Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

What Advice Would You Give Your Ex’s New/Current Partner?

drunk

Recently, Daily Mail headed to Washington Square Park here in NYC to ask people what advice they would give their exes’ new partners. As you might expect, replies ranged from funny to angry to bitter with a few well-wishes in between.

One young man in a set of shades clearly has a lot to say about his ex, who he made no secret of finding to be a lot of work. ‘Get ready for extreme high maintenance!’ he says. ‘Do not touch her hair, do not touch her make-up. Make sure everything is clean and perfect the way she likes it, or there will be some problems.’

‘He will cheat on you too!’ declared one green-haired woman.

Another young lady seems hesitant at first to dish on her ex’s flaws, saying that she doesn’t ‘want to be mean about him’, but is soon enough letting them fly. She goes on to echo the other interviewee’s sentiments, implying their her ex is high maintenance, saying that his new partner should be sure to make things ‘less about you and more about him’.

So, what about you? What advice would you give your ex’s — or exes’ — new partner(s)?

47 comments… add one
  • avatar

    gigi June 21, 2016, 12:35 pm

    Keep your money completely separate at all times!! Wait, no just don’t do it, it’s not worth it.

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  • avatar

    ktfran June 21, 2016, 12:50 pm

    I actually have no warnings or advice to give anyone about a long term ex. We’ve always parted amicably. The romantic relationship fizzled, but the friendship was still there.

    I wish them well and hope they find happiness with the right person!

    However, there is one guy that was more of a FWB. He was a master manipulator. I would warn people about him.

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  • avatar

    TheHizzy June 21, 2016, 1:01 pm

    He’s said he loves the drama. Don’t let him make you into drama. You can be the most chill person ever and he just ties to stir it up. Be careful!

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  • Amanda

    Amanda June 21, 2016, 1:12 pm

    Run.

    Run fast, and run far.

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  • avatar

    Anonymousse June 21, 2016, 1:13 pm

    You can’t make him happy. I’m pretty sure he’s bipolar.
    Don’t buy anything that was made in China, ever.

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  • veritek33

    veritek33 June 21, 2016, 1:16 pm

    He’s your problem now. Good luck.

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  • Kate B.

    Kate B. June 21, 2016, 1:19 pm

    Three years of anger management therapy was not enough. Do not use a dishwasher or a dryer, ever.

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  • GertietheDino

    GertiethDino June 21, 2016, 2:07 pm

    When he says, “I guess I’ll just kill myself then,” that’s manipulation. Shut that shit down.

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  • avatar

    K June 21, 2016, 2:07 pm

    Be ready for him to disappoint you and cancel on things last minute. (Actually, that goes for the two most recent exes.)

    Get used to fighting and emotions running high. He is very emotional, and not in a good way.

    He’s going to spend most of his time drinking, smoking pot and playing video games, so if you are not a homebody and/or don’t enjoy those things, stay away.

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  • avatar

    Lovelygirl June 21, 2016, 2:40 pm

    He’s super clingy and can’t stand to not touch you at all times. He expects traditional gender roles to still exist where you do ALL the cooking/cleaning/laundry. He’s extremely emotional and moody if things aren’t his way. Hes also very black and white. If you change your mind on something he will start a huge argument about your “inconsistencies”.

    OMG why did I put up with this crap?

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  • Diablo

    Diablo June 21, 2016, 2:49 pm

    Don’t try to make yourself over into some sort of “ideal feminist male” to placate her constant politicizing of every interaction, because no matter what you do, you’re a still a guy, and therefore, responsible for all bad things in the world. You might as well own it. It’s more fun to be a bad person by her standard anyway.

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  • avatar

    Cheesecaker2911 June 21, 2016, 2:52 pm

    Basically, walk out now, and don’t look back. Don’t let him try to charm you into returning or thinking he’s “better”. He’s always going to be a mean, worthless pot head who drinks to much and wets the bed/chair/couch after doing so because he’s too freaking lazy to walk to the bathroom. When he say’s he’s a terrible boy friend, believe him. He will cheat on you, or is using you to cheat on whoever else he’s with. He will use you financially, and any other way he can. He will tell you he loves you, but again, he’s lying. He only loves himself, and even that is hit or miss sometimes.

    Run, don’t walk. Run. And for the love of all things holy, block him on every possible form of social media.

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  • avatar

    Bonnie June 21, 2016, 3:02 pm

    He will manipulate you into staying with him while he is seeking sex with 18 year olds.

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  • avatar

    Ale June 21, 2016, 3:05 pm

    You won’t be a priority. He is emotionally unavailable. He’ll make you feel sorry for asking him for his attention.

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  • avatar

    Ron June 21, 2016, 3:25 pm

    I parted very amicably with my ex-gf based on geographical incompatibility. I’d have told her new bf to appreciate her, she was an amazing young woman. That was quite a few decades ago.

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    • Diablo

      Diablo June 21, 2016, 4:07 pm

      Yeah, I broke up with my last ex almost three decades ago, too, so i doubt that what i said about her is even true anymore, but that’s OK.

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  • Portia

    Portia June 21, 2016, 3:46 pm

    He’s got to deal with his insecurities and depression, you can’t do that for him.

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  • avatar

    wobster109 June 21, 2016, 3:47 pm

    Do not take care of his schedule or life. Don’t swoop in to remind him to make that dentist appointment or whatever. I understand that when you care about someone, you want to help him out and make sure he’s doing ok. But step back. This is a guy who is sensitive to context. If you act as organizer, scheduler, and general handler of administrative stuff, then he will slack off and you will be doing everything. He will fall back into the routine of letting his parents handle things, except you are the parent. So step back and trust that he’ll handle it. He will.

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  • Stonegypsy

    Stonegypsy June 21, 2016, 3:50 pm

    First Ex) His dad is the only sane person in his family. Don’t ever turn your back on his older brother, that guy is dangerous

    Second Ex) He was a terrible boyfriend, but he’s grown up a lot. Just, be prepared to listen to some conspiracy theories, and if you’re not cool with a *lot* of alone time, move on now. He is fantastic but he likes his space.

    Third Ex) He is absolutely the best, kindest, most generous human in the world. And if he tells you something, he means it and you can trust him.

    Last Ex) If it’s even a little easier for him to lie to you than tell you the truth, he will. He has no idea what he wants, and he will say anything he has to to avoid conflict.

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  • mjmaim

    mjmaim June 21, 2016, 3:56 pm

    He needs to face his insecurities but he won’t because “emotions and shit” isn’t manly. So he will expect you to be everything he needs to make him a whole and happy person, because he isn’t already. Get ready to clean up after him as he gets drunk every night, and he’ll expect you to make him dinner and simultaneously get hot and horny for the drunken slob. But now matter how hard you try you will never be good enough. Get ready to do everything he wants, whenever he wants, because it’s all about him. And don’t dare ask him to do something you want….because he’ll pout and say that if you loved him you would do what he wants….and if he does do what you want, he’ll make the entire thing miserable and you will regret it. And don’t forget to smile!

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  • avatar

    Bondgirl June 21, 2016, 4:33 pm

    Well, aside from telling her “good luck he’s your problem now,” be ready for everything to be ALLLLLLLLLL about him. And your feelings and concerns definitely don’t matter anymore. Even if he says they do. He’s lying.

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  • avatar

    SpaceySteph June 21, 2016, 4:34 pm

    Fighting with you is not the same as fighting for you.

    My ex picked fights, leading to explosive arguments (frequently ending with him threatening to leave and me begging him to stay), and then of course made up and promised never to do it again. I thought we fought because there was too much passion, rather than because we were deeply incompatible. He was 20 when we broke up, so maybe he grew out of it.

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    • Portia

      Portia June 22, 2016, 7:04 am

      Yeah, I broke up with the ex I mentioned at 19, so he certainly could have changed by now. Plus it was over a decade ago and he’s married with a kid.

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  • avatar

    dinoceros June 21, 2016, 4:36 pm

    You might think his very loud laugh is cute now, but just wait. It’s going to get annoying real fast.

    He says he’s a feminist, but he thinks a high percentage of women trick men into impregnating them and believes all women are worse at communication than all men.

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    • veritek33

      veritek33 June 21, 2016, 4:46 pm

      Did we date the same guy? That laugh got REAL annoying real fast

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      • avatar

        dinoceros June 22, 2016, 3:48 pm

        Haha. I thought it was so endearing in the beginning, then later…

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    • avatar

      Jess June 22, 2016, 1:36 am

      Ick, hate those types. “I’m a feminist” yet almost every action and word contradicts that statement.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark June 21, 2016, 4:38 pm

    Enjoy it while it lasts. Sure, he damn well truly may just about be the best fuck ever. But BELIEVE him when he says that he is NOT looking for something longterm…

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  • avatar

    Ange June 21, 2016, 5:21 pm

    He likes to put holes in the wall next to women’s heads if they dare to try and go out with their friends.

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  • avatar

    Stillrunning June 21, 2016, 6:05 pm

    Be prepared to listen at length to him talk about how smart he is and how stupid everyone else is. He’ll use the word “sheeple” a lot.

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  • Kate B.

    Kate B. June 21, 2016, 6:25 pm

    He’ll make you feel guilty for not having sex when you’re sick. If you loved him, you’d do it, no matter what.

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  • avatar

    Bcamber June 21, 2016, 6:56 pm

    If you are exclusive, he is cheating on you.

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  • avatar

    Bryana June 21, 2016, 7:02 pm

    Know that his mother will always come first, and that you will be at the bottom of his list of priorities. He is and his mother are always right, and you better do exactly as they say and not have any opinions of your own. Be prepared to be a doormat. Keep finances separate, because he will spend it all. Ultimately, don’t waste your time. You can do better.

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    • avatar

      Sketchee June 21, 2016, 9:08 pm

      Wow Bryana do we have the same ex? <3

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      • avatar

        Bondgirl June 21, 2016, 9:11 pm

        I’m genuinely curious if anyone in this reply thread has the same ex. Is that weird? lol.

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  • avatar

    Jess June 22, 2016, 1:34 am

    Hooo boy.

    #1 – Notorious momma’s boy. Watch out for nasty phone calls from ma.
    #2 -Raging alcoholic and had sex with my best friend; avoid at all costs.
    #3- Emotionally stunted and a cleverly disguised fuck boy.

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  • avatar

    WARNING ! June 22, 2016, 3:47 am

    Con artist and will suck you dry financially

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  • avatar

    Another Jen June 22, 2016, 12:17 pm

    Nothing is EVER his fault. Lost jobs, poor relationships with his son and daughter, bankruptcy, criminal record…every single thing that goes wrong is the result of people being out to get him.

    He will manufacture crisis situations to gain sympathy and further entrench your relationship. He will make you feel like you’re the only person in the world on his side and that, without you, he’ll drown.

    He will destroy your confidence, isolate your from your family, drive you to question your own sanity, and steal from you. He will become violent.

    It will happen by degrees and you might not notice it until you’re in up to your eyeballs.

    I hope you see the signs I didn’t. I hope you protect yourself and get out sooner than I did. I hope you trust your gut and your inner voice and don’t get caught up in his crazy.

    I wish all of his bad qualities were tattooed on his face, because he’s quite charming and fun at first and you won’t believe how fast he can dig in.

    I’m so happy he’s in my rear-view.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark June 22, 2016, 12:33 pm

    Wow. You ALL dated a real crop of LOSERS…

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    • avatar

      ktfran June 22, 2016, 12:39 pm

      That’s kind of what I was thinking.

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    • avatar

      SpaceySteph June 22, 2016, 1:00 pm

      Should say “WE” all. I see you up there, too.

      Also… yes.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark June 22, 2016, 1:20 pm

        Eh, mine wasn’t a loser — he just had no desire to ever settle down. A fact he was VERY up front with me about, actually.

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    • avatar

      bondgirl June 22, 2016, 2:43 pm

      Well if these prospective suitors came with “LOSER” signs around their necks, it’d be a lot easier to avoid dating them! But alas, life doesn’t work that way.

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    • avatar

      dinoceros June 22, 2016, 3:48 pm

      Yes, yes, I did.

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    • avatar

      Stillrunning June 22, 2016, 6:14 pm

      Sorry to say that’s how a lot of us learned who to stay away from.

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    • avatar

      Kelly L. June 23, 2016, 9:32 am

      I think the nature of the question tends to make people think of their losers rather than their good exes.

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    • avatar

      Another Jen June 23, 2016, 12:13 pm

      I actually married the loser…way worse than just dating him! Three years post-divorce, I feel like I walked out of a flaming train wreck with just enough scars to remind me not to be an idiot again.

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