I’m not the only one! I just assumed he had self-control issues, but it might just be a dude thing. I always thought that moving in together my grocery costs would be less than they used to be because we wouldn’t be wasting as much food as I did when I was cooking for one, but no, not at all. We’re like you and spend at least $400 on groceries a month, and it’s so unnecessary. By how much he snacks, you’d think he never got full meals. And I hate when I buy some cool new snack food that I intend to last for a few weeks, and it’s all gone in a day before I even get to try it! That makes me irrationally angry. He did that with our Halloween Oreos in the fall, and I was PISSED I didn’t get to eat any cookies with witches on them.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 8, 2013, 5:35 pm

        YES on the self control. I have personally witnessed him eat an entire package of gushers in one sitting. That’s 8 bags of gushers. It makes me want to become a food hoarder so that I am guaranteed to get at least a sample of some of the good food before he eats it all in one sitting. And I don’t know if it’s because I do all the grocery shopping and cooking – but he has no concept of pacing himself. Like eat some healthy food on day 1 of the grocery cycle otherwise you’ll be eating green beans and turkey by the end of it. SO IRRATIONALLY ANGRY. I am so excited other people go through this.

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      • avatar

        Eagle Eye March 8, 2013, 8:22 pm

        Ugh, we buy these plantain chips in tubs from whole foods that are basically just more delicious potato chips and we’ll come home and by the next day I’ll come home from school and be like, man, I could really use a handful of plantain chips and they’ll ALL. BE. GONE. I need to find some part of the tiny apartment that he doesn’t know about and horde them!

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      • katie

        katie March 8, 2013, 8:48 pm

        ha you guys are too funny- jake is exactly the opposite! he is always the one telling me not to buy anymore food… he will be like katie we have enough food here for us for 2 weeks! i buy a lot of food though because i try to coupon and i try to stockpile food in case of an emergency or something.

        we also dont buy snack food. so theres that.

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      • avatar

        sarita_f March 8, 2013, 5:37 pm

        Wait. 2.5? Do you mean Sampson, or do you mean something else entirely?!?!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 8, 2013, 5:41 pm

        Haha yeah Sampson – I am not pregnant – you’ll know if I am because there will be a scream of anguish that echoes through the mountains of Colorado with the sound vibrating the earth.

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      • avatar

        sarita_f March 8, 2013, 5:54 pm

        Glad to hear it. We can continue drinking margaritas. And calling our friend’s newborns assholes.

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      • Diablo

        Diablo March 8, 2013, 7:52 pm

        I do 98 percent of the cooking, so the missus can’t say nuthin! That’s my workaround. What doeshappen though is a battle for who is entitled to the leftovers for lunch. She argues that I work downtown, so I can more easily procure lunch, but then she narfs all my lunches on what I’d call extremely shaky moral grounds. And my food is better than anyone’s mass produced lunch special. End rant.

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    • paperheart

      paperheart March 8, 2013, 5:48 pm

      B does this, too! I’m glad I’m not alone. I will go into another room for like, two seconds, and when I come back I swear it’s like he’s eaten EVERYTHING in the fridge. And then he’s like “oh, did you want this?”

      One night I was in a particularly bad mood / PMSing and I yelled something like “WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THISSS? I WANTED TO EAT THAT FOR LUNCH TOMORROW AND NOW MY WHOLE DAY WILL BE RUINED WAHHHH.” I apologized the next day, but sometimes I feel like repeating that breakdown. Haha

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      • avatar

        Kerrycontrary March 8, 2013, 9:32 pm

        This happened with my ice cream one night and I was like “GET YOUR OWN”. I just wanted to eat my own bowl of ice cream.

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    • avatar

      Painted_lady March 8, 2013, 8:39 pm

      Oh THANK YOU. I am so tired of being constantly out of food. It’s like, YOU DON’T HAVE TO EAT IT ALL ITS NOT A CONTEST ASSHOLE. Also, maybe this is nasty of me, but when I make a comment, the automatic response I get is, “I’m a boy. I eat more.” Which would be understandable if he had the fruit fly metabolism some guys have where they can eat whatever the hell they want and just stay skinny…but he doesn’t. He wouldn’t starve if he left some fucking food for lunch.

      Also, can I just ask, is there anything more annoying than thinking all day about some leftover something that you’re just dying to eat and coming home to discover it’s gone?

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      • lemongrass

        Lemongrass March 8, 2013, 9:00 pm

        My husband is one of those skinny guys who eats a ridiculous amount. When I tell him his portions are outrageous and we could save so much money if he stops overeating he says “I don’t need to eat regular portions because I’m not gaining weight.” You can’t win.

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      • avatar

        Eagle Eye March 9, 2013, 10:43 am

        Ugh, yes – same here, and it screws with me, because I start to lose my frame of reference for how much I can eat…

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson March 8, 2013, 9:32 pm

        JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD

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    • avatar

      BreezyAM March 9, 2013, 12:03 pm

      I solved this at our house. I prepare the plate for him and then put the leftovers away BEFORE we sit down to eat. If he is in “I feel like eating for no particular reason” mode after, I direct him to snacks or tell him to make himself some spaghetti. If he asks for more I say flat out “it’s for lunch tomorrow.”

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      • avatar

        painted_lady March 9, 2013, 7:57 pm

        What about when you aren’t home, though? I mean, I’m not fixing Walter’s plate for him, either, because, I don’t know, I couldn’t do that as a matter of course for about a thousand reasons, but a huge portion of our food disappears when I’m not home. And to a certain degree, I’d be a little bit more okay with it if he just sent me a text like, “Yo, eating the rest of the taco salad.” Or, “If you go to the store next, can you grab avocados?” But I just get home like, “That was a good school day/rehearsal/derby practice! I’m so glad I have taco salad waiting for me and lots of avocado to load it up with.” And I open the fridge, and I’m all, “KHAAAAAAAAANNNN! KHAAAAAANNN!”

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      • avatar

        BreezyAM March 11, 2013, 1:58 pm

        Sigh that’s the annoying part… but that hasn’t come up much here as it’s rare he is home and I am not. He has a very extensive work schedule. And I do most of mine from home.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson March 10, 2013, 7:39 pm

        See I put the food away after I make our plates too and before we start eating – but then he goes and gets leftovers like an hour later when he’s hungry again. And honestly I try to look at the positives – at least he eats all the junk food so I’m not as tempted. It just used to be better because I can’t eat gluten and he used to – but now he’s not eating it either so now all my safe foods are being eaten by him too. How can a man that slim eat so much??? Where does it go?!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 11, 2013, 10:09 am

        Peter used to be one of those guys, now he’s turning into a “skinny fat” guy. By that I mean skinny still, but with a little beer gut. Is it weird that I love the belly? Like, LOVE it really.

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  • avatar

    Leah March 8, 2013, 5:18 pm

    I really, really love being in a relationship. I prefer to share my living space with someone to living alone, I never really enjoyed casual dating or the prospect of finding someone knew vs. actually being in a relationship, and being with my fiance has encouraged me to take much better care of myself than I would have otherwise, not to mention giving me the emotional support to actually follow through on my self-improvement goals!

    But the one thing I really miss is the connection I felt to my best friend when we were both single. I definitely understand the impulse that hitched couples have to set up their single friends, and if I knew a guy who was worthy of her I’d set them up in a heartbeat! It’s just hard to stay as connected to friends who are different places in their life, and it seems like being in a committed relationship (or not) is a big part of that.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary March 8, 2013, 5:21 pm

      ” It’s just hard to stay as connected to friends who are different places in their life, and it seems like being in a committed relationship (or not) is a big part of that.” This is huge! It’s so hard for my friends not in serious relationships to relate to my life. They go out every friday/saturday, while I’m usually staying in and watching movies. It makes me and my boyfriend sound seriously boring, but we love hanging out with each other. All of our couple friends get it, but my single friends just don’t.

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  • avatar

    Michelle March 8, 2013, 5:30 pm

    I think there’s something wrong with me. I can’t think of a single thing I miss about being single.

    Not a single damn thing.

    I don’t drink, so I never the bar scene. I was never lonely for someone to date; when I wanted to date, someone was always available. When I wanted to be left alone, I had that luxury; I always lived alone.

    If I don’t want to cook dinner for my husband and myself, we go out or order in. I cook what I’d like, and keep it simple. I don’t miss the butterflies or that other beginning-of-relationship stuff, because what I have now is so much better than that.

    Am I doing it wrong?

    Reply Link
    • beelzebarb

      beelzebarb March 8, 2013, 5:33 pm

      I don’t think you’re doing it wrong. Unless being totally content is doing it wrong. Then you’re definitely screwing it up.

      Reply Link
    • barleystonks

      barleystonks March 8, 2013, 6:30 pm

      If you’re doing it wrong, I am too.

      Reply Link
  • Diablo

    Diablo March 8, 2013, 7:43 pm

    After a couple of decades of marriage, I think the only thing I really feel I’m missing out on is never falling in love again – that first moment you realize that you and another person might be into each other, talking around to the first kiss, and then realizing that you are falling. That’s just so awesome. In that moment the anticipation of physical contact, which I don’t “miss” cuz I’m married, but that anticipation: “It’s going to happen! Eeeeee!”

    Like many commenters, I wouldn’t trade my jewel of a wife for anything. But I actually relive those moments of ours quite a bit because they’re so wonderful, and no amount of loving each other can give those first times back to you. OK, now I gotta go dab various parts of me with a kleenex.

    Reply Link
    • Diablo

      Diablo March 8, 2013, 7:44 pm

      That last line sounds a lot worse now that it is on the internet. Well, what if I am a monster?

      Reply Link
    • beelzebarb

      beelzebarb March 8, 2013, 7:47 pm

      You put it way better than I did…and yeah, that last line could stand to be reworked a tad but oh well πŸ™‚

      Reply Link
    • lemongrass

      Lemongrass March 8, 2013, 8:45 pm

      I feel the same way. I wouldn’t trade what we have now but falling in love with my husband was such an intense and exciting part of my life. They are some of my favorite memories!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray March 9, 2013, 12:17 pm

      I hate that feeling! So much agony. I suck at those beginning moments because I can’t relax. I’m much better after we move past that beginning hurdle of flutter and hoping and wondering. God the anxiety. I have undisclosed selective and periodic anxiety disorder.

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  • avatar

    snarkymarc March 8, 2013, 8:01 pm

    It probably has more to do with having a family than just being married, but I miss not being responsible for others. I love my wife and two children and wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but the weight of supporting four people gets heavy. If I was alone, I think I would take more risks with my career. I would probably tell my boss to f-off, or at least move on to a different job. I’d like to live a year in Chile or Spain. I’d love to speak Spanish better. I make good money but it creates a sense of golden handcuffs. I guess it is better than not making much and having sustenance (sp?) handcuffs, but if it was just me, I think I’d be happy living in a smaller house and living more simply.

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  • avatar

    Megan_A_Mess March 8, 2013, 8:27 pm

    I loved my LDR for that reason too! My ex and I were together for a little over a year when he went away to be a Federal Agent. It gave him time to really focus on his career, and it gave me time to focus on school (even though I was just finishing up an Associate degree.) I liked it because I could go out with my friends, or pick up extra shifts at work, and not feel terrible about not spending that time with him. Also, it allowed me to get closer to HIS family too, I was best friends with his sister, and his dad was more of a dad to me than my father has ever been. (His mom was pretty awesome too, but my mom is kick-ass, so I felt lucky enough to have another mom.)

    And that’s probably what I miss about being single right now. I love my man-creature, please don’t get me wrong. We’re so right for each other in every way. But I miss not having to share my drama with someone else. Like, involving him in my mess, you know? Here’s a basic run down of my life, ATM:

    – Mom has been unemployed for a year. Three years ago when I broke up with said ^FA^ I moved back home, to help my mom pay some bills, and it was supposed to only be temporary. Now, we’re constantly facing the threat of losing the house, and being denied from food stamps. All of her retirement is gone, and she still owes so much on the house, credit card bills, and the government.
    – My boyfriend was in an accident a year ago, and still recovering from it while waiting for his case to go to trial. He’s not working.
    – I haven’t been able to find steady work that doesn’t reduce me to tears, and I am currently the only person in the house working.
    – My favorite aunt in the whole world who is like a sister to me, has lymphoma. She just went through a bone marrow transplant, and we’re still at that “iffy-is-it-really-taking” stage.
    – I am also going to school, trying to finish up my Bachelor’s Degree.
    – My car is probably on it’s last legs, and I can’t even imagine how royally I’d be screwed if she gave out on me now.
    – We had to put one of our cats to sleep last week after FINALLY finding out she had lymphoma. She was suffering for so long and we had no idea!

    I’m terribly afraid anymore bad news will just push my mom over the edge and trigger a seizure or something. But we just keep on, keeping on, and that seems to work out just fine. Man-creature is my support system and we help my mom as much as we can. But sometimes, I would love just to be able to sit back and not have to worry about his drama (and letting him in on mine too!) The really selfish side of me sometimes wants go out on Saturday, knock back some Jack and Coke’s, dance all night, and kiss random strangers. But, I feel like I’m in that “gotta grow up stage” and since I’ve been helping my mom for so long, why stop now?

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    • avatar

      iseeshiny March 9, 2013, 12:17 pm

      Hey, it sounds like you’re going through a lot. I’m sorry things are rough for you right now.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Megan_A_Mess March 10, 2013, 2:31 pm

        Thank you! We take it one day at a time, and on really rough days, one hour at a time. Then we celebrate by making it through another day with a drink, LoL. I figure we’re pretty close to rock bottom, so the only place to go from here is up, right?

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      Iwannatalktosampson March 10, 2013, 7:37 pm

      I’m really sorry you’re going through all this – it’s a lot to handle. I wonder if there’s an outlet you could find that mashes with your relationship. Maybe running? As long as you have tennis shoes it’s free. I have to believe that things can only go up from here for you!

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Megan_A_Mess March 11, 2013, 5:01 pm

        Thanks IWTTS (Love your usnername, BTW) I actually just joined a gym, and it’s my current addiction. I signed up for a 5K in August (Color Run w00t!) I live in the Midwest, and especially in “Spring” it’s hard to tell what the weather will do. Like yesterday, it was 65 and sunny, today, 51 and rainy, tomorrow, snow. And last year, it was already in the 70’s by this time. So even though it kind of sucks not being outside, at least I have that. I work midnights two nights a week, so usually I stay up late, and go the gym really early, around one or two AM, and it’s nice and quiet, but not so empty that it’s creepy. Just me, my sweat, and my music. Bliss! Which reminds me, I need to catch up on that 5K post in the forum …

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  • lemongrass

    Lemongrass March 8, 2013, 8:56 pm

    When I was single I had a pms ritual: one night each time I would stay up all night eating junk and watching sappy movies by myself and cry. It sounds really depressing but I really enjoyed that emotional release and time by myself. I stopped doing that when we moved in together. The other I miss is even worse. I miss smoking and that I never felt bad about it before! My husband was never a smoker so after a couple years together I kept trying to quit and was off and on until I got pregnant and haven’t smoked since. I loved smoking and never felt guilty until I started dating my husband. I knew I would quit someday but I wasn’t quite ready and I knew how much he hated it. Luckily once I got pregnant it was really easy to stop because I just wasn’t okay with smoking while pregnant and I haven’t really had any cravings since. I also haven’t gotten drunk and that’s when I would start again but it’s not like I’ll be heavily drinking anytime soon!

    Reply Link
  • katie

    katie March 8, 2013, 9:21 pm

    well the only thing i miss about being single is making out with random guys. is that weird? its weird, but i feel like its really superficial. so im not ashamed lol.

    so i was in beautiful jackson, MI this whole week. i was helping a co-worker who was helping out another NPD group. kind of weird. this other group is just *so so busy* they needed our help…. but really didnt seem that busy at all. so, we basically just made all their samples for them. whatever… but travelling means long hours and not getting good sleep in hotels so i am pooped. and im going to PA next week! lol. dang.

    also, jake is moving to nights on saturday. im so sad. we are never going to see each other, and my mornings are going to be all fucked up. jake used to go to work super early, so in the morning i could turn on all the lights, put the news on really loud so i could hear it in my bedroom, ect… and now i cant. and he is going to get home all late and probably wake me up, at least sometimes, when he goes to bed. oh and he cant make me dinner every night now anymore. FUCK my whole life is over. ugh.

    Reply Link
    • katie

      katie March 8, 2013, 9:36 pm

      oh also, fuck michigan and indiana. i was starving and all i had to choose from was fast food. next time im going to just stick with starving. fast food ruined my sexy time tonight.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Sue Jones March 8, 2013, 10:10 pm

    I miss being able to take off and relocate for a job, etc. and seeing that possibility. I sometimes have that fantasy that I could really go for some of the prime jobs in my field and take all the time and money I wanted to preparing and studying for tests that I would need to take, etc. for career advancement and more satisfaction if I were still single and childless, but that coming home to an empty house at night and making a meal for just one is kind of sad and lonely. I do experience a little of that excitement of life choice possibilities when I go to a professional conference. And I miss being able to splurge on more expensive clothes, going to a yoga class whenever I want etc … But I love waking up to a bed full of my husband, kids and dog (we have a king) and spending a lazy time cuddling on a Saturday morning, etc. I did buy a great pair of boots this season, but that and a pair of leggings and 2 shirts is all I bought this fall… some things just have to go by the wayside in order to pay for my kids weekly music lessons….

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    • avatar

      Sue Jones March 8, 2013, 10:14 pm

      And yes… the money I would save on groceries I could spend on myself! ButI would be sad.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Sue Jones March 8, 2013, 10:15 pm

        And lonely.

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  • avatar

    Painted_lady March 8, 2013, 11:20 pm

    Okay, this is going to sound weird, but…I really miss wearing pajamas. When we first started dating, we were long distance, and so most of the time when we got to see each other it was like, let’s see how much sex we can have before we pass the fuck out. So there was no point to pajamas. But when we weren’t together, I was all about comfy pajamas. And then when we moved in together, there was this precedent set, and a couple of weeks into living together, I was about to be like, “Hey, so I’m going to be wearing pajamas to bed, okay?” But before I could get there, he looks at me in bed one morning and goes, “God, it’s so hot that you don’t wear pajamas.” Fuck.

    And it seems really silly to get into, but I also sort of hate myself that I’m trying to be “cool girlfriend” on this one subject when I really hate sleeping naked. I mean, it’s not like I have extreme insomnia, I just hate waking up that way, I hate getting hot and sweating directly on the sheets, I hate that when I’m bloated that the very first damn thing I see is my swollen gut. And honestly? I miss sleeping alone sometimes.

    Anyway, aside from that…I miss the possibility of someone new. I miss feeling like I didn’t have to double check that it’s an okay night to go to the gym or out with friends. I miss cooking whatever the hell I want.

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    • avatar

      Rachel March 9, 2013, 12:01 am

      My boyfriend made some comment about wanting me to sleep naked the last time he was here, and I told him if HE wanted to start taking the dog out first thing in the morning I’d be happy to give up sleeping clothed.

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      • avatar

        Painted_lady March 9, 2013, 2:24 am

        Ah…yeah, see, he’s the one who takes the dog out in the mornings usually – either he’s the one who’s getting to sleep later, or he’s dropping me off and taking my car to go to clinical rotations, and my stipulation on that was he has to take the first shower so I can sleep a little longer (he could take the bus, which leaves at 5:30). In exchange I have night duty and morning duty on the weekends because I don’t have anywhere to be super early. So I don’t really have a leg to stand on there.

        But I actually just told him when he got home tonight, “Hey, I really miss wearing pajamas to bed.” And he was fine with it (I’m not sure why I thought he wouldn’t be…I think I just hadn’t put this particular sentiment in words before). So, I’m currently lying in bed in pajamas. It’s awesome.

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      • lemongrass

        Lemongrass March 9, 2013, 10:29 am

        You mean you communicated with your partner and it led to better things in your relationship? That’s not how things work around here…

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle March 9, 2013, 10:49 am

      Oh, that’s funny about the pajamas thing. I’m the opposite (I LOVE & always sleep naked, which was really fun for my college roommate, I’m sure), but my dude has an underwear kink, so now I try & remember to (at least!) leave on some underwear for him to play with during sex/fooling around times. It doesn’t sound that annoying, but when you’re used to throwing off all your clothes before climbing into bed, well. It is, kinda. Haha.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Rachel March 9, 2013, 12:06 am

    Ugh. So you guys all are making me sad with your “yay LDR” comments. Because the awesome fun things about an LDR are not fun when you live somewhere where you don’t have any friends. So poo on you all.

    Okay. enough self pity. Things I miss about being single include:

    –Simpler holidays. It’s not made easier by the fact that our families are on opposite sides of the country.

    –I miss not having anyone to be accountable to, for things like how I spend my money (he’s a WAY better saver than me right now) and like, if I want to just eat half a block of cheese for dinner. I guess that one I can still do in a LDR.

    Reply Link
    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow March 9, 2013, 4:25 pm

      Don’t worry, you won’t be long-distance forever! So eat all the blocks of cheese while you still can. πŸ˜‰

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Sasa March 9, 2013, 9:24 am

    I’ve spent almost all of my adult life in relationships. One cool thing I did when I was single (and 20) was a trip to Japan all by myself. Very fond memories. Generally, I like the idea of incorporating some of the things I might do if I were single into my “coupled-up” life. For example, I try to still spontaneously meet with friends, travel by myself, and go out by myself. I also want to maintain a certain degree of independence forever, whether or not I’m in a relationship. The only thing that I’ve really given up is the freedom to just hook up with anyone I might be interested in. That’s a freedom I don’t miss at all, however.

    Reply Link
  • Ettakit

    EttaKit March 9, 2013, 10:45 am

    I miss a lot about being single and living alone. I miss eating pasta out of the pan so I don’t have to dirty up a bowl (and having fewer dishes). I miss having my bed all to myself with my flowery/girly linens. I miss not having to split bills each month and not having to worry about who pays what and whether it gets out on time.
    The first date anticipation and nervousness was great, the first kiss. It’s weird but I really did like that whole “what are we?” time that happens before you make it official.
    I really miss my girlfriends and going out to dance without having to worry about whether someone gets jealous. I miss making out with someone in the beer garden late at night at my favorite bar.
    It’s the weird things that I miss the most, and maybe it’s just something that happens when you grow up, but sometimes I really wish I was single again.

    Reply Link
  • fast eddie

    fast eddie March 9, 2013, 10:45 am

    I lived alone for 27 years and miss having a simple decor (she can’t do without clutter).
    Eating a bucket of chicken drumsticks while watching a rerun of a favorite sit-com.
    The excitement of a new lover.
    Sleeping on a water bed mattress instead of her firm one. (ugh)
    Not having to cope with her cosmetics in the bathroom. (more clutter)
    Only needing 1-2 spare rolls of toilet paper. A 4 pack lasted all year.
    Two sets of towels and sheets with one of them in the wash instead of 6-10 in the closet. (clutter again)
    Not having wait for her to get ready to go out. (45 minutes minimum)
    Not having to cram my clothes between her’s in the closet. (It’s a 20:1 ratio not counting shoes)
    Only vacuuming the carpet 2-3 times a year.
    The excitement of a new lover. (Did I mention that?)

    That’s a long list but I’m much better off in many more ways for being married. The ups, downs and accomplishments far outweigh the petty grievances above. I owe her a great deal for a successful life. My only real wish is that she was healthier.

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  • avatar

    BreezyAM March 9, 2013, 11:54 am

    I don’t miss one thing about being single at all, or living alone. Really. What I miss is life pre-kids. I adore my children dearly but oh I miss the spontanaity of life prior to little kids.

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  • avatar

    quixoticbeatnik March 9, 2013, 1:48 pm

    Wendy your hair looks purple in that picture! It’s a cool picture. I don’t think I really miss much about being single, except maybe being selfish and only having to think about myself when it comes to the future. It’s nice to daydream about all the possibilities, but it’s easier to follow those dreams when it’s just you by yourself. But I do love my boyfriend. He and I are good together, and we don’t have to be together all the time, which I like. I have plenty of time to see my friends.

    I do kind of miss the “honeymoon” part of a relationship though – when everything is all new and exciting. I mean, it’s nice that we are comfortable with each other now but I do miss that “new” feeling.

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  • sobriquet

    sobriquet March 9, 2013, 3:17 pm

    I know in my last relationship I missed being able to flirt and act on my impulses. I really came into my own during that relationship (age 22-25), learned how to dress and do my makeup properly, and sometimes I just really wanted to give in to the attention from hot guys!

    In my current relationship, the only thing I dislike is having to explain myself when I’m having a bad morning. I am not a morning person and this is exacerbated x 100 when I haven’t gotten enough sleep. (Is anyone else like me with sleep? I NEED sleep. Some people can wake up after 4 hours and be just fine, but if don’t get at least 6 hours my day is basically ruined until I get a nap.) My boyfriend just doesn’t understand this. He made me breakfast in bed last weekend which ended up just annoying me because he woke me up at 9 after drunkenly going to bed at 3:30a. I remember crankily thinking ‘I know he’s just trying to do something nice for me, but it is not nice to wake me up so early!’ I feel horrible for being rude, but I really think that’s just how I am sometimes. When I’m having a bad morning, I’m usually not thinking straight and can’t really adjust. So yeah, it was nice when I could just be in a bad mood for 20 minutes first thing in the morning and not offend anyone in the process!

    Reply Link
    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow March 9, 2013, 4:19 pm

      I’M LIKE THAT TOO. Do NOT fuck with me in the morning. In fact, don’t fuck with me pre-coffee. Also, I feel like I need more sleep than the average person. Six hours isn’t enough. I need at least 8, but I prefer more.

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      • sobriquet

        Sobriquet March 9, 2013, 4:41 pm

        Yeah, I would prefer 8. I wrote 6 because that’s the absolute minimum I need to function!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 9, 2013, 7:57 pm

        For me it doesn’t matter what time I go to bed, I pop up full of energy around 6 am, always, like clockwork. Sometimes earlier. I hate that because sometimes I really need more sleep. And what it means is at night I am such a party pooper – falling asleep at bars, not wanting to stay out late. I’ve always said this and it’s totally true: I can’t wait until my friends and I are all in our 80s – they’ll finally be on my sleep schedule.

        It’s a Sat. night and I’m watching Flashdance and drinking wine, alone. This is what you people miss about being single? It’s for the birds.

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      Addie Pray March 9, 2013, 7:53 pm

      Oh I am really bad in the mornings – in that I have so much energy and I wake up early and start chatting away because in my sleep I think / dream all the time and so when I wake up – I have so much to say! I’m the happiest when I wake up in in the morning. With my ex I had to learn to simmer down because he was a lot like you in the morning. It would be so cool to have a morning-person boyfriend.

      Reply Link
    • lemongrass

      Lemongrass March 10, 2013, 2:31 pm

      I thank god that my husband is on parental leave and at home with us for the night shift because I really need my sleep. The days that I haven’t gotten enough I cry whenever E cries. Luckily that isn’t that often.

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  • sobriquet

    sobriquet March 9, 2013, 3:35 pm

    Oh, and how could I forget? Nights completely alone, painting my nails, drinking wine, and watching a musical/movie or a baseball game. Painting my nails is meditative. It forces me to be patient and allows me to really relax when I’m all alone.

    I was only single for about a month or two this summer, but what I really miss about that time period was all the time alone to meditate and reflect. Spending quality time alone with myself really allowed me to tap into my feelings and grow as a person. I wrote and did yoga every day. I remember doing yoga for 2 hours straight thinking that it had only been 20 minutes. I let everything go. I feel like that kind of personal growth can only really happen when you’re single or in a transition period. Sometimes (say, when I’m extremely frustrated with my boyfriend’s brother/sister-in-law) I wish I could go back to that mindset when that kind of petty, meaningless shit wouldn’t have bothered me.

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  • avatar

    John Rohan March 9, 2013, 5:55 pm

    Since I’m in the military and only periodically see my wife, it’s basically the same thing as being in a LDR, and it’s not that fun. Not when it goes on for years (missing the children is even worse).

    One thing that is good about being single, is that you keep that “edge”. When I was dating, I perpetually had a reason to stay in shape, keep an eye on my career, make certain my car is very clean for when I go out on dates, etc. It’s too easy to backslide on all that after you’re married, and it can be a struggle to maintain things if I don’t have the motivation.

    Reply Link
  • Lyra

    L March 10, 2013, 1:12 pm

    I really don’t miss being single, but after my breakup four months ago, I had the realization that being lonely in a relationship is literally 1,000 times worse than being lonely while single. After that, I completely embraced being single. Then I unexpectedly met my guy and have been happily with him ever since. πŸ™‚

    What I could see myself missing in the future is living alone. I love it so much. I love being able to do whatever I want whenever I want to. I love watching crappy TV shows or sappy movies just because I can. I love that I can blast my music in the morning when getting ready for work. Fortunately I have found when my boyfriend is over that we work together nicely. He’s good about helping me do my dishes when we’re done cooking and understands that there are times when I just need my space.

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  • othy

    othy March 10, 2013, 7:12 pm

    The one thing I miss is being able to watch my guilty pleasures on TV without fear of being judged. Yes, I just watched a marathon of What Not To Wear, followed by a Law and Order SVU marathon. Your point? For a while, I got to watch those shows at the gym. But then he decided to start coming to the gym with me. Of course, I’d much rather he come workout with me, but every once in a while, I wanna watch my trashy shows without judgement πŸ™‚

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  • avatar

    Marcie March 11, 2013, 8:44 am

    When I lived in my own place by myself, I didn’t have cable so I didn’t watch live tv that much. This was all before dvr and recording all your shows. I was late to the Sex and the City game, so I would make myself green tea every night, and watch a few episodes on DVD. I do miss living in my condo. I bought it myself and felt like such a bad ass because I could do it and all my friends were getting married and they never did anything like it. I did hate being single so I didn’t really like much about it.

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest March 11, 2013, 10:04 am

    I miss have company over all the time. I can’t really blame that on not being single though, I think its more that all my friends have lives of their own now. Oh well.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark March 11, 2013, 6:54 pm

    I think the only people who miss being single were ever single for relatively short periods of time…

    Reply Link

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