In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
He values hard work and works two jobs (by choice) putting in 13-hour days most of the time. When he is not working, he’s usually sleeping. This leaves little time for us to even have sex. When we do have sex, it’s usually not quality sex (there’s no foreplay and he doesn’t last long). He doesn’t like to perform oral sex and says he’s always been this way.
I have always initiated the sex in our relationship. I always get turned down a few times in favor of “more sleep please” or a nap or “I’m too tired” before I find that he will say yes. I have asked him to initiate more with me but he always says when he wants to ask, I beat him to it. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even ask anymore because I know the answer will be no.
I would like to have sex more frequently and with more foreplay. Every time we’ve talked about this, we say we’ll make an effort and it happens once and then things go back to the way they were. Like I said, I love him dearly. I used to see myself marrying him someday but I don’t think I could handle a lifetime without much sex. Neither of us want children. — Put Out