Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread: Wedding War Stories

If the increase of wedding-related columns around here and the invitations you’re likely finding in your mailbox isn’t enough indication, I’ll clue you in: it’s officially wedding season. Some of you may be excited by the idea of attending a wedding or two (or three or five?) this summer, while others may be dreading the increasingly-expensive and time-consuming obligation. Luckily, I fall into the former camp. I’m looking forward to the two weddings I’m attending — one next month and one in August. They’re both out of town and will require overnight stays in hotels, but seeing as Drew and I have only a few months left of baby-free travel, we don’t mind the commute. I bought a cute maternity dress online — not an easy feat! — that fits perfectly (with a little room in the belly to grow) that I can wear to both weddings, since there won’t be any other overlap of guests.

Anyway, whether you’re looking forward to attending a wedding this summer or not, chances are you probably have some wedding horror stories somewhere in your past. If so, now’s your chance to air ’em and share ’em. Maybe it was your own wedding; maybe it was the wedding of a friend or family member or co-worker. Perhaps you went as a date and things went horribly awry. Whatever terrible thing happened, hopefully enough time and distance has passed that you can laugh at it now. And we want to laugh with you, so let’s hear what you’ve got.

Oh, and if you didn’t already know, the image above is from the infamous wedding scene in the movie “The Graduate,” one of the best films of all time. For all your recent college grads out there who have maybe never watched this one, Netflix it right away.

* If you’ve got a suggestion for a future open thread topic, email me at [email protected]

122 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Valerie June 24, 2011, 5:11 pm

    Wendy, LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE the dress you picked out! Which color did you choose?

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      SpaceySteph June 24, 2011, 5:14 pm

      Hope its the blue one… will go great with your hair!

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        Valerie June 24, 2011, 5:24 pm

        That’s what I was thinking too!!

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy June 24, 2011, 5:43 pm

        Yes, the blue one!

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      MsBorgia June 25, 2011, 4:45 pm

      It’s absolutely gorgeous!

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    TheOtherMe June 24, 2011, 5:13 pm

    Well, I can’t share my wedding stories now cause I’m out the door but Wendy, that is a BEAUTIFUL dress, Have a good weekend all, play nice.

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    Yozi June 24, 2011, 5:16 pm

    I’ve been experiencing a wedding drought for the past few years and it made me curious about what age people’s friends start to get married generaly. I have a bunch of friends who got married when they were in their early twenties. They’d been dating for a while in college and decided to tie the knot soon after the graduated. Anyway, now I’m 26 and it seems like very few people I know are getting married/engaged aside from my cousins. & I thought it’d be interesting to know if y’all noticed any general trends in what age your friends got hitched.

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    • Skyblossom

      Skyblossom June 24, 2011, 5:44 pm

      The wedding I attended last spring was for a cousin who was 35. It was her second marriage because she had a brief marriage when she was 19 or 20.

      The next wedding we’re invited to is for a cousin who is 32.

      We haven’t been attending many weddings lately because my husband and I are both 48 and all of our friends are already married and their kids are not yet ready to marry, as in ages ranging from infant to 20. I don’t see any of our kids getting married in their early twenties.

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      LennyBee June 24, 2011, 6:19 pm

      My group of friends had a small wedding boom when we were about 25/26, but it’s been a drought ever since. Seems like everyone else is waiting till 30-ish or later. Mind you, those who got married in their mid-twenties finished undergrad and went to work, the rest of us chose grad school and are either recently out or still in grad school. So I’m expecting another wedding boom at the end of grad school.

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      Quakergirl June 24, 2011, 7:04 pm

      I’m in the thick of the post-college early 20’s boom. I’m 23 and I think 8 or 9 of my friends have gotten married since college or are getting married in the next 3 months. It’s insane. Some of them I totally get, but some of them I just can’t understand why they’re getting married. It’s like the second graduation hits there’s a wave of people who just get married, regardless of whether they even like the person they’re with.

      Of course everyone is now asking when Quakerboy and I are finally getting married– we’ve been together since high school– which is very irritating. We’re getting there people! We’re saving money at the moment, so just chillax, please.

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      LT June 24, 2011, 7:09 pm

      I’m 27, and this is the first big year of weddings. It’s been one every year or two since I was 23. Of the six weddings, none of them are college friends, which I expect that deluge in the next two years. 🙂

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      Morgan June 24, 2011, 7:22 pm

      I have a couple of friends in their early 20’s doing the just graduated from college wave of weddings. I think the next one will be post grad school though.

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      BoomChakaLaka June 24, 2011, 8:04 pm

      I’d be interested in knowing where you guys are from as well. I’m from NY and 25. None of my friends are getting married and I don’t think they will anytime soon. But, all the weddings I have been to are for people that are usually from the South and the Midwest and this is right about the time they want to settle down.

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        Quakergirl June 24, 2011, 8:18 pm

        I’m from Missouri, but I went to college in Philadelphia. I’d say among my friends getting married it’s about 70 percent friends from high school and 30 percent college friends. The regional norms definitely vary, though, because my friends from college who are getting married are seen as getting married young, but my friends from high school getting married are seen as about the right age. People are starting to become concerned about Quakerboy and I, you know, having moving away from our hometown, living together but not married, and with me already at the ripe old age of 23. It’s borderline scandalous.

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        Morgan June 24, 2011, 9:54 pm

        It’s not the norm where I’m from, getting married super young, but where i go to school people are from all over, and its the people from more traditional families/cultures who are getting married at the moment. Super catholic, or midwestern, or, what have you.

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        Yozi June 24, 2011, 11:04 pm

        I went to school in Ohio and grew up on the East coast. Most of my friends that have gotten married already are my MidWestern college friends. I feel like there’s also some kind of correlate between going to a liberal arts college and getting married earlier. Has any one else thought this? I’ve met a lot of young, married kids that went to liberal arts schools. I figure it’s like there was some text they all read in Philosophy 101 that said something along the lines of, “tis better for thine spirit to wed whilst thou is young and fresh from university” and everyone took it to heart.

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        LennyBee June 25, 2011, 12:00 am

        I’m from Northern Ontario, and I agree age at first marriage in my own social group seems more correlated with education. Those who got a degree just to be more marketable on the job market with no particular career in mind did the finish college, get a job, get married, buy house, have babies. Those who went into university with a particular career goal (or grad school aspirations) aren’t yet married. I’m 27.

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        Painted_lady June 25, 2011, 4:14 pm

        I’m from Texas – Houston, specifically – and most of my friends in town aren’t even close to getting married. There’s a couple of married couples in my circle of friends, but even the engaged ones are in zero hurry.

        I think it depends on demographic, honestly. People sort of lump major Southern cities in with the rest of the mostly rural South without taking into account factors like education, career path, world experience, etc that tends to be more of a rural vs urban (or at least suburban) issue than anything else.

        Forgive me if I come off as preachy – I live in the third largest city in the country and I still occasionally get guests from elsewhere who ask if they can ride a horse while they’re here. I live in Texas, folks, not 1887.

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        Jane June 25, 2011, 6:38 pm

        Hey, I live in Houston! I think you’re right in that it’s an urban vs rural thing. Most of my high school friends who never left my small hometown in north Texas got married right after high school and now have lots of babies. Many of my college friends are married/engaged (went to A&M; my friends from UT are still mostly single, so it seems to also be an urban thing there), and most of my Houston friends are single (I’m in my early 20s). And it still makes sense that the trend seems to hold for midwesterners/southerners to get married sooner since the population density is lower, so there are less big cities in concentrated areas.

        I can totally identify with you on the stereotypes. Sure, they exist for a reason, but we are not all ignorant hillbillies who, after killing our own meat every day, sit around the campfire next to our armory and discuss the impending elopement of our two cousins, one of whom got knocked up. However, it does seem to be mostly the media that perpetuates this, as my friends from all over the country/world have been totally open-minded 🙂

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        Painted_lady June 25, 2011, 10:08 pm

        Haha! I lived all over Texas growing up, and yeah, I’ve got a lot of small-town friends who got married right out of high school. I *did* go to A&M for undergrad but I’m the freak in that group for still being single at the ancient age of almost-29.

        And you’re totally right about it being a media-perpetuated stereotype – it’s both hilarious and infuriating watching movies about Dallas and seeing desert in the skyline. I really did have a friend tell me she wanted to come visit me because she wanted to ride a horse, but to be fair, she’s a sweet girl, but…uh, kinda dumb.

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        Jane June 25, 2011, 11:48 pm

        Yeah, I’m the last holdout in my A&M group as well. Whatever, I still get to do what I want 😀

        I also have a friend who visited who wanted to ride horses, but she is already an avid rider in rural PA, so I don’t think that counts.

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      • avatar

        ape_escape June 28, 2011, 7:34 pm

        I’m from Dallas, and went to college in Austin. I’m 23, friends range from 21-25 or so. And the only people I know who are married are a few people from high school who are Mormon.

        ….yeah. So, not so much 🙂

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph June 26, 2011, 12:50 am

        Hey, I live in Houston too! Hi neighbors!

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        Maracuya June 27, 2011, 11:23 am

        Me, too! Yay Houstonians!

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        applescruff June 25, 2011, 7:17 pm

        Rocky Mountain region. Grad school friends were from all over, and their weddings have been staggered. Most have been in their mid-late twenties.

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        spaceboy761 June 27, 2011, 11:29 am

        I’m from NY as well (Long Island). I’m 32, and my friends really didn’t start marrying until two or three years ago. The problem is that the cost of housing is so insanely high in NY that marriage and kids kind of take a back seat for a longer period of time. Extremely of few my friends that went to college had kids before 30.

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      Verdania June 24, 2011, 10:39 pm

      I’m 31 and in Minnesota and just got married three weeks ago for the first time – and of the girls in my close circle, I’m one of the first to do so. I am the eldest of 6 cousins, and our family’s first marriage in literally 30 years was last year when my 29-year-old cousin married, and none of any of us have kids either. I remember commenting at the wedding on how when our parents were the ages we are now, we kids had all been around kindergarten age. Things have definitely changed! I was engaged at 19 and called it off shortly before the wedding plans became real and never looked back. My motto was “Your 20s are the only decade you get to yourself.” I think that’s almost standard now; I’ve hung out in circles where it was almost rude to say you had a boyfriend. It seemed to imply you couldn’t be independent, and the slapping of labels on people such as BF or GF or even the word relationship itself was practically taboo.

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      Kate June 25, 2011, 3:48 pm

      I am from MA, but go to grad school in IL. When I moved here, I was semi-shocked at the amount of young (22-25) people who were married. Most got married immediately after undergrad. I’ve had several students in class who are married.

      In contrast, my friends from home and from grad school (from all over the country) didn’t even consider marriage until they were in their late 20’s. Very few of my friends have kids yet. I think it’s a combination of region and education.

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      MsBorgia June 25, 2011, 4:46 pm

      I just went to my first post-college wedding. The bride was 24 or 25, I’m not sure which…

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      applescruff June 25, 2011, 7:15 pm

      A bunch right after college (so around 22), and a wave last summer (ranged in age from 24-28). I’m 25, and the few single friends I have left (all are either 26 or 27) don’t seem interested in getting married anytime soon. Thank GOD, because I need at least a few single friends left!

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    • avatar

      Christy June 25, 2011, 9:26 pm

      I’m 26 and about half of my friends from college are already married. Of my grad school friends (most who are a few years older than me), only a few are even engaged. But most of my friends from high school who didn’t go to college married much earlier.

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  • avatar

    Wendy June 24, 2011, 5:18 pm

    My former mother-in-law was clearly disgruntled because I wouldn’t have an “opening of the gifts” party the day after the wedding. I had a small, informal wedding, and while we were getting pictures taken after the ceremony, she had all the wedding gifts put in a pile, arranged thirty or so chairs in a circle, and, when we went back to the reception room, made us sit down and have everyone watch us open our gifts like at a child’s birthday party.

    My most sophisticated college friend was in attendance. Her gift was a nice bottle of wine and a pair of play handcuffs. After the horror of gift-opening, she apologized: “Wendy, if I had known other people would see them, I would NEVER have put the handcuffs in there! But I have NEVER been at a wedding where gifts were OPENED before!”

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    • avatar

      Bethany June 24, 2011, 10:05 pm

      I have never in my life heard of opening the gifts at the actual wedding! Who has time for that?! And what guest actually want to watch that??

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      • avatar

        Verania June 24, 2011, 10:24 pm

        WOW. But I have to ask, why did you let her make you open the gifts in front of everyone? This is your wedding, nor hers.

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        Wendy July 1, 2011, 5:23 pm

        I know, right? But not only was I in mid-wedding glow, what was I supposed to do? The gifts were stacked, she had everyone seated, we walked into the hall and she told us what was happening next. I didn’t want to make a scene at my own wedding. Even a polite refusal would have made for an awkward moment. Not as awkward as the gift-opening, I realized in retrospect, but I was put on the spot.

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      • avatar

        SpyGlassez June 25, 2011, 12:39 am

        A friend’s wedding (maybe 8 years ago) was going poorly. Well, the wedding was nice until the best man pretended he’d lost the ring (the bride was sooooo pissed). We got to the reception, having been promised “real food” to find out that this meant beanie weenies, nachos, rolls, and a cheese tray. There was no DJ, just some CDs and a player, but she’d gotten the hall for like 6 hours. Everyone was starving, the music wasn’t anything anyone wanted to dance to, and people were making polite excuses to leave after about an hour of this. So the friend decided they would open their wedding gifts then and there. It was a shameful spectacle, and one I will NOT have at my wedding!

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    Temperance June 24, 2011, 5:22 pm

    My fiance’s sister got married last summer in a “rustic hunting lodge”. Where we’re from, “rusting hunting lodges” aren’t cute or charming, they are usually very utilitarian and downright scary. This one fit that description.

    It wasn’t made for weddings. They tried to spruce it up by hiding some of the movable taxidermies into cabinets and closets, which added an element of surprise for all of us who were looking for a bathroom and were instead greeted by dead racoons or foxes in unnatural poses. They tried to decorate around the other ones, adding flower leis to deer horns and whatnot. They tried to make a dance floor happen by asking guests to shove tables against the wall, but it was not big enough for anyone to dance (except my FMIL, who was drunk and sandwiching her boyfriend with another friend, horrorshow!).

    It had no air conditioning, in July, and it had the largest bugs I have ever seen, save for during “The Mummy”. All of the elderly people were bitching up a storm to whoever who listen, because it was uncomfortable. Let’s just say that a whole bunch of older ladies wearing their “good perfume” while sweating up a storm is not a great smell. It was the hottest, stinkiest, buggiest event of my life … and I’m from the country! So awful.

    This was almost a year ago, heh.

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    Valerie June 24, 2011, 5:23 pm

    Ok, so this isn’t exactly a wedding war story, but it’s my favorite wedding story EVER!

    This past October, my fiance and I went to a wedding for my fiance’s friend. During the ceremony, the grandfather of the bride (the bride’s paternal grandfather), read a passage from “The Art of a Good Marriage.” The couple chose the bride’s grandfather because he had been married to the bride’s grandmother for over 60 years (Grandpa was at least 90).

    So Grandpa reads the passage, and when he finishes, he turns to the bride and groom and says, “you know, I just want to say congratulations and tell you how much I love you kids, and… I hope you have as much SEX as me and my wife!” And everyone bursts out laughing, because if creepy uncle had said that, it would be weird, but in this case it was hilarious!

    So fast forward to the reception–the bride’s father gives the welcome toast and says, “I would like to apologize for my father, what he meant to say was ‘I hope you have as much SUCCESS as me and my wife.'” And we were all like, NOPE, that’s definitely NOT what Grandpa was trying to say, but nice try! 😀

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    • avatar

      LT June 24, 2011, 7:11 pm

      It’s moments like that that make the wedding!

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      ape_escape June 28, 2011, 7:38 pm

      If I ever get married, I’m going to hire a saucy grandpa to crack jokes like that all night.

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    lk June 24, 2011, 6:05 pm

    Ooh… I went to a bad wedding a couple of weekends ago… The minister’s ceremony started with, “I’ve provided pre-marital counseling for Bride & Groom so I know that they are going to be happy together…Over lunch last week they agreed to work on their individual problems & we can all remove the burden from our shoulders because they agreed to put Christ at the center of their marriage.”

    I was so confused & surprised, I actually had a spontaneous coughing fit. Not even a fake coughing fit to cover laughter or tears. A real coughing fit.

    Definitely not improved by the fact that, a few days before the wedding I said to Groom, “I’m excited for the wedding this weekend!” To which he responded, “Why?”

    It’s OK, though, because the wedding was at 10 AM so everyone was drinking on an empty stomach, thus drunk by noon, so nobody minded the sloppy make-out & weird lip-synching during the first dance.

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      Slamy June 24, 2011, 6:38 pm

      Wow. Definitely sounds like a recipe for success.

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    SpaceySteph June 24, 2011, 5:14 pm

    Wedding related question…
    My friend is getting married at 5pm on a Friday in a couple weeks. The wedding is not in a church, both the ceremony and reception are in a reception hall. I think it must be sit down dinner though, since we had to pick meals on the reply card. The bridesmaids are wearing red cocktail length one-strap dresses.
    There was ABSOLUTELY no attire related-information on the invitation, they don’t have a wedding website. I could always go with my standby little black dress but I was hoping to wear something different for once, since I wore the LBD to a mutual friend’s wedding already.
    So, I need the opinion of the DW world… Does this dress seem appropriate? Too short? Too white? Too casual?

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    • avatar

      Valerie June 24, 2011, 5:27 pm

      I think this dress would be PERFECT! It’s super cute! Not too casual, and not inappropriate at all. I might pair this dress with a wrap or a little sweater if the wedding ceremony was in a church, but since it isn’t, I’d say you’re good to go!

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      Fancy Pants June 24, 2011, 6:14 pm

      I’m getting married in a similar situation to your friend – reception hall ceremony in the evening, sit down dinner (Well, wearing a wedding dress, but it’s this one http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Tea-Length-Satin-Gown-with-3D-Floral-Details-WG3165_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Designer-Galina so pretty casual) and as a bride, I’d see the dress you picked as perfectly appropriate attire for my wedding. though I would say bring a pashmina or something – you never know when it will be windy or if the air conditioning in the hall will be really cranked.

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        Slamy June 24, 2011, 6:31 pm

        LOVE your dress!!!

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        Fancy Pants June 24, 2011, 7:46 pm

        Thanks!

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        TheOtherMe June 25, 2011, 8:15 am

        You guys are making me want to get married again !

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      • MissRemy

        Ally June 25, 2011, 7:08 pm

        Really gorgeous dress – different from the standard gown! 🙂

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    AKchic June 24, 2011, 6:26 pm

    Weddings in my family are, well, just weird.
    My uncle went all southern Baptist on us and married a woman from his church. My great-aunt (maternal grandmother’s baby sister) and I were giggling that she looked like a caucasian ogre Fiona in her wedding dress, then giggled about how they actually got my grandpa in a bolo tie and in a button down shirt, but he refused to wear any other pants but his button-fly Levis.
    My mom’s wedding last year got rained out and the deck they wanted to get married on had been grafitied by gang-bangers, so a friend in a hotel managed to get a ballroom really quick for them (score!). I was the only daughter there, video-taping it too. I had three ruptured discs in my lower back and was supposed to be on bedrest, with three of my four kids there (the youngest was sick and home). I was barefoot because I couldn’t walk in my heels. My grandma kept chasing me around telling me that my tattoo was showing and she was NOT having people know she had a heathen sinner for a granddaughter (I have a pentagram tattooed on my left breast, and only the top of it was showing) and to cover up my “tits”. Then she freaked out even more when she found out that I brought a vial of my grandpa’s ashes for my oldest boy to wear on a chain when he gave my mom away (something my mom and I pre-planned). Grandma made it her mission to spoil as much as possible for not being consulted in the planning of the wedding (which she didn’t approve of in the first place).

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    Debbie June 24, 2011, 6:30 pm

    My wedding day had fires and floods.

    At the church as people were being seated before the procession started, the rental company placed a candle a bit too close to a plant up on the church stage and one of the leaves caught on fire. My husband’s awesome best man was so cool about reaching over, pulling out the flaming leaf and patting it down in the dirt of the plant, that he put out the fire and many folks didn’t even notice. (sidenote: I’m so glad my sister realized what a great guy my hubby’s best friend is and married him!)

    Later, at the reception at a hotel, as we’re about to cut the cake, a part of the ceiling falls down…on top of my boss’s husband. Turns out there was a flood on the floor above and it caved in the ceiling. To this day, every time I see him, he still teases me about my wedding.

    So, yeah, really crazy, unfortunate wedding, but we’ve been very happily married for 14 years (and together for 20). I think there was a Sex and the City that said the worse the wedding, the better the marriage. In our case, it seems to have worked out that way. 🙂

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      SpaceySteph June 25, 2011, 9:17 am

      Sounds like my parents wedding, my grandmother always talked about what “automagically disaster” it was… During the ceremony the caterers set off the smoke detector twice while preparing food. Then at the reception my dad was drinking Guinness from a can. Mom made him pour it in a glass which he then promptly got bumped and spilled black beer down my moms dress.
      Guess it was a mini-fire and mini-flood to match your actual fire and flood. But yesterday was their 27th anniversary so guess it wasn’t SUCH a disaster after all!

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        SpaceySteph June 25, 2011, 9:20 am

        “automagically” wtf cell phone?!? That should just be “a disaster” and automagic isnt even a word. This is the rise of the machines!

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        Leyahn June 26, 2011, 10:54 am

        I loved the “automagically” typo!
        Like magic occurring by its own volition.

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    Slamy June 24, 2011, 6:41 pm

    When my mom got married the last time (this is number 4, I am a result of marriage number 2), my sisters and I were the ONLY people in attendance who were on my mom’s side of the family. Literally. It was about 30 members of my new stepdad’s family/friends, and then me and my 2 sisters. It was super awkward and I drank too much wine to calm my nerves and ended up crying through most of the ceremony. They weren’t happy tears, either.

    Then, my mom found out her new husband was sleeping with men behind her back. That marriage only lasted about six months.

    I guess this isn’t really a wedding war story, but definitely the worst wedding I have ever been to.

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    • caitie_didnt

      caitie_didn't June 24, 2011, 10:06 pm

      You win. Or is it lose?

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      SpaceySteph June 25, 2011, 11:54 am

      I think any wedding story that ends with “and then she found out her husband was sleeping with men” definitely wins.

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      Slamy June 27, 2011, 11:00 am

      My poor mother! I’ve got to let her know about her success. 😉

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    sohara June 24, 2011, 6:45 pm

    My friend Mary had VERY SPECIFIC expectations for her wedding. She was a Bridezilla before the term had ever been thought of. She asked me to “be in charge of the guest book” and to “make sure EVERY SINGLE GUEST signs it!” It didn’t sound like fun, but I agreed (actually there was pretty much no way anyone could avoid doing what Mary wanted.) When I arrived at the banquet hall, I looked around for the guest book and the “gorgeous pen with a feather” that was to be used to sign it (I shuddered to think of what Mary might do if she noticed a different color of ink in the book) but could find neither book nor feather pen. When Mary arrived with the wedding party, I told her I couldn’t find the items and asked if she knew where they were. It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room and replaced with an empty cold. Mary turned to her husband of an hour and said in a scarily sweet voice “Arthur, where are the things I told you bring to the hall?” Everyone in the room froze in terror at the tone of her voice and turned slowly towards Art. Art looked scared, but tried to laugh it off. “Rich said he’d bring the box of stuff,” said Art, obviously lying while throwing his friend under the bus. Everyone now turned toward Rich, who gamely said “I’m sorry. I forgot it. I’ll go get it right now.” Mary went nuts, screaming at Art “That’s it. You’re not going on the honeymoon!” Art tried to jolly her out of her bad mood – “Who cares about that stuff, anyway?” Mary went even crazier. “THE CAKE TOPPER IS IN THAT BOX! I WILL NOT GET MARRIED WITH AN EMPTY CAKE!!!!” The bridesmaids and I gathered around to try to calm Mary down, without success. She announced that there would be no reception until the box arrived. Just then the door opened and a group of little old Polish ladies, led by Mary’s mother’s best friend, entered the room, gabbing happily. Mary flew across the room, waving her arms and screaming “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!” Several of the old ladies jumped in alarm, and all of them scurried out of the room as fast as their tiny limbs could go. Mary slammed the door behind them. The women again tried to calm the bride down, and after about half an hour, after I swore that I would get the name and address of every single person in the room once the precious address book arrived (it was an hour and a half trip), Mary allowed the far from festive crowd to enter the room. Eventually the box arrived, and I took it table to table. Yet another disaster occurred after dinner. Mary’s godmother got up and said, in a voice that had obviously enjoyed several alcoholic beverages, “I am Mary’s godmother. As is tradition, I will now start the dancing with Mary’s father.” Everyone was totally baffled by this, as it was a tradition no one had ever heard of, and we were pretty sure Mary would be having none of it. As the godmother walked up to the table where Mary’s father was sitting, Mary said (in the scary sweet voice with an edge hard as concrete) “I believe the tradition is for the bride to dance with her father. AND THAT’S WHAT I’M GOING TO DO.” She turned her basilisk glare upon her godmother, whose pretensions to tradition immediately crumpled, and pulled her father on to the dance floor. The rest of the wedding reception was unremarkable. Art apparently soothed her to the extent that she agreed that she would go with him on their honeymoon. Sadly for all concerned, there was bad weather and the flight to Hawaii was cancelled. They left the following day, arrived at the hotel and were shown a room overlooking the parking lot. Naturally, Mary was having none of that and threw a fit until they got a better room. To the amazement of everyone, they remained married for almost ten years, when Art announced that he had knocked up another woman and wanted a divorce. Mary was single for a few years, became less of a bitch, and married her long time boyfriend in a hilarious Elvis impersonator ceremony in Las Vegas, attended by only her best friend and her husband. Mary and her new husband seem very happy.

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      BoomChakaLaka June 24, 2011, 8:14 pm

      Is this real? I almost want to hear the rest of this “story”

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      ForeverYoung June 24, 2011, 10:59 pm

      This is my new favorite wedding story.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark June 25, 2011, 1:11 pm

        Really? I hate it. Some deranged and deludedly self important bitch puts everybody through absolute HELL for her crappy ass wedding which doesn’t even last a decade, surprise, surprise! Then, in the end, she ultimately triumphs and finds true love?

        Gag. Barf. Vomit.

        The only way I would like this wedding would be if she somehow was cursed all her (hopefully) short life and died penniless and alone in a filthy gutter sobbing and wondering why she “mysteriously” had not a friend in the world.

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        ForeverYoung June 25, 2011, 5:18 pm

        Sorry, apparently my sarcasm didn’t transmit.

        Everyone loves a train wreck. In this case I would also like an update from the impending explosion as well.

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        Fancy Pants June 26, 2011, 2:20 am

        I understood your sarcasm, and I agree. The part of the story I liked best was when Art knocked up some other woman. What a punch line.

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        ele4phant June 26, 2011, 10:25 pm

        Yeah, so this isn’t a piece of fiction, its what happened. Sorry it didn’t conclude in a way you found satisfying or appropriate, but that’s life.

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      sohara June 27, 2011, 4:25 pm

      Just another update. This is absolutely a true story and it’s the favorite wedding story of everyone who attended. The bridesmaids and I were childhood friends of Mary.

      I neglected to mention that while Mary was having her fit, the whole thing was being videotaped, since she apparently either didn’t realize how bad she was coming off or that she was being taped. I think she DID realize how bad she was when she saw the tape, because numerous people have BEGGED her to see the tape, but I only saw it once or twice (perhaps before she caught on to how bad she came off.) We asked again after she remarried, but did not get to see it again. (I suspect she might not have wanted to terrify her new husband.)

      As far as Art knocking up his girlfriend, Mary suspected Art was seeing someone and convinced me to drive her around to various bars where she thought he might be straying. (I can’t explain the strange power she wields.) After he left her and remarried, he had three babies in three years, and lived in one bedroom, fourth floor walkup with the wife and kids, no air conditioning. That did bring Mary some shameful joy as she imagined the stench of diapers in 90 degree heat and the joy of carrying three kids up all those stairs.

      Mary met the new guy on the Internet and they lived together for 7 or 8 years before they got married. The new husband is a really nice guy and we didn’t think it would last, but she really has changed. She always expected that if something happened, she would finally be happy (if she got married, if had a house in the suburbs, if she got a certain job) and was baffled when the thing happened but she still wasn’t happy. I saw her after her (second) wedding, and she seemed happy and said she was content. She liked her job, where they were living, etc. Although she does not come off well in the wedding story she can be a generous, loyal and loving friend.

      I’m happy for her.

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    Lulu June 24, 2011, 7:00 pm

    My parents got married on the day that Mount St. Helen erupted. Certainly an omen of how the marriage wasn’t going to last.

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    Morgan June 24, 2011, 7:15 pm

    The only wedding I’ve ever been to was when I was three (though the wave of friends getting married has officially begun: 1 in July, 1 in August). My mom was maid of honor, I think before she was pregnant with my sister, though it can’t have been by much, not sure exactly. I started tap dancing on the pew in the back about halfway through the ceremony. I actually vaguely remember this, its one of my earliest memories. I’ll do my best to avoid dancing on any raised surfaces at my friends’ weddings this summer, as it is less socially acceptable now.

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    LT June 24, 2011, 7:16 pm

    I went to a wedding where the groom’s mother threw a fit when she couldn’t have the mother/groom dance before the bride/groom first dance. The power play sent the bride to the bathroom in tears.

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    callmehobo June 24, 2011, 7:25 pm

    Have you guys ever seen the wedding scene in “The Princess Bride”? The one where Peter Cook speaks with a funny accent about “mawwiage”?

    I went to that wedding. A close friend of my brother’s got married and I swear the officiant could NOT pronounce his R’s- they all came out as W’s. I almost LOST IT. I was trying so so SO hard not to laugh, but I was shaking by the end of the ceremony- where instead of the candle lighting ceremony, they opted to symbolize their marriage with a knotted rope. The preacher said “wope” about 16 times before the gwoom was awwowed to kiss his bwide.

    I also once went to a protestant ceremony that was TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG. It was a New Years Eve ceremony and the very religious couple wanted to serve the Lord’s Supper to their guests- so instead of logically passing the baskets up and down the rows, the ushers came and got every one of the 200+ guests row by row so they could receive the communion personally from the bride and the groom. We all sat their quietly for an hour and a half while that went on. Ugh.

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      Morgan June 24, 2011, 7:29 pm

      Mawidge, mawidge is what bwings us hewe togewer today. Wuve, twoo wuv….that dweam, within a dweam…

      I would have DIED

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        callmehobo June 24, 2011, 8:12 pm

        I almost had to excuse my self. I literally was shaking to try and keep from exploding with laughter!!

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      Quakergirl June 24, 2011, 7:55 pm

      One of my all time favorite movies. Whenever I get wedding overload from all my friends getting married I YouTube that scene.

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      Buzzelbee June 24, 2011, 8:19 pm

      When my husband and I got married we used that quote as the front of our wedding website. I was shocked when my father asked me what it was from.

      And I would absolutely have laughed out loud.

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      SpyGlassez June 25, 2011, 12:49 am

      Ok, thumb me down if you will, but the BF and I are talking marriage. The priest at the church I go to is Vietnamese, and still has a thick accent. The BF and I want to ask him to do that part of that speech, because I’m pretty sure that is exactly what it will sound like!

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        Fancy Pants June 26, 2011, 2:25 am

        Ehhh, SpyGlassez, I’d get a kick out of it if you just had a friend throw out an imitation for fun, and I totally get what you’re getting at, but I think it might be a really bad idea.

        While some people would obviously get that you’re recreating that scene in the movie, other people might think you’re making a joke at an immigrant’s expense and see it as in poor taste. Also, would the priest know why you were making him do the reading, and possibly why people are laughing at him? Or might he end up feeling hurt or feel self conscious and wonder if he has embarrassed himself or feel like people are making fun of his accent?

        Basically I think it would be better if it was done with someone who was in on the joke, so that you’re laughing with them rather than at them, if that makes sense. Maybe have a friend who’s seen the movie do it as a reading?

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    Addie Pray June 24, 2011, 6:36 pm

    This thread reminds me of my favorite wedding video – do NOT invite this girl to your wedding:

    Though, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at this wedding. Well, on a stable wall.

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      BoomChakaLaka June 24, 2011, 8:10 pm

      That was the first time I’ve ever seen that video. And I cannot stop laughing!

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      Valerie June 24, 2011, 8:35 pm

      I’ve seen this video before and every time I watch it, it makes me laugh so hard! The look on the bride’s face in the beginning of the video is just priceless!

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2011, 8:31 am

        And her [bloody] face at the end too!

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      neuroticbeagle June 25, 2011, 10:39 pm

      stripper pole, tent pole same difference right? 😉

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        Addie Pray June 26, 2011, 8:31 am

        Hey, honest mistake. 🙂

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    Anna June 24, 2011, 8:21 pm

    Last summer, my boyfriend and I were both in my brother’s wedding. My brother is very religious (like my entire family) and against drinking but his bride (now wife) is much more liberal and does drink. After they argued about whether or not to have alcohol at the wedding at all, they settled on just a champagne toast. It was crazy for me to even have a drink of champagne with my parents there, but I decided that I am a big girl at 27 yrs old and didn’t care. So my boyfriend and I started sipping, then grabbed a few of the extra bottles and were having a good old time socializing with the rest of the bridal party. Meanwhile, my parents and their religious friends were sitting a few tables away glaring at us the whole time. Their eyes could have burned holes through us. After the dinner, we decided it was time to leave the reception since it was clear that fun was not allowed there.

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  • katie

    Katie June 24, 2011, 8:32 pm

    after reading all the wedding letters on here, and the replies, i just keep repeating to myself “i will not be a bridezilla, i will not bankrupt my bridal party, i will have a fun day” over and over and over….

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    • katie

      Katie June 24, 2011, 8:55 pm

      “i will not demand parties like bridal showers and bachelorette outings, i will not demand that they are at an expensive location, i will not demand certain presents or any presents at all”

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        sarita_f June 27, 2011, 3:39 pm

        GO YOU.

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    SGMcG June 24, 2011, 9:53 pm

    The last wedding I went to was the first wedding I attended with my husband. It was a backyard affair at the lake house of the bride’s parents. The first disaster happened the night before the wedding, during the rehearsal dinner. Taking a cue from what we did at our wedding, the bride’s mother, my husband’s cousin, wanted the rehearsal to take place with a buffet to follow for the family (local and out-of-state) to bond. The groom’s aunt was acting as defacto wedding planner, since it was something she apparently did professionally. Well, I don’t know how professional she is, because during the rehearsal dinner, she got angry that no one was listening to her and drove 4-hours home. This was especially bad because the aunt was apparently the person who arranged for the wedding cake for tomorrow to be ordered, and no one knew if the order was even placed.

    Our family hustled to get a cake as needed and make sure everything was settled for the wedding the next day. It was a beautiful ceremony, and the weather was perfect. The bride was all set to walk into her wedding music, and she started walking in, when the music re-cued and started from the beginning again. The bride’s parents hired “BJ the DJ” based on the fact that he was the DJ for many a church picnic party. BJ just let the music go into an endless loop of re-cues to serve as the bride’s wedding march. That botched job ended up setting the rest of the tone for the immediate reception that followed – BJ didn’t use the right song for the first dance or the bride’s dance with the father, BJ constantly interrupted the songs playing with exclamations of “Are y’all having a good time?” and he partook himself of the beer offered, as evidenced by his slurring speech to the crowd. When his services were terminated early, I was told one of the guests had to act as his designated and he wouldn’t leave unless he took one of the beer can koozies that the bride made to designate family members. They were awesome koozies in her wedding colors and they said “To have and to hold and to keep your beer cold.” I still have mine. 😀

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    MissDre June 24, 2011, 10:47 pm

    I just read that New York has legalized same sex marriage!! A lot more happy couples will be able to celebrate their own weddings this year 🙂 Congratulations New York!

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      Lydia June 25, 2011, 1:15 pm

      Okay, I hope that whoever thumbed this down messed up on a finicky touch screen or something… If not, wtf?!

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark June 25, 2011, 1:31 pm

        I wouldn’t count on it… The whole gay marriage thing totally FREAKS some people out. Usually it’s the same (STR8?) closet cases that flirt with me at IKEA while their clueless wives are off trying to find the perfect towels or something…

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        Lydia June 25, 2011, 4:59 pm

        Yeah, I know that, sadly, there are still plenty of bigots out there. I was just surprised because the Dear Wendy generally seems a lot better than that.

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        Lydia June 25, 2011, 5:00 pm

        augh, I meant the Dear Wendy *readership. I’m forgetting entire words now, apparently.

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    RavageMaladie June 24, 2011, 11:57 pm

    When I was 15 I had a Spanish boyfriend whose grandmother was getting married in a little village in Spain. His grandfather had passed away several years earlier and she and her new boyfriend wanted to make it official.

    The ceremony was an idyllic affair in a small church in the Spanish country side – so far so good. I even sort of enjoyed myself, in spite of not speaking Spanish and being the youngest person there.
    At the wedding dinner, I felt like I was in a Bertolli-commercial, being surrounded by about forty Spanish family members drinking wine and using their hands, feet and the table to express their various levels of happiness for the bride and the world in general.

    Then, as a sort of desert surprise, a mysterious cake was wheeled in and unveiled with a lot of gusto. It turned out to be – a giant penis.
    Apparently, this is custom in some parts of Spain – a sort of ‘look what you’ll be missing out on’-type of joke. Unfortunately, the custom does not exist in the part of Spain the groom is from.

    Slowly the atmosphere turns. People start to whisper, my boyfriend is looking increasingly squeamish. I don’t understand a word of what’s going on.
    Suddenly, the groom gets up, hits the table with his fist and starts screaming. Immediately, four identical brothers on the other side of the table get up to meet his challenge. In no time, the whole table is on their feet and involved in a yelling contest.

    The groom is mad because he feels his bride is being disrespected. This however is disrespectful to the bride’s family, because her nephew is the baker of the giant penis. Glasses get knocked over, hairdos unravel. The bride, strapless gown precariously low on considerable chest, cries her make-up down her cheeks while shuffling to the ladies’. Six aunts follow and refuse to come out of there for the rest of the evening. The groom broods over several whiskeys until thouroughly drunk, while people slowly trickle out, whispering to each other.

    And then my boyfriend’s hip older nephew invites us to go to a cool night club down the road in Playa d’Aro with him and his glamorous girlfriend. And we’re 15, and got a little more than we bargained for, so we go. And we have an epic night after all.

    The argument has never entirely been settled, though.

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      beans629 June 25, 2011, 8:38 pm

      I call fake on this one. Sorry. What kind of parents let their 15 yr old daughter go unsupervised to a foreign country with her boyfriend? Better yet, what traditional Spanish parents would allow their 15 yr old son to bring along his girlfriend to a family wedding in a foreign country?

      Actually, this sounds like a really bad plot to a racy ‘teen’ romance novel.

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        Rachel June 25, 2011, 11:09 pm

        Maybe she lived in Spain when she was 15…

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        RavageMaladie June 26, 2011, 8:50 am

        I’m Dutch, my boyfriend was half-Dutch half Spanish, and his mom was our chaperone. And why would my parents allow that? Because they’re very liberal, Dutch, trusting and generally awesome.

        Don’t assume you know everything.

        I am a writer of racy novels though, so I’ll consider this a compliment.

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        Emsz June 26, 2011, 12:55 pm

        Plus, if you’re in Europe, it’s really not that big of a deal.

        I’m also Dutch, btw 🙂

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        Lydia June 27, 2011, 1:43 am

        *joins the Dutch party*

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    Laurel June 25, 2011, 1:46 am

    Last summer my boyfriend and I went to his cousin’s wedding in Indianapolis. She is Catholic and her (then) fiance is Indian, so they actually had two ceremonies; a Catholic service in the morning and then a traditional Indian wedding in the evening. He got us a nice hotel room in Carmel (across the street from where the Indian wedding was being held). Both weddings were a blast. My boyfriend had a small part in the Indian wedding because his cousin doesn’t have any brothers so he was her closest male relative. The hotel was swanky and we had awesome morning sex the next day. As we’re having sex, he whispers (for the first time) that he loves me, which given the position I was in kind of did not compute for about 30 seconds. I kind if mumbled “mmm didn’t catch that” but he didn’t repeat himself. We drove back home, I ribbed him a little making sure he didn’t say anything. Then he told me properly that night.

    So obviously I have a pretty good association with weddings.

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      Jess June 27, 2011, 6:16 am

      that’s not a very cute “first i love you” story… :/

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        Sypher June 27, 2011, 10:53 am

        Why is your opinion the only one that matters? It’s not your story feelings or emotions. Why are you judging her experience? So what if it’s not cute to you?

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    Silviar June 25, 2011, 2:47 am

    When I was at my aunt’s wedding (being a young 20 year old college kid at the time), I had a great time watching this high-end, upscale Catholic wedding go down in DC, complete with high church service and an amazing reception venue.

    Well, the entire thing goes off without a hitch, and I wasn’t too surprised, as this has always been the family that behaves themselves – until the very last moment, when an extremely drunk middle-aged woman who either thought she was a Spanish flamenco dancer or wanted to be one (she had a saucy LBD and a nifty black comb/fan thing in her hair), threw her shawl across her shoulders, marched up to my stepmom, and full-on kissed her before striding out! My stepmom sort of staggered and went O.o – I never realized that internet face was real until that day.

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      ape_escape June 28, 2011, 8:26 pm

      that is fantastic.

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    ReginaRey June 25, 2011, 9:48 am

    I don’t really have any horror stories, but I did attend an extremely strange wedding once in which my cousin married a stripper. She had long, curly red hair and opted for a lime green mermaid style wedding dress, which effectively made her look exactly like a real mermaid. Her bridesmaids, a few of which were also strippers, were adorned in a rainbow of bright colored dresses – bright yellow, hot pink, neon orange, etc. Their wedding cake was also lime green with different rainbow-esque colors adorning it, and we spent the majority of the time trying to run away from the bride’s parents, who would corner you and talk to you about your aura and ask us if we’d ever encountered any ghosts or spirits or had ever spoken to the dead. When they weren’t doing that, they were swaying on the dance floor and staring into space. It was a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. OH, and the best part. The bride and I share the same first same, and the cousin she married shares my last same…so now the mermaid stripper bride who communes with the dead shares my EXACT name.

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      Fancy Pants June 25, 2011, 12:17 pm

      I’m really jealous of you. And I mean that sincerely.

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    applescruff June 25, 2011, 7:35 pm

    I posted this on another thread, but I’m posting it again.

    At my friend C’s wedding, we were coming to the end of the reception when a drunk childhood friend grabs the mic from the band and says that all the single girls are waiting for their own happy ending and so need a bouquet toss. C says, I’m not throwing my bouquet, sorry. She demands it, and eventually someone ties a few roses together and gives them to C. The drunk friend is the only person out on the floor to catch the “bouquet.” C gives it a half-hearted toss. Out of nowhere, our friend B tackles the drunk friend, and steals the bouquet from her! She said she felt like the moment needed some drama.

    My friend K scheduled her wedding during the Rocky Mountain “monsoon” season. We made it thru the ceremony fine, but then it started pouring. They didn’t have a backup for weather, just a tent. So after everything was getting muddy and people were starting to leave, she said they were going to transfer the party to a bar in town. “Town” in this case had a population of about 500. So we all caravanned down there, where the live cowboy band said they had never had such a well dressed group of dancers, and they appreciated it – even though they weren’t the most appropriate wedding band since most of their songs were about murder and cheating on your spouse.

    At S’s wedding, she refused to put on her wedding dress until 5 minutes before the ceremony, saying she would do it when the chairs were set up, when the minister arrived, etc, until finally her bridesmaids cornered her with the dress and demanded she put it on.

    And at G’s wedding, there were centerpieces with pretty little sticks and tiny goldfish – almost all of whom were dead by the end of the reception.

    I’ve been a bridesmaid a LOT.

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    • katie

      Katie June 25, 2011, 9:44 pm

      those are great stories lol

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      Fancy Pants June 26, 2011, 2:31 am

      Your friend B sounds hilarious.

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        applescruff June 26, 2011, 7:40 pm

        She’s the best!

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      PinkPanther June 27, 2011, 8:21 pm

      Hahah Goldfish! When my father got remarried they had centerpieces with goldfish as well. My aunt’s inebriated boyfriend decided to see how the fish would fair in alcohol. After watching the fish for a little while, he decided he was finished and drank the beer, swallowing the fish along with it.

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    Steelbird June 25, 2011, 9:17 pm

    I’m currently in the middle of my own wedding drama, although I have to thank you guys, reading some of these stories makes me hopeful everything will turn out ok. Some of you might remember part of this story from a few weekends ago when I posted a desperate SOS to the Weekend Open Thread. My fiance and I got engaged in January. We are doing an interfaith marriage so the first order of business was to find a rabbi who actually would do an interfaith ceremony. We found someone fairly easily, booked him, the pastor, the photographer, and the venue for a Saturday next June. For those of you who are unaware, generally Saturday is not ok for Jewish weddings but our rabbi said it would be ok as long as we had the ceremony in the evening. We had been keeping both sets of parents aware of all our plans and everyone seemed perfectly happy. Well in May suddenly my fiance’s parents were not ok with a Saturday wedding. They flipped out at my fiance and demanded we change the date. They, and other members of his extended family, literally screamed at him for a month solid. Originally he was going to keep our date and tried to explain to everyone why we wanted a Saturday wedding but that wasn’t good enough for them. The fact that weddings are supposed to be about the bride and groom didn’t particularly matter to them. My own beliefs and the things I am giving up for this marriage weren’t important to them, they wanted their own way no matter what. My mother suggested keeping the date, doing the Christian part of the ceremony at the time we had planned then do the Jewish part after the sun had gone down. That was not ok because then the Jewish part is just an afterthought and not as important. Same with the suggestion that we do the Jewish part Sunday morning. They finally wore my fiance down enough that he was about to throw in the towel, he has a small family and many were threatening not to come to the wedding at all if it was on Saturday which made me even more angry. Finally, my boss came up with the suggestion of doing the Jewish ceremony Friday before sundown and before the rehersal dinner. That way it wouldn’t seem like we were blowing off the importance of the Jewish ceremony and we would still have a little party afterwards to celebrate it, then everyone who is comfortable is welcome to the ceremony Saturday and everyone who attended either ceremony or both will be invited to the reception Saturday night. There are still huge details to work out in all of this but now my fiance’s family has stopped screaming at him and are actually happy about the wedding again. And I will be offically married in the eyes of absolutely everyone involved by the end of the day Saturday and I couldn’t be happier.

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      applescruff June 26, 2011, 7:43 pm

      What a mess! As far as Jewish tradition goes, there’s no reason why you couldn’t have everything happen Saturday after sunset. I mean, if the rabbi oks it, that’s insane his family wouldn’t come. I hope everything turns out wonderfully for you!

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        spaceboy761 June 27, 2011, 11:22 am

        Absolutely. Me (Catholic) and Spacewife (Jewish) were married last summer in a Saturday ceremony after sundown. The only glitch was that sunset in July is relatively late, so we had a 7:30 ceremony with a 8:00 cocktail and 9-1 reception… your older relatives will probably get cranky. We cut the cake earlier than usual and provided an 11:30 limo bus for them. We also took all pictures before the ceremony, which some people may not be cool with. All together, it wasn’t too difficult to pull off.

        Also, if your community has an interfaith religious council (like ours did), it can be a lifesaver. The priest and rabbi that chaired the council had performed close to 30 interfaith ceremonies together and everything went fairly smoothly for us. Of course, your level of observance might monkey wrench all of this. My wife practices Reform and my parish is fairly progressive, so compromises weren’t entirely difficult. That may or may not fit your situation.

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      Bethany June 27, 2011, 12:03 pm

      I think that’s a great compromise, but I’m sorry that you had to go through all that!! It’s the worst when you get everyone to agree on something and then they change their minds after the decision has been made!!

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  • seven7three

    seven7three June 26, 2011, 2:15 am

    The very first wedding I was in was that of my mom’s best friend. I was 5 at the time and was the flower girl. It was in 1986, so the dresses were all huge, fluffy and I had a gigantic hoopskirt. Mom, the bride and I had rehearsed a hundred times where I would walk, what I would do and how I would sit down in THAT SKIRT as the ceremony got underway.

    So, the adults make their way down the isle. Next is me. I’m almost to my “finish line”…the groom is tearing up, seeing his beautiful bride. As I go to sit down, the hoopskirt flies up, flipping my entire dress over my head! The entire crowd erupts in to laughter. Luckily for me, I had these lacy bloomer-type things on, so I was spared in that the entire wedding party didn’t see my My Little Pony underpants.

    In 2006, they celebrated 20 years and called me after viewing the wedding video. It’s something that everyone giggles at, even today.

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      Slamy June 27, 2011, 11:11 am

      How cute!!!! No wonder they still call you about it.

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      Ladybug June 27, 2011, 11:44 am

      I was also a 5 year old flower girl in my aunt’s 1986 wedding, hoop skirt and all! I managed to keep my dress down, but I played music critic once I was lined up with everyone at the front of the church. My mom had told me that the florist had made my basket pretty heavy, and if I needed to I could set it down once I was in place. What she didn’t mention was that the church organist was rather enthusiastic about his instrument and would be pounding away on it very close to me. After a few chords that I was convinced made my teeth rattle, I set down my basket so I could put my fingers in my ears. Of course, once we saw the wedding video, my little faux pas was completely overshadowed by the rather unusual soundtrack. The camera was propped on a hollow brass railing that ran along the back balcony, and it was actually picking up transmissions from a nearby radio station. On the video, my aunt walked down the aisle to “Mack the Knife,” and had “I Wann Hold Your Hand” played during the vows.

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        PinkPanther June 27, 2011, 8:27 pm

        Mack the Knife! I love it!

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    GertietheDino June 27, 2011, 12:13 pm

    My cousin got married in 1988-89ish) and his very demanding bride wanted to get married on Valentine’s Day (Awww). So their colors were red and white (Awww). Guess who got to wear a red satin dress, trimmed in white lace, complete with a hoopskirt and a lace parisol? Cute, little 8 year old me. The marriage lasted less than 2 years. Even I saw that one coming!

    Also, I am wedding/marriage bad luck…every wedding I have ever been to has ended in divorce.

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    Kim June 27, 2011, 2:20 pm

    My second-cousin’s wedding has one of the worst stories I can think of. The father of the bride (my relative) gave a toast I couldn’t make up if I wanted. He starts by saying that when he first met the groom, he wasn’t so sure about him. He was “brown”, had bad teeth, didn’t have a good job, etc… Well, with a lot of work, he’s doing a lot better – they got his teeth fixed, he has a better job, and so on. Plus, he’s shown he’s dedicated to the daughter because he turned down the 10k bribe the father had offered him to leave his daughter. He continues by saying how proud he is of his daughter. She’s so “determined.” When she kept trying out for a cheerleading squad, she was never good enough to make it, but she kept trying out and trying out and eventually they gave in a let her on the squad. The entire toast was a list of insults passed off as compliments – there are plenty more examples but it was almost 10 years ago, so I don’t remember all the details. The guests all had their jaws dropped by the end of it.

    The only “good” things about this were that the groom had very little family there to be offended, the bride didn’t seem to notice how insulting the wedding toast was (the father is a huge douche, so she must have somehow adapted over the years to not noticing this stuff), and somebody got it on video tape. We were talking with the bride at the reception, and she specifically said how the wedding was going so much better than she had expected.

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    MsMisery June 28, 2011, 10:58 am

    I’ve been invited to a bridal shower for someone in my step-family that I don’t even know, and I’ll be one of a few people that speak English (that part of the family is fluent in Polish, and while they also speak English, use Polish when in the company of other Poles). So. No. I won’t be going to that shit.

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    Verdania June 28, 2011, 9:54 pm

    I got married three weeks ago, and being a huge DIY chick I coordinated everything myself. Crafted the invites and did all the envelope calligraphy by hand, made my own batches of both red and white wine with personalized wedding labels to gift to the guests, assembled the centerpieces, etc… and followed in my mother’s footsteps and sewed my own dress. I spent the six weeks before the wedding living and breathing that pattern, taking it slow and agonizing over every detail. I even sewed it twice, first once in cheap muslin to learn the pattern (good thing too! I took the whole dress in two sizes because the measurements on the pattern were WAY off) and then the real dress in 100% peau de soie silk. (Paid $500 in materials – would have paid $2K or more in the store!)

    However! I also followed my mother’s footsteps by not getting to the finishing until the day before the wedding, FUN! I installed the zipper the day before the wedding and accidentally cut off the top, good thing I’m two minutes from a fabric store so I was at least able to sew the replacement zipper in within an hour. The rest of the night was spent hand-stitching the details of the bodice and being utterly unable to sleep; was awake until 7am, when i finally made myself lie down and close my eyes. 90 minutes later everyone is up and my sister/MOH helps me with the fitting of the dress. It looks beautiful and then BAM the effing zipper effing breaks. It opened and could not be zipped up OR down. The dress was STUCK on me; we couldn’t zip the zipper but it held together enough to prevent getting the damn dress off.

    I am not kidding I spent a good 15 minutes wearing a broken dress, channeling all my energy into not curling up on the floor and weeping openly – 6 hours from the ceremony.

    After no small amount of struggle we got the dress removed and started googling tailors and seamstresses, me being an hour away from my sewing machine at this point. This being 8am on a Saturday, I dialed 4 businesses before anyone even picked up the phone – a retired lady working out of the home who was recovering from back surgery and could barely walk. She sounded like she had her reservations but agreed to help if we brought all materials to her. We rushed around in a unfamiliar city, found a fabric store that carried the exact invisible zipper that broke, bought it and and a regular clunky ugly zipper just in case. Good thing too! After we tried the dress on with the new zipper installed IT BROKE JUST LIKE THE FIRST ONE. Even the seamstress started swearing at this point, hilariously grandma-style. Told us to call the zipper company. So the regular clunky ugly zipper goes in, and I finally have a dress three hours before the ceremony! GAH!! And the sweet little old lady, after working on my dress for two hours, only charged me $25. I gave her $50. 🙂

    So the moral of the story is, start your dress six months in advance and not six weeks! But the ceremony and reception were beautiful and everyone said it was the most fun wedding they’d ever been at. Hooray!

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