Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

What is “Conscious Uncoupling”?

Gwyneth-Paltrow-And-Chris-Martin-1855435.png

Gwyneth Paltrow announced on her blog, GOOP, yesterday that she and husband, Chris Martin, have decided to divorce, or, as she says, they are undergoing a “conscious uncoupling”:

It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and co-parent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.

So, what is “conscious uncoupling,” you ask? On GOOP, Gwynnie quotes her spiritual advisers, Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami, who explain that it’s when divorce happens to people who are mind-boggling insufferable. Sure, “conscious uncoupling” is a divorce, they say, but it’s a divorce that focuses on “wholeness” in separation, “coming back together” and “two people each playing teacher.”

Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami continue:

A conscious uncoupling is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing. The couple say that every pet peeve and bit of resentment is just the echo of an older emotional injury. From this perspective, there are no bad guys, just two people, each playing teacher and student respectively.

If you’re wondering why Gwyneth and Chris can’t just continue their role-playing together — and, I’m sure you are — it’s because, according to the teachings of conscious uncoupling, humans simply aren’t meant to stay married for so long — not these days when the human lifespan is so long:

We’re living three lifetimes compared to early humans, perhaps we need to redefine the construct. Social research suggests that because we’re living so long, most people will have two or three significant long-term relationships in their lifetime. Our biology and psychology aren’t set up to be with one person for four, five, or six decades.

Unsurprisingly, just one decade was enough for Chris Martin to put up with Gwyneth Paltrow. But don’t worry about them! Divorce — I’m sorry, conscious uncoupling — it turns out is really pretty amazing: “Although it looks like everything is coming apart; it’s actually all coming back together.”

That’s totally going to be my go-to line anytime someone writes to me for advice about getting over a breakup. “Hang in there: IT’S ALL JUST COMING BACK TOGETHER!!”

152 comments… add one
  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 12:05 pm

    Haha Gwenyth is extremely annoying. I rolled my eyes when I read their statement. BUT at the same time, I’m glad that she’s in the public eye, and really when anyone in the public eye makes a huge deliberate effort to remain friendly with their ex’s. I think it makes for good roll models. They are on a tropical vacation together as a family at the moment, and I think it’s good for people to see that break ups and divorces don’t have to be dramatic. Hilary Duff and her husband are doing the same type of thing -they’re seen out with their son on lunch dates and stuff.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 12:25 pm

      Unpopular opinion – I think beyonce and Jayz are just as annoying as Chris and Gwenyth, so it makes total sense that they’re bbf’s.

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      • LadyinPurpleNotRed

        LadyinPurpleNotRed March 26, 2014, 12:52 pm

        YES! THANK YOU!!!!

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 12:57 pm

        HOW DARE YOU
        .
        Actually I don’t really care but I saw a cute picture today of a couple wearing football jerseys with their backs to the camera. His had the # 99 and the “last name” of Problems. Her’s had the # 1 and the “last name” of Ain’t above the number.

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        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 1:41 pm

        That’s actually…adorable.

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        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 1:57 pm

        my coworker has a theory that Gwyneth is going to try to snare Jay-Z next. She said that all of GP’s affairs are the ones she hides, the lower status men (entertainment lawyers, producers, businessmen, etc) and the bonafides are all named, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Chris Martin. She is like “you can’t go backwards from those, you have to go up if you’re Gwyneth and need the status symbol boyfriend” Not that Jay would ever leave Beyonce, but GP might try.

        Her other theory is that you’re going to see Chris Martin with Kate Hudson next, that Kate’s had her eye on Chris for a while now and only went back to Bellamy after their recent troubles to avoid implication in this divorce (even though it was broken long before Kate came into the picture), but you’re going to see her “supporting her good friend Chris” for the time being. Then BAM, he’s the father of her third baby.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 2:39 pm

        See it’s statements like that that bug me, “Not like Jay would ever leave beyonce.” People put those two up on God like levels and it annoys the shit out of me. Lets be real here, she was a member of Destiny’s Child – a 90’s pop band. So she’s essentially a backstreet boy. There is nothing “unique” or “visionary” about her. She’s an artist. The whole term “Queen Bey” should just die.
        .
        But I agree with your friends theory on Chris Martin and Kate Hudson. I could see it.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra March 26, 2014, 2:49 pm

        You mean the Backstreet Boys aren’t visionary?!?! Whaaaat?

        Side note, I’m totally going to a Backstreet Boys/Avril Lavigne concert in June. I have no shame.

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        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 3:14 pm

        oh, whoah, hold on! I didn’t mean it like THAT! I definitely can’t stand the whole “Queen Bey” thing either. What I meant was that I just can’t see him leaving her for GP. There’s too much to lose from a marketing/public perception standard. In their minds they’ve elevated themselves, so no one is higher than they are, and he wouldn’t go any lower (in his mind).

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 3:18 pm

        “In their minds they’ve elevated themselves, so no one is higher than they are, and he wouldn’t go any lower”
        I was JUST saying this about my relationship last night! Weird! 😉

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 3:26 pm

        Oh yeah sorry I wasn’t picking on you more just pointing it out that they really do think they’re above everything. No like that you think they are above everything.

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        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 3:32 pm

        Haha, all good! I was like “oh no, someone thinks I am bowing to Queen Bey, NOOOOOO!” I mean, I love Jay-Z’s music, not so much into Beyonce’s, but they’re not the King and Queen of NY as they seem to think they are.

        There was a rumor going around a while ago that Beyonce was in the back of a limo going home, and it was stopped by the police because a 911 life or death emergency was going on, someone was being loaded into an ambulance, and when the cops told the limo driver that he needed to find a detour, she was heard to pipe up from the back “well, can’t they just move the ambulance?” This pervasive, entitled attitude is pretty typical of celebrities, apparently. Except for maybe Channing Tatum who is supposedly ridiculously unaffected and nice and humble.

        #pagesixismybible

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      • avatar

        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 3:51 pm

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 3:53 pm

        Haha that’s hilarious. Be honest, is that your friend’s blog?

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        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 4:03 pm

        No, sadly honest to god truth. It’s just one we read when we’re bored at work! If we had the connections, we would be gossip bloggers in a hot second. Lainey from Laineygossip makes shittons of cashmoney. Our plan B is to write trashy historical romance novels. They’re easy to write and make bank.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 3:54 pm

        haha. You’re awesome

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  • avatar

    Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 12:09 pm

    Ugh. She always seems to think she’s the sh*t. It’s like she can’t even do divorce normally, she has to do it better than everyone else. Even the phrasing she uses to announce their separation is an effort to show how much better she thinks she is than anyone else. She makes me grumpy.

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  • avatar

    WAPS March 26, 2014, 12:12 pm

    I don’t actually find this as insufferable as most public statements about people’s private matters, like divorce. I would hope that I could approach divorce with some serious reflection on myself and why I felt that I could no longer remain married to my husband, instead of just blindly blaming him for not living up to what I expected him to be or what role I expected him to play in my life. And why shouldn’t their lives come back together after divorce? They are whole individuals, and while divorce sucks, I hope anybody who has to go through it actually feels that things are coming back together after the divorce, otherwise why do it?

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  • katie

    katie March 26, 2014, 12:13 pm

    honestly, if we have to resort to such insufferable terms as this for people to be less crazypants about divorcing, im all for it. thats totally fine in my book. i’d even welcome it.

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    • Amanda

      Amanda March 26, 2014, 12:50 pm

      Especially if it helps them act like adults around their children.

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    lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 12:15 pm

    Iwanna stole everything I was going to say, so that’s annoying.
    .
    Anyway, I’ll add I don’t really understand why the private famous people (and from what I understand, these 2 were considered quite private) issue statements about this at all…and then ask for privacy because its none of our business. If you want privacy, and live your personal life privately, why are you issuing the statement at all?

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      bethany March 26, 2014, 12:25 pm

      I think it’s just easier to make the statement and try to be done with it than to have to be asked questions about it for years to come. Then, if they don’t answer questions then it looks like they’re trying to deny it, which just fuels speculation even more.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 12:29 pm

        Yea, I guess that’s true.

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      Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 12:38 pm

      It’s about rebranding. Remember, her business is a lifestyle business, which is what she has in Goop. She now has to rebrand herself as a single mom, so it makes sense that she’d put this on GOOP instead of going through her publicist.

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      • Roxy_84

        Roxy_84 March 26, 2014, 3:52 pm

        At first I was like: “someone reads Lainey!” And then I was like: “oh yeah we’ve discussed this” haha 🙂

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      • Pamplemousse Rose

        Pamplemousse Rose March 26, 2014, 4:17 pm

        Roxy! Did you know Lainey is doing a book reading/talk here on April 10th?

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        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 5:28 pm

        I’m dyyyyying to see her on tour!

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      • Roxy_84

        Roxy_84 March 27, 2014, 4:50 pm

        I did! Although I haven’t bought a ticket. Are you going? Btw how are you…should we do a non-drinking meet up soon before you’re considerably more busy?? 🙂

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      • Pamplemousse Rose

        Pamplemousse Rose March 27, 2014, 6:02 pm

        I haven’t bought a ticket yet either. I might get roped into helping at the event because of work but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen yet… and yes, we should definitely do a meet up (though I only have another month or so before it can be a drinking meet-up!)

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      • Roxy_84

        Roxy_84 March 27, 2014, 8:05 pm

        Ok! I’ll post in the forums

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    kerrycontrary March 26, 2014, 12:16 pm

    I do think the phrase is bullshit, but I’m also one to believe in people having 2-3 long-term relationships in our lifetimes. Like humans CAN do monogomy, but maybe monogomy is best practiced in 10-15-20 year increments instead of 60 years together. Not that I’m planning to have 3 marriages in my lifetime, but I think the concept has some validity.

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    • Lianne

      Lianne March 26, 2014, 1:22 pm

      I do too, but why get married? Like, if I wasn’t sure I wanted to commit to someone FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, why would I marry them instead of just being in a long-term committed relationship without the legal implications.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:32 pm

        wLs!

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        Christy March 26, 2014, 2:25 pm

        Well, you can want the legal implications for the duration of the relationship! Like, there’s a LOT of legal benefits to be gained from a marriage, particularly if you’re having kids. I think being married can be a lot easier than being in a similar relationship, but unmarried. It provides a legal process for splitting and dividing your stuff. Otherwise, you’re depending on many separate contracts or oral contracts or nothing at all.

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        RedroverRedrover March 26, 2014, 2:48 pm

        If you’re going to share assets and have kids, marriage is a ready-made legal construct to help you do that. You could work it out on your own, but why? Not to mention that marriage gives you access to each other’s health insurance, makes you the next-of-kin so you inherit if they die, gives you control over health decisions if they’re unable to (like if they’re in an accident), etc. And in some states a man isn’t even automatically the father of his kids unless the parents are married.

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        spark March 26, 2014, 3:18 pm

        A man is never “automatically the father of his kids” unless he’s married, regardless of the state. The baby doesn’t come out with a name tag! If the woman is married, the husband is the father, true. But if she’s not, there’s nothing “automatic” about naming a father.

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        RedroverRedrover March 26, 2014, 3:43 pm

        There is where I live. If the father is in a long-term relationship with the mother, or living with her, then he’s automatically the father. My point was partially that since the US doesn’t have that, marriage adds the benefit of the father being automatically named.

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      • Portia

        Portia March 26, 2014, 3:34 pm

        I totally agree. You could create separate contracts for each of these different things (such as in purchasing property, joint accounts, power of attorney, etc.) but there are legally some that are unavailable unless you are married (tenancy by the entirety, spousal privilege). Some states still have common-law marriage, but proving that is complicated.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 3:57 pm

        So I recently bought a home with my boyfriend and yea, had to deal with these issues, but most of them really were pretty simple actually. I could’ve left him the house in my will, or at least his share of it, to avoid that last issue of your’s too. Its slightly more difficult, but not so bad if you don’t want to get married.

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      • Portia

        Portia March 26, 2014, 4:59 pm

        It sounds like you are aware of these legalities, but most are not. If couples are getting around marriage, they need to be far more aware of their contracts and wills than a married person would need to be because the protections automatically given to married people have to be actively agreed upon and written into legal documents.
        *
        I’m writing this as someone who is happily unmarried to my long-term partner, but I honestly wouldn’t recommend it to everyone.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 5:25 pm

        Yea, that’s definitely true and good advice. If you are deliberately not marrying, but sharing big assets, you should see an attorney.
        Curious, why wouldn’t you recommend it to everyone? Reasons other than the ones you already shared? (I’m also “happily unmarried”)

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      • Portia

        Portia March 26, 2014, 8:29 pm

        A bunch of reasons: if marriage has an important emotional meaning to someone (but for instance their partner has decided they don’t want to get married). People who aren’t willing to learn about the legal ramifications of their contracts with significant others since it’s be easier for one person to sneak something in a contact. Or people who need the protection that marriage offers but without the resources for lawyers to write up the alternate contracts. And I’m happily unmarried now but I’m open to getting married if there’s good enough reason to do so one day.

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  • Addie Pray

    Addie Pray March 26, 2014, 12:20 pm

    Oh for fuck sake. Things like this are why I love hating Gwennie poo the most.

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      Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 1:46 pm

      I lost any like I had for her the moment she was branded a “9/11 hero” for almost hitting some woman with her car and making her late to work. No. That doesn’t make her a hero, it makes her a really sh*tty driver. The heroes are the guys like my friend Will’s dad who was a firefighter who went into the building to escort people out and then died in the process.

      I already had a not so great opinion of her because of everything I’ve heard about her from her days at Spence. She was the ultimate mean girl from everything I heard about before she became uber famous.

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        mcj2012 March 26, 2014, 3:22 pm

        I never heard that story about her before! Imagine to be called a hero on a day like that! People are infuriating.

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  • GatorGirl

    GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 12:31 pm

    Ugh, barf. I’d rather they just say “we grew apart” than this convoluted bs. “The echo of an older personal injury”…what?? It all sounds like they realized they where being dicks to each other and that being married was a bad idea.

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      MsMisery March 26, 2014, 1:07 pm

      It sounds like they’ve been being dicks to each other since the start, and it just kept reverberating or echoing or whatever, and they couldn’t macrobiotically yoga themselves out of it.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:19 pm

        They should’ve just eaten more greek yogurt.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 1:22 pm

        Or quinoa haha.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:30 pm

        haha! I feel for the people who have allergies to wheat and whatever, but jesus god I can’t even with all these people I know who literally are down to only allowing themselves to eat gluten free cardboard with no trans fats or food dye. I’ve invited people over for tacos and they actually brought their own veggie meat and weird wrap thing. Next time, just decline the dinner invite and meet me for a beer. Oh wait! They won’t drink beer. They’ll only drink something “like beer” that isn’t actually beer or alcohol. Every day its a new trendy food or diet. I’m starting to think they just hate food and eating. One more person forces me to eat a green ball of crumb mush and call it a burger and I swear!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 1:34 pm

        So I am one of those people with an obnoxious gluten intolerance. I don’t have celiac’s, but I just can’t handle all of the gluten. Kind of similar to a milk allergy vs. milk intolerance. And even I have to say people are SO OBNOXIOUS with all of their food issues. Unless you’re going to like die (see: celiac’s disease) from gluten shut the fuck up about it. All your weird manufactured cardboard products are way worse for you than say a potato. I eat a lot of potatoes. And cheese. And meat. And I’m happy as a cucumber. I swear genetics made me intolerant to gluten. Irish people weren’t making pizza’s. ANYWAY. I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.
        .
        Oh right! I hate people that talk about all their weird food quirks all the time. No one really notices me avoiding gluten because I just order things like nachos and fries and tequila and don’t talk about it.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:37 pm

        Mmmm potatoes.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 1:35 pm

        bahahaha. I actually stopped eating processed food and meat (still eat seafood though), and don’t/can’t eat much cheese. We went out to a Mexican place this weekend with the in-laws and all I could order was rice and beans…and I may or may not have made black bean sweet potato burgers Monday night…

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      • Lianne

        Lianne March 26, 2014, 1:40 pm

        Just curious: what was your reason for cutting out meat? We try very hard to not eat processed foods, eat mostly organic, but I can’t bring myself to cut out meat, so I am always curious about people’s reasons.

        Also, I came to the conclusion recently that I CANNOT give up cheese. I tried and have failed.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 1:48 pm

        I basically stopped enjoying eating meat, so I just stopped! I do miss lunch meat though but that’s super processed so I needed to stop eating it anyway. GGuy still eats meat and we still cook it at home.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:41 pm

        I know this couple that is vegan, gluten free and something else too. No allergies though. Now, vegan means no meat or animal products (like cheese even), right? I kid you not, their last “diet” was paleo. PALEO…which is ONLY meat, right? Now come on! I’m no doctor, but that can’t be good for your body. Now she’s pregnant and they wanted to remain vegan/gluten free (which, um, are the foods left to eat?) and I know god will strike down on me if I so much as mention the baby possibly needing like, nutrients from, oh I don’t, FOOOD…
        I mean, of course, if you CAN’T eat those foods or just don’t like them, then obviously don’t eat them.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 2:02 pm

        IDK, I think you can eat plenty that is vegan and gluten free. In our meal planning this week, the only thing I would have to change for myself to go vegan/gluten free is the potato burgers. Which I could have done quinoa/black bean burgers instead. It is a little crazy to eat like this because of the time burden it puts on a person (reading so many labels! and cooking everything from scratch) but I really like eating “real” food. (And yeah, your friends sound a little nuts…)

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 2:06 pm

        Wait you know potatoes are gluten free right?

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 2:12 pm

        haha..then yeah I wouldn’t have to change my diet at all!

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:10 pm

        You can’t possibly be getting enough nutrients from solely eating beans and quinoa though. I refuse to believe that’s healthy.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:11 pm

        There must be a nutritionist on DW. What is left if you are gluten free and vegan?

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 2:14 pm

        Well, I personally eat a ton of dark leafy greens which have a lot of nutrients in them. Since I’m not vegan I also eat a fair number of eggs which are super good for you too. IDK, I think eating vegan/gluten free has got to be healthier for you than how the average American eats.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 2:23 pm

        I hate the term dark leafy greens. It sounds like something you mix up with dirt as a kid to play house in the tree house and make out with the neighborhood boys.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 2:29 pm

        To be honest they kind of taste like dirt so…

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:30 pm

        Yea, perfect example. I don’t think solely eating leaves and eggs is healthy. I really don’t know that, it just doesn’t seem like it.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 2:40 pm

        I really don’t know either, but I would take a pile of kale and some eggs over a fast food cheese burger any day. I’m very skeptical of eating things I can’t pronounce (I mean what is Dimethylpolysiloxane an additive in McDonalds chicken strips??).

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:44 pm

        Oh that’s easy! Its the deliciousness additive. Mmmmm! 🙂

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 2:49 pm

        hahaha yup. that’s it! It’s cool though, more kale for me!

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        RedroverRedrover March 26, 2014, 3:01 pm

        There are cultures that are vegetarian, it’s very common in India. Chickpeas are a staple of their diet. Check out the Jain religion, they are hardcore. They believe in non-violence, so they won’t kill anything (so no meat, obviously) or eat anything that’s alive (such as yeast or the bacterial culture in yogurt). And then they rank everything else by how close to being alive it is, basically. Like a potato is bad because it’s a root vegetable, which means it has the capability of growing new potatoes, so it’s closer to being alive than, say, lettuce. I used to work with a woman who practised it and that’s how she explained it to me, anyway. I used to go out to lunch with her to this Jain restaurant, and it was goooood. They use a lot of deep-frying though, which is obviously not healthy. But if you got rid of that aspect, their diet is pretty good. They’ve been surviving just fine on it for centuries, so it must be nutritionally complete.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 3:04 pm

        eck, they don’t eat onions or garlic. I wouldn’t survive!!

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 3:09 pm

        Wow redrover, that was really interesting! I’d never even heard of Jain.

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        RedroverRedrover March 26, 2014, 3:50 pm

        Yeah, she was the first person I’d ever heard it from. Maybe you’ve seen pictures of the monks before… they have these little brushes that they use to brush the ground in front of them before they take a step, so they won’t accidentally kill a bug. It’s really really interesting, they’ve taken non-violence to the extreme.

        All that being said, I don’t think I could ever go vegetarian personally. 🙂 My husband and I try to minimize our portions of meat, and eat meat that has a lower impact on the environment like chicken. We also do vegetarian meals once a day, and a vegetarian day once a week, to lower our meat intake. Cutting out meat completely would be really hard for me though.

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        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 4:13 pm

        I think beets taste like dirt. I eat them occasionally, when I have a craving for the taste of dirt…

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:42 pm

        I commend your honestly about eating balled up black bean potato mush “burger” though! 🙂

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 1:48 pm

        Right? Today is a “no shame” day on DW apparently, everyone is admitting super embarrassing things about themselves.
        .
        To continue this trend, I skipped boot camp yesterday to eat dim sum and drink 3 separate cocktails. On a Tuesday. It felt fancy. And then I got home and ate raw cookie dough that I haven’t got around to baking yet.

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        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:52 pm

        I keep no less than 2 rolls of that in a hidden fridge compartment no one has yet to discover.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 2:08 pm

        It was definitely not gluten free. It was a little mini gluten bomb of happiness. Plus I’d been drinking so I didn’t even get a stomach ache!

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      • lemongrass

        lemongrass March 26, 2014, 1:46 pm

        I’m eating quinoa RIGHT NOW.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 1:58 pm

        I had some in my salad for lunch! It’s a great protein source!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 2:04 pm

        So is meat. 😉

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 2:15 pm

        haha I know I know. but I just haven’t been enjoying eating meat lately, so I stopped. You know? No sense in forcing myself to eat something I don’t like.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 2:20 pm

        Yeah I have a few friends like that, I find it really strange. Although I will admit I’m pretty picky about the meat I do like. Chicken in all forms – fried chicken being the best, some pork, fresh shrimp, and some tuna. I can eat a steak like once a year and be fine. I do love hot dogs though, so there’s that. OH and breakfast sausage. Fine, apparently I like all meat.

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      • Northern Mermaid

        Northern Mermaid March 26, 2014, 4:04 pm

        I have a hard time with people who are vegan/vegetarian/whatever based on emotional principals because I’ve noticed that the ones I know are super preachy, but don’t consider the people involved in processing all those plants. Like, quinoa production has raised the cost of quinoa for indigenous Bolivians, basically pricing them out of their diet staple. I only buy UFW approved produce. I guess I just like to out-sanctimonious people when they get sanctimonious about their diet choices. Oh. You’re so much healthier than I am? Oh you care about the animals? I CARE ABOUT MIGRANT FARM WORKERS! So I eat locally sourced meat.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 4:24 pm

        That’s interesting about the quinoa NM. I never even thought of that. We have a CSA for our produce, he is a Food Justice Certified farm. I’ll have to look into the other organization you mentioned too.

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  • Cassie

    Cassie March 26, 2014, 12:42 pm

    I actually really like the phrase and think we need to expand upon it into other areas:
    I am consciously uncoupling from my job.
    I am consciously uncoupling from my cigarette habit.
    I am consciously uncoupling from my holiday weight gain.

    Reply Link
    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 12:46 pm

      I have the opposite problem, and I unconsciously gaining fat rolls.

      Reply Link
      • lemongrass

        lemongrass March 26, 2014, 1:47 pm

        unconsciously coupling with fat rolls?

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana March 26, 2014, 2:06 pm

        I am consciously coupling with them. I cannot stop eating cheese lately.

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  • avatar

    Kay March 26, 2014, 1:12 pm

    You know, they’re right. People are meant to have two or three significant long-term relationships in their lifetime. Mine happen to be with Netflix and Amazon.com. Oh, and coffee.

    There, I’m set for life.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 1:32 pm

      Mine are with Tequila, my DVR and my stuffed Stitch.

      Reply Link
      • Pamplemousse Rose

        Pamplemousse Rose March 26, 2014, 3:22 pm

        One of mine is with wine/gin but we’re on a break right now…

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    • Cassie

      Cassie March 26, 2014, 2:56 pm

      Coffee, reading, and DW.

      Reply Link
    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow March 26, 2014, 5:35 pm

      I’m in a long term relationship with my shower nozzle. OUR SPECIAL LOVE WILL LAST A LIFETIME.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    bethany March 26, 2014, 1:26 pm

    I don’t really care one way or the other. I’m starting to get really bored with celeb gossip. Don’t get me wrong, I still look at USweekly and People, but I find myself just not caring about it, and not really reading the articles either (plus, I don’t know who most of these “celebrities” are!!!). I need a new mindless hobby. Any suggestions??

    Reply Link
    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 1:30 pm

      Before and After weight loss success stories. I could read those suckers all day. I think they have one every week on either msn or aol. I’ll go check for you.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 1:43 pm

        I’m sorry, I just can’t get behind anything that requires me to go to AOL. Is this 1994?

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 1:47 pm

        Haha good point, but I secretly have gotten back into aol recently. I mean it’s not a secret anymore, since I just told you, but they have some good shit sometimes. Case in point: weight loss success stories.

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      • Portia

        Portia March 26, 2014, 5:21 pm

        I make fun of the boyfriend for reading yahoo news, or yahoo shine. The headlines get so sensationalist, I swear they’re like upworthy headlines.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:49 pm

        What’s wrong with AOL? I keep hearing that. And that you’re in the stone age if you have an AOL email. What’s the deal with that?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:55 pm

        Oh, and what’s wrong with 1994? Hater.

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      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 1:59 pm

        1994 was actually a good year. No beef with 1994.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:02 pm

        Do you do this? I think 1994 was like, 10-12 years ago in my head. Anyway, last week I was saying my family member bought a place in the 80s, and so she’s only had it like 20 years. Apparently the 80s were NOT 20 years ago.

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      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 2:11 pm

        I was actually just thinking about how 9/11 was almost 13 years ago. 13 YEARS!!! It feels like that was like 5 years ago. Lil wasn’t even alive then, right? How insane is that? I feel like the last 10 years didn’t even happen.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:14 pm

        No she wasn’t. I feel the same way about 9/11. The strangest thing is remembering things from before she was born, like vacations, and feeling like she was there. Its weird to imagine her not being around for some reason. Like, I swear she was on a cruise we took and she wasn’t born yet. Its weird.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 2:14 pm

        I think about that too! Like kids these days probably read about 9/11 in their 9th grade government class and I was SITTING IN MY 9TH GRADE GOVERNMENT CLASS when that shit went down. So crazy.

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      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 2:15 pm

        You youngin’! I was a junior in college.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ March 26, 2014, 4:47 pm

        Iwanna, check out my friend Darin from college… he lost like 400lbs. I met him when he was at/near his heaviest and he’s practically unrecognizable now. He’s trying desperately to get on “Ellen” with his story so I know he doesn’t mind me spreading it around!

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    • avatar

      Banana March 26, 2014, 1:33 pm

      Daily Mail!!!!

      Reply Link
    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 1:37 pm

      Buzz feed. I can’t really stand celebrity gossip any more, they are all so damn superficial and such. So I waste time doing buzzfeed “which 90’s celebrity are you” quizzes.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 1:45 pm

        I’m over buzzfeed, too. I tried to take some “what’s your sex number” quiz last night and realized I was too old to get an accurate score, because now “flirting over snapchat” is a category or something.

        Also, I wish everyone would stop posting buzzfeed links to Facebook. I miss the good old facebook days when people actually said what they were doing and didn’t just share articles all the time.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl March 26, 2014, 2:03 pm

        ooo I have to go try that quiz! But yeah, the article things gets old.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 26, 2014, 3:03 pm

        Have you tried imgur? Lots of cute animal pics/gifs!

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      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 3:11 pm

        I don’t understand how it works!

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover March 26, 2014, 3:53 pm

        Not reddit, just imgur. Imgur is basically the image-posting site for reddit, but you can browse imgur all by its little lonesome without understanding reddit. Just go to imgur.com and jump into the pics!

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    • lemongrass

      lemongrass March 26, 2014, 1:48 pm

      Have a baby.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 1:53 pm

        DONT YOU START WITH ME, TOO!!! 🙂 Plus, I already listen to a mom-type podcast!

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      • lemongrass

        lemongrass March 26, 2014, 2:18 pm

        Which one? I could use a new podcast!

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      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 2:25 pm

        One Bad Mother. They’re funny. It’s only once a week, so it’s easy to keep up.

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  • avatar

    csp March 26, 2014, 1:34 pm

    So, I have to admit. I love Gwyneth. I subscribe to Goop and have one of her cook books, and love Tracy Anderson. I think that this might seem crazy. But there is a huge difference between a bitter, contentious divorce where you go from loving each other to crazy hating each other. I think some people look at each other and say, “We aren’t happy.” I think it is similar to the term, “Co-Parent”. It is saying that they are going to be emotionally adult about it.

    Reply Link
    • Lianne

      Lianne March 26, 2014, 1:42 pm

      But can’t you just say we’re divorcing but remain amicable? Heidi Klum and Seal are amicable, but didn’t call it an “conscious uncoupling.”

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        csp March 26, 2014, 2:43 pm

        So, I know what you mean but sometimes people don’t like the labels that society gives them. Like, if you hear the term “single mom” you get a picture in your head. Even though it can encompass a variety of women that were sperm donor moms, or always single or divorced or widowed and at a variety of income levels. With divorce you might think about one thing, and decide that the situation doesn’t fit. Heck, I am dealing with “infertility” and people will try and give me a helpful hint based on someone they know and that person could have a totally different problem than I do but we have the same title. I think it is trying to take control of the story and I understand it.

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      • Northern Mermaid

        Northern Mermaid March 26, 2014, 4:23 pm

        Also. I guess I also don’t hate the idea that as everything in your life is falling apart, it’s actually just coming back together. I know when I got divorced it felt awful and like my world was crumbling and it was misery, but little by little, things did just start coming back together. My relationship was so bad right, and I lost a lot of myself, and after everything imploded and the dust settled, I really did feel like I was pulling myself back from a brink.

        You guys. I might be slightly team Gwenyth.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ March 26, 2014, 4:52 pm

        Totally agree. I just emailed my therapist an update since I havent’ seen her in a while and probably won’t for a while still, but in it I wrote “It’s kinda bizarre to say that I’m going through the initial stages of a divorce and LIFE IS GREAT!” Especially now that I’ve come to terms with it, and then it’ll come up in conversation with an acquaintance and I tell them for the first time, and they go all sad on me and I’m like, “Oh no, it’s awesome! We’re best friends and I’m happier than I’ve been in years.” Life isn’t falling apart at all. I can totally see why someone would prefer an alternative phrasing to “divorce” when what they’re going through isn’t what most people think of when they hear “divorce.”

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      • avatar

        csp March 27, 2014, 11:52 am

        This is what I am thinking. It is actually a release.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 1:43 pm

      That is so embarrassing, thank you for having the courage to admit that. I knew some people must be subscribing to it or how would she still have an audience?

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        csp March 26, 2014, 2:20 pm

        Yes, it is me. I am her target audience. So, as friends have found out about my Gwyneth love, seriously, they look at me differently. They even send me articles about why I should dislike her. But I can’t help it. I love to see where I should eat if I ever go to Tokyo or if I need one $5000 skirt this season, it should be this one. It isn’t even a love to hate thing. I see myself as a billionaire that is temporarily lacking in funds like tomorrow it will all be worked out and I will then be able to afford all of that.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:28 pm

        Aw I sort of love this whole comment. Especially the Tokyo/$5k skirt thing.

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      • avatar

        csp March 26, 2014, 2:48 pm

        Well, I love your comments too. And don’t even get me started on hand painted wall paper and truffle oil.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:53 pm

        Who doesn’t need hand painted wallpaper? Do they even make printed wallpaper?! I mean really!

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      • Northern Mermaid

        Northern Mermaid March 26, 2014, 4:14 pm

        Yeah. I mean. I actually don’t hate her. And here’s my convoluted theory as to why. She grew up INSANELY privileged, right? She is not a rags-to-riches kind of star. I think she’s actually being authentically herself. Which is ok, kind of pretentious and annoying, and probably not someone I would be friends with. BUT she’s not being one of those “I’m such a REAL PERSON. I shop at Target and drink Bud Light and I’m JUST LIKE YOU” kind of stars.” Sometimes that’s authentic, and sometimes you can tell it’s just a big load of condescending crap. So props to GOOP for being herself.

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      • avatar

        csp March 27, 2014, 9:04 am

        I totally agree! She gives you a glimpse of a world and frankly it isn’t like flashing bling. It is more about lifestyle in general. And it is the lifestyle I try to emulate on a modest budget.

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  • landygirl

    landygirl March 26, 2014, 1:46 pm

    I don’t understand why people hate Gwyneth Paltrow so much. Out of all the people in the world to hate, she is extremely low on the list. There are people who are far, far worse than she is (i.e., just about every republican politician in Congress who are trying to usurp women’s reproductive rights.) If you don’t like her, ignore her but piling on the insults is just ridiculous. It’s like sticking your hand in a fire and then complaining that it burns.

    Reply Link
    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson March 26, 2014, 1:50 pm

      What a boring thing to say. Of course we don’t HAVE to hate her, she just makes it really really easy.

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 1:50 pm

      So is commenting on BGM’s posts…
      (i’m SORRY! i can’t help myself sometimes)

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        bethany March 26, 2014, 1:54 pm

        Awww, SNAP!

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      • landygirl

        landygirl March 26, 2014, 2:16 pm

        Maybe that’s true but Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t insulting women, BGM is. Maybe you can start ignoring my posts from now on.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:25 pm

        Oh ffs, it was a joke. Well, sort of a joke, but the truth too. Someone’s cranky today!

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    • landygirl

      landygirl March 26, 2014, 2:17 pm

      Wow, lots of negative votes. Sorry to offend all of you, I won’t bother posting here anymore. Thanks for all of your negativity, I really appreciate it.

      Reply Link
      • rainbow

        rainbow March 26, 2014, 8:34 pm

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    • avatar

      csp March 26, 2014, 2:49 pm

      I think it is like hating the head cheerleader.

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      camille905 March 26, 2014, 3:15 pm

      But this post/thread/conversation isn’t about Republicans in Congress. It’s about Gwyneth Paltrow, hence the discussion. I hate lettuce. I’m sure there are other vegetables that do terrible things, but I just don’t like it.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 3:49 pm

        Exactly. I got more downvotes than anyone in this entire thread (I think, I didn’t go through and count them all after the comment amount moved past 20) for my original comment on this post, and it was Annoyed-at-Gwynethish. I happen to have multiple reasons for not liking her. Do I dislike other people? Yes. Would I bitch about them on a thread where they were brought up as a topic? Absolutely. I just got back from a trip yesterday and am very much in an “I hate entitled people” mode because air travel seems to bring out the brat in most people.

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    • KKZ

      KKZ March 26, 2014, 5:02 pm

      I’m with you, landygirl. I only found out recently that it’s a “thing” to hate Gwyneth. She’s always been just another celeb to me, I liked her in “Emma” and haven’t really seen her in much else, ho hum, no strong opinion either way. And then I pick up a magazine at a doctor’s office and read an interview with her in which she talked about the haters, and I was surprised that there’s actually a pretty resounding anti-Gwyneth mob out there. To me she’s no more pretentious and obnoxious than Oprah or Martha Stewart or any other celeb who has tried to corner the “lifestyle” market, i.e. tell people how to live. There’s a vegan chef with a cooking show on PBS who annoys me, but I don’t *hate* her, I just change the channel. So I don’t get why Gwyneth gets put on her own special hate-pedestal. In my pantheon, that’s reserved for Ted Nugent.

      Reply Link
    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray March 26, 2014, 5:41 pm

      I really don’t hate her, though I said above I love to hate her. Truth is I just love making fun of her. That’s totally different, right?

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest March 26, 2014, 2:41 pm

    Can I just say I’m going to feel really bad when Gwynny logs in to DW and see all of this? I’m sure I’m not the only one.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      Jessibel5 March 26, 2014, 3:50 pm

      You KNOW she googles herself! 😛

      You’re so funny.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    No Pants March 26, 2014, 3:39 pm

    Well, I guess now she has more time to promote yoga pants made of quinoa, or whatever the hell she has on goop.

    Reply Link
    • Diablo

      Diablo March 26, 2014, 7:01 pm

      Speaking on behalf of men everywhere, please invent yoga pants made out of food. And for those not keen on quinoa, maybe consider a version with BBQ chips.

      Reply Link
  • KKZ

    KKZ March 26, 2014, 4:39 pm

    While the in-depth explanation of “conscious uncoupling” is kinda barf-worthy, at first reading the phrase itself, I found it really appealing because it seems very appropriate to what Bear and I are going through as well. There’s a lot more consciousness to our discussions, actions and behavior than there ever was in our marriage, and that’s a good thing. It’s contributed to a lot of healing already, and made this separation go very smoothly so far.
    .
    Whether this phrase were attached to a celebrity couple or not (and I couldn’t really give two licks about this particular couple, pro or con), I personally don’t think it’s automatically “insufferable.”

    Reply Link
    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy March 26, 2014, 6:40 pm

      What’s insufferable about it is that is that it tries to make special what isn’t. Breaking up with someone or divorcing or separating or whatever with conscious thought and action is what MOST people do. It’s not special — it’s normal.

      Reply Link
  • Fabelle

    Fabelle March 26, 2014, 5:36 pm

    So I’m not above hating celebrities, but I just can’t hate Gwynnie. Everything supposedly annoying that she does, I find endearing? Eye rolly, sometimes, but mostly endearing. Like how she admitted she sneaks one cigarette a week? That’s fucking great. As for her pretentiousness, I like thst too. Because it’s SO over the top, it’s hilarious. And at least she’s not pretending to be soo down to earth, like these all fake ass celebrities?

    Reply Link
    • Northern Mermaid

      Northern Mermaid March 26, 2014, 5:57 pm

      I’m with you, Fab.

      Reply Link

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