In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
Somewhere around our two months in, give or take, he seemed to be a bit distant; didn’t text me as often, never invited me over to his house, always told me to go home, and other things. I felt like his love was becoming less and less. I felt lonely and neglected. And that’s when my love started to grow.
I asked him if he still liked me and if he wanted to break up with me and he said “I’m not sure,” and asked to have time to think. Sure, no problem. He still texted me periodically as if nothing happened, but I was still a little hurt. Couple days later, we lay in his bed in silence and he said that he “thinks” he’s still falling in love with me and asked if I still wanted to go out with him. I didn’t want to break up, so I said yes.
That evening, we talked it over, and he said that I am too “dark” (as in being sad and negative), that I am too selfless, too shy, and that I don’t take care of myself. He told me that he wanted to change that- that it would be good for me. He said that I should find things to do and keep myself busy. I said okay.
Our 3 month anniversary is in two and a half weeks, and my boyfriend still lacks interest in being with me. He doesn’t hold my hand in the car anymore, no kisses (I try but no luck), no intimacy. We recently went to hang out with some friends and he only held my hand while walking to our destination but did not hold my hand anytime after that. He still calls me “honey,” but never says “I love you” anymore. I still feel a little neglected and want some attention and love from my boyfriend.
We exchanged Christmas gifts, and he gave me a barrette. It was an expensive one (he forgot to take off the price sticker). I got him a pair of jeans (he doesn’t have many) and two handmade message pill jars. I can see his effort, because I am always wearing a hair pin or saying my hair gets in the way, and the barrette is my favorite color. I didn’t think he paid attention to that stuff.
Still, I’m not sure if he still likes me (or loves me). We are still newbies in the love game but are both willing to learn and make things work. What should we do? Is he trying to tell me something? What is he trying to do?
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.