Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

What Beauty/ Grooming Secrets Do You Keep From Your Partner?

canstockphoto24002020This article posted on you.beauty the other day got me thinking about what beauty/grooming secrets I and other women might keep from our partners. I admit, I’m pretty lax in my relationship in regard to keeping up some sort of “feminine mystique.” After your husband sees you in labor, blood and fluid and vomit and whatever else gushing out of various orifices (for the record, I’m pretty sure I didn’t poop, but still), any mystique — and with it, modesty or humility — that might have remained after years of living together is basically obliterated.

Still, there are a few little beauty/grooming things I like to, if not exactly keep secret, at least tend to privately, with the door closed. Things like: hair removal, particularly chin whiskers — which, oh my God, when I’m pregnant, isn’t so much “chin whiskers” as it is a whole fucking face full of facial fur; applying makeup (like, of course, Drew sees me bare-faced all the time, as well as with makeup on and I’m fine with both; it’s just the process of getting from Point A to Point B that I prefer keeping to myself); and trimming toenails (I mean, no one needs to see that). What about you? What beauty/grooming secrets, if any, do you keep from your partner? And has your secrecy/modesty changed at all over the course of your relationship?

79 comments… add one
  • Crochet.Ninja

    Crochet.Ninja April 14, 2015, 12:03 pm

    plucking of the chin hairs he had no idea i did until maybe a year ago? same with the fur on my upper lip. completely oblivious. i dont necessarily ‘hide’ it, i just take care of it and he’s never noticed lol

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom April 14, 2015, 12:28 pm

    None. Hiding grooming habits would be a hassle and would make it seem like I was ashamed of them or embarrassed by them.

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    • Raccoon eyes

      Raccoon eyes April 15, 2015, 7:09 am

      Sky, I totally agree…to a point. 😉 When the bf and I began cohabitating, I could no longer hide the face hair removal cream weekly 12 minutes on my face and the occasional biore nose strip. So I made it a joke that he wasnt allowed to look at me when either of those was on my face. He did used to look away….not really anymore. I suppose the magic is gone… haha

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  • gigi

    gigi April 14, 2015, 12:32 pm

    Eyebrow grooming, flossing, nail trimming for sure. I actually prefer to do it all (makeup, washing my face, doing my hair etc,) with the door closed – but that doesn’t always work out with 1 bathroom. Luckily I don’t live with my BF, so for the most part I get to keep my routines private – yay!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy April 14, 2015, 12:38 pm

      Oh yes, flossing for sure!!

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    • avatar

      snoopy128 April 14, 2015, 1:04 pm

      Oh, we floss together all the time! I guess it’s because of all the dentists in our families.

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      • gigi

        gigi April 14, 2015, 1:29 pm

        I have lots of dentists in my family as well…but just, can’t do it.

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        K April 14, 2015, 2:00 pm

        My boyfriend’s father is a dentist and my bf flosses in front of me all the time! I haven’t flossed in a long time and need to get back to it… :-[

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      • avatar

        snoopy128 April 14, 2015, 2:27 pm

        My parents always walked around flossing. And I purposely floss infront of my bf in order to remind him to do it.

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      • Portia

        Portia April 14, 2015, 8:08 pm

        Oh Bassanio will floss everywhere, including while sitting on the couch. Apparently his parents would floss together while watching TV. We did have to have discussions about throwing away the floss afterward… One that really bothers me is used floss in the shower.
        .
        I walk around brushing my teeth all the time, I just get bored standing in front of the sink.

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      • avatar

        MsMisery April 15, 2015, 12:14 pm

        I read while brushing my teeth (usually trashy tabloids, I don’t wanna get my books wet). It helps pass that 3 minutes the ADA recommends.

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  • Lianne

    Lianne April 14, 2015, 12:47 pm

    Hair removal, for sure. I get pedicures, so I rarely, if ever, clip my own toe nails…but when I do, that is another behind-closed-door chore. Other than that, I don’t hide much! If he’s around, I would pluck my eyebrows around him, put on makeup, do hair, etc, but usually he is somewhere else….we both floss around each other.

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  • avatar

    Kate April 14, 2015, 12:49 pm

    yeah, definitely the chin whiskers. And I don’t like him standing there while I do my hair, but there’s no logical reason for that. Oh and if I’m squeezing pores, that’s gross.

    My ex-bf was this real weirdo who, through dating me, became obsessed with grooming. He would do everything I did, I’m not kidding. He started with getting a haircut from my stylist, and is still annoyingly going to her 10 years later. Then he asked me for skin product reco’s and was using EVERYTHING you can imagine. I taught him to pluck his eyebrows and manicure his nails. Once I took him to get a facial and he kept doing it. He LOVED that while he was getting the facial they put this thick lotion on his hands and put them into heated gloves. He asked me to get him the heated gloves as a gift. He did other stuff too, like teeth bleaching, Invisalign, Propecia, and on and on and on. And was NOT GAY.

    My husband has picked up using a (men’s) anti-aging SPF lotion from me, as well as a few other things like getting eyebrow waxes.

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    • Lyra

      Lyra April 14, 2015, 1:28 pm

      HA, can you come and train Navy Guy about grooming stuff for me?? 😉
      .
      The day of the Navy Ball, after my hurrrrr blow out appointment, he kept on hovering in the bathroom with me while I was doing my face, like literally standing right next to me looking in the mirror as I did my thing. I subtly asked him to not watch me, but then finally was all “dude, leave me alone” and he got the hint. I think he was fascinated, but it was just so odd, haha.

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      • avatar

        Kate April 14, 2015, 1:44 pm

        Yeah, like I don’t mind him watching me put on makeup in principal, but if I’m concentrating on my blending or my liner, I don’t need anyone hovering!

        Tell him you want him to get his eyebrows done for the wedding. He’ll probably like it.

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  • avatar

    Kate April 14, 2015, 12:51 pm

    Oh, and of course anal bleaching.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy April 14, 2015, 12:59 pm

      I mean, naturally. That goes without saying.

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    • avatar

      Taylor April 14, 2015, 2:52 pm

      Is that really a thing? I’m scared to google it.

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      • avatar

        MsMisery April 15, 2015, 12:17 pm

        I know ONE person who does this, but she is into amateur webcam stuff with her boyfriend. She also gets the WHOLE KIT WAXED. I don’t know “regular” (no shame associated with the quotes) people who do this.

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  • avatar

    TheRascal April 14, 2015, 1:05 pm

    I am fairly opening about my grooming habits. I’ve plucked the occasional chin hair in front of Mr. Rascal. Have clipped my toenails. Floss. Ummmm….am I gross? I really don’t care if he sees anything. Maybe the one thing I don’t want him seeing is taking care of my bikini line, but that is about it.

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    • Lianne

      Lianne April 14, 2015, 1:11 pm

      That’s funny because I swear a friend of mine, for the life of me I can’t recall who, told me about how sexy it was to have her partner shave her va-jay. I was like, woah. That’s a LOT of trust, girl.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki April 14, 2015, 1:46 pm

        I recently told my husband that he was going to have to do that because I can no longer see it =/ I came out after the last time and flashed him all kinds of immodestly and asked how I did and he said “uhhh I think you’re gonna need a crew to fix that…” so now he’s in charge 😛

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      • Lianne

        Lianne April 14, 2015, 1:59 pm

        Ha!!!! That’s amazing. But your situation is a matter of function. This was of a sexual nature. And I just don’t think I could relax to enjoy that!

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki April 14, 2015, 2:12 pm

        That’s true. I’ve heard of people doing it just for fun or whatever and that’s a little odd to me, but whatever.

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        va-in-ny April 15, 2015, 10:28 am

        Eh, I have my boyfriend wax my bikini line with one of those at-home kits if I am not able to get into see the waxer and NEED it done. It’s not “sexy” in any way, but more of a “Hey, you’re here and can hold the skin tight. Can you do this for me?”

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  • avatar

    eelliinnss April 14, 2015, 1:12 pm

    My boyfriend sees pretty much everything. I keep my butt stuff private from him (not sure how it’ll work once we move in together this fall… any tips?), and I’d be horrified if he knew about the one or two random long hairs that grow out of the middle of my forehead (wtf, nature?) but other than that, none of my grooming habits are particularly gross or embarrassing.

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    • avatar

      eelliinnss April 14, 2015, 1:12 pm

      Unrelated: Can anyone recommend a good anal bleach? Asking for a friend.

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    • Lianne

      Lianne April 14, 2015, 1:17 pm

      What do you mean by “butt stuff?”

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      • avatar

        Kate April 14, 2015, 1:53 pm

        Ok I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I’m working on a product (at work) that makes your asshole glow. I know I told you yesterday, Lianne, but I just can’t not post it here.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne April 14, 2015, 1:58 pm

        And it’s NOT from self-tanner!!

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      • mrmidtwenties

        mrmidtwenties April 14, 2015, 2:07 pm

        Is your company hiring in Canada, @Kate? I want to sell people on glowing assholes

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      • avatar

        Anonymous April 14, 2015, 2:11 pm

        Yes, we are now a 40,000 person global corp since we got acquired. That includes Canada. If you want to be amazed and horrified by new product innovations on a daily basis, this is the place for you.

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        Kate April 14, 2015, 2:13 pm

        Oops, my response didn’t post. But yes, we are. We’re global.

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      • mrmidtwenties

        mrmidtwenties April 14, 2015, 2:19 pm

        Yay…It’s always been my dream to sell glowing buttholes

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki April 14, 2015, 2:22 pm

        That’s a very odd and specific dream.

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      • avatar

        Kate April 14, 2015, 2:26 pm

        Well wait wait, full disclosure, WE don’t sell the glowing assholes, one of our clients does. We help clients with their new product development, so we are exposed to all kinds of F’d up stuff on a daily basis.

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      • avatar

        Kate April 14, 2015, 2:27 pm

        We’re always hiring sales people though.

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      • mrmidtwenties

        mrmidtwenties April 14, 2015, 2:36 pm

        @Kate I was only half serious, but that is a seriously funny product, is the glowing ass a side effect or the main purpose?

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      • avatar

        Anonymous April 14, 2015, 2:40 pm

        Main purpose.

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      • avatar

        Kate April 14, 2015, 2:43 pm

        I don’t know how to answer that without saying too much 🙁

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      • avatar

        eelliinnss April 14, 2015, 2:37 pm

        Pooping and farting. And shaving near it.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne April 14, 2015, 3:27 pm

        Well, for pooping and shaving, just shut the door and have a “don’t ask don’t tell policy” when the door is shut. For farting, I don’t know what to tell you…I have gotten comfortable with that 🙂

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  • avatar

    SpaceySteph April 14, 2015, 1:23 pm

    We are mostly open, but then I don’t really do much in the way of grooming beyond like the standard (same things he does). We have a bathroom with a separate toilet room (awesome invention for married people, by the way) but we are often in the bathroom at the sink or shower at the same time and I do think its weird to shave my legs in our glass shower while he’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth. But I do sometimes, because I don’t have all day to stand in the shower.
    Once I was removing eye makeup in the bathroom at the end of a night out and he was like “what are you doing?” so I told him “taking off my makeup.” And he replied “You’re wearing makeup?” At that point I had one eye on and one eye off so I invited him to come over and compare. He was just like “Oh, yeah, I guess so.”
    Also for some reason, the sound made by toenail clipping irks him, so I do that when he’s not around for his own benefit… if it were up to me I wouldn’t worry about it.

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  • avatar

    shakeourtree April 14, 2015, 1:33 pm

    I don’t like being watched/joined in the shower. All of my past boyfriends have wanted to shower together, and I will indulge them only occasionally and only if I’m not actually all that dirty. Showering with a guy is basically a guarantee that your boobs will be squeaky clean, if nothing else. But I really just don’t need anyone watching me soap up my butt crack or contorting myself to shave my crotch.

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  • avatar

    MissDre April 14, 2015, 1:35 pm

    I’ve never lived with a guy, so I’m not really sure what I would or would not hide from them. I can’t imagine being embarrassed by shaving or doing my makeup around a guy. I’ve definitely talked about getting my eyebrows waxed and pedicures and all that stuff to guys… I’m pretty sure the only thing I won’t do is go to the bathroom with the door open. In my opinion, that should stay private.

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  • honeybeenicki

    honeybeenicki April 14, 2015, 1:49 pm

    We don’t really keep much as far as grooming to ourselves. We have a no toilet-ing in front of each other rule, but that’s about it. Everything else is pretty much an open book. Although his ex used to pop his pimples (which apparently he hated but she insisted anyway? That’s weird. She does it to the kids too even though their doctor told her to stop it) and I draw the line at helping him out like all that.

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    • avatar

      snoopy128 April 14, 2015, 2:29 pm

      Oh I looooove popping my guy’s pimples. He allows it to a certain extent 🙂 I just get so much satisfaction from it.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki April 14, 2015, 3:23 pm

        Yeah I know there’s weirdos…. I mean people 😉 that love doing that or having it done, but I thought maybe there’s a line when the person being popped doesn’t like it. And she’s given the boy infections before because she won’t stop messing with them and even after the doctor said to stop she’d still do it (and like go after him with a needle and stuff to pop it). Then again, I love peeling sunburns. Mine and other people’s. So I guess I have no room to judge 🙂

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      • avatar

        booknerd April 14, 2015, 5:22 pm

        Doing it to a kid? That’s weird.

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    booknerd April 14, 2015, 1:51 pm

    There’s not much secrecy in my routine, but I don’t invite him in the bathroom. He probably doesn’t know i shave my toes. I do! Is that weird?
    We don’t floss together…and anyone blowing there nose in the same room is so gross unless you are deathly ill and don’t kabe the energy to leave.
    We don’t trim nails or anything together, but we both trim our body hair, so…
    I didn’t poop in childbirth but he was there, and we had a mirror set up so I saw it all, too.
    He took pictures of the placenta, which I recently saw. That was gross!

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    • avatar

      booknerd April 14, 2015, 1:52 pm

      Yikes! Misspellings. Sorry.

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    • Lianne

      Lianne April 14, 2015, 2:03 pm

      I shave my big toes too…I don’t think my husband knows that…nor did anyone else before I just spilled it here! Ha!
      .
      God, if I left a room every time I blew my nose, I would be in a room alone for my whole life. I am a VERY sniffly person.

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      • avatar

        ktfran April 14, 2015, 2:15 pm

        Yep. Shave the big toes… and a little hair grows on the tops of my feet. I shave that too. Also… this is totally TMI, but a few hairs will grow around the nipples and I pluck those. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do any of that in front of my dude.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne April 14, 2015, 2:59 pm

        Me too! I am Portuguese so I chalk it up to that 🙂 My husband does not see me do ANY of that type of removal.

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        ktfran April 14, 2015, 3:54 pm

        I didn’t even realize it was a thing that needed addresses until a college roommate said she had to take care of it. Thank god for college! I learned so much about grooming…..

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        booknerd April 14, 2015, 2:19 pm

        I hear you. I have seasonal allergies all the time. I get grossed out by phlegmy people, even though I am! I admit I don’t always leave. But I try to. It’s worse when it’s like a wet coughing/honking out a huge wad in the tissues. That’s like nails on a chalkboard.

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        jlyfsh April 14, 2015, 2:21 pm

        Me four to the toes. And also to being sniffly. My nose is pretty much stuffy year round. No matter what allergy medicines I’ve tried it doesn’t help 100%. I wonder what it’s like to not have a stuffy nose every day of your life sometimes.

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        booknerd April 14, 2015, 2:25 pm

        God, me too. I’ve thought about going to the doctor again to be like…why??? Nothing helps. And then when it is allergy season…I can feel my face inflate when I walk outside.

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        jlyfsh April 14, 2015, 2:45 pm

        I’ve given up on there being anything to help. I’ve tried every nasal spray and pill. Zyrtec plus flonase makes it more bearable, but I still get face inflation as well. And that feeling that my head is going to pop off from the pressure. I hate that.

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      • Lianne

        Lianne April 14, 2015, 3:01 pm

        Since we got our kitty, I am on a Flonase/Allegra daily cocktail and it seems to have helped ALOT with the sniffles. But also? Spring has sprung and I am not cold all the effing time, so that could be why too.

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        jlyfsh April 14, 2015, 3:11 pm

        I think Allegra worked better but it made me so tired I couldn’t function. That didn’t work out so well with needing to go to work every day!

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      • Lianne

        Lianne April 14, 2015, 3:13 pm

        Were you taking the decongestant version – you know, the one you have to show your license for?

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        jlyfsh April 14, 2015, 3:16 pm

        No, I just seem to be very sensitive to medication in general. Zyrtec makes me pretty tired too, but I can stay awake. Allegra though, I could use it as a sleeping pill!

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      • Lianne

        Lianne April 14, 2015, 3:28 pm

        Interesting! And that sucks…

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  • mylaray

    mylaray April 14, 2015, 2:08 pm

    My husband and I are maybe too comfortable with each other’s bodies. I pull tampons/pads out in front of him and he injects blood products everyday so we’re always joking about blood and his gross health stuff. I do almost anything in front of him except poop. I do prefer to shave my legs alone for extra room (though I kinda love when he shaves my legs) and I hate brushing my teeth with someone else there because it’s crowded and kind of weird. When the day comes that I have to shave my face, he probably won’t see that.

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    • avatar

      booknerd April 14, 2015, 2:22 pm

      I think I’ve pulled out tampons etc, too. And I don’t wrap them in a yard of toilet paper when I throw them out.

      Is it weird I love plucking hairs? The only thing is, I’ve never mastered my brows, because they always get swollen and then I have a million little zits the next day. I’ve tried everything to combat that but it’s never worked. I gave up. I have a stray hair below my belly button that I love plucking every times it’s back again. I’m weird.

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      snoopy128 April 14, 2015, 2:33 pm

      Oh gosh, I don’t know if I could ever pull out a tampon in front of somebody else except maaaaybe my best girl friends if we were drunk.

      I am, however, trying to get my boyfriend more used to the things girls have to go through. He grew up with all brothers, so I think sometime’s he’s really sheltered about that stuff. I explained my recent IUD insertion to him in lovely detail so that he could understand exactly what women go through with regards to birth control.

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      • avatar

        _s_ April 14, 2015, 2:52 pm

        Ha, that’s definitely one of the reasons I had my husband in the room when I got my IUD. Sure. I wanted the support, but I also wanted to make sure he understood what I go through for BC when he gets off scot free!

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      • mylaray

        mylaray April 14, 2015, 2:58 pm

        When I was a stripper, we had to wear tampons when we got our periods and cut the strings super short. Sometimes they would be hard to take out after work so other girls would help us. So I got pretty used to being very comfortable with that stuff.

        Now, if we’re gonna have sex, my period is so heavy, it’s easier to just take it out in bed and not get up.
        And…that was really TMI.
        I love the detailed explanation of getting an IUD. We go through a lot.

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        booknerd April 14, 2015, 3:13 pm

        I think it’s been for sex with me. That’s not TMI!

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      • Portia

        Portia April 14, 2015, 8:19 pm

        Bassanio was in the room holding my hand when I tried to get an IUD inserted. I was really glad he was there when it ended up not working out.

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        snoopy128 April 14, 2015, 9:07 pm

        Wow, I didn’t realize SO’s in the room for IUD insertion was a thing!

        I don’t know if I would have wanted my guy there. I wished we were closer (geographically) so he could have snuggled me through the cramping afterward.

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      • Portia

        Portia April 15, 2015, 7:01 am

        I forget if I asked the doctor, but I asked him if he would come and he agreed and took off work. He made some faces during it that I could have lived without, but overall very supportive. I mean, it was benefiting him and he knew it, so there was incentive, but still.

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  • avatar

    Taylor April 14, 2015, 2:55 pm

    Bathroom time is me time. I don’t like using the bathroom or any kind of hair removal with other people around. My toddler is the exception, just as a matter of practicality. Other than that, makeup, flossing etc. I do in front of my husband.

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  • veritek33

    veritek33 April 14, 2015, 3:33 pm

    1. No one is allowed in the bathroom while I’m using the toilet.
    2. Boyfriends have been allowed to shower with me but have been directed to get out when it’s time to shave anything. No, just no.

    Pretty much anything else is fair game.

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  • Cassie

    Cassie April 14, 2015, 5:33 pm

    We’re both private about toilet habits, and I wouldn’t landscape my lady parts in front of him, but most other things I’m fine with. We floss in front of each other, clip toenails, he likes it when I pluck random neck hairs for him, and he’s fascinated by my pore strip results.

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  • avatar

    docid April 14, 2015, 8:34 pm

    I’m pretty open about most things. I’ll seek privacy, but if he walks in, I’m gonna finish whatever I was doing. As far as passing gas goes, I always figured if I can’t pass gas in front of him, I don’t need to be sleeping with him. My sister is opposite – she was married and never passed gas in front of her husband, ever. But if you ever take medications with that kind of side effect, it requires a bit of patience from those who live with you.

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  • avatar

    jilliebean April 15, 2015, 9:14 am

    My takeaway from this thread: Yay! I’m not the only one with chin hairs!

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  • avatar

    McLovin April 16, 2015, 12:47 pm

    I’m always amazed by the lengths that women go to in order to look amazing. But, it’s so worth it!

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