We’ve talked plenty about red flags in a relationship — you know, like when a person you’ve been dating for several years is still married and still lives with his wife, but he says he has “one foot out the door” — but what about the signs that a person is actually a great potential partner and fit for you? There’s a post over on Reddit about relationship “green flags” — signs that indicate a person is a keeper.
Most people know by now that I met Drew on a blind date over ten years ago when I was visiting NYC one weekend from Chicago. The first date went so well that we ended up spending a big portion of the weekend together. The last night I was in town I was seeing a friend perform at a bar that happened to be across the street from Drew’s apartment (that I eventually moved into with him a year and a half later). I’d already said my good-byes to him, but when I got a text midway through my friend’s performance that Drew was recording one of my favorite shows at the time (“Grey’s Anatomy,” which I can’t believe is still on the air) in case I wanted to come over and watch it later, I was so touched. Sure, it was a pretty obvious ploy to see me again… but isn’t that kind of what you want in a potential love interest — someone who really wants to see you again and is thoughtful about ways to make that happen?
Sometimes I think “green flags” aren’t necessarily signs that’s you’ve found the right match for you, but that they can at least tell you you’ve found a good person. I have an ex-boyfriend I dated for four years (and lived with for three) whom I probably shouldn’t have been with more than a year or so, but he was such a kind and good person who made me feel cared for that it was hard to walk away even when I knew I wasn’t in love anymore. Early on, when we were still just friends and hadn’t started dating yet, I had to make a nine-hour drive from “godforsaken” Springfield, Missouri, where we both lived at the time, to Chicago, to pick up my car that had been in the shop for a few weeks after an accident I’d been in on my last visit. I was nervous about the drive since the last one resulted in said accident and I was especially nervous to make the trip alone. My then-friend offered to come with me, which really touched me, and it made me see him in a new light. He ended up not being the right fit for me, but he did set the bar high for how I wanted and expected to be treated by a significant other, and so. when I met Drew years later, it was easy to recognize that same thoughtfulness and care, but with the added benefit of his being a great fit for me, too.
What are some green flags you’ve seen in relationships, past or present?