Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Which Couple Type Are You?

“Experts” (i.e. people with either nothing better to do or with some sort of book or project to promote) have discovered six distinct couple types that they say all couples fall into. Relationship counselor Val Sampson says that our childhoods largely influence what type of couple we’ll end up in, explaining: “When we’re children, we absorb information like sponges — we can’t help but take on board how our parents behaved and what went on in our own family.” She says we “recreate the roles of our mothers and fathers,” which, in my experience is not and has never been true. Has this been true for you? After the jump, a brief explanation of the six types of couples. Do you fit any of them?


1. CAT AND DOG

This couple fights constantly and is attracted to each “because they enjoy the cycle of fight and make up (often accompanied by passionate sex).” Relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam says, “The fights are fueled by insecurity and a break-up is liable to be messy.”

2. THRILL OF THE CHASE

In this couple, one partner is always in pursuit of the other, though that role can switch back and forth. “What drives this couple is a fear of being seen as needy.” says Susan Quilliam.

3. PARENT AND CHILD

This couple is self-explanatory — one partner takes on a parent role and the other a child role. “The parent partner is attracted because they feel that in caring for this person, they have found a purpose in life,’ says Susan Quilliam. But the “child” may feel stifled and overly-controlled.

4. IDOL AND FAN

One partner worships the other, and sometimes the idol may manipulate the worshipper to believe he or she will never find anyone else. “It’s more likely that the Idol will have a series of short-lived relationships with different fans,” says Quilliam. “They’ll adopt the stance: “You don’t appreciate me, so I’m off to find someone who does.”

5. BABES IN THE WOOD

Two peas in a pod with a foundation of similarities who seem to take on each other’s identities and live in a couple bubble that few others are able to penetrate. “It’s a pattern typically found in new relationships or where the partners may feel insecure. Perhaps they’ve been hurt in the past, so security appeals. [But] they’re lacking the differential spark that creates passion,” says Susan Quilliam.

6. THE GROWN-UPS

This is a functional relationship between two mature people at ease with their differences and with little interest in conflict. “These two will never have to face their dark side and so their relationship may lack a little fire.”

Whatever.

[via DailyMail]

39 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Mainer August 1, 2011, 10:09 am

    7. PISS OFF

    This type of couple sees people who categorize couples as douchebags. They’re typically confident in their relationship and don’t feel the need to over-analyze everything into a limited compilation of demeaning traits.

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    • avatar

      Jshizzle August 1, 2011, 10:11 am

      Nice.

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    • avatar

      Lexington August 1, 2011, 10:50 am

      Word

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe August 1, 2011, 11:00 am

        Buuuuuuurnnnn !

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  • avatar

    silver_dragon_girl August 1, 2011, 10:09 am

    Ok, so there are six types of relationships, and those are:
    1. Bad relationship
    2. Bad relationship
    3. Bad relationship
    4. Bad relationship
    5. Bad relationship
    6. Mediocre relationship

    Yeah, ok…

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    • avatar

      Lydia August 1, 2011, 10:14 am

      Yeah, most bad relationships might fall into one of these categories (I’ve been in a #4), but they certainly didn’t describe any of the couples that actually WORK.

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      • avatar

        Oppositeofzen August 1, 2011, 1:08 pm

        What? Couples that actually work? No, that can’t happen.

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    • avatar

      JennyTalia August 1, 2011, 10:15 am

      All I got out of this is there is no such thing as a totally happy relationship.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph August 1, 2011, 12:28 pm

        This is, of course, the point these “experts” are trying to prove. They are not happy with their relationship therefore nobody else is happy either and anyone who says they’re happy is lying and secretly being their boyfriend’s mommy.

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  • Budj

    Budjer August 1, 2011, 10:17 am

    Seems everyone that studies or gives advice on relationships has a horrible outlook on them….note to self….

    P.S. “relationship experts” you aren’t doing your line of work any favors with these pessimistic articles.

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    • Budj

      Budjer August 1, 2011, 10:37 am

      I wasn’t saying that to Wendy, whoever thumbs downed me.

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl August 1, 2011, 10:45 am

      Totally get what you mean. They all seem to say that the reason you’re still single/having relationship problems/whatever is because either
      1.) There’s something wrong with you
      2.) There’s something wrong with your partner, and you can’t see it, so therefore there’s something wrong with you
      3.) There’s no such thing as a healthy, happy relationship, and the fact that you can’t accept that means there’s something wrong with you.

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      • avatar

        MsMisery August 1, 2011, 11:00 am

        The fact that there’s something wrong with all of us only keeps these professionals in business, so it behooves them to write stuff like this.

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      • avatar

        sarita_f August 1, 2011, 4:32 pm

        EXACTLY

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  • avatar

    AnitaBath August 1, 2011, 10:26 am

    The maker of this list sounds like a raging pessimist who’s never been in a satisfactory relationship. Or one of those people who thinks that NO ONE has had as good of a relationship as THEM.

    I was going to say I was 5 or 6, until I got to the last part of each sentence that basically said, “And they’re entirely dysfunctional and have a sucky life.”

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    • avatar

      Britannia August 1, 2011, 1:50 pm

      I agree! My boyfriend and I are somewhere in-between 5 and 6, too, if you want to use broad generalizations. It called being in a transitional stage of the relationship, I guess, between the “Honeymoon” phase and the “Comfortable” phase. I found it irritating that this list said that BOTH had a lack of passion. I haven’t seen that be the case, especially in the honeymoon “Babes In the Wood” stage!

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom August 1, 2011, 10:27 am

    If all couples fall into one of these categories I guess my husband and I aren’t actually a couple and neither are any of our friends.

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    • avatar

      Bethany August 1, 2011, 10:32 am

      My thoughts exactly!!

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  • avatar

    mcminnem August 1, 2011, 10:30 am

    Oh, ick. I have a feeling these “experts” fall into the category of “I’ve never had a happy relationship, so they must not exist/no one else can have them either”.
    It’s no wonder people find it so hard to be happy, with all these articles screaming “There are no good choices! Everyone is dysfunctional! If you’re happy then you must just be in denial! FIND SOMETHING WRONG!

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  • avatar

    Maracuya August 1, 2011, 10:34 am

    So my choices are unhealthy or boring. I’d rather not be classified, thanks.

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  • avatar

    MiMi August 1, 2011, 10:55 am

    Yes to the incorporating of parental issues in one’s adult life: my parent’s relationship was a murky thing – lots going on under the surface, and my two sisters and I definitely revisited their neuroses in our marriages: sexual confusion and problems, emotional and verbal abuse, use of money to control, etc. It is just too clear a pattern for any of us to deny.

    I think the relationship list is crap – if you rolled the types all up together, add love, fun, vacation and every good thing to the mix and spread it out over the course of a year, then you’d probably have something that looks like a relationship…

    In the meantime, I’m starting my own list of heavily researched sister-sister-sister relationship problems for a book from which I’ll make a million: Monkey In the Middle Syndrome; I’m The Oldest So Do What I Say Mania; I’m Younger But I’ll Swipe Your Boyfriend Little Sister Revenge Fantasy… yeah!

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    • avatar

      moonflowers August 1, 2011, 3:43 pm

      The parental echoes in one’s own relationships is something pretty well established in psychology, but these types of relationships are not. I personally think attachment theory (Secure, Anxious, or Avoidant) is much better at describing how parental modeling of relationships affects later romantic relationships.

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  • avatar

    MsMisery August 1, 2011, 10:56 am

    Human and cat.

    *shrug*

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  • avatar

    LTC039 August 1, 2011, 10:12 am

    I’d say whoever came up with those categories has probably never been in a relationship….

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    • avatar

      Bethany August 1, 2011, 10:14 am

      I think whoever come up with those categories has never been in a HEALTHY relationship.

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      • avatar

        LTC039 August 1, 2011, 10:16 am

        True…I can admit the #2 was def. my ex & I…Except it never switched back & forth, it was always me chasing him & him always making it a point to show I was last on his priority list. Def. a VERY unhealthy relationship…

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    • avatar

      LTC039 August 1, 2011, 10:47 am

      Wow. a thumb down, really???? trolls.

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      • avatar

        Amber August 1, 2011, 11:09 am

        Sometimes if you view the site on your smart phone it’s easy to accidentally hit the wrong tiny thumb….so it might be that too.

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      • avatar

        LTC039 August 1, 2011, 12:56 pm

        There are a lot of people on their smart phones… lol but you’re right…

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  • avatar

    Natasia Rose August 1, 2011, 10:30 am

    Eek. I don’t know anyone who would want to admit being in relationships 1-4.

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    • avatar

      Britannia August 1, 2011, 1:50 pm

      The “Cat and Dog” relationship immediately made me think of Gloria and Jay on Modern Family.

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  • avatar

    Amber August 1, 2011, 11:44 am

    Whatever is right

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  • TaraMonster

    TaraMonster August 1, 2011, 11:10 am

    I had to laugh that even in “the grownups” relationship, which I suppose is there to be the mature of the six, they had to toss in that whole passionless bit. Please. Sure, there are elements of this that are true, but I don’t think it’s a big revelation to anyone that in every pairing of different individuals there will be some issues. Duh.

    And how antiquated is the notion that people are echoing their mothers and fathers? The nuclear family is not reflective of the majority of the population. This whole thing just made me roll my eyes. Where do these “relationship experts” get their credentials from?!

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    • avatar

      Britannia August 1, 2011, 1:51 pm

      It’s so antiquated, it’s giving powdered wigs a run for its money.

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  • avatar

    SpyGlassez August 1, 2011, 4:07 pm

    “‘This is not a relationship of peak emotions. This couple might not be spontaneous and there won’t be challenges,’ adds Quilliam.”

    That quote is about the “grown up” relationship. I don’t know what couple doesn’t have challenges! I agree with most of what was said above – this particular article was all about telling people how unhappy they were in their relationships.

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  • katie

    katie August 1, 2011, 8:16 pm

    i think this should be called the seven types of terrible relationships…. and now for the next article, the seven types of awesome relationships! where is that one??

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom August 2, 2011, 8:17 am

    My aunt and uncle celebrated their 24th wedding anniversary yesterday and a friend of theirs posted on my aunt’s facebook page their surprise that they had been married for so long because they still loved to go out together and still had so much fun together.

    Isn’t it sad that people are surprised if you’re happy in your marriage and enjoy spending time with your spouse?

    My husband and I were married 6 days after my aunt and uncle and we’re still having fun too!

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    • katie

      katie August 2, 2011, 9:25 pm

      i totally agree- my friend had a magnet “save the date” card on her fridge that I saw that had a bride and groom, like video game characters, and it said game over. i was just like why is it game over? isn’t it game on? isnt it supposed to be happy? why the hell would you start your marriage by save the date cards where your game is over?!?! i just dont get all the negativity of marriage. i want to be just like you and your aunt and uncle!

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  • avatar

    rock August 4, 2011, 7:55 am

    they were obviously making generalizations. it’s been studied that the types of relationships that tend to be the longest are ones in which the man is slightly more attached than the woman.
    note that i said GENERAL and SLIGHTLY. so if this doesn’t apply to you then ignore it. but it applies to most of the adult relationships that i’ve been in contact with.

    also, the thrill of the chase sounds worse than how they meant it. they just mean that this couple has time apart, in which partners take turns missing each other. while my bf was away on an internship for 4 months, i was an outstanding and attentive gf, sending care packages and letters, always being there for him when he called. during the summer when i work crazy hours, he prepares dinner and cleans the house so that when i get home we can make the most of our time.
    but there is a fear or being needy, it’s just not as bad as it sounds. when his doting on me goes too far, he recognizes it, and pulls back, giving me the chance to dote on him for a while.

    people need to stop taking psychological findings at face value, and realize that they are generalizations that DO in fact relate to your life if you are not too stubborn to see it. everyone has a “well I’M different, this doesn’t apply to ME” attitude. everyone fits in somewhere, so get over it.

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