In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
I love him so much, and I know he loves me, but I often doubt our relationship and its future. I want to live a certain lifestyle that requires financial security, but I don’t know if his jobs will provide that. I’m not saying I want a provider, but I want my partner to be a financial equal with me. Right now he is practically broke. As a college student, I don’t have much money either, but I still try to get little gifts here and there to show my love and to spice things up. He never does that for me, and it hurts a lot. For example, on our one-year anniversary all he did was give me a letter which I had to drop hints for for weeks ahead of time. That was the only card I have ever gotten from him. He said he was so sorry that he was broke and he would make it up to me, but I didn’t see any effort or truth to that for the rest of that weekend I was with him.
It’s been three weeks since our anniversary and I’m about to visit him this weekend. I’m hoping he tries to make it up to me like he said he would, but I feel like he won’t. I don’t want to sound materialistic or demanding, but I have always been the one to do the little things for our special occasions (including Valentine’s Day and our 6th month anniversary). So this one-year milestone was important; it was his chance to prove to me that he cares, which is why it hurt even more when he completely dropped the ball.
He says he loves me, but he doesn’t show it. I need actions to back up words. I don’t know if I’m over-analyzing the situation, if it’s just the time in our lives, or if he just isn’t right for me but I need help figuring it all out. All of our problems seem to go back to money and I understand we’re young so that can change, but am I being too hopeful thinking that this is just a phase? My parents and my brother feel he won’t be a provider for me and find him to be selfish (they don’t like that he doesn’t do any small things for me) so they have written him off. And I love him and myself too much to continue a relationship that’s going nowhere. — Actions Speak Louder Than Words
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.