Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

What Have Your Exes Ruined For You?

Last week I met up with my friend Sarah for some drinks at our old favorite watering hole (after back-to-back pregnancies — hers and then mine — we hadn’t met up there in a very long time). As we were finishing our first round (tequila shots followed by Rosé chasers; Sarah calls these “Cindy McCains”), a song came on that Sarah said her ex ruined for her. I didn’t have to ask what she meant. Obviously, it was a song she used to love and he probably loved it, too — maybe they even loved it together — and then things got all messy and complicated and they broke up and now, when she hears the song, rather than enjoying it like she used to, she remembers what an asshole that old ex was.

That got me thinking about things exes have ruined for me. Fortunately, the list isn’t very long, mainly because I’ve had so little in common with old boyfriends that there wasn’t much for them to ruin for me (if I’d ever been a fan of hacky sack, golf, or Steely Dan, that might be a different story, but no). There were maybe a couple of bars I loved that I stopped going to following breakups and maybe a few songs I didn’t want to hear anymore. I had to stop listening to Bob Marley for several months back in 1999 after a painful breakup, but somehow I survived the withdrawal and made it through to the other side, able to hear Redemption Song without tearing up.

What about you? Anything your exes have ruined for you?

77 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Anon August 11, 2015, 1:01 pm

    The song “There goes my baby” by Usher.

    A certain model of Chevy I used to really like

    The Big Bang Theory and countless other shows / movies :/

    The women’s perfume 24K

    New York City (Sorry, I hate that place)
    That’s just a few.. Funny thing is I was just thinking of this too, the other day.

    Sucks

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    • avatar

      SpaceySteph August 11, 2015, 1:25 pm

      Not The Big Bang Theory! Give it another chance! 🙂

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    keyblade August 11, 2015, 1:04 pm

    It would have been Buffy the Vampire Slayer and vegan-ism if I had ever cared about either to begin with. It took me a couple of years not to be automatically annoyed by either topic.

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  • avatar

    Kate August 11, 2015, 1:06 pm

    You know what, nothing I can think of! I had some pretty terrible experiences with my last ex-bf, and I often am reminded of him when I’m going somewhere or eating something or hear a certain song, but nothing feels like it got ruined. Oh, one thing, he used to be an insanely aggressive driver, and when I was driving he’d yell things. Like “DON’T LET THEM IN!” or, most memorably, “WHOA!!!!! BIG BRAKE, BIG BRAKE!!!” And now I do find myself going “whoa!” when someone else is driving, which of course everyone hates.

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  • avatar

    SpaceySteph August 11, 2015, 1:21 pm

    I honestly can’t think of anything my ex ruined. If you’d asked me a few years ago, the list would have been long, but I guess I’m really over him now because I think of the things I would have said before, I am good with them all. I probably would have said Disney World, but how could I let anyone ruin House of Mouse for me? Never!
    I might have said Melting Pot, but aside from being $$$, I still love a good fondue and have been with my husband a couple times. And even the song that made my cry for months after the breakup (Brad Paisley’s Waiting on a Woman, if you must know) I hear in the car sometimes and sing along to it, although I do still remember bursting into tears at the concert I saw a month after we broke up when that song came on… so maybe it should be ruined?
    It probably helps that we were long distance for over a year before we broke up so we didn’t have a lot of shared experiences to taint.

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  • avatar

    ktfran August 11, 2015, 1:34 pm

    You know, nothing comes to mind off the top of my head. There are things that remind me of exes and occasionally make me sad or make me think “what if.” But that’s rare. Any break up I’ve had with a serious boyfriend (or fiance) has been an easy one… so there were never any hard feelings. I think that helps. There were a few breaks up that were super hard, but those were from shorter relationships… but I don’t think we were together long enough for anything to be “ruined.”

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    • avatar

      ktfran August 11, 2015, 1:35 pm

      Also, I just realized that any long term relationship I’ve had has been with someone I worked with. Not even work has been ruined from these break ups.
      .
      So single ladies, start working for a large engineering firm… just saying.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph August 11, 2015, 1:48 pm

        My sister went to engineering camp one summer. She came back with a great slogan for girls in engineering: “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.”
        I married a fellow Aerospace Engineer, though, so not TOO odd.

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      • avatar

        ktfran August 11, 2015, 1:53 pm

        That’s hilarious!
        Oddly enough, out of the three past work dudes, one was in IT, the second was a civil engineer and the third was an environmental scientist. The current dude is an electrical engineer. So technically, only two engineers.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph August 11, 2015, 1:57 pm

        My brother is in IT… the goods are odd there, too! Nerds are nerds. 🙂

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      • avatar

        ktfran August 11, 2015, 2:04 pm

        So true. I make fun of electrical for being a nerd, although he surprisingly isn’t.

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      • avatar

        K August 11, 2015, 3:03 pm

        I have a long history of dating engineers. My current guy is an artist, and when I first started dating him I thought I’ve never dated an artist! How is this going to be?” Turns out, way better than any of my relationships with engineers! And I do want to work for a large environmental/engineering firm! Currently a meteorologist but I’d love to transition into environmental science.

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      • avatar

        Jane August 12, 2015, 9:06 am

        As an engineer… I can’t date any more engineers! I somewhat recently dated a more artsy guy, and there was WAY more chemistry, but I do think I might’ve swung too far to the other end of the spectrum with him.

        But it’s awesome to hear a success story like yours! That’s probably the type I’m more likely to go after now.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph August 12, 2015, 9:28 am

        When I was younger I would never date fellow engineering majors, because I felt like it would be boring and we’d only talk about math and there would be competition for who got the better test scores or job or whatever.
        But after my non-engineer college boyfriend dumped me, I was out of college by then and moved to a new state and all my friends were work friends (so pretty much all engineers) and it became inevitable.

        We both work at JSC in similar technical areas, so we talk about the ISS all the time and watch NASA TV together. But rather than be boring, I like that we know what the other is talking about.

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      • avatar

        Jane August 12, 2015, 12:26 pm

        Whoa, I also work at JSC (offsite contractor)! I really liked those aspects of dating engineers, but the arguments between two severely type A personalities I absolutely don’t miss.
        But yeah, I’m surrounded by them so that’s who I get asked out by. The older I get, the more “nice guys” there are though.

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      • avatar

        K August 12, 2015, 10:43 am

        Although I don’t know much about art, we share a lot of other common interests (hiking, kayaking, geography, trying new restaurants, etc.) so it works really well! He’s not really a typical artist type in the way his mind works, but he is definitely sensitive (in a good way) and caring.

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      • avatar

        ktfran August 12, 2015, 12:40 pm

        So… I’m in marketing/graphics/proposals. I guess I’m the “artsy” person in these relationships. Although, I’m now convinced I can design a CSO storage tunnel.

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      • Moneypenny

        Moneypenny August 11, 2015, 6:04 pm

        What about software engineers? I live/work in techie territory. I find that it’s hard to meet dudes who don’t even make eye contact with you.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph August 12, 2015, 8:48 am

        They would probably love it if you made the first move on them, so just go up to them and strike up a conversation!

        When I decided I liked my husband, basically threw myself at him (I went over to his house, asked for a tour, and then sat down on his bed, which is like the international symbol for “do me”) and he did nothing. So finally I was like “You know what? We should date.” and then we did. And then we got married. So, yeah, just make the first move!

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      • othy

        othy August 11, 2015, 2:50 pm

        As a person who comes from a family of engineers, this is a very common saying. (Seriously, both parents, a brother, two uncles, three aunts, and a grandpa are all engineers. The rest of us are mathematicians, statisticians, mechanics, software developers, CPAs, etc. This saying applies to almost all of these fields.)

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      • avatar

        memboard August 11, 2015, 9:16 pm

        And yet, they still to successfully reproduce….

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  • kare

    kare August 11, 2015, 1:36 pm

    If I really love something, my ex doesn’t make too much of a difference. However, it does turn me off of stuff I haven’t given a chance. For example, two guys I’ve dated loved House of Cards and said it was their favorite TV show. Both were massive douches. So when I see the suggestion on my Netflix, I’m just like “ehhh…maybe another day”. Futurama is bittersweet because my college boyfriend and I both loved the show, and he bought me the dvds for Christmas one year. I still love the show, but the handful of super sad episodes are even sadder to me.

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    • avatar

      Ale August 11, 2015, 1:51 pm

      You should definitely give House of Cards a chance.

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    • avatar

      Rel422 August 12, 2015, 12:25 pm

      House of Cards is really douchey (and a scary take on our society/government). I would vote against dating someone who says House of Cards is their favorite show.

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  • avatar

    Savannah August 11, 2015, 1:44 pm

    2nd ave from 5th to 40th st
    Sicilian pizza
    The Mets
    Getting makeup done at Sephora
    Amtrak

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  • avatar

    TheTruth August 11, 2015, 1:44 pm

    My HS sweetheart ruined The Cure for me… greatest band ever. Ruined. Every. Single. Song.

    Luckily we reunited, and my old LPs are getting played again.

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  • avatar

    eelliinnss August 11, 2015, 1:48 pm

    So many things! Toyota Corollas (he and his mother went through FOUR of them over the course of the relationship), country music (thankfully), card games (we played instead of watching tv), there’s a lot.

    The biggest one is hiking. My ex was all about it and we went all the time, and now I just associate it with him. I loved being in the woods, making it to a summit, always having a reason to buy a new Nalgene bottle, being in hiking shape, shopping for hiking clothes and shoes, dabbling in rock climbing, etc… and now I associate it all with him. It’s hard to take my current boyfriend into the woods because it’s kind of not the same, even though I know he’d go with me any time.

    On the plus side though, I no longer feel guilty for having dessert once in a while (my ex was a super healthy eater), I no longer feel the loneliness and neglect I experienced in our long distance relationship. Plus, my boyfriend now is showing me all the things he loves. I’ve started golfing (which I LOVE), gotten back into searching for new music and going to concerts, and look forward to cooking something new with him every day. We’re closing on our house in a few days, so for all the stuff that’s been ruined… I’m alright with it 🙂

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    • othy

      othy August 11, 2015, 2:58 pm

      How do you go through 4 Toyota Corollas in a relationship? Those things last forever (mine is currently 20 years old with 200k miles).

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      • avatar

        eelliinnss August 11, 2015, 7:09 pm

        Ugh, they each had an older one (2005 ish year models) for the first two years we dated, and both upgraded within a year of each other to a 2012 and 2014. It was just wasteful, their older ones were both fine and didn’t even have a lot of miles.

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    • avatar

      K August 11, 2015, 3:05 pm

      Oh no, don’t let hiking be ruined for you 🙁 I’m really glad you’ve found happiness though! Can you maybe hike in a totally different area with your new guy? Like, hiking out west is way different than on the East Coast, and it has a totally different feel, smell, etc. I met my boyfriend through our hiking group and I would hope that if we ever break up, God forbid, that hiking wouldn’t be ruined for me. Probably my favorite local hikes would.

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      • avatar

        eelliinnss August 11, 2015, 8:11 pm

        I will probably keep trying, but my ex is the one who introduced me to it, taught me about everything from backwoods safety and first aid, to reading a topo map and using a compass to determine distance, to scientific names of flowers and trees. I was always super comfortable in the woods with him because he knew so much. If I were to go now, I’d be the more knowledgeable one, it just seems weird! I have been considering taking up trail running or something similar though just to get back out.

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  • avatar

    Cleopatra Jones August 11, 2015, 1:51 pm

    Pepsi.
    One of my exes used to drink it and I hated the smell of it on his breath because it would somehow mingle with his cologne and I’d wanna barf.
    Even though, I’ve been over him for almost 2 decades, the smell of Pepsi makes me just want.to.absolutely.barf.

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    • Moneypenny

      Moneypenny August 11, 2015, 6:04 pm

      Just imagining that makes me want to barf!

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  • avatar

    Ale August 11, 2015, 1:53 pm

    I don’t remember anything my ex ruined. I think it’s the opposite. I can remember a lot of things he hated doing so when I do them now I feel great. For example, he hated watching some tv shows that I can watch now with my current boyfriend. He hated certain music that I liked, he made me feel guilty that I liked it, but now I listen to whatever the hell I want.

    Off topic, are the links weird for everybody or is it just me? Like hard to read.

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    • avatar

      Anon August 11, 2015, 2:06 pm

      Yes for me, but mainly on if I’m on the phone. The blues are way too light. On the comp screen yes, plays tricks on my eyes and have to squint at times.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster August 12, 2015, 9:37 am

      My ex hated Christmas. I love Christmas. This has come up on DW before, and I know some people feel one way about it, but he was just such a Scrooge that he killed all the joy. For me at least, I learned that I need to date someone who loves being around family and friends at the holidays, and won’t make me feel guilty for wanting to see my f*ing family on Christmas.

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  • avatar

    Jane63 August 11, 2015, 1:56 pm

    Wicked Game by Chris Isaak. Hate. That. Song.

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  • avatar

    Crazy_Pug_Lady August 11, 2015, 2:05 pm

    The Barenaked Ladies
    Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles( Ex husband was absolutely obsessed)
    All-star by Smashmouth (HATE. HATE. HATE!!!!)
    The Ottawa Senators ( Ex-husband’s team)
    Alex Ovechkin ( Ex’s favourite player)
    I’m canadian btw, hockey is very important lol :p

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    • avatar

      Anon August 11, 2015, 2:07 pm

      Nooooo not Oveeeeeee 🙁

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      • avatar

        Crazy_Pug_Lady August 11, 2015, 2:11 pm

        Can’t stand him because of my ex. My ex use to do that stupid thing ovee did, that his stick was too hot to touch, with everything….so annoying, game controllers if we were playing a video game and he was beating me, tennis rackets, decks of cards, crib baords etc. UGH…makes mad just thinking about it

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    • avatar

      Jiggs August 11, 2015, 8:58 pm

      Were you married to my ex-husband? ALL THOSE THINGS.

      (Although, to be fair, I was always hating on the Sens.)

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      • avatar

        Crazy_Pug_Lady August 12, 2015, 1:23 pm

        LoL Jiggs. We were together through high school until my late twenties, so I doubt it. Kinda scary that there could be two people like that out there though…..

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  • avatar

    d2 August 11, 2015, 2:07 pm

    I once had an emotionally manipulative exe that took me too long to get away from. That one was bad enough that it ruined memories of the town we lived in. Other exes left me with positive memories, so I felt like I gained some things instead of losing some.

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  • gigi

    gigi August 11, 2015, 2:09 pm

    Not too much for me either, except songs that are “oldies” like 50-70s. It is all the 1st ex would listen to, ever. I didn’t really care for them when I met him, but after I left, HATE! I agree more with Ale, that its about what I get to do now that I never did before because the exes hated them! Yay musicals & crime shows & documentaries, all veggie meals & being outdoors!

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  • Diablo

    Diablo August 11, 2015, 2:20 pm

    I haven’t had a romantic ex for a long time, but I had an acrimonious split with a long-time music buddy that ruined a whole bunch of favourite songs that we used to play together. Lots of Neil Young, Beck, the Rheostatics, the Smiths, XTC and other 80s stuff. To this day, i don’t play any of it with others or by myself anymore.

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    • mrmidtwenties

      mrmidtwenties August 11, 2015, 2:26 pm

      Really Diablo, you quit playing Neil Young? That’s just devastating, and I think it might be illegal in Canada. As a Canadian who plays music, I believe you are required to regularly play Neil Young songs.

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      • Diablo

        Diablo August 11, 2015, 4:44 pm

        Just the particular songs that we played to together. I still have my own repertoire of faves, like Thrasher, Pocahontas, Ride My Llama, Cortez the Killer, Ambulance Blues, and Only Love Can Break Your Heart. But I don’t play Harvest Moon, The Losing End or Cinnamon Girl anymore. And you should as a Canuck lament my loss of certain Rheostatics songs. The Rheostatics are/were so awesome.

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      • mrmidtwenties

        mrmidtwenties August 11, 2015, 4:57 pm

        Wheeeewww, I thought he had ruined all of Neil Young for you. I had to look up who the Rheostatics were, but once I saw some of their songs listed, I could recall hearing a number of them on CBC radio, excellent Canadian tunes there.

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  • Betsy

    Betsy August 11, 2015, 2:25 pm

    The woman that my ex would eventually leave me for lent him her dvd of The Notebook. I just remember that it was so off-putting. Why was my boyfriend sitting through this movie for a “friend”? It never meant much to me to begin with, but I can’t see that iconic kiss picture without feeling icky (and this was over 8 years ago).

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    • kare

      kare August 11, 2015, 2:54 pm

      I can’t bring myself to watch The Notebook. I hope I’m not missing too much. Doubtful since my favorite movies are Clockwork Orange, Reservoir Dogs, and The Shining…

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      • Betsy

        Betsy August 11, 2015, 3:09 pm

        You’ll be just fine without it 🙂

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  • Stonegypsy

    Stonegypsy August 11, 2015, 3:04 pm

    Vodka. My abusive alcoholic ex always drank vodka, and smelled like vodka and the smell of it gives me flashbacks at the same time it makes me want to throw up.
    My hometown. I moved out of there with no job or place to live lined up just to get away from him, and even now that he doesn’t live there anymore, I still hate hate hate going back.

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  • avatar

    Callifax August 11, 2015, 3:16 pm

    Not an ex, but a friend in late high school/early college developed a major crush on me that lasted for years and got pretty unpleasant and stalker-ish by the end. He was obsessed with Bob Dylan and it took a while for me to be able to hear Dylan without shuddering.

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  • TheLadyE

    TheLadyE August 11, 2015, 3:29 pm

    Havarti cheese
    Renaissance festivals
    “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz
    Eggplant Parmesan (never really liked it anyway but I made it for him once)
    Magic the Gathering (card game)
    There’s more, but I’m getting sad…heh.

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  • avatar

    Ale August 11, 2015, 3:38 pm

    I am now thinking of all the things that would be ruined for me if my lovely boyfriend broke up with me 🙁
    There are like a million things—

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  • muchachaenlaventana

    muchachaenlaventana August 11, 2015, 3:42 pm

    oh man, nothing lasting. for a long time after my first love and i split i couldn’t listen or go to so many places. now though, i am quite over him and have been for awhile, when i hear our song or see a place we used to love (a long time ago) it is honestly just a warm sense of nostalgia that floods over me, its honestly kind of pleasant. If me and my current guy break up, I am going to have to move because our town is so gd small and everything, literally would remind me of him and I think I would go crazy. Couldn’t deal with that.

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  • avatar

    Anonymous August 11, 2015, 3:49 pm

    The city of Pittsburgh. forever.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark August 11, 2015, 4:14 pm

    Whitney Houston. Though admittedly, there wasn’t much to like there to begin with. 😉

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    • avatar

      Cleopatra Jones August 11, 2015, 7:31 pm

      Aww BGM, not Whitney 🙁
      .
      I’m sad for you.

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      • avatar

        Ral August 12, 2015, 8:08 am

        Did you not see he said there’s not much to miss?

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark August 12, 2015, 5:10 pm

        Nice catch. Yeah, truth be told, I always found her work bland and banal. But having to listen to it 24.7 whenever I stayed over at his place REALLY drove the point home. So much OVER singing…

        PS — Yeah, I think Madonna is bullet proof when it comes to any thinking gay men.

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      • othy

        othy August 12, 2015, 9:49 am

        At least it’s not Madonna. Although I doubt any man could run Madonna for BGM.

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  • avatar

    Mim0sa August 11, 2015, 4:45 pm

    RELATIONSHIPS!! haha just kidding. Nothing really, I refuse to let anything in my life be ruined for someone who wasn’t worth it – though my ex was truly a bad guy and our breakup was not very friendly.

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  • avatar

    Taylor August 11, 2015, 4:46 pm

    Chinese food! I had an ex that only wanted to eat at Chinese restaurants, in a town with a lot of options. I had a different ex go through the trouble of formally leaving the Catholic church when we broke up.

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  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny August 11, 2015, 6:03 pm

    Even though this particular ex and I broke up in 2008, I absolutely CANNOT listen to Rilo Kiley. Nope.

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  • Portia

    Portia August 11, 2015, 6:55 pm

    Counting Crows, Journey, and the movie Dogma. But also a couple of things that I’m glad not to deal with again, like Stargate and Final Fantasy.

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  • avatar

    mrssmith707 August 11, 2015, 7:28 pm

    It was way back in 2005… but there are some things that I still am reluctant to like. That Ex ruined Valentines Day, The Bronx (I may one day go back and visit NYC, but its not likely), the terms “baby girl”, and depressed alcoholics who refuse to admit they need help (They will actually make me somewhat unreasonably angry for no real reason other than the fact that they choose to not do anything to better themselves).
    For a while, he ruined my favorite guilty pleasure/frozen appetizer, Pizza Rolls. I got over that in time though.

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  • avatar

    docid August 11, 2015, 7:35 pm

    Marriage.

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  • avatar

    Jiggs August 11, 2015, 9:04 pm

    I don’t think he really ruined anything I LIKED for me. The only thing is, I was never and am still not a pot-smoker, but he was a complete stereotypical lazy pothead who did nothing but eat, smoke, sleep and bitch about doing things that weren’t those three. Now it’s hard for me to learn that someone smokes pot (even super casually) without immediately assuming they’re useless, awful people. So I would say he ruined recreational pot smokers for me.

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  • Mr. Cellophane

    Mr. Cellophane August 11, 2015, 9:40 pm

    I think that I’ve mentioned on here before that my wife had a couple of affairs a few years back. We have since patched things up, but there are a couple of things I associate with that period of time that I just can’t stand now or because some are things they did together.
    The Melting Pot, the whole “Pirates of the Carribean” franchise, Billy Joel, Boston (the city, not the band), long distance running/cycling. Seriously, I did an entire Ironman Triathlon, all the training and race fueled on pure anger…now running makes me INSTANLY angry. My therapist and I are working on it, and hypnosis seems to be helping!

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    • Lianne

      Lianne August 12, 2015, 11:54 am

      Wow, that’s intense. I am sorry you went through that, but glad you’re on the other side of it!

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  • veritek33

    veritek33 August 12, 2015, 8:21 am

    Gary Clark Junior
    Certain Bruno Mars songs
    The Lumineers “Ho Hey”
    Certain recipes I cooked for him
    Whiskey
    Pot
    Basically the years 2011-2013 lol

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  • avatar

    K August 12, 2015, 10:51 am

    I haven’t really had things ruined by exes, but by guys I really cared about but that it never worked out with (as in we never were officially in a relationship). I can’t listen to “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol. However, there are some musicians/bands I got into b/c of past guys that I’m grateful for, b/c they are among my favorites now – Bruce Springsteen & DMB.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark August 12, 2015, 11:00 am

    Reviewing the lists of things people have had “ruined” for them… well, I just have to say… in damn near every case your exes did you all one hell of a last favor! 😉

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  • Lianne

    Lianne August 12, 2015, 12:02 pm

    I would say Kanye West, but he ruined himself for me. 😉

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  • avatar

    Rel422 August 12, 2015, 12:30 pm

    About three years ago my fiance and her then girlfriend got matching Jeep Compass SUVs. I’m not actually bothered by this. What bothers me is the fact that my car is in the shop for an unforeseeable amount of time and what loaner car do they give me…a Jeep Compass. That annoys me.

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  • avatar

    Joy August 12, 2015, 6:54 pm

    Sublime songs, the cure, Muse his fav band, ICE CREAM!!!! 🙁 pasta and wine, awww stupid ex ruined so many things, my favorite bars the worst part is that i showed him those places and now i cant go there without feeling sad!

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