Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread: What Would You Change About Your Significant Other?

By now, I have written ad nauseum about how awesome Drew is and what a great husband and father he is and how much I love him and yada, yada, yada. You’re probably sick of it. So, here’s something: we are not a perfect match. Oh, we’re a good match, for sure. We get along well, have a lot in common, share similar values and longterm lifestyle goals, enjoy the same types of vacations (lots of wine and cheese, please, and super luxe sheets, thanks), and like each other a lot. But there’s one thing on which we are not well-matched and that’s the fact that neither of us is comfortable driving. I should say that I at least have a license and many years of experience driving on all types of roads: city streets, highways, suburban sprawls, country roads, etc. I am more comfortable on some than others (country roads, take me home), but have always been happy letting whomever I happen to be dating or hanging out with do the majority of the driving. That is, until I met Drew.

Drew was born and raised in Manhattan and never learned to drive. He has a state ID rather than a driver’s license and though he’s now had a couple of lessons, he’d probably rather watch an entire episode of “The View” than take a spin around, say, Brooklyn, and try to parallel park on our crowded street. Unfortunately, that means if we’re ever to be the kind of family that takes road trips or even shuttles our kids to soccer practice or what have you, I’ll be the designated driver. Which makes me about as happy as the thought of a year-round football season.

So. If you were to ask me if there was anything I’d change about Drew it would be only this: I’d make him an awesome and enthusiastic driver. It wouldn’t hurt if he were addicted to giving be amazing back rubs either.

What would you change about your significant other?

178 comments… add one
  • avatar

    britannia March 16, 2012, 4:15 pm

    I’m currently working on it, but I definitely want my SO to gain some weight. He’s so skinny that his entire upper arm is the same width as his elbow and he has no muscle in his legs. I worry about him! I’ve already put 7 pounds on him (I love to cook), but he really needs a solid 20 pounds before he is on the healthy side of skinny.

    The only other thing? When I say, “I don’t care, you decide” about something like plans, I really mean it. I’ve already reviewed the options and I just don’t give a shit about which we end up doing, so I want him to decide. But he never even tries to decide anything! Honestly, I just want him to say “Eff it, let’s go to option A/B/C” so that I’m not riddled with indecision about what option will make him happier.

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    • avatar

      Eagle Eye March 16, 2012, 4:37 pm

      Are we dating the same man?

      Because I cannot seem to keep my bf within a normal person weight, I cook and cook, and give him great lunches to take with him to work and then he forgets to eat or else he eats all of the cookies I bake, grows this adorable tummy and then loses it a week later and hes back to being skinny again. Sometimes I hug him and it’s like, where’d he go?

      Also, I would like it if he could just make a unilateral decision if I don’t care and don’t feel like making the decision for once. Sometimes I don’t want to decide where to go for dinner, because, I honestly don’t care and will eat anything, just make a decision!

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      • avatar

        britannia March 16, 2012, 4:52 pm

        I certainly hope not! Lol 🙂 Although, if our guys are doppelgangers, I have to congratulate you on having an otherwise AMAZING boyfriend!

        I think that it’s a combination of metabolism and just plain laziness, with my guy. He has a superhuman metabolism, but if no one puts food in front of him he simply doesn’t feed himself, unless there’s a restaurant nearby and he’s already out of the house. He’s working on it, though.

        The unilateral decisions thing – YES! I’m a person who loves all kinds of food, literally everything. But he is kinda picky, so why doesn’t he take the responsibility for making sure we go somewhere that will assuredly make him happy? I have tried to do the whole “explain what the problem is in this communication dynamic and ask how we can resolve the issue” and it hasn’t helped much. Sometimes we go back and forth – you decide, no you decide – until I give him a death stare and say, “You. Decide.” and then run into the bathroom to “fix my makeup” or something. That seems to work pretty well.

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      • avatar

        AllegroFox March 16, 2012, 5:18 pm

        Ohh man guys, I have the exact same and yet opposite problem 😛 My dude is convinced he needs to lose all this weight, and I DON’T WANT HIM TO. I mean, I’ll be fine with it if he does. But usually I have to be all “NO! I like your tummy! It’s cuddly! And nice to hug! And I can use it like a pillow!”

        And we too, do the “you decide.” “no, you decide.” “no, YOU.” thing.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson March 16, 2012, 5:58 pm

        Ugh I wish my husband was like that. He has first child syndrome where he has to be in charge of all decisions and is super picky about everything. He will sometimes come up with an idea and then even veto that! His own idea! It drives me crazy.

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      • fast eddie

        fast eddie March 16, 2012, 7:13 pm

        My wife rubs my budda belly for luck. I tell to rub a lower if she want’s to get lucky. 😉

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki March 17, 2012, 11:53 am

        You sound like my husband!

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      • buttoned

        buttoned March 16, 2012, 6:47 pm

        Ah, my boyfriend is the same. Somehow he eats and eats, and doesn’t gain a pound. I’m almost jealous.. (Actually, I am jealous..) I’ve been trying to get him to gain weight by feeding him protein filled food, but to no avail! Now I’m just trying to convince him to eat less unhealthy foods (ah, the college diet), so that he’ll at least be skinny AND heart healthy!

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      • avatar

        Britannia March 17, 2012, 11:19 am

        I’ve found that my boyfriend will eat far more asparagus, couscous, and chicken (for example) than pizza, because the pizza fills him up really quickly with all the grease! It’s just a matter of me trying to find interesting, new ways to serve the same basic, healthy foods to him and then constantly putting a plate in his hand.

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      • avatar

        Eagle Eye March 17, 2012, 12:02 pm

        I’ve learned that the key is to keep him off of greasy food for like a week or two, when I managed to cook consistently over two weeks – he eventually lost the ability to handle greasy foods! Which means that a pizza becomes a special occasion that he’ll have to forget the tummy ache before he orders again…

        Sigh…doesn’t help him gain weight though…

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      • Brad

        Brad March 18, 2012, 11:06 pm

        If you want your BF’s to gain weight then they really need to start lifting weights. That’s the easiest way for men with high metabolisms to gain weight.

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      • avatar

        Jessibel March 18, 2012, 3:58 pm

        Oh lord, I hate that “what do you want for dinner” game too! Whenever I ask “what should we do for dinner” I ALWAYS get a “I don’t care baby, whatever you want” Drives me BONKERS! Please just give me some idea of what you want, or a suggestion of a possibility. I am so tired of always being the one picking, and asking him for some kind of input. So one night I just said “lobster. I want lobster.” He was like “well, that’s pretty expensive, how about we cook some ground turkey from the freezer instead…” So that’s how I’ve been winning that game lately. If I say lobster and am obstinate about it, he’s started suggesting other things. I love him to death and he’s absolutely amazing, and always has my back no matter what, but the only thing I’d really change about him if I could was to make him cook more again. For some reason he rarely cooks anymore. He used to love cooking, but since we’ve moved in together, he’s barely cooked. I am usually gone about 12 hours in a day, while he gets home around 2 in the afternoon. So I get home after a really long day and a very long commute, he’s been home for several hours and I find him either playing video games or surfing the internet, so it frustrates me because I’ve put in a full day at work, spent a few hours getting to and from work, and am exhausted from running/working out/training for races. Then I ask him to either cook or help cook and he jumps up, but is kind of half-assed about it. It would be nice if he could get it through his head (we have had conversations about this before) that having dinner ready when I get home would be awesome.

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      • avatar

        Britannia March 18, 2012, 8:39 pm

        It sounds to me like the dinner thing is actually an issue. My last serious boyfriend did the exact same thing – was home for far longer than I, and was much more physically able than I, but didn’t bother to try to make dinner or otherwise contribute to the household – and I found it to be incredibly inconsiderate, and ultimately, disrespectful. It showed to me that he was a selfish and lazy person. I’m not saying that you should feel that way, or any way, but that’s how it was for me! Maybe having a talk with him about how it would be immensely considerate of him to cook on the nights when you’re home much later than he is would help?

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      • avatar

        Jessibel March 19, 2012, 10:49 am

        Yeah, it is one of the issues we have. I have had conversations with him about it, but it’s usually because he eats lunch later in the day (around 3 or 4) and isn’t hungry at all until around 8 or 9, so he doesn’t think to cook until I come home and am starving after running several miles. I don’t think in his case it’s disrespect, because when I get home and do ask him to cook, he jumps right up, like I said. I think it’s hard for him to cook when he’s not hungry. He contributes to the household in other ways, like cleaning and taking care of the dog, so that’s why I don’t think it’s disrespect, lol. Although, it took a bit of prodding to get him to clean, but that’s because he had had a cleaning lady his entire life until moving in with me…he didn’t even realize what it took to get stuff clean! Now that he knows and understands what goes into it, he’s much more likely to jump up and help.

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary March 16, 2012, 4:21 pm

    This was a hard question for about the first minute, and then I realized: my boyfriend doesn’t like to dance. No, that’s an understatement. He finds dancing in public (and in private) to be mortifying and unnecessary. I don’t know what kind of middle school dance drama was inflicted on him, but he hates to dance.

    I, on the other hand, did 12 years of classical ballet and love to dance in public, in bars, in bathrooms, on my bed, and at weddings. It took him 2 YEARS to dance with me at a bar. And I know, under normal circumstances I say that your partner should do things for you not because they enjoy them but because they are so important to you. But in this case I could see how uncomfrotable he was about dancing in public. Now he has finally loosened up to dancing with me occasionally at bars and giving me a couple of dances at weddings/formal events. I’m so glad we are even at that point!

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    • avatar

      S.B. March 17, 2012, 5:42 am

      Second that. My BF is VERY self-conscious about dancing, which is unfortunate, because here in Scotland, there are ceilidhs for every event– office parties, birthdays, weddings, etc and as a general social thing. And especially since I really enjoy traditional dancing (and getting dressed up– yes, I own a kilt) it’s a bit of a pain that he doesn’t.

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    • avatar

      tania March 17, 2012, 11:57 am

      This. My boyfriend is actually a fun dancer and will dance in a joking way around the apt, but WILL NOT dance in public. Which is sad, because I love dancing. At weddings I can usually get one or maybe two slow dances out of him and then he babysits the drinks while I dance with friends, which is still fun but I wish he would join us and not worry if he looks a bit silly sometimes. I mean, I know I look silly too, but that’s part of the fun, right?

      That and massages. My boyfriend doesn’t really care for massages himself, so he doesn’t know what feels good and always seems worried about hurting me, so he doesn’t do it hard enough. Although he has gotten better over time with some reassurance and coaching.

      Other than that, I really lucked out. He’s kind, generous, caring, compassionate, a good listener, supportive, hot, intelligent…. I guess I can put up with dancing alone and less than ideal massages.

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    • Lyra

      L March 17, 2012, 5:04 pm

      My guy doesn’t mind dancing all that much — but admittedly, he’s bad at it. As in he just kind of flails around. We REALLY need to take dancing lessons…

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  • iwannatalktosampson

    Iwannatalktosampson March 16, 2012, 4:33 pm

    I wish he liked bars more. Not because I want him to be a bar fly or anything, but happy hour is one of my most cherished activities. I can only get him to have drinks if it’s at an off time and not busy. Like 3pm on a Saturday. He hates crowded restaurants, so I have to get my 5pm happy hour fix in with friends.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      Iwannatalktosampson March 16, 2012, 4:50 pm

      Oh and I wish he liked light more. I have no problem having every single light on in the room we are hanging out in, whereas he just wants the light directly by us on. I don’t like to be in the dark unless I’m sleeping. I can’t watch movies, tv shows, or eat in the dark – but he hates watching movies with lights on. I haven’t been to a movie theater in like 3 years because I will just fall asleep. So I wish we weren’t so different in that way.

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      • avatar

        Red_Lady March 16, 2012, 8:46 pm

        Ha, I wish my guy wouldn’t turn so many lights on! He always needs the dining room light on when we eat, even though the table is right next to a large window and it’s quite light outside. I much prefer natural light to artificial.

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  • avatar

    MissDre March 16, 2012, 4:33 pm

    I wish he was more punctual. I am the type of person that’s always 15 minutes early, and if I’m expecting someone I’m prepping hours in advance. I just cannot “chill out” about that sort of thing, even though I’ve tried. He’s so go-with-the-flow and we he says he’ll be over at 6:30 it usually means 7 or 7:30. It drives me nuts. And I can just hang out and do whatever, because what happens if he does show up on time and I’m not ready? I’ll text him and be like, “Are you on your way yet? What time do you expect to be here?” and his answer is always “Soon.” Ahhhhhh!

    Although I’m sure he’s probably thinking, “If I could change anything about my gf I’d make her chill out when it comes to looking at the clock”

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    • avatar

      quixoticbeatnik March 16, 2012, 10:40 pm

      Oh my gosh yes! I wish my bf was more punctual too. I’m always, always on time because that’s how I was raised, but my boyfriend’s like “eh, whatever.” It used to drive me NUTS back when we were first dating, but now that I think about it he’s so much better now. He’s usually on time or only a few minutes late.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray March 16, 2012, 4:35 pm

    I love driving – I hate cars/trucks/blah – but love driving, even in cities like NYC! And if I do say so myself, I’m the Best. Parallel. Parker. Ever. There are two things my dad made me learn at a very, very young age even though all I wanted to do was go outside and play: math and driving. He taught me this fool-proof trick to parallel parking too, works every time. I’ve taught it to several friends who also now claim to be the best parallel parkers ever, thanks to this little trick.

    Sorry, I don’t have a SO so I can’t answer this question. I can tell you what I’d change in my engaged friend. That he’s engaged, to someone else. Sigh. Though, I will say driving has always been an issue in my relationships. Because the guy just assumes he gets to drive and it annoys me, especially when I realize he drives like an idiot. I have a hard time pretending not to care about the driving – so I keep it in – until I get so annoyed and snap and then it all comes spilling out … and I can be mean.

    Ok, I’m going to go watch Mizzou kick ass now. The work day is dunzo.

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    • avatar

      Taylor March 16, 2012, 4:46 pm

      What’s the trick??!!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 16, 2012, 5:25 pm

        I’ve never put it in writing. I should. And then I should get it published copywrited, patented…. Wait, what the heck is the past tense of copywrite?

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      • theattack

        theattack March 16, 2012, 5:29 pm

        Copywritten?

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      • theattack

        theattack March 16, 2012, 5:29 pm

        No, nevermind, that’s not right

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      • theattack

        theattack March 16, 2012, 5:30 pm

        No, nevermind, that’s not right.

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      • Leroy

        Leroy March 17, 2012, 1:46 am

        copyrighted

        it’s a right, not a writing.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 17, 2012, 8:09 am

        *Cringe* – I blame the alcohol for that one. Ok, now I’m going back to moping.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray March 16, 2012, 5:01 pm

      Ugh, Mizzou is playing like poopoo heads. *What* is happening?!

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      • Lili

        Lili March 16, 2012, 5:03 pm

        I know the game is so close. So exciting for me to keep up with 🙂 Thanks for turning me onto March Madness Addie!

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      • avatar

        Pamplemousse Rose March 16, 2012, 5:49 pm

        NOOOOOO!!! If they go out in the first round it’ll kill my bracket. I have them winning the whole thing… And I did so well yesterday (15-1)

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      • Lili

        Lili March 16, 2012, 6:10 pm

        I can’t believe how close the two games I followed today have been. SO exciting. I don’t even have to watch, t he radio at work is entertainment enough!

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      • Lili

        Lili March 16, 2012, 6:54 pm

        And I made friends with the CUTE fed ex guy who hung out by m desk to listen to the game. He was a sad little Mizzou fan. But super cute. Sigh. I’ll keep you all updated on our budding romance. Thank you March Madness.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 16, 2012, 6:19 pm

        This game is making me vomit in my mouth. I’m heartbroken.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson March 16, 2012, 6:32 pm

        I’ve never even heard of Norfolk St (I’m a march madness virgin) so I’m not even convinced it’s a real place.

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      • avatar

        Ladybug March 16, 2012, 8:02 pm

        I’m a Kentucky native and a UK fan, so March Madness is pretty much part of my DNA, and I’ve never heard of Norfolk State! Real or not, it just killed my bracket 🙁

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 16, 2012, 8:16 pm

        It’s a made up school and they suck. They suck monkey balls. I’m done. See post below. It’s been nice knowing everyone. Iwanna, I hope you pass the bar. Anna, I hope you get engaged. ReginaRey, I hope you become a therapist. BGM, I hope you stop being bitter. Mwalt, I hope you come back to make things *interesting*. Drew, I hope you learn to drive. Lets_be_honest, I hope you stop fighting with Britannia or whatever, …. Goodbye and goodnight and peace out. I’m done.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh March 16, 2012, 8:20 pm

        haha it is a real school! a very small school in southeastern virginia 🙂 my husband was very excited even though they ruined his bracket.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 17, 2012, 12:38 am

        My joie de vivra got kicked in the nuts. I’m so depressed. I hate life and everyone and everything. Damn you, everyone. Mizzou shall rise again. I am going to go eat my feelings now. I will never see anyone ever again. I’m committed to my life of depression. Duke, thank you for trying to make me feel better; it didn’t work; but thanks.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson March 17, 2012, 5:33 pm

        Guys! My bracket is doing amazing. Beginners luck maybe?

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray March 16, 2012, 8:13 pm

      I posted this below in the wrong spot – meant to post it here: I’m done. Done, done, done. I’m done with basketball and everything I know – I’m done with Mizzou, I’m done with dearwendy.com, I’m done with wine … Done. Everything. Good night and goodbye and au revoir.

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      • avatar

        bethany March 18, 2012, 4:53 pm

        I’m sorry 🙁

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  • avatar

    Taylor March 16, 2012, 4:46 pm

    The biggest thing I would change…I wish he liked to fly. I would settle for him not hating it. He has a fear of flying, but he goes when it really matters (e.g. visiting my Mom). It makes him so unhappy that I don’t like to push it for anything non-essential. But I love it – I love to fly, to end up somewhere totally new where I don’t know the language, that has new and interesting sights and textures. I’ve flown many times a year my whole life (my clan is geographically challenged), and not flying isn’t an option for me unless I never go to see any blood relatives, or 90% of my friends ever again. He tries, which I appreciate, but he is stubborn in trying things that might help him deal with the stress it causes. It bums me out that it’s likely we won’t ever go to places like Australia together.
    Thing two – the back rub thing, and I wouldn’t say no to more, um, cunning linguistic stuff =)

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    • avatar

      bethany March 16, 2012, 7:53 pm

      If he has a legitimate fear/anxiety have him talk to his Dr about it. I got anxiety meds for flying and it makes it so much better! I was worried about taking them because you hear about so many people getting hooked on stuff like that, so I had my Dr write the prescription for only 15 pills. Anyway, it’s made a huge difference, and I highly recommend it.

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      • avatar

        Taylor March 18, 2012, 12:50 pm

        We tried this – he has adavan, but it doesn’t seem to work very well. He gets an acidic belly when he’s nervous, and if he takes it on that, he throws up. Last flight we took with turbulence, he’d taken two, and he still ended up having full blown panic attack – hyperventilating, sweats, shaking, freezing cold, it was brutal. He never has them on the way home though, only on our way to places. I am going to ask him to talk to his doctor about something different/stronger. I think part of it is actually physical – he doesn’t like heights/movement bc they make him queasy, so it may be an ear/balance thing.

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    • avatar

      kittyk March 21, 2012, 4:50 pm

      Oh this is so one of the biggest things in my relationship, I’ve wondered if it should be a deal breaker. My BF is terrified of flying- he can’t stand the thought of not being in control, basically in a death trap thousands of feet in the air (I get it, I just think more positive thoughts, thanks!)

      We’ve flown one place together and now he says he’ll never get on a plane again. I want to travel, to see the world, to go to places we just can’t road trip to (or at least not in the limited time we’ll have available for vacations). I tell myself I’ll just have to make sure I make these plans with friends or family, but then my heart aches a little thinking that I won’t get to experience all these cool things with my #1 person 🙁

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  • avatar

    Elle Marie March 16, 2012, 4:58 pm

    I would make my fiance sleep like a normal person. Last night we went to bed “early” (11pm, which is normal-to-late for me, and evidently “early” according to him), and he woke up at 4am and was putzing about. Which woke me up. And it was SO LAME. He is incapable of sleeping past 8am on weekends, and can’t stand letting me sleep in.

    I wish we could snuggle in bed on weekend mornings with the cats, but ALAS. It will never be!

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    • avatar

      Pinky March 16, 2012, 5:41 pm

      Please excuse me for being fussy about this, but I think you mean “futzing” about or “puttering” about. A “putz” is a stupid or worthless person. “Futzing” sounds like a dirty word, but it isn’t. It’s kind of like “fakakta,” which sounds really bad, but it isn’t. On the other hand, call someone a “putz,” and see what happens.

      Unless, that’s what you meant, then, never mind. Maybe he was putzing about.

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      • avatar

        Eagle Eye March 16, 2012, 6:04 pm

        My mom knew some Yiddish growing up, and she always substituted “putzing” for “futzing” so I always thought they were the same until my other grandmother used “putz” correctly…

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  • avatar

    iseeshiny March 16, 2012, 5:10 pm

    I wish he would learn how to say things nicely.

    Most of the fights we’ve had are either started or escalated because he can’t state his problems in a way that doesn’t offend me. It’s not that I disagree with what he’s saying, it’s that my feelings are hurt because of the way he says it. I tell him that, and he accuses me of redirecting the argument so he’s always the bad guy. When I bring it up outside of an argument, we don’t fight but he accuses me of being hypersensitive.

    We’ve been arguing about this one issue so long he’s gotten really stubborn about it and I’ve just… learned to deal with it better, I guess. But it’s always pissed me off that I’ve had to learn to deal with it, that he couldn’t be bothered trying to make a change just because I asked him to. He always has to have some sort of rational justification for it. Like the toilet seat argument? I always close the lid, because of an article I read one time that said that the spray from the flush spew microscopic droplets of wastewater everywhere including onto your toothbrush. Once I explained it to him? Bam. No problem. But this? My feelings? Nooooot good enough.

    Grr.

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    • avatar

      Temperance March 16, 2012, 5:25 pm

      Mr. Temperance used to say what HE wanted to say to me, regardless of how mean, and then he would purposely ignore everything that I had to say to him, giving me the silent treatment. I would end up screaming, crying, and eventually throwing things (not that I recommend this, but I was starting to feel like the only way he’d listen was if I made my presence known) because he would ignore me. His reasoning was that his parents fought all of the time, and once he said his piece, there was nothing to discuss, and my feelings weren’t going to change. He accused me of being irrational.

      He was raised in a sexist home. I pointed out how sexist it was that I had to be irrational, and how he was emotionally abusing me by his attempts at gaslighting. He had been refusing to be rational with me, so I ended up having to act irrational to get his attention for my legitimate feelings. He finally started talking things out like a rational person.

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        iseeshiny March 19, 2012, 11:40 am

        The sexism might have something to do with it – he has gotten way, way better, but he’s Eastern European and where he comes from the man is the boss and the woman is the housewife. I let the little stuff slide because he’s made massive leaps in the domestic areas, but I’m so sick of yesdearing in order to avoid an argument that I know will just end up with my hurt feelings. And tiptoeing around his male ego. It’s like he won’t let himself just agree with me because I’m right if he’s already made a stand on something – I have to introduce an idea quietly and repeatedly until he starts thinking of it as the way things are, and brings it up later as his own idea. The baby steps approach is working, but I hate having to be manipulative like this, just because he’s stubborn and thinks that because he’s a) male and b) seven years older than I am that he is right about everything. The fight we had when he flat out told me these things was epic, about a year into our relationship, and the closest we’ve ever come to breaking up.

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  • theattack

    theattack March 16, 2012, 5:16 pm

    This is just something he does, not a personal characteristic (I couldn’t think of any characteristics I’d want to change). When he’s hyper, he likes to make up songs and sing loud noises like an opera singer and just say words over and over again with a big grin on his face to annoy me. I almost always think it’s funny, but he often does it when I’m trying to tell him something. I’ll be trying to tell him something serious, and as soon as I open my mouth, he sings to drown out what I’m saying. Not in the “lalala I can’t hear you” kind of way. It is just to annoy me and prevent me from being able to continue. Then when I stop and restart, he does it over and over again until I eventually just get pissed and don’t even want to tell him anymore.

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    • avatar

      Krissy March 16, 2012, 6:04 pm

      ugh, my boyfriend does something similar. Actually, I’m starting to think he has a problem! He’ll just start yelling and singing really loud to the dog or while I’m on the phone or when I’m in the middle of a story… He definitely knows that it makes me angry!

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    • liz

      Liz March 17, 2012, 2:57 pm

      Yep..my bf cannot stop reading words off signs in silly voices. I catch myself doing it too now. I wonder what mental disorder this is characteristic of, because I’m sure he has one. I mean that in the most lovingly way possible

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  • avatar

    Temperance March 16, 2012, 5:21 pm

    Mr. Temperance loves music. It’s obnoxious how much he loves music. This probably doesn’t sound bad to anyone else, but it’s my private hell. He listens to music constantly, and not the stuff I like (which is crap, according to him), but instrumentals and old recordings of Irish traditionals, amongst other painful things. He’s obsessed about it, and it’s all that he talks about, all of the time. It’s so boring, I can’t stand it. He keeps buying instruments. We live in a 2-bedroom apartment. We don’t have room for them. (This is the same guy who bugged me about my cloth napkins, because they were “clutter”, but bought a cello, which he does not know how to play). I went to a professional event on Sunday, and all he did was talk about his f’ing band to people I was trying to meet. I wanted to gag him with my scarf. I’m a law student trying to make professional connections, and he’s talking about how much he loves music. UGH. I’m still mad at him for that, and for making a point of listening to the event band instead of helping me schmooze.

    I also really hate his family, but that’s not a him problem, really a them problem.

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  • avatar

    EricaSwagger March 16, 2012, 4:29 pm

    I’d make him 4 inches taller. Not because I care that he’s short (he’s still 2 inches taller than me), but just so that I never again have to hear him complain about being the shortest one of his friends. Jeez, what a world that would be.
    Also; I second Wendy’s back-rub thing. Absolutely.

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    • avatar

      Buzzelbee March 17, 2012, 12:20 pm

      I would make mine shorter. He’s 6’7″ but being 6’4″ would be perfect. No longer the full misery of sitting next to him in coach or trying to buy a non-SUV car that he can fit in or all day marathons of finding pants long enough.

      Also the snoring. OMG the snoring would have to go.

      Reply Link
  • cmary

    cmary March 16, 2012, 5:34 pm

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  • avatar

    camille905 March 16, 2012, 5:36 pm

    I would make him not enjoy talking to strangers (or near strangers) for long periods of time IN PUBLIC including details about our personal life because A) I don’t share information about me with just anyone B) We’re usually together when this happens and I have no interest in whatever made him start talking to said stranger anyway so I’m just hanging out next to him like a third wheel C) I’m not really a strangers in public kind of girl unless I’m 1- alone, 2- there’s some sort of shared experience happening that is commented on like standing in line for a long time for something.

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    • avatar

      Temperance March 16, 2012, 5:44 pm

      I fought with Mr. Temperance many times over the fact that no, it’s not normal to chat up people in bars unless you’re looking for a hookup.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson March 16, 2012, 6:19 pm

        Oh man really? I kind of can’t wait to get old with my husband and go on cruises and make vacation bff’s. I love talking to strangers.

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      • avatar

        Temperance March 16, 2012, 7:05 pm

        I am the total opposite! We go on vacation now and I hate the idea of having vacation friends, lol. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances, but I am kind of a loner at heart and like doing things on my own. I was absolutely stressed when someone asked me to take a fitness class with them, like didn’t she KNOW I only work out alone??

        We also live in the Philadelphia metro area, where people are generally not friendly and chatty. I get so annoyed when I’m trying to take the train and old people seek me out to chat about … nothing. I’m a young-looking, smaller woman, so I’m an easy target, I think.

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    • avatar

      Britannia March 16, 2012, 7:09 pm

      That reminds me of Marshall from HIMYM!

      Reply Link
      • Lana

        Lana March 16, 2012, 10:53 pm

        I thought the same thing when I read it!

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  • avatar

    TheRabbit March 16, 2012, 5:37 pm

    When my fiance and I debate an issue, he will make up statistics to support his argument. I’ll cite an actual statistic that I am familiar with, and then he will make one up that he “guarantees” is true, despite any studies or facts. It’s actually kind of funny to me right now when we’re not arguing about something, but when we are, it’s pretty infuriating. He also thinks that he is imperious to cognitive biases (which is of course also a cognitive bias–bias blind spot).

    Also, I would make him more charitable to strangers. He is very kind with people that he knows, but he is much quicker to anger and more judgmental with strangers.

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  • landygirl

    landygirl March 16, 2012, 5:38 pm

    I wish my husband was neater and cleaner. I also wish he could find a well paying job. I love him anyway.

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  • avatar

    redessa March 16, 2012, 5:48 pm

    I wish my husband was more of a take-charge kind of guy. He’ll let me know if he has a real opinion on something, but mostly he’s happy to defer to me. He thinks this is being supportive but sometimes I want him to just take a stand and say “no, that’s a horrible idea, let’s do….” I just get tired of making all the decisions.

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  • avatar

    Pinky March 16, 2012, 5:51 pm

    There are a gazillion ways that I won the Hubby Lottery. However, Mr. Pinky would put Sherlock Holmes out of business. I know precisely what he’s eaten because the wrappers are on the counter or the prep work for the item is strewn around the kitchen. I know where he ate because that’s where I find plates, glasses and flatware. I know exactly what he’s worn and where he took off said articles of clothing because they are still there. I also know what he’s read (not on-line) because whatever book or magazine article is open to the page. I also know whether or not he has to park in the back lot at work because there’s dirt all over his shoes (that has been tracked into the house). I don’t tell him how I know these things. I like him to think I’m eerily perceptive with woman super-powers. Shhhh. No Telling!

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    • avatar

      FancyPants March 16, 2012, 6:14 pm

      Ohhhh the wrappers. My guy is wonderful, but I’m about ready to embroider “Wrappers and Cans are not collectables” and set it out in our home. Seriously, how hard is it to unwrap something and put the wrapper in the garbage? I come home on days wen he’s had a day off and it’s just wrappers everywhere. They’re not show pieces!

      I think my head nearly exploded the other day when there was an empty beer can on the counter directly above the recycling bin. WHY?!?!?!?

      That said, it’s really his only drawback.

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  • avatar

    Eagle Eye March 16, 2012, 6:02 pm

    I love my boyfriend, he’s fantastic, he loves me and tells me all the time and we have a great relationship/ life together, but sometimes, the bf can just be a dick.

    He knows this too, and he’s been working on it, but sometimes out of the blue he’ll just same something so terribly dick-ish that I don’t know whether or laugh or yell at him – at which point I’ll tell him that he is being a dick.

    Now, that said, he also let’s me know when I’m being (and i quote) “A big huge bitch” which is usually true and totally called for so I’m working on not being “a big huge bitch” and he’s working on not being a gigantic dick. And together we may actually enter normal human society…

    Reply Link
    • iwannatalktosampson

      Iwannatalktosampson March 16, 2012, 6:22 pm

      Ha, my husband calls it being a “big b” because that’s like our safe word – he’s not actually calling me a bitch and therefore I’m not actually putting my foot up his ass – but I still get the point to tone it down.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 16, 2012, 6:53 pm

        It’s a made up school and they cheated and I’m done, done, done. I’m never watching basketball again, I’m never coming back to dearwendy, I’m never drinking wine again, … Everything I know is over. Good night and goodbye.

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      • avatar

        Taylor March 16, 2012, 6:59 pm

        It’ll get better!

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      • Lili

        Lili March 16, 2012, 7:00 pm

        Aww Addie 🙁

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      • Brad

        Brad March 19, 2012, 11:47 am

        I disagree, I think he is calling you a bitch when he says big b. When you hear big b your brain finishes the word for him. It’s just like how people think saying the “N” word is OK but the full version isn’t. In fact, I’d almost argue that the shortened version is worse because it’s making ME say the full version of the word in my head.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson March 19, 2012, 12:08 pm

        Meh I guess it’s our safe word because it always makes me laugh because it’s an inside joke of sorts and he says it in this hilarious voice. So yeah I guess it would be insulting, but for us it just makes us crack up.

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  • avatar

    Sue Jones March 16, 2012, 6:15 pm

    I wish my husband would complete projects. He is a good starter but has trouble with the follow through and completion bit… which means that a) I don’t let him start household projects anymore, we hire professionals even though my husband has the tools, and skills (but perhaps not time) to do a project and save us money, but I know it will take him….FOREVER… and he will lose steam in the middle , or, b) I have to NAG him to get stuff done. Annoying, and I feel like his mom sometimes… but he is great in so many other ways that we work around it. I am someone who likes to get stuff done EARLY (taxes are done and ready to be mailed!) so I tend to handle the important stuff like that. I also wish he made more money, but …. we both work so it works. It was only a problem when my son was a baby and I cut way back….

    The ways he is great… he is GREAT with kids, GREAT at helping my son do homework and teaching him hard math stuff, etc, and he is funny, kind and compassionate. (and kind of cute, too!)

    He is a massage therapist for a living, so his sessions have a beginning, a middle, and an end and last 1-2 hours so the completion factor is not an issue… and getting some free massage is a bonus, also!

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    • avatar

      Sue Jones March 16, 2012, 9:12 pm

      Also Mr. Jones cannot, I mean CANNOT believe that I am at this very moment figuring out my son’s summer camp schedule already… Him “but it’s MARCH!!!” Me “That’s right, it is MARCH and the best camps are filling up already and if we don’t figure out our travel schedule and Jones, Jr.’s schedule, then we are scrambling and SCREWED!” He is a procrasinator, and he is very messy…. but it seems like a lot of guys are this way…

      Reply Link
      • Brad

        Brad March 19, 2012, 11:49 am

        yeah travel stuff has to be done months in advance if you don’t want to over pay.

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  • avatar

    SpaceySteph March 16, 2012, 5:19 pm

    My boyfriend has too many hobbies. You might think that’s not a bad thing, but it can be. He has a bunch of half finished projects all around his house because there isn’t enough time in a year to get them all done. And rather than finish something, I catch him all the time online shopping for new hobby-related stuff. Sometimes I want to take his computer (but he’d probably just build another one, because that’s a hobby of his too) and send him out to work on one of his other projects.

    Reply Link
    • call-me-hobo

      call-me-hobo March 16, 2012, 5:44 pm

      Amen. I feel your pain, SpaceySteph. My boyfriend gets REALLY into a project for a few months, and then moves on to a new one. I love how passionate he gets about stuff… but I mean, right now he has TWO unfinished motorcycles. Two.

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      • avatar

        TheGirlinME March 16, 2012, 6:09 pm

        Is he a Gemini, by any chance?

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph March 16, 2012, 5:51 pm

        My boyfriend has a 67 VW Bug in his garage. With no tires. No wiring (he pulled it out but hasn’t replaced it). And it doesn’t run.

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    • AKchic_

      AKchic_ March 16, 2012, 5:52 pm

      let me guess – he’s a Virgo?

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      • avatar

        TheGirlinME March 16, 2012, 6:14 pm

        I don’t know AK. One of the husbands was a Virgo & had just the racecar project.. Different parts at once, but just the one racecar. Very methodically, VERY slowly, building this one racecar. For.Seven.F***ing.Years!

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      • Lili

        Lili March 16, 2012, 6:15 pm

        HAHAHA I’m a Virgo and that is SO me. I have new ideas every few months, and a lot of half finished old projects.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph March 16, 2012, 6:20 pm

        Nope. I’m a Virgo actually, and I hate that crap. He’s… like Aquarius or something. Honestly I’ve never checked.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph March 16, 2012, 6:27 pm

        Ok I checked. Capricorn. Go ahead and astrologize us, if you dare.

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      • AKchic_

        AKchic_ March 19, 2012, 2:58 pm

        *giggle* I’m a virgo, was married to a capricorn. And marrying another one. It’s actually usually a pretty good match.

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  • avatar

    TheGirlinME March 16, 2012, 6:24 pm

    I wish I knew which version I was going to get. Sometimes, it’s thoughtful, considerate, loving and kind. Sometimes, it’s self-centered, manipulative and outright mean. More frequently than not, lately, what I would change, is to change him back into an ex. 🙁

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      Taylor March 16, 2012, 6:59 pm

      You can do that if it’s necessary!

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      • avatar

        Britannia March 16, 2012, 7:11 pm

        I agree! Kinda sounds like he’s not a very stable person who can treat you right.

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    • avatar

      AllegroFox March 16, 2012, 7:12 pm

      Sweetie, that doesn’t sound redeeming at all. Change him into an ex if that would make you happier! I promise we will tell you you are awesome afterward.

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  • AKchic_

    AKchic_ March 16, 2012, 5:50 pm

    DON’T WASH MY LAUNDRY. Seriously. I tell my SO all the time not to wash it, but he tries to be “helpful” and throws stuff in with the kids’ clothes and shrinks my $80 bras, or my dry clean only work clothes. Every single time. And then he acts like he doesn’t understand why I’m mad. Uh, I wait for a few specific times a year to buy clothes (clearance sales) so I can buy what normally would cost $80-$200 per item of clothing for $10-$30 each (sales plus coupons thankyouverymuch) and you shrink them to the point that our 3 year old can wear them perfectly. My bras almost have to be custom ordered and have to be hand washed and line dried and you throw them in with towels and dry them on HIGH heat? And then they don’t fit anymore and they cost over $80 each and I can’t afford to spend $400 to replace all 5 of them at once. Duh, of course I’m angry. I can’t spend $1000 to replace my wardrobe every 4 weeks when you think of being “sweet”.

    And his constant antsiness at being “on time”. If he isn’t 15 minutes early, he feels he’s late. I’ve had him actually drop my kids off at school 30 minutes early because he didn’t want them to be there late. And have the school call me to come get them because it was too early for them to be there. I have to set timers/alarms around the house. The kids can’t leave the house before a certain bell goes off. No matter what he thinks. He is not allowed to rush us to get ready or we won’t go anywhere (and yes, when he does try to rush us, I slow down on purpose).

    Reply Link
  • JK

    JK March 16, 2012, 7:16 pm

    Things I would change about my husband:
    1) that it wouldn´t bug him that I don´t drink (he doesn´t bug me anymore, but I know he´d like to share a bottle of wine or beer, esp. when we go out)
    2) that he wouldn´t put his bloody soccer team over our social life (yes, he has cancelled plans because his team is playing)
    3) massages. He´s a physiotherapist ffs!!!

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  • avatar

    Renee March 16, 2012, 7:24 pm

    He doesn’t own a suit or refuses to own one.

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    • avatar

      Renee March 16, 2012, 7:26 pm

      “Or” should be “and”

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    • avatar

      Temperance March 16, 2012, 10:40 pm

      What does he wear to job interviews?

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      • avatar

        Renee March 17, 2012, 9:07 am

        He has held the same job for 12 years.

        At weddings and funerals, he wears this suit jacket that doesn’t properly fit. I thnk it is from his Senior year of high school. He won’t acknowledge how old it is, but we met when we were 19 and he had it then.

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        Renee March 17, 2012, 9:10 am

        He says owning a suit makes him worry about death, but he apparently loves that old suit jacket so much I’ll make sure he can be buried in it decades from now.

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    • avatar

      Nadine March 17, 2012, 11:24 am

      Mine: will not stop shopping for suits. also makes me measure him constantly for a suit. Do you know how many measurements suitmakers require? I’ll give a clue: an hour out of my life’s worth.

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      • avatar

        Renee March 17, 2012, 1:09 pm

        Suits are so easy too, as I remember in a commercial one time ‘the jacket matches the pants’!

        The thing is my husband doesn’t mind wearing ties or dress pants, he just doesn’t care how it is all put together.

        Some men I know wear a black t-shirt/jeans to a wedding, yet it is apparent they take the time to be properly fitted.

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      • avatar

        iseeshiny March 19, 2012, 11:21 am

        Does he ever tell you to “suit up” because that would be awesome!

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  • avatar

    TheOtherMe March 16, 2012, 7:29 pm

    Hmmmm… where to begin. My otherwise fabulous boyfriend grows all these veggies in the garden because he’s trying to be healthy, then he picks them, leaves them on the kitchen counter… and forgets about them. They sit there and rot for weeks. I’m constantly asking “are you gonna eat that?” The answer is always, “yeah, tomorrow.” Why the heck spend all that time cultivating them if you’re not going to actually eat them???? lol

    Also, he’s really non-confrontational, so often when I ask him to do something I know he doesn’t want to do (or if I say something he maybe doesn’t agree with), instead of discussing it or negotiating with me, he gives me a sarcastic “yes, dear.” I try to explain that I will not jump down his throat for disagreeing with me, and that eventually he will come to resent me if he feels like he is always doing what I want, but he claims that’s not the case. We’ll see…

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    • avatar

      Trixy Minx March 17, 2012, 11:10 pm

      Alot of my coworkers bring in their home grown fruit and veggies that they can’t eat. That way it doesn’t go to waste.

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  • avatar

    bethany March 16, 2012, 7:50 pm

    This is probably going to sound bad, but I’d make my husband more of a drinker. He’ll drink a beer or two, but in the entire 5 years we’ve been together, I’ve only seen him drunk about 3 times- and he’s HYSTERICAL when he’s drunk! I’d like to just go to the bar with him and have some beers and laugh all night every now and then.

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    • avatar

      quixoticbeatnik March 16, 2012, 10:49 pm

      Me too! I wish my boyfriend would drink more, especially in public with me. The only time he got drunk in public he was SO hilarious. And really, really frisky afterwards too…. 🙂

      Reply Link
  • katie

    katie March 16, 2012, 7:52 pm

    totally unrelated- has anyone seen Drive (the movie that the picture is from)? because i saw it last weekend, and it was super, super intense. and gory, which i caught onto early and i was able to look away and not see the bad parts…

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    • avatar

      Caris March 18, 2012, 7:31 pm

      I just watched it yesterday. I liked it, and I had to look away in certain parts too, which is weird cause I don’t normally do that. But this one was SO violent at points. And then so calm and slow on others. Weird movie. My brother hated it.

      Reply Link
    • MandaNoA

      Mandanoa March 18, 2012, 8:45 pm

      I went on a first date with a guy when that movie first came out in theaters. He suggested we see a movie (not a good first date idea anyway) and I agreed. He asked what kind of movies I liked and I said I like anything that isn’t horror or doesn’t have a lot of gore in it. So he picked Drive. I kept my eyes closed for nearly the whole second half of the movie. Needless to say, we never went out again.

      He also told me at dinner that he didn’t like that you have to tip waitresses. At which point I told him I used to waitress. It was an all around bad date…

      Reply Link
  • barleystonks

    barleystonks March 16, 2012, 7:54 pm

    I know this is like the absolute backwards from most girls, but I wish he would stop CLEANING. Not that I don’t like the clean apartment, but when I hang my purse off my chair, it’s so I don’t have to spend 10 minutes looking for it on my way out the door. If I leave my bills/other papers in a small, neat pile on the corner of the table that we don’t use, it’s so I know where they are, not having my own personal desk. When I tried to claim a 8×11.5 section of his desk as a replacement, it got “cleaned” even faster. Gah!

    He’ll still move my things (minus the purse), but I’ve at least figured out WHERE he moves them to now.

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    • avatar

      Jessibel March 18, 2012, 4:12 pm

      My fiance is a tidier, but not a cleaner. He tidies everything and gets all OCD about having things in neat piles, or surfaces can’t have piles on them, or whathaveyou. Sounds the same as your guy. But mine thinks that that’s “cleaning.” It’s not cleaning. It’s tidying. The cleaning is mopping the floors and vacuuming and scrubbing the bathroom. He wasn’t doing any of that, and when I asked for help about it, he was all like “I clean all the time!” No, baby, you don’t. So I just started doing the heavy duty cleaning while he’s around, and he feels guilty that I’ve done everything and he’ll clean it next time. Sometimes you just have to manipulate the situation, as passive-aggressive as that sounds.

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  • avatar

    painted_lady March 16, 2012, 8:33 pm

    Oh, this is easy. I wish that he would listen to me more. Not like hearing what I say and remembering it – he actually does that remarkably well – but in the way that makes use of the fact that I am an equally intelligent and sensible person. He knows I’m smart and respects my intelligence, but sometimes he just assumes he knows better and makes stupid mistakes that I warned him were stupid. Prime example, he registered for summer classes and saved up just enough money for the first half of his tuition as he was accustomed to doing the payment plan thing – you pay for half up front, then a quarter about a month in and the rest another month in. His undergrad was all on scholarship, whereas I paid for most of mine, so I knew summer semesters didn’t really work that way, and I said, “Before you spend the rest of your tuition money, howzabout you check and make sure you don’t have to pay for the whole session up front?” He reassured me he was fine, he knew that there was a payment plan, etc, and then a week later called me all pissed off: he needed all the money up front. And he was so surprised and so broke for the next few weeks. And it’s not personal – he does it with everyone. But yeah, I’m occasionally filled with an irresistible urge to say “I told you so.”

    Reply Link
  • fast eddie

    fast eddie March 16, 2012, 7:51 pm

    Wendy if you want Drew to get into driving book him into a weekend lesson for race cars. They put you through a safety class and then on the track in open wheel high performance formula machines. His testosterone will spike, your Volvo will be traded for a Boss 302 Mustang convertible and you won’t ever be allowed to touch the steering wheel again.
    **WARNING** Side effects may include his sperm will have the power of 12 gauge 00 buckshot with a magnum powder load. You wanted another kid anyway right?

    The one thing I’d like to change about Onnie would be for her to be healthier so that we could be more physically active. I like to bicycle, ski, golf and scuba dive. We did all those things before her body turned against her. Yesterday her arthritic thumb joint was replaced with a rod. A few years ago her hip joints were replaced with titanium which trip the metal detectors at the airports. I’d also like for her boob to grow back from the mastectomy 8 years ago. I really miss that breast and so does she.

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    • avatar

      AllegroFox March 16, 2012, 9:06 pm

      Eddie, I love that you wrote “that breast”. Like, you miss that breast. Not any old boob, but that particular one. 😛

      Reply Link
      • fast eddie

        fast eddie March 18, 2012, 9:12 am

        That particular one was hers and I was used to the feel of it when we embraced. I only notice the difference when I hug someone else that has two of them. The far bigger issue is that the cancer is still in her lymph system. Currently it’s in remission but we live with the reality that it could come out anywhere at anytime.

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  • avatar

    Anna March 16, 2012, 10:49 pm

    I am glad my boyfriend loves to drive. It’s nice having a designated driver when we are together. If I could change anything about him, I would make him more motivated. When it comes to exercise, career, general household stuff, he can be kinda lazy. It doesn’t really bother me that much because I am the type of person who’s always planning and organizing and I like the satisfaction of getting stuff done. I guess you could say we compliment each other, but I really wouldn’t mind if he put in a little more effort to get promotions at work, exercise, and do chores around the house without me having to ask him to.

    Reply Link
  • Lana

    Lana March 16, 2012, 10:50 pm

    I wish my boyfriend were more verbally forthcoming. He’s such a sweetheart and I adore him to bits, but we don’t communicate in the same way and I’m still trying to find reassurance in what he DOES as opposed to what he SAYS. I know that he’s shy and that his ex-girlfriend hurt him pretty badly, so I do try to be patient and hope that eventually he will open up. But I wouldn’t trade him for anyone, really. 🙂

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  • avatar

    quixoticbeatnik March 16, 2012, 10:55 pm

    I wish my boyfriend wasn’t so into politics. I mean, it’s awesome and all, but it’s not so awesome when he starts arguing with people he doesn’t know on MY facebook stuff. Even though I’m kind of opposite of him politically, and he loves me, I still feel like he’s not very open-minded when it comes to politics. It’s his opinion and that’s cool, I just wish he would tone it down, and he has, for the most part. He knows I don’t like debating politics with him because it’s just not fun for me so he doesn’t really try to debate with me anymore. What makes it worse is that he is on the debate team at his university and he is really, really, really good at it.

    I also wish he would sext me. God, just a couple of texts telling me how much he wants to do this or that to me….the most I can get out of him is “get on it” and that’s just not enough.

    I also wish he didn’t do so much because he’s always busy and I never see him.

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    • avatar

      SweetPea March 19, 2012, 10:30 am

      I wouldn’t say I’m “opposite” with my boyfriend when it comes to politics… it’s just that I am kind of “meh” about both sides. They both kind of leave me wanting. He stands on one very clear side. And I find myself getting very stressed when he brings it up, since I know he is passionate about it. I don’t like to debate at all. I’m more of a “hey guys, let’s find things in common and love each other” kind of girl. LOL. We have come to the conclusion that we should avoid talking about it. We agree on our own little world- we don’t necessarily have to agree on the big world.

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      • avatar

        quixoticbeatnik March 19, 2012, 12:02 pm

        Yes! You hit the nail on the head, this is how I am as well. Good to know I’m not alone 🙂

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark March 17, 2012, 12:13 am

    He’d suddenly become uber rich. Like that annoying-tool-who-founded/stole-Facebook rich. Yes, yes, yes. Unlimited wealth would seriously solve ALL of my problems. Oh, and as long as we are completely dreaming here, it’d also be nice if my significant other actually… um, you know… existed.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      rachel March 17, 2012, 2:13 am

      You’re back! How was your trip?

      Reply Link
      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark March 18, 2012, 2:21 am

        Bali was fantastic. Perhaps the most visually stunning place I’ve ever been to, and I’ve actually been to a fair number of places… 🙂

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson March 18, 2012, 11:55 am

        Yay Bali! I want to see some pictures! Do you feel more relaxed and content? I need one of those vacations.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark March 20, 2012, 1:13 am

        Add me on facebook. Mark ilvedson… plenty of pics will be appearing there…

        I feel relaxed, but discontent. My life is a mess, sadly. I have no real plan for the future and pretty much all of my prospects seem decidedly bleak. It’s been nice spending a week in Arizona with my family, but wednesday I will finally be back in LA and I am so NOT looking forward to it. Ugh…

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      Britannia March 17, 2012, 11:21 am

      That’s definitely one I should have added! Never hurts for a guy to be very, very comfortable.

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  • avatar

    brendapie March 17, 2012, 3:52 am

    Haven’t dated in quite some time but I wish I had spoken to my ex about some things.

    I hated that he didn’t take care of himself. Like his physical appearance. Sure, he dressed well, showered regularly, brushed his teeth, and got his hair trimmed. But he had really horrible acne and while I still cared about him regardless of what his face looked like, I knew it really bothered him. But he was just so lazy about wanting to do something about it. I tried to encourage him because I knew it affected his self-esteem but he wouldn’t listen. And apparently he still hasn’t because years later his face looks pretty torn up from acne scarring and discoloration.

    I hated that he liked anime so much. I’m not against anime by any means but he obviously cared more for anime than for me. I tried to get into it and would go to conventions and shop with him looking for anime-related goods but his focus was always on what new series came out, what limited edition dolls were just released, if he had tickets to the next con reserved, what hairspray to use for his cosplay outfit, etc. Our interests didn’t line up in that regard and while I did my best to partake in his interests, he made very little time for mine.

    Oh, and I definitely need a guy who loves to drive because I’m terrified to learn and I’m 30! Most guys I’ve been involved with get annoyed after awhile that they are always the ones driving so if I can find that holy grail of a man who wants to be the designated driver, I would be a very happy woman.

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    • avatar

      SweetPea March 19, 2012, 10:34 am

      “I’m not against anime by any means but he obviously cared more for anime than for me”

      Sounds like you dodged a big bullet!

      Designated driver is definitely a plus! I hate driving and have to spend 1 and a half hours in the car 5 days a week on my work commute. So, yea… boyfriend drives 9 out of 10 times when we go anywhere together!

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  • avatar

    Zepp March 17, 2012, 5:23 am

    My SO is lactose intolerant, possibly IBS, and he’s a super light sleeper. Not particularly big deals, but it’s putting a dampener on my blossoming love of cooking. It sucks that I can never read in bed if I can’t sleep. But these aren’t so bad.

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      BettyBoop March 17, 2012, 11:01 am

      Random helpful tip with cooking: Most people who are lactose intolerant and enjoy goat’s milk with no problem! I often substitute it directly for cow’s milk. Lots of stores sell it fresh, but if nothing else, you can find it canned and condensed and it works great.

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      • avatar

        BettyBoop March 17, 2012, 11:02 am

        Can enjoy goat’s milk, not and.

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        Zepp March 17, 2012, 5:52 pm

        oh that is very good to know! Does that mean feta cheese is also okay?

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        BettyBoop March 18, 2012, 10:24 am

        Yes, but you have to check that it’s actually goat’s or sheep’s milk, sometimes there’s cow in there too. There’s even goat’s milk brie that’s creamier than regular!

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    • cmary

      cmary March 19, 2012, 11:26 am

      Almond milk is really good too- very creamy like cow’s milk without the allergens. Unless, I guess, he’s allergic to almonds.

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  • avatar

    Nadine March 17, 2012, 11:31 am

    Mine wont drive either, but I can only just so I guess I cant complain too much about that. When our lives are a bit more settled we have committed to learning!
    One thing I would change about my boyfriend would be the messiness. He does one big tidy every month or so, and feels very pleased with himself so I have to be appreciative etc, but in the middle times there is shit EVERYWHERE. I’m not very tidy either (wish one of us was, at least) but mine is managed mess, and its not dirty. He leaves bowls and cups everywhere and it drives me insane. I’ve started walking on them or tripping over them so he sees that they get in the way but he has begun to suspect I am not as clumsy as all that.
    One day when we have our own house we have agreed to give him his own room for being messy in, and I will just throw all his crap in there 🙂
    also, cords. Is mine the only boy who manages to make cords reproduce throughout the house? I never see him buy them but they coil thicker and thicker every time I see them…..

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    • avatar

      Jessibel March 19, 2012, 12:41 pm

      Shortly after my fiance and I moved in together, I was talking with a guy friend once about the difference between “boy clean” and “girl clean” and was marveling at how my fiance tidies, but thinks it’s cleaning (he doesn’t see dirty, but he sees and is annoyed at messy). I was specifically talking about the bathroom, and in awe of how so much pee could get on the floor of the bathroom, and I told my fiance I wasn’t cleaning it, and he had to do it. After he scrubbed the bathroom, he talked about how he cleaned the bathroom that one time for weeks, and tried to use it as an excuse to NOT clean anything else (“But I just cleaned the bathroom, it’s your turn!”). My friend goes “oh, yeah, I know! I took out the garbage once!” and said it so glibly that I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes and my stomach hurt. Apparently, many men feel as though taking out the garbage once or cleaning the bathroom once is equivalent to cleaning ALL THE THINGS! Forever.

      I finally have gotten it into his head that it’s not. Cleaning in our abode must be done at least once every two weeks, and is a shared responsibility. And I’m not cleaning up your pee. Ever. (Unless of course he was very ill and needed care like that. Then I have his back).

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      • Brad

        Brad March 19, 2012, 3:28 pm

        You should see the roommate’s bathroom of my good buddy Pat. So.Fucking.Gross!!! Dried piss stains and mold EVERYWHERE. I took a picture of it because I was so horrified. I’ll try to find a way to upload them later.

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    vizslalvr March 17, 2012, 10:47 am

    My fiance decided to become pescatarian in December. But not for moral reasons and not really for health reasons and sometimes I want to cook a pot roast or a big old batch of pulled pork or a whole roast chicken and it just doesn’t make sense to cook those foods for one person so I just want to force feed him a chicken thigh because, really, you can’t even articulate a real reason why you don’t eat land animals anymore. Grrrr.

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  • honeybeenicki

    honeybeenicki March 17, 2012, 11:55 am

    Other than the obvious thing I would change about my husband (see my essay posted a few weeks ago), I would love for my husband to be more decisive. He has trouble making decisions and it drives me nuts. I am good at making decisions, but sometimes I just want him to do it. We can stand at Taco Bell for 10 minutes before he picks what he wants and then he’ll question the decision after ordering.

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  • avatar

    SpaceySteph March 17, 2012, 8:32 pm

    Threadjack. I’m getting married, you guys!

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    • LadyinPurpleNotRed

      LadyinPurpleNotRed March 17, 2012, 9:09 pm

      congrats!!

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      jlyfsh March 17, 2012, 9:24 pm

      aww congrats! 🙂

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      SpaceySteph March 17, 2012, 10:03 pm

      Thanks. Sorry, he proposed last night so I’m in that “have to tell everyone” stage. And I’m at work until midnight, so I can’t actually go out and celebrate. So here I am, telling all the fine folks at DW.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 18, 2012, 6:49 am

        And as you should! Congratulations! I remember thinking it might happen over the holidays with both your families there. So I was just a few months off. Not a bad guess for a stranger, eh?? … No pressure, but: don’t forget to tell us how he proposed, like right now.

        p.s. Sorry, all, for my meltdown and lil’ tantrum from Friday (above). I’m, um, fine now. Anyone with kids should be used to that behavior. Moving on. SpaceySteph, back to you: tell us more!!

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        SpaceySteph March 18, 2012, 5:13 pm

        Ok! I was controlling the space station friday night until midnight. Afterwards, we had plans to meet up for drinks so I was already slightly suspicious. Then right before I was about to get off and go meet him at a bar, he texts me to say he needs me to run upstairs and “do something” for him. So then I got really suspicious.
        Upstairs from current mission control is historic Apollo mission control, where they have the old consoles they used to control the moon landing. And he was there with flowers and a ring and asked me to marry him.
        I know its ridiculously nerdy, but I got proposed to in the room from which they controlled the moon landings, and I think that’s awesome.

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      • JK

        JK March 18, 2012, 5:34 pm

        That is so sweet! And I love that he proposed in an original way! And just what you would´ve wanted, from the sound of things. 🙂

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      • Cleopatra_30

        Cleopatra_30 March 18, 2012, 5:38 pm

        Man for a second when you said when you were “controlling the space station”, i thought it was code for something else, but you really help control the space station! That is super wicked!!! On another note, congrats:D

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        SpaceySteph March 19, 2012, 9:48 am

        “controlling the space station” would be an excellent euphemism for any number of things! Too bad I can’t use it, maybe the rest of you can make it catch on!

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        Addie Pray March 19, 2012, 6:41 am

        Awesome! And then did you make out in the room from which they controlled the moon landings? You should see if you can get married there. Or in a planetarium. This is reminding me of when Ross and Rachel made out in a … wait, it was a planetarium, right? A star galaxy room? What do you call where they were? Why does everything on here remind me of Friends? And why do I not know what that’s called? My brain has not been working right lately.

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        SpaceySteph March 19, 2012, 9:53 am

        Yes we did make out there. Although truth be told that is neither the first time with this guy nor was this the first guy I have made out with in there. It will probably be the last guy though 😉
        It’s a very romantic room, if you’re a massive nerd like me.

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        Jessibel March 18, 2012, 4:14 pm

        Congrats!

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      • FireStar

        FireStar March 18, 2012, 6:03 pm

        Sounds perfect! Congratulations!

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    • JK

      JK March 18, 2012, 6:43 am

      Congratulations!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy March 18, 2012, 7:25 am

      Congrats!

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    • avatar

      Nadine March 18, 2012, 8:48 am

      Congratulations!!!

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      Britannia March 18, 2012, 12:21 pm

      Congratulations!! <3

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    • avatar

      Taylor March 18, 2012, 12:55 pm

      Yay! Happy day =)

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    • avatar

      Rachel March 18, 2012, 6:29 pm

      Congratulations!

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  • Lyra

    L March 17, 2012, 9:53 pm

    The big thing with my boyfriend is something I’ve talked about here before: he is HORRIBLE with money. He makes the stupidest money decisions EVER. His credit card debt is sky-high. When he has money, he spends it immediately. The thing that bothers me the most though is that he lends money to his friends so freely. Not just $5 for a mocha or something, he loans them sometimes $100 or more. Not that I don’t like his friends, but they either they never pay him back (one friend owes him almost $1,000) and/or my boyfriend just doesn’t have the money to give.

    Oh, and he chews his nails. That drives me nuts.

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    • avatar

      Sue Jones March 19, 2012, 5:00 pm

      Don’t marry him.

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    Jessibel March 18, 2012, 4:23 pm

    Sometimes I wish I could change the way my man sneezes. It’s not really something he can control, so I never vocalize my annoyance. I truly try not to get annoyed, but whenever he sneezes it’s always at least 3-4 times in quick succession, it’s open-mouthed, and it’s LOUD! He doesn’t try to contain them at all, and if you’re on the phone or watching tv, you have to either stop talking or pause the tv entirely (thank goodness for my true life partner, my DVR :-P) It’s totally something that I can live with, but sometimes I just want to roll my eyes when he’s sneezing.

    He also talks to me while I’m on the phone having a conversation with someone, or tries to add input to the conversation. I usually go into another room when I’m on the phone with someone, usually my parents, but after I’ve been on the phone a few minutes, he’ll follow me into the room and start talking to me about what I’m talking to them about! I don’t understand yet why he does it, but I’m also trying not to get annoyed about that one because I think he might be lonely for family conversations the way my family has conversations. His family isn’t as open as mine is, and I think he may want that, hence his butting into the phone conversations. Obviously since I’ve posted several times I would have to pick one of these things I want to change, lol! We’re an amazing team, and really great communicators, but sometimes I don’t want to make any type of deal about these things, because he’s so great in 95% of other areas of our lives, and nobody’s perfect (as a person OR as a half of a couple). I can name maybe 5 things right now I know he’d want to change about me, including the fact that when I try to be nice to everyone, I end up letting people walk all over me, and don’t stand up for myself as much as he’d like me to.

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    • avatar

      Rachel March 18, 2012, 6:31 pm

      Haha, my boyfriend has the loudest sneezes ever. It’s usually just one, and it’ll come out of nowhere and be super loud and scare the crap outta me!

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      • BriarRose

        BriarRose March 19, 2012, 11:05 am

        Oh my gosh, my ex-husband is like that! No warning at all (as in, no inhaling of breath to warn you it’s coming) and then just the loudest sneeze you’ve ever heard. It used to wake up our daughter and scare the dog. I would get so pissed that he wouldn’t even try to stiffle it when she was asleep.

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        Jessibel March 19, 2012, 12:25 pm

        HAha, in my case there is an almost equally as loud inhale! I know when it’s coming so brace myself. It amazes me that all 3 or 4 (yesterday morning there were 8 in a row, I should contact the Guinness Book of World Records!) are equally as explosive too! I feel naggy that I keep having to remind him to cover his mouth, but when I ask him to he is usually very contrite, because he’s a germaphobe and I guess he understands, lol. We’re buying an air purifier, hopefully that will help. Our apartment is insanely dusty because he is a computer engineer and therefore we have many, many types of electronics in our house, and those create much dust.

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    • JK

      JK March 19, 2012, 12:21 pm

      I´m the loud sneezer in our family (they´re terrible and I can´t contain them!) But my husband´s sneezes are SO annoying, it´s a pathetic little achoo (like a kitten would sneeze), only he always does like 4-5 in a row. Then he gets hiccups. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

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        Jessibel March 19, 2012, 12:30 pm

        HAhaha, I do those pathetic little achoo’s and those pathetic little coughs after abs classes at the gym! I invite people to make fun of me for those 😛

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      • JK

        JK March 19, 2012, 12:45 pm

        In a girl it´s more accpetable, I suppose, I always tell my husband we should exchange sneezes, haha.

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      Addie Pray March 19, 2012, 12:45 pm

      My dad used to do those loud, thunderous sneezes that would make the whole house shake. I remember being so embarrassed when I was a kid and had friends over. They’d be like “what was that?!” A sneeze. (Cringe.) Funny how things embarrass you like that when you’re a kid.

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  • avatar

    GSF March 19, 2012, 4:50 pm

    I wish mine was more attentive and sweeter to me in general. I wish he would spoil me, flirt with me, hug me all the time, and give me compliments. He’s too self-involved to verbalized his feelings (dang only child syndrome), so those things don’t happen often. And he talks too much, to anyone who will listen. And he either grossly under- or overestimates time needed, money spent, distances, pretty much anything that could be measured, to fit the situation or conversation so that he comes out looking better ( i only spent $50 on this! When it was really $150 or I worked out for almost an hour today! When it was only 20 minutes). Overall he’s a good guy but his mother didn’t teach him much about relationships…

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  • avatar

    Nicolasa March 19, 2012, 8:32 pm

    I live in the sprawling metropolis of Los Angeles in the valley. The BF lives 30 miles away- which can be a nightmare with traffic (sometimes up to 2 hours). So I would love if he lived closer. Also, BF is very techy (and I’m practically technology illiterate)… it’d be nice if he backed up my computer like he promised already. But not going to start nagging on that yet. =)
    Other than that, its a fairly new relationship… so we’ll see.

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  • avatar

    Lamia March 20, 2012, 2:36 am

    I’d get my husband to stop changing the channel during commercials. It bothers the hell out of me because he never turns back on time, so I miss part of what’s going on!

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  • avatar

    Don Gwinn March 21, 2012, 4:24 pm

    I’d take a matched libido. She has actually made great strides in the last few years (and so have I) but it would be great if we just both wanted about the same amount of sex, more or less. Truthfully, I’d be just as tempted if someone said I could change my libido to match hers as the other way around.

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  • avatar

    kittyk March 21, 2012, 4:55 pm

    Oh, and I thought of another one in addition to the whole no flying thing- I really just wish he appreciated quiet a little more- and didn’t need to have a TV on constantly in the house and in the bedroom. I am a busy body, but I LOVE a quiet house. Or maybe some music on while I read or relax. But if he’s home, the TV is on. And I can’t stand it. It literally makes him anxious to have it off and have the house quiet. I mean, wtf. I can’t wait until we have a big huge house and he can have his man cave with his TV.

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