In the past few months, however, I’ve been feeling more open to flirtation and talking to men again, and one night, while out with girlfriends, I met a guy who really piqued my interest. I was instantly attracted to him, and after laughing all night we traded numbers. After that he texted me every day for two weeks, seeming interested in getting to know me more. We went on a date I really enjoyed, and he said he had a great time and wanted to plan another. But a few days after the date, he abruptly stopped contacting me. I sent him two texts (spaced out by a few days) and he never responded. No explanation, just totally ghosted me. I was disappointed and felt stupid for getting excited and giddily regaling my friends with the date details.
I know that I can’t let fear of disappointment/rejection limit me. It has been awhile since my ex, and I would like to move on and find somebody. But a few weeks ago when a male acquaintance (whom I’ve met twice in group settings with friends) asked me to dinner, I hesitated. I’m not really attracted to this guy and didn’t feel a lot of conversation “spark” either time we met, but he does have a lot of great qualities and is a really nice guy. I felt that I should give it a chance to see how I connected with him one-on-one, and also I’ve been trying to “say yes” more. So I asked if we could make it lunch instead of dinner, explaining that I’d prefer something a little more casual, and he said that was fine. We had a decent time, and I could tell he’s very interested in me, but again there was zero chemistry for me.
It’s a shame because upon talking more, I realized he really fits a lot of the things I would describe an ideal partner as being (our mutual friends say we ‘make sense together’). But regardless of that, I still felt very platonic towards him. I’m seeing him again at another group event, and he’s already told our friend he’s eager to hang out one-on-one again, but I’m not sure how to handle it. On the one hand, I believe you can’t force chemistry. On the other, this guy is nice and perhaps I should see if attraction could develop? I mean the spark was there with Mr. Long-term Ex, and Mr. Ghost, but look how well those worked out.
I don’t want to ask my friends’ advice since some of them are trying to set us up, so I sort of feel like there are expectations on me. I guess I’m wondering if anyone you know, or readers, have a success story with someone they started out feeling “eh” with. – Confused Casual Dater
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].